them; they redoubled; the door opened; a pale trembling domestic stood with it extended in his hand. Lord Haverfield handed Clara in, turned again round: and now that the action could not be mistaken for one of terror and coercion, he lifted his hat. "Instantly the tide turned; a burst of applause followed. So variable is the humour of an English mob!" The destruction of the lord's house could hardly be a matter of great concern, because nothing more was necessary to a man of his morality than to cheat another set of creditors, and to be provided with another mansion and all appliances, and fresh duns to boot. We shall not fatigue our readers by following this foolish story to the lord's marriage with the lady whom we have seen making a riot at Newgate, chaired by a riotous mob, and magnanimously refusing a treat of gin as magnanimously offered by a discharged footman, who had imbibed Jacobinical doctrines from her papa. Of the absurdities and extravagancies of the tale, and the ignorance of manners displayed in it, our specimens will give but a slight idea. We have thought it curious to show the picture of a pink of the aristocracy, which has been drawn by the hand of Servile, with the intention of holding up to admiration the class represented by this choice specimen, in contrast with the fanaticism, fooleries, and vulgarities of vilified reformers. It is pleasant to see the recoil of the attempt, and the effect the direct opposite to the design, in consequence of the very sincerity of the author's worship, which has caused him to admit the ugliest truths without any perception of the infamy. He has painted the crooked legs and hideous head of the idol, conceiving it a model of moral grace all the time. The chaste wife, when she was told that her husband's breath was foul, asked, whether all men's breath was not of the same fœtor. Our adorer of the aristocracy has been so engrossed with his obscene deity, that he has not learnt that dishonesty and persecution are held infamous. He has seen large features of these vices in the objects he has worshipped at some stupendous distance, and has supposed these things irreproachable, because found in such elevated personages. All this is curious, and example of the subtleness of truth; but the author's nonsenses, upon an exposure of which we refuse to enter more largely, are not at all curious. They are of a very common and abundant sort. We have, however, for another object, quoted enough, perhaps, to give some imperfect notion of the niaiserie, the feeble, disjointed, rickety style, the poverty of fancy, and enormous ignorance of manners; and yet, of such a mass of unmixed rubbish the following praise has been given by some of the discerning critics of the periodical press. There are but two ways of explaining these judgments :-one is, by supposing in the writers the illiteracy, which is the common fault of the men called literary, more properly spelled litterary; the other, the advertisement fee : "A very well-told story, with much interest, both of character and situation. Has infinitely more of originality and attraction than a great majority of its competitors."-Literary Gazette, 21st of July. "The characters are well imagined; the scenes are written with a degree of vivid feeling, which carries the reader irresistibly forward.”—Sunday Times. "Were it not a crime next to sacrilege to mention us moderns, and our puny efforts with the great and glorious of the olden time,' we should say that the authorship of The Reformer' seems as likely to be as strongly contested as was the birthplace of Homer. By some it is said to be an early production of Lord Grey's ; others insist that it must be from the pen of that veteran Reformer Thelwall, or perhaps Godwin; while not a few insist that it must have been written by Pitt himself, in the days when he also worshiped at the shrine of Reform. Pitt is the likeliest of all; he understood plotting, and this novel has the best and most ingeniously constructed plot that we have long met with. The respective characters are admirably drawn, and as ably sustained throughout; and, till the very close, the interest is unflagging and intense."-From a first-rate London daily newspaper; which, from respect to its general merit, we forbear to name. "The story is neat and effective; the characters are well drawn; the dialogues spirited and sprightly; in short, it shows a skilful hand."-Asiatic Journal. "The whole book abounds with the most stirring interest, well excited, and admirably sustained."-National Omnibus. The author of this book has confounded Reform with Revolution, proving how difficult it is to ascertain the plus or minus of liberal principles necessary to constitute a reformer. Pillage and outrage are the results of reform in this work; we trust that in real life it will prove otherwise, and that we may be indebted to reform for a cheap government, an alleviation of the miseries of the people, and a clear insight into the real interests of the nation at large. Still we acknowledge it to be a very interesting narrative; the scene of pillage, and the escape of the parties, are forcibly painted; and as the daughter of reform is eventually allied to the scion of Toryism, so we trust that in reality we may be able to amalgamate the two, and preserve the essence of monarchy with a due respect for the liberties of the people.”—Metropolitan. A CONSERVATIVE CHANT. FOR THE ENSUING GENERAL ELECTION. A Parody on "Let Fame sound the Trumpet." LET Fane sound the trumpet, and cry, "To the fray!" Let Vyvyan, let Vyvyan re-echo the strain,— If voters their franchise will barter for pay, Then Hardinge will smile, will smile upon Vane! A treasure for ultras let Baring display, And bribery hand round the bowl, At Preston let Hunt pour the lustre of Day," And Weth'rell go light to the poll!+ Let Inglis unfold his rich thoughts to his crew At Oxford, at Oxford,-whom bigotry moves,— Give Lyndhurst the friend that he knows he can do, And the place that he tenderly, tenderly loves! What's honour but "fudge ?" What is freedom? the same (True glory still springs from the mines!) What's conscience? a bugbear-religion? a name But Philpotts and Co. are-Divines! THE TORY SQUIRE. A Parody on "The Minstrel Boy." The Tory fell, but the rabble rout Could not keep the hero under, They thought him crush'd, but he gave a shout Which struck the knaves with wonder; And said, "You swinish multitude!— Hot reeling from your piggery,— I'll ne'er adopt your doctrines crude, Nor shall ever join in Whiggery !" LETTER TO THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON, ON THE APPROACHING ELECTIONS. BY A TORY MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT, AND DISTINGUISHED OFFICER. MY DEAR DUKE, INSTEAD of taking the course you point out, allow me to protest loudly against our present policy. I have been silent too long, while a succession of false manoeuvres has reduced us to the brink of ruin. Losers in all countries have a right to complain; but I do not despair-so palpably and grossly misconceived is the whole plan of our campaign—of demonstrating its blunders to your satisfaction, even in this single letter. We have departed from our old principles,-that is blunder one. I need not expatiate on the danger of changing your dispositions in the face of the enemy. Forsooth, we must, on the eve of an election, affect candour, openness, and consistency; state our principles without reserve, and show our hand to our adversaries! No duplicity, no finesse, no cajolery; these were things before the Flood, and we live in the nineteenth century! Now, I say plainly, that unless we conceal our principles, under the most profound dissimulation; give up Constantine, Miguel, and the Holy Alliance; bury our opinions on Reform, the Bank, India, Slavery, until the elections are over, the Tories will be as hard-up as Poland is at this moment. If we do not wear round, take in eight or ten points more of the wind, and that shortly, the whole party will be left, like blind puppies, in the mud. I begin by laying it down as an axiom, that the English, Irish, and Scottish people, you may put them all together,-detest Tory principles; and that it is therefore the bounden duty of Tories, upon the eve of an election, to conceal them. A woman is not expected to volunteer a confession of her shame; a jockey to run open-mouthed to a buyer, and tell him his horse is glandered, foundered, or spavined; a victimizer is not called on to produce the doctors, and explain the whole mystery of plucking to a pigeon; neither is a Tory required to obtrude his real opinions on the country at this particular moment. Now, we, on the contrary, seem to have made a covenant with-I wont say our consciences I despise hypocrisy-but our souls, (for, as Goulburn says, I hope I have a soul to be d- -d as well as another,) to rake together all that is odious and base in our practice and policy, and thrust it down the throats of the nation. The scheme seems to be, to conquer disgust by accumulating additional motives of abhorrence, as an overdose of arsenic defeats itself, and is thrown off the stomach. I defy sneering Aberdeen to put his finger on any point of internal or external policy on which Toryism is not diametrically opposed to the people of this country. I defy him to mention any principle of liberty, humanity, or decency, we have not ostentatiously insulted, over and over again, within the last three months. The fact is, your Grace's declarations,— from the first, when you, truly perhaps, but most indiscreetly, pronounced "county meetings a farce," to the last, when you threatened "that if the people were not quiet, a way would be found to make them,"have been of serious injury to the cause. Under the authority of your example, every puny whipster draws his sword, and insults his constituency with his principles. The great error, indeed, of your life has been your ignorance of the people, and your consequent contempt of them. Tories are too apt to draw from themselves; and you are not ex empt from the fault,-I say fault advisedly, because the disposition of the adversary must be carefully studied, and its peculiarities noted. No doubt, your opinions are changed; you have found that county meetings, though they be "farces," are no jokes, and that a nation, like a wildboar, is somewhat formidable at bay; but you have yet to learn that they are really attached to their liberties, and are cautious about their pockets. I am solemnly convinced they believe in the real existence of what they call their rights, and have feelings of humanity, justice, and decency. These ridiculous opinions must be carefully borne in mind. Until we have got them down, it is absurd to irritate such prejudices. Tories have heard Peel talk so much of the words, candour and consistency, that they have at length come to believe in the things. To this they may attribute their defeat. Consistency ruined the most glorious opportunity that ever offered itself to man. Had it not been for that ill-omened word, you must have won the battle in May. But Peel must talk of his consistency! "A yea-and-nay-forsooth" knave, to stand upon his consistency, when you cared not the sum total of his candour for it, and wanted nothing but tools! Even Goulburn, good God! refused you. I am amazed you did not order-not Lady J——— to brain him with her fan, because it would be impolitic to require an impossibility of a lady, but-the footman to kick him down stairs. D-n Goulburn, you say. I most heartily echo the wish; but you should have thought thus before you allowed him to involve you in his perdition. Had his head been worth its weight in gold, he would have been of incalculable service; as it is, he injured you deeply in public estimation. The schoolboys found out some fable about Jupiter and the frogs, and used to crowd the lobby of the House to see Goulburn. And this man to refuse you! But when Croker shyed, it was plain that not even a drummer would stand by your colours. Let me ask this simple question, What has a Tory to do with consistency? What is his business but to stick to place through all weathers ?