was the

niere

countless vagaries, and then have done. Because hard drinking

perverse fashion when he was young, Crinkum restricted himself to “ moderation," as he called it for the word “ temperance, as a monopoly of expression for self-denial in only one kind of vianding, was then unusual. His virtuous scorn of the “ animals,” was, at that time of life, very loudly expressed. Yet he lived to become a two-bottle man, often; and, now and then, ventured on three-professing, the next morning, in spite of sickness: and tormenting head-ache, the utmost contempt for “ these newa. fangled creatures,” the Teetotallers ! Two years before his death,. he, nevertheless, fulfilled a prophecy of Master Solomon Soundcap, which astounded the village when they first heard it,--and became: a Teetotaller himself.

“I have no faith in any man who takes the total-abstinence: pledge and then breaks it, was Crinkum Crankum's charitable. observation, at the expiry of one year's water-discipleship ;-and the next evening Crinkum Crankum “ took a little wine for his. stomach's sake! Indeed, it was on this occasion, only, in the remembrance of Master Solomon Soundcap, that Crinkum vouch-. safed to give a reason for his change of practice.

“ And so you have given up the Total Abstinence principles, I learn, friend Crinkum?” said the apothecary, as he was mixing

, the quaking veteran of change and positivity a salutary phial of quinine and other tonics.

“ Well ?." retorted Crinkum, with a frown, " and if I have ? Do you think I am such a goose 'as to stick by a custom when I find it injures my health ?

, exclaimed master Solomon, fairly taken by sur.. prise at hearing Crinkum Crankum condescend to give a common-. sense reason for a change of sentiment or conduct.

" Then don't bother me about it,” continued Crinkum ; “ I tell you I have a will of my own, and

But Crinkum Crankum, for very shame, and in dread that he would hear Master Solomon's most unwelcome chorus to the old burthen, once more repeated,-here stopped short, and asked what he had to pay for the phial of medicine.

That was the last time he visited the apothecary, though it was not the last time the apothecary visited him. Master Solomon was wont to say, after Crinkum's death, that the ruling passion was strong within him, even in articulo mortis ; for that he appealed to him, Master Solomon the apothecary, very earnestly, as he

" ( dear, no,

No. XIX. VOL. IV.

G

poured out the last draught of cordial, whether he had not “always had a will of his own, and gone straightforward ? ” “ How strange,

said I, after some minutes' silence, when the apothecary made this relation ; "how strange-that the most changeable and most inconsistent of mortals should be the most intolerant!”

“ All his weaknesses and errors were traceable to one cause," replied my venerable friend ; “ he had never learned to reflect. And, young man,” added the old man, with a significant look, the “Crankums are by no means extinct : they are a numerous family.”

RESEARCHES IN BELGRAVIA ;

OR,
THE WORKS AND WONDERS OF THE WEST.

LETTER V.-To Mrs. RUSTLER. DEAREST FRIEND,

That we have been deluded, authenticates our own simplicity! Unfortunate is the female mind (let the latitudinarian followers of Voltaire, Malthus, and the other votaries of perfidious Apostacy paradoxify truth as they will,) which is incapable of trust. Satisfied of our own security, we can believe in that of others. P- joins me in thinking that to have discovered Lady Ilighborough as among the covert followers of Rome, constitutes but a slight stab. Explained is now her frivolity,-her heartlessness to her dependants, - the startling licence of her

household, -the gratuitous insult to two unoffending followers of

We are both now convinced that the note transcribed in my last, was penned under the influence of Mr. Niblett; who has been seen by Mrs. Pecker from the window, walking along the street. His dress, Mrs. Pecker says, was Priestcraft personified : the waistcoat buttoned across, like Mr. Podd's. Does he ever think of his old friends, you

ask? No ;-Popish domination, tending to seclude even the English clergy in celibacy, precludes the bare dream of every tender tie. Our angelic P—, I suspect, feels his defection more than she cares to own.

But quit we Babylon for Belgravia, and “let Time," as the poet says, “elucidate what Prophecy is unable to fathom.' We have not loosed our sandals for the last two days : we have devoted

* * * * * * *

purselves to Royalty: having undertaken, for the satisfaction of our Tinglebury friends, to ascertain the exact truth as regards the state of mind and domestic habits of the Ruler of our favoured clime. To you at Wailford, we may say likewise ;-Rely upon nothing you read in the Newspapers. Garbled views of life are all that you will derive from that organ. Three separate annunciations of our arrival have been forwarded to each, in Mr. Pecker's beautiful writing, but by none been printed !!! This, too, one of us ascribes to Mr. Niblett : for who shall put bounds to the suppressiveness of Jesuitical activity ?-Therefore, you may repose indiscriminate confidence in the following particulars: the derivation of which, we are bound to observe with secrecy. Unlike Actæon, we will not whisper our source to the reeds.

