We will not say how far that form of folly called superstition may, in respect of temporalities, have benefited another profession; nor inquire on what account there was need of a statute of Mortmain. But we beg respectfully to remind your reverences that one characteristic of fools is their inability to perceive incongruity. Do you know any rich pluralists? Are you acquainted with any dignitaries who are called-no, not Rabbi, but-My Lord? How would these things be if so many among us were not blind to inconsistency?

People are sometimes apt to complain of the limited extent of the wisdom of parliament and of ministers. They should consider, however, how necessary are fools to the constitution of a senate or a cabinet. Those who have business of their own to attend to can hardly conduct that of the nation; we are therefore mainly dependent, for our legislators, on the wealthy classes. Now, if every rich nobleman or gentleman were to ponder upon the troubles, turmoils, and perplexities of office; to imagine himself caricatured in the print shops, and ridiculed, abused, and traduced in the newspapers; whilst, on the other hand, he reflected how quietly he might enjoy himself on his own estate or in travelling; in how many pleasant pursuits he might occupy his time: he would require some very strong motive to induce him to enter public life. If he had not such a motive in his ambition, if he were philosopher enough to divest himself of that passion, what would the queen and the country do for servants? How many would be found who would serve the public from pure love? But where those few angels only could be induced to tread, the fools of ambition rush in, and so we have the business of the nation done-after a fashion. This consideration will explain many legislative anomalies, which have never, as yet, been accounted for.

But whether or no the civil government could be conducted if there were no fools, assuredly the military and naval services could never be supplied without them. As we do not make this assertion without some fear of being called to account for it, we hereby advertise every gallant fellow whom it may concern, that we believe that he, individually, entered the army or navy, either because he had no other means of getting his living, or from compulsion; or else from a religious motive, he feeling in himself a special calling to the profession of arms, solely in order to defend his native land. We are persuaded, therefore, that he became a soldier or a sailor for very good reasons; and we, accordingly,

beg he will understand that we impute no folly to him. But we fear that were all those who, independently of any of the abovementioned motives, and without any thought or reflection at all, have put on the red coat, or the blue jacket, deducted from the brave defenders of our country, that country would be very poorly off for defence. We suspect that there would be but a sorry remainder, were our forces deprived of all those who have entered them from mere love of glory and excitement, and a desire to shine in a gay uniform; and we tremble to think of the consequences that would ensue if heroes, generally, had reason and imagination enough to ask themselves a few such questions as the following, which, presuming to speak as with the voice of Wisdom, we will suggest.

Wherefore are you about to gird on the sword? For Fame and Glory? For show, and the admiration of the Fair, eh? And a fig for danger, of course! Pray, simpleton! have you considered what danger means? Have you imagined, booby! the sensations occasioned by a musket-ball in the knee-joint? Have you calculated, loggerhead! the results of a cannon-shot's impinging on your shin-bone? Dolt! has it ever occurred to you to fancy yourself undergoing amputation? Have you, noodle! ever pictured yourself to yourself, with a shell bursting at your ear; a rocket exploding in your stomach; or your eye poked out with a bayonet? Can you conceive your mangled body, you dullard! lying on the field of battle, with a horse trampling on your crushed limbs, or stamping its hoof in your mouth? Have the delights of a forced march, or a bivouac in the open air, in wet, and cold, and hunger, ever presented themselves to your stupid mind? What amount of glory, worth speaking of, mooncalf! are you, one among thousands, likely to gain? And as to the admiration of the ladies, soft man! what would they think of you with a wooden leg, or a nose flattened with the butt-end of a carbine? What, ninnyhammer! is most likely to be the reward of your prowess, after all, but a beggarly half-pay? And do you really mean to say, blockhead! that you have no regard for your precious carcase; no desire for comfort and enjoyment; and that you positively cannot find any more pleasant and profitable occupation than the trade of warfare? And you confess, do you, you dog! that any idea that Providence had called you to this, never entered your thick and unbelieving head? Why, then, you ass, you goose, you guli, you silly, empty coxcomb, go along with you, and turn doctor, or

lawyer, or parson, or bill-discounter, or broker, or banker; and eat, and drink, and sleep jollily, in peace and plenty all the days your life.

of

66

Why should a soldier think, boys?" says the song. We apprehend, indeed, that we have given very sufficient reasons why he should not think; and have shown that it is to his incapacity of thinking that we are indebted for our valiant champions. Where, but for our inestimable fools would be our wooden walls, our mighty possessions, our freedom, our very existence as a nation? Where would be our boast of Crecy and Agincourt, of Blenheim, Ramillies, Talavera, Vittoria, Saragossa, Waterloo ? All glory, then, unto Glory's fools, who brave that danger in the cannon's mouth which it is to be feared they would not brave if they were only able to think about it.

