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Pocock, the schoolmaster, by S. Michael's churchyard, has a machine to punish the boys, which they call the royal patent selfacting ferule.

SAYERS the schoolmaster put arms into his boys' hands, and had them exercised during the "alarm." They were taught that they ought to resist their natural enemies, and by an easy and obvious logic discovered that their natural enemies were the master and usher, whom they accordingly resolved to shoot. Some accident discovered the plan, and prevented murder; but it was necessary to call in the military to reduce them. This was hushed up, so many families of consequence here were concerned in it.

"WHAT is become of your dog, Sir John?" said a friend to Sir John Danvers.

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gave her the ticket. It was drawn a £10,000 prize, and he had the half to pay his partner. This is a well known fact.

WHEN Edward Williams kept a bookseller's shop at Cowbridge, his seditious celebrity soon spread abroad. His circulating catalogue was indeed curious, the Reflections on the French Revolution were entered as the Gospel according to St. Burke; and a collection of Jacobinical pamphlets as Directions for Duck-milking, a title which made all the Welsh farmers send for the book. A son of Alderman Curtis resolved to punish the honest old bard, and went in to ask for the Gospel according to St. Burke. The book was out, but Williams had a new copy, which he offered. "No," said Curtis, "this is Burke's Reflections, and what I want is the Gospel according to St. Burke." "Indeed, sir," said Williams," it is the same book." Curtis said he was going out of town, and had not time to read it. poor Welchman offered to lend it him for some days. At this time a man who was the spy of government, self-elected to the office in that town, came in, " By God, Curtis, we will have it!" and "By God, Mr. Spy," said Polo, "you shall not." Curtis was now looking every where for some sin against government, and his eye caught a book labelled Rights of Man. "What's the price of this?" "Five shillings." He threw down the money. This shall go to Billy Pitt, and he shook it in triumph at the bard. when he opened the book, his countenance changed, and he exclaimed, "Damn the rascal-the Bible, by God!"

The

But

Poor Williams angrily refused a pension from some wealthy brothers in the West Indies, because he would not partake of the gains made by slavery.

His toast was, "The three securities of liberty. All Kings in hell; the door locked; the key lost."

TELL her in the words of the romance, "Que no quiero amores En Inglaterra,

Pues otros mejores

Tengo yo en mi tierra."

ON St. Stephen's day in Wales, every body is privileged to whip another person's

Quote this too at the end of a home sick legs with holly; and this is often recipro

letter:

¡Ay Dios de mi alma! Saqueisme de aqui, ¡Ay! que Inglaterra

Ya no es para mi.”

"WELL, Mary," said my uncle to an old woman, "the King of Prussia's dead." "Hm-hm!" said the old woman, " Is-a, is-a! the King of Prussia! and who's he?"

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POOR old Mrs. Poole had been reading the newspaper just at the time when Bonaparte had escaped from Egypt, and was beginning his career in France, to the astonishment of all Europe. My dear," said she to her son, “who is this Dr. Solomon that all the world's talking about?" She was an invalid, and the balm of Gilead was more to her than a dozen revolutions.

A LIST of all the volunteers in the Tower. A list of the subscribers to Boydell's Shakespeare in a large vellum volume, every subscriber having the privilege of writing his name with his own hand, that his autograph, as well as his name, may be immortalized, the king at the head.

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cally done till the blood streams down.

SERVANTS in America object to answering a bell; they hold it unfit that Christians should be spoken to with a tongue of metal. Stamping is the usual way of calling them, or knocking. A gentleman having company rung the bell (having one in the room as a fit piece of furniture). He rang repeatedly; at last the servant came up, opened the door, put his head in and cried, the more you ring, the more I wont come.

WHEN Paley first went to Cambridge, he fell into a society of young men far richer than himself, to whom his talents and conviviality made him an acceptable companion, and he was in a fair way for ruin. One morning one of these comrades came into his bedroom before he was up, and he, as usual, thought it was to propose some plan of pleasure for the day. His friend, however, said, " Paley, I have not slept a wink this night for thinking of you. I am, as you know, heir to such a fortune, and whether I ever look in a book at Cambridge or not does not signify a farthing. But this is not the case with you, you have only your abilities to look to, and no man has better, if you do but make the proper use of them. But if you go on this way you are ruined; and from this time forward I am determined not to associate with you, for your own sake. You know I like your company, and it is a great sacrifice to give it up, but give it up I will, as a matter of conscience." Paley lay in bed the whole day, ruminating upon this. In the evening he rose and took his tea, ordered his bedmaker to make his fire overnight, and call him at five in the morning; and from that day forward rose always at that hour; went out first wrangler, and became the fortunate man he was.

This he related to his intimate friend Mr. Sheepshanks; from him it came to Mr. Broome, and he told it me this evening, October 6, 1808.

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From Spedding and from the Colonel Coleridge heard these circumstances, which I have written down immediately after hearing them.-May 26, 1810.

THERE was a negro slave at Surinam | The man lifted the whip as if to strike, then whose language no negro in the colony unn- threw it on the ground, saying, “ Massa, it derstood, except one who had been a trader, is better to be flogged than to flog." and whose features were also cast in a different mould. He would not work, and was repeatedly punished for his refusal, after the cursed manner of the Dutch. He however explained his reason for refusing. He could not do it, for he was of a sacred order. And having heard in his own country that there were a sacred order of white men, wiser than their brethren, he travelled to the sea coast for the sake of seeing them, and acquiring knowledge. There he was kidnapped and sold to Surinam.