The humanity of our most royal Sovereign, is, perhaps, her most unfeigned characteristic. Her Ladies bask only in her smiles : Her consort salutes her with the most charming freedom. We have reason to be assured (and are anxious to spread the joyful tidings through parts of Tinglebury where the noxious miasma of Dissent stalks like a mocking minister of Lucifer) that in her opinions she is SAFE. They are ours. A letter to The Pope, written in her own hand (H. M. always secretarizing for herself), is said to be a master-piece. P--- is laying a thousand plans for the procuration of a copy. The audacious temerity, even, of a request directly penned by this simple quill, has been strongly pressed upon me. But what am I? We are aware, however, that H. M. has her eyes on Tinglebury. Mr. Pecker's speeches at the Anti-Cheap Food Association have sunk deep. For the fabrication is a monstrous one, which asserts that our upright Monarch sympathizes with the atrocious measures which are about to convert landed-proprietors into wanderers over the countenance of the Earth ; and their lawns and conservatories into howling wildernesses. The names of Cobden, Villiers, excite paroxysms of distress. H. M. may be constrained: but will not Hinch. The author of “ Sybil ” ( (whose early work, “ Violet, was so long affiliated to Lord Brougham) has been admitted to frequent consultations. Lord George is to be Master of the Horse, when Protection triumphs over dissolute innovations. Mr. Pecker says I am exceeding in this intelligence : but as it is down, it

The brilliant novelist above adverted to, is to be Minister of Public Instruction. Do not be surprised, if you hear of an Inspection of our Schools at Tinglebury from the highest quarters. P has done her part: and prepared a hymn for the flattering

shall go.

occasion, which if sung unexpectedly will produce a pleasing effect, such as no art can snatch. H. M.'s enthusiasm for the works of creation dawned

upon

her mind at an infantile era. A Duck was the first royal plaything. Mrs. Pecker on being disturbed late in the night, not long since, by sundry shrill and mysterious noises—is informed by Bridget (whence derived I cannot authenticate) that these are the matutinal cawings of the rare collection of fowl who harbour in the gardens and round the waters of her Majesty's Belgravian Tempe. One note was new to her. She asseverates it to have resembled a salutation between lips, and at no remote distance. But birds, as Mr. Jessamine's “ Anecdotes of Billed Intelligence ” will have acquainted you, emit peculiarly piercing and strange calls, when day is breaking: and this may have been merely the snapping of the mandibles of the greater Susquehanna Goose, some years ago presented by the Zoological Society to Prince Albert : the nonproduction of whose progeny has been so serious a disappointment to ornithological expectation in the highest quarters. And having explored the gardons, and perceived how they swarm with the feathered tribe-aware, too, of dear Mrs. Pecker's involuntary desire to magnify simple occurrences, when fear prompts,-I see no reason to gainsay Bridget's natural solution. This may be valuable as a fact to the ovarian collections of your good Mr. Crow—which already number my poor testimonies on many subjects.

The Royal infants are largely indulged with living treasures. The Rabbits of the Heir Apparent have a structure apart ; designed by no less a person than one it would be indiscreet to

Two were given-among other presents, to the Ojibbeway Indians—as likely to foster the sentiment of filial dependence. That the rare monkeys from the Hooghly, which were presented to H. M. by the Belgravian gentlemen of high distinction who found coal for the Emperor of Hyperborean regions, may feel at home-a fire is maintained in the apartment of one of the Ladies in Waiting day and night ;-that the precious deposit may not suffer by change of temperature. You have read miserable tales of Royal parsimony-of pictures insufficiently rewarded, and musicians withheld refreshments. Mention the coals devoted to these simple animals, to all who repeat the venom! The fact is so : How honourable to exalted humanity, we, at least, know. Pheard it with tears in her eyes :—The picture of the Duchess of

tending this exotic charge, is a chef d'oeuvre of its aca

name.

a

demical master. It will be engraved by Moon's burin. Mr. Pecker proposes it by way of study for such of the sex as indulge in the graceful tasks of the needle and Berlin wool. When Popish saints and Pagan warriors occupy the figures of Christian gentlewomen-surely. such a suggestion is not one of Utopian invention ! But I need not dilate upon the union of utility with suavity distinguