them to be respected accordingly. If any of our correspondents can surpass them in that genuine bathos which ought to shine out in the conundrum, we shall not fail to pay them due homage.

"Conundrums have other claims to our notice, besides the innocent and hearty laugh they afford. They may be rendered subservient to correct pronunciation. The conundrum is the twin-brother to the pun, and, in many instances, the literary bantlings bear so close a resemblance that they cannot be distinguished.

The pun often owes its zest to a vicious and distorted pronunciation, or emphasis, and as this discrepance generally excites our laughter and ridicule, we are not likely to fall into similar vulgarisms in our ordinary conversations, for such is the dread of appearing ridiculous, that the generality of men would rather be hated than laughed at."

We have said that puns are admissible, and agreeable too, when introduced at proper times and seasons, by which we mean, when they do not interrupt or supersede rational and useful conversation, or when they are not incompatible with the nature of the place in which they are uttered. It was, however, the fashion, at one time of day, to season even sermons with a spice of pun, of which the following anecdote affords an example, which can hardly be perused without a smile.

Wilkins, in his Characteristic Anecdotes, tells us, that "Daniel Burgess, the celebrated Nonconformist preacher, in the beginning of the last century, once inveighing in the pulpit against drunkenness, having preached the hour out. proceeded thus:-'Brethren, I have somewhat more to say on the nature and consequences of drunkenness, so let us have the other glass and then,'-[turning the hour sand glass, which was sometimes used as an appendage to the pulpit desk."]

"The dial, (says the yet, notwithstanding, Paradise is a pair of

Kett, in his Flowers of Wit, gives a more outrageous specimen of pulpit punning, published in a sermon, written and preached in the reign of James I. preacher,) shows that we must die all; all houses are turned into ale houses; dice; our marriages are merry ages; matrimony is a matter of money; our divines are dry vines:was it so in the days of Noah ?-Ah no!"

These are sufficient to illustrate our notions of inadmissible puns. They are alike unsuitable to the place in which they are uttered and the grave subject which they are thus permitted to interrupt, with ludicrous images; but the Scripture says there is a season for all things; we are, therefore, justified in maintaining that there is a season for puns, conundrums, and similar bagatelles, and that season is, when men have nothing better to do, which is a matter of pretty frequent occurrence. At such times, let us bear in mind that man is the only animal gifted with the power of laughing, a privilege which was not bestowed upon him for nothing. Let us, then laugh while we may, no matter how broad the laugh may be, short of a lock-jaw, and despite of what the poet says about the "loud laugh that speaks the vacant mind." The mind should occasionally be vacant, as the land should sometimes lie fallow; and for precisely the

same reason.

IMPROMPTU,

ADDRESSED TO MISS MARY CAMPBELL, THE GAERLOCH MIRACLE

WORKER, WHO BOASTS SHE CAN WALK UPON WATER.

You can walk on the water you say,
Because you are one of the chosen ;

Why, so any infidel may,

If he'll wait till the water is frozen.

SWIMMING, &c.

As this is the season for engaging in this most wholesome recreation, we shall introduce in the present and the next number of the Melange, some aquatic exploits, which we have from time to time published in the Mercury and Kaleidoscope, and which have some claim to be considered original, as they have never been described in any other publication. These feats were, apparently, not known to Dr. Franklin, or any other writer on swimming, or they would not have failed to notice them, as several of them are equally curious and useful, as offering the ready means of affording assistance to persons in danger of drowning.

AQUATIC GYMNASIA.

No. VI.

HOW TO CONVEY A PERSON WHO CANNOT SWIM, IN PERFECT SAFETY THROUGH DEEP WATER.

This feat explains itself;-the swimmer is the front figure, and the other, which is supposed not to be able to

swim, merely takes hold of the hips of the former, who by striking out will easily bear the other forwards, although, of course, not very rapidly.

We have a right to set some store by this feat, as it was once our good fortune to save the life of a companion, who would, most assuredly, have been drowned if this means of rescuing him had not been adopted.

No. VII.

As swimming is the order of the day, we shall propose to our readers two aquatic feats, which are the most puzzling of any we ever accomplished, and we believe we have, in our time, attempted all manner of vagaries in the water, not omitting that most ridiculous of all aquatic feats, cutting the toe nails while floating, which we can assure our readers, besides spoiling the penknife, is no improvement whatever upon the ordinary paring operation. Be that as it may, the two exploits represented by the annexed figures are far more difficult to accomplish.

The present figure represents a person lying at full length on his back in the water, his toes, though not shown in the figure, out of the water. In this position the arms are to be raised in an arch over the face, the fingers of each hand touching; and almost the whole of each arm out the water. The person performing the feat must remain, and must speak or whistle, in order to show that he does not float merely by holding his breath. The arms in the figure are raised too much over the chest; they ought to be thrown further back, so as to form an arch above the face.

No. VIII.

This feat is still more difficult than No. VI.; the whole of the head being out of the water, the arms extended as in the act of swimming, but kept

motionless; the body lying horizontally on the water so that the heels may be seen on the surface. If the specific gravity of the person attempting this be greater than that of water, it will be impossible to succeed; since, independent of floating without motion of the limbs, he has the whole weight of the head to support above the surface; whereas, in floating on the back, half the head is immersed in the water, whereby a great part of its weight is neutralized.

SWIMMING AND FLOATING WITH A CONSIDERABLE WEIGHT ON THE CHEST.

Since writing the above, we have made several experiments in the Floating Bath, the result of which warrants us in stating that a good swimmer may sustain a weight of from ten to twelve pounds on his chest, while lying on his back, without moving either hand or foot; and that, when using both hands and feet, he can carry at least twenty-four pounds.

The experiments which we and other persons have made at the Floating Bath, were performed with large flat stones, used for ballast, one of which, weighing sixteen pounds, and brick weighing at least seven pounds, (twenty-three pounds in all,) were carried with such ease, that we are of opinion, that, with the weight better distributed, it would be possible to sustain more than we have stated. The buoyancy of some persons is such as would enable them, in all probability, to bear up a much greater burden than twenty