CHAPTER XV. "To this hour, no public matter, with whatever serious argument, can be settled, till it have been dined upon, perhaps repeatedly dined upon."-CARLYLE. BUT the chiefest triumph to which immortality of years and vigilant observation have attained, is the proper compounding of meats and food, and in this noble and elevating science do these celestials particularly excel. Compared with their knowledge of preparing esculents, and properly assorting drinkables, our food on earth is barbarous in the extreme. A great and eminent master in this craft was one day expatiating upon its superiority to all other acquirements, and as I ventured to doubt this, he began to grow controversial upon the subject, and would establish his doctrine by axiom and premises, which, to confess the truth, he did with some skill. He commenced by stating the general subjugation of the soul to sensuous impressions, which he instanced by many examples, showing how it was wholly impossible for the delicate functions of our inmost nature to affect us, whilst our conscious being was overshadowed, or benumbed, or agonized, by the coarser elements of physical pain. It is quite beyond the will of a man, writhing in anguish, to perceive a nice mental distinction, or a fine moral intuition: he is a victim entirely to that stronger and all absorbing consciousness. Now, the good or evil actions of our lives depend entirely upon our trust in, and belief of, these moral intuitions, consequently, the actions of life, namely, our transgressions or virtues, our duties and responsibilities, all depend entirely upon the amount of pain to which we are subject, or rather, upon the amount of absence of that pain. But, by far the greatest source or inlet of pain is in the intestinal canal; no other is in such continual operation -no other in such direct communication with the brain. Now, suppose that three-fourths of human ailments have their origin from this source (and this is by no means an exaggerated assumption), it will thence follow that three-fourths of that long season in every man's life, which is devoted to illness or disorder, and three-fourths of the actions and responsibilities therein committed, are totally dependent upon the condition of this intestinal canal, which is dependent upon nutriments ad ministered by ourselves, which nutriments are dependent upon proper cookery. From this argument, it seemed clear that moral obligation, and the duties of life, do in a great measure dwell in the Kitchen. He then ran through the same syllogisms, with reference to the pleasure and health derivable from the same source; but this, of course, is selfevident. "Now," said he, "as virtue and good-will towards our fellow creatures, and kindly feeling in general, are more the results of a pleasurable and healthful state of being, than of disorganization, it follows, therefore, that it is an imperative duty to study cookery, as the great promoter of virtue, happiness, and moral rectitude. "The true wisdom of a lofty mind is to enjoy all the mingled sensations emanating both from soul and body. This is the royal road, distinguishable only by royal men. Such alone can enter the vast spirit-world, within where lightnings flash, and voices whisper sweetly, and the jocund sense-world without, with its love, its humour, and its jovial post-prandial serenity. "Eating," he continued, "is a condition of existence, but it does not follow that existence is the result of eating. There is nothing more won derful if we should not eat, than there is in the fact that we actually do, and it is quite as iniraculous that we live with food, as that we should live without it. "But look at it in a mere selfish point of view. It was said by some King Louis, that a man ought to be as careful of what he eats as of what he says; but it is evident he should be infinitely more so, for the whole scheme of morality being inexplicably interwoven with, and dependent upon, the influences of diet, it follows that the great science of eating and drinking has a primitive claim. 66 Again, what a man says is, perhaps, of no such great consequence, in comparison with what he suffers from any breach of the rules of good feeding. I have heard a man talk about morals, vices, and proper rules of conduct through life, while his hearers only slept in their pews, or laughed at him in their sleeves. I have heard a man talk tomfoolery by the hour, but his audience were neither better nor worse. I have heard a man praise up piety and virtue, insinuating, at the same time, that he was a choice specimen of both; but he did small mischief, as people heeded him but little. Now look at the due effects consequent upon what he eats; these, as they concern his own comfort, both in body and soul, are surely of more consequence to him than a few idle words. Witness the evils of a rash and inconsiderate dinner, which will create a potent spell, at once up-heaving the whole world of nature and reality, and launching the frenzied soul into the wild realms of confusion and dismay, there to mingle in the din of mental strife, the shouts of alarms, and the general phantasmagoria of disquieted slumber. But the waking dreams are still worse, affording every species of mental suffering. No delinquency has a heavier retribution than this. That grim Devil, Indigestion (the most terrible among the Eumenides), comes on with all his legions in the van march Suicide and Despair, and in the rear follow Milton, and Affright, and Madness, 'twinborn with Death'-thence Sin and baleful visions of eternal woe, and a whole Paradise lost, of desolation dire, 'Void of light, Save what the glimmering of those livid flames followed by treble Confusion, Wrath, and Vengeance,' poured down upon the head of the unfortunate Dyspeptic, who, after wandering disconsolate in these realms of delirium, at last betakes himself to Bissmuth Pills, Nitrate of Silver, and low diet, and, filled with repentant |