— to hold fast by the mysteries of jobbing?—to put his faith in nothing but corruption? All the articles of his creed are seven, viz. the five loaves and the two fishes. The fathers of his church are, Pitt, Castlereagh, Vansittart, and Melville; his general councils are, secret green bag committees ; his commandments are the Six Acts; the suspension of the Habeas Corpus is his law; and the confession of his faith, a gagging bill. He has, moreover, a conscience, and it is kept by Eldon; a religion, and it is hypocrisy ; a name, and it is Mystery. His priests are the bishops; his scapegoat, change of any kind; and for plundering the revenue, he has an oath in "heaven's chancery," as immovable as if Eldon presided over it. Talking of Eldon, that old man did us shrewd injury, and will do more. He mortally offends the English people, by the tenacity with which he main tains every antiquated corruption; the old battered abuses he clings to with a rigidity of grasp that would astonish Trapbois himself. Tell Kenyon to give him a hint about the tears. These young men at once begin to talk of the crocodile, and all classical allusions are dangerous, and should be avoided. Perhaps you think that I am contradicting my own advice as to the necessity of suppressing our opinions; but give me leave to explain to your Grace. Hypocrisy is invaluable, as long as it is not known to be hypocrisy ; but the people have been so often duped, that they are become as suspicious as a mastiff about the stump of his tail; and the moment that hypocrisy is detected, it becomes a losing game. To return to my original base of operations. I insist on the necessity of concealing our real principles, and assuming "for the nonce" ones more acceptable to this stupid people. This is our only game. I protest against our becoming the Quixotes of every sort of infamy, at the present moment especially. Nor can I see why our camp is to be made, at this crisis, the city of refuge for all the criminals of the earth. A frantic frankness has seized us. Prudence and hypocrisy are totally for gotten, so that a spectator would think we were moving heaven and earth for our own ruin. There is not, within the four corners of the map of the world, an abuse that Toryism has not taken under its wings. There is not a prostitute practice or principle to which it has not opened its arms; not a base or bloody act which it has not defended, nor any noble one that it has not calumniated. Your Grace's firm nerves start; you cannot believe we have been so foolish. Unluckily, it is capable of proof. Violent as the colouring seems, it does not exceed the tone of the reality. To begin with yourself.-Almost the last speech you uttered in Parliament was one, which, coming from such a general as you, and so familiar with Portugal, must have been of great service to Miguel. Need I recall the defences of him by Aberdeen, or that you, when that cursed reform unhorsed you, were on the point of acknowledging the tyrant, the usurper, the murderer, and chance alone prevented me from being able to add, the assassin and the fratricide. In the next place, Peel should, forsooth, defend Constantine (!!) and that under circumstances chosen with his usual wisdom. To do you justice, no Portuguese were present when you advocated Miguel's cause; but Peel had the unfeelingness to defend Constantine before the faces of those very gallant men who had lost all in attempting to save their country from the monster. Again, this people have a sort of peculiar regard for the German people, perhaps, because they are a simple foolish people, with low domestic virtues, patient of much oppression, and yet with a ridiculous hankering after some portion of liberty. One would suppose we might have left them to the management of Metternich, with whatever lights his friend Aberdeen could give him by letter; but no-for no purpose, that ever I could discover, but to bring ourselves into further disrepute, as if we had not already enough of political infamy to content even immoderate men, our organs must take up the cudgels for the Diet, and the King must be made a party to the original decree. Turn to the next. Not satisfied with the success of his former prophecies, Hall has again lifted himself up to utter Jeremiades against the French Revolution, at proper time truly, and to "audience meet." It would be tedious to enumerate more instances from the Continent: but surely, looking home, we might have avoided shocking the absurd feelings of religion and humanity, which this nation does entertain, by advocating Negro Slavery at this parti cular moment. A pretty figure, by the way, Goulburn and his slaves cut. There might be something made of it, as a splash, if Cambridge(?) threw him out; but, believe one who knows them, the clergy will not leave as much as one green spot in Toryism for the eye to rest on. Even a bold dashing piece of hypocrisy they will not contribute in our distressed condition. They jog pretty well along the old established modes, but any thing new or striking is quite above their genius. I grant they mean well, but there is not a spark of originality in them. In heavy column, or behind a wall, like the Turks, they are immovable; but, for active warfare, which must be our game, they are far too unwieldy. |