:

We have yet one more proof-our strongest-to instance, of the mighty value of fools. It will be agreed, on all hands, that, but for matrimony, the world would very soon be at an end. Far be it from us to insinuate that none but the subjects of the present observations wed. But we do maintain, that if all "persons about to marry" were capable of analysing their own and their intended partners' minds, and of judging how far their dispositions accorded, and thence to deduce the probability of their future happiness, the number of unions would suffer an alarming reduction. Fancy that every lover could discern faults in the object of his affections: imagine that from a transient pout or frown, or a temporary fit of sulking, he could infer ill temper: suppose he could thus foresee hymeneal storms look out for matrimonial squalls or say that from a needless purchase he could predict extravagance; perverseness and obstinacy from a small whim; or irrationality from an inconsecutive remark: how many hapless maidens would be doomed to involuntary celibacy! It may be apprehended, too, that the number of matches would be further not a little lessened, if all fond lovers were capable of imagining the troubles and responsibilities attendant upon married life, and also of calculating its probable expenses, and the likelihood of finding the means to meet them. But what with those who are born fools, and those whom passion places, for the time being, in that category, those perceptions and reflective processes which would so fearfully discourage matrimonial views in general, are prevented. What sufferers would womankind and the clergy be through the universality of wisdom! Heavy would be the loss of the con

fectioner; small the consumption of bride-cake. Thus we see, that to the tribe of fools, not only is society indebted for some of its most useful servants, but even for its very perpetuation. And fools it will still require. It would be perilous if all were wise, unless all were also good. Universal wisdom will be desirable in the Millennium, but not till then. We believe we have shown what evils would ensue if everybody were endowed with that dangerous possession, knowledge, and with the mischievous faculty of reasoning. And surely we deserve some thanks from their holinesses, and reverences, and high-and-mightinesses, who have endeavoured to arrest the march of mind, and impede the development of reason. In the meantime, commend us to your fools. Let the fool's cap be a badge of honour, and the first of April a day famous in the calendar.

PERCIVAL LEIGH.

OLD MISERY, THE MISER.

AT the beginning of January 183, and at an early hour in the evening, a fire broke out on the premises of a floor-cloth manufactory situated in the immediate environs of London. A quantity of oil contained in the building had ignited, and the whole pile became one glowing mass. Higher and higher the flames mounted, roaring and leaping till the sky grew red, blood-red, as it overhung the scene. Dense volumes of smoke rolled off, filling the upper air. Crowds of people, making the engine-drivers furious, blocked up every street and avenue. The firemen, hemmed in on all sides, were busily endeavouring to force their way. Females shrieked, men swore loudly,-the firemen swearing loudest of all. And still the throng increased, thousands hurrying up from all sides and filling every thoroughfare conducting to the spot. But a few paces from the flaming pile was a store where saltpetre was kept, and this intelligence was speedily circulated amongst the lookers-on. The wind having commenced blowing slightly, the fire soon communicated with the store, and the utmost alarm was now manifested. A terrace of large houses adjoined the latter building, and the flames were widening rapidly. Water too was difficult to

be obtained, for the weather was so severe as to have frozen all the pipes, and scarcely an engine could be worked. In the mean time the flames held on their course unchecked, and two of the houses adjoining the saltpetre store were already kindled. Three now, for the curling fire ran along the roofs exultingly. Ladders were reared against the windows, even those at the furthest end of the terrace, and therefore remotest from the danger. Piles of household furniture grew up suddenly in the street. Fathers, with insane looks, poured forth a profusion of orders, that were drowned in the tumult. Servants ran hither and thither. Dogs howled. Children screamed. Women fainted. Confusion became confounded.

As the fire spread along the terrace, there was one house that attracted universal notice. The flames ascending from the saltpetre warehouse, brilliant as they were, and their hues were gorgeous, did not serve to distract the uniform attention rivetted on this building. It seemed from the street a glowing, gutted pile, and yet individuals could be descried in the various apartments running to and fro. They disappeared presently, and the roof fell in, sending up one vast cloud of dust and smoke, that for some moments obscured the whole scene.

Suddenly on the top-yes, on the very top-on the outermost wall of the roofless carcase, appeared a female figure. Beneath, the flaming abyss glowed like a crater. In the imagination of the spectators, the crumbling sides had begun to rock. Every breath seemed hushed, and to the stunning noise, an awful calm had succeeded.

Immediately a voice was heard to exclaim that a wedding had taken place in that fated house, on that day, and it was speedily reported that this was none other than the bride herself, who thus appealed with frantic gestures for their aid.

Stand aside there! will no one help her?" cried the musical voice of a youth from a quarter where the pressure was less dense. Cowards, cowards, out of the way I say.' And he darted for

wards, elbowing his way towards the building.

As this incident did not take place unnoticed, some movement was occasioned in the crowd, which was becoming worked up to a feverish pitch of excitement. The fire had spread to the adjoining houses, and was raging with unabated fury; the smoke, however, was carried by the wind in a direction opposite to that towards