This man escaped and got to the wild negroes, among whom he soon became eminent. Two settlers, a Dutch and an Englishman, fell into their hands; they were about to be put to death, but he made a long speech in their favour (for he soon learnt the mixed language of the colony,) and dismissed them with an exhortation to show mercy as they had received mercy. He himself afterwards was made prisoner, and sentenced to a cruel death. He reminded the judges of what he had done for the two colonists, but no notice would have been taken of it if the Colonel of Spedding's regiment had not indignantly stepped forward and threatened to expose their injustice. The men were called upon; the Englishman refused to bear testimony in his favour, swearing he would see all the black b- --s broiled before he would stir a step to save the life of one. The Dutchman came, and confirmed the truth of a story which was already well known. The negro's life therefore was spared, but he was chained to a post in the market-place or square, and a whip laid by him, with which every passer by might scourge him as a fellow who was lazy and refused to work.

Spedding one day saw one of his corporals stop to scourge him. He went up to the place, collared the wretch, took the whip, gave it to the sufferer, and bade him flog the rascal as long as he could stand.

ADDINGTON chose for his title Lord Viscount Ralegh, of Combe (Budley Saltcombe, I suppose), in the county of Devon. Cobbett affirms this positively, and says, it is said the patent was actually made out in that name. He had a farm, or a house, or something formerly the property of Sir Walter there. There was a person, Cobbett adds, whose real name I forget, who was made a peer since the commencement of the Pitt administration, and who expressed a desire to be called Lord Agincourt!

HUNTINGDON is a rogue, and chuckles over the folly of the flock whom he fleeces. When he goes visiting, he carries the seat of his carriage full of his own books; after dinner or supper, he sends for it in, saying, "Now that the wants of the body are supplied, let us think of the soul. What are we in want of at present for ourselves or for others? Bank of Faith, or, &c.

Such fellows have their female jackalls or providers. One of these spiritual procuresses, near York, went to an old lady who had heard the new preacher. “Well, and how did she like Mr. * *, and did she feel comfortable after his discourse; was she benefitted; was she better for it? Why yes, the old lady hoped she was. Well, and what return did she think of making? How would she express her sense of gratitude? I assure you that if you send him a piece of cloth, or a box of moulds, Mr. * * is so good a Christian that he wont be offended at it. But do not send him a silver tea-pot, because he has seven already.”

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you to bring the tray." "Sir, I beg your pardon-but I belong to a club." "Belong to a club, sir, and what is that to me?" "Sir, I belong to a club, where we have all of us agreed never to carry any thing."

WHEN the late1 Lord Liverpool died, Toon, who is the family tailor, made the mourning. The servants came and desired him to make theirs of superfine cloth, which he refused to do, as an imposition upon his employer. They then ordered him to fasten the shoulder-knots so that they might be taken off and put on at pleasure. Honest old Toon had no patience with these fellows, and sewed them down firmly, after the old manner. However they got somebody to alter this to their taste,-the shoulder-knots were worn in the house; but when my gentlemen went out, they laid them aside, and walked the streets, gentlemen in mourning.

BERWICK was omitted in the first income tax bill, and they escaped it the first year. A local joke of their neighbours was, that they were angry at it, as a mark of neglect.

LT. MONEYPENNY, Miss Wood's grandfather, on being paid off, set out with a friend to visit Scotland, and went with that friend to pass a night at Bamborough, at an acquaintance of the companion. The daughter of his host hearing that the lieutenant would have milk for supper, brought him cream, and in consequence he never left Bamborough as long as he lived.

MACHINERY is dilated personification, as simile is expanded metaphor.

AN English sailor at the Island of St. Michael's was attacked by a Spaniard, who twice cut his arm to the bone, above and below. "I I got the rascal down," said he to the surgeon to his ship, “and knelt upon his breast with one knee, and I took a case of

It must be recollected that this extract dates back to the year 1810.-J. W. W.

razors out of my pocket, and opened one of them. The devil bid me cut his throat, but God would not let me."

This story is true. Fenner of the Prince Adolphus, Lisbon packet, told it from his own knowledge.

*A SAILOR Went to a juggler's exhibition. There were to be fireworks, but they took fire with a quantity of gunpowder, and blew up the room. The sailor fell in a potatoe field, unhurt; he got up and shook himself -"Damn the fellow, I wonder what the devil he'll do next."

IN Staffordshire arrow heads are very frequently found by the carpenters in cutting up oaks.

SOUTH SHIELDS - immense hills of cinders and ashes heaped there from the salt pans. In 1795, some hot cinders being laid on these unpremeditatedly by a salt proprietor, set them on fire. Three persons who lived in houses built upon these hills were suffocated in their beds: others much injured, several houses demolished, and the hills, says Sir F. M. Eden, writing nearly two years afterwards, still continue to burn, and to emit a sulphurous smell.

Ar Worksop, £50,000 worth of bones are annually sold at 28. 2d. per bushel. Impossible! what bones?

ADAM CLARKE's new heresy of the monkey.

"WHAT is your mother?" said Mrs. C. to a boy who came begging one day. "She travels." "She travels! what is that?" "She lates.-? She asks.-? She begs." And thus the word was unkennelled at last.

THE Javanese cocks, especially the bantams, are nearly as large as the Norfolk bustard-so false is it that our little featherbooted breed are bantams.

BEARS for baiting bred near London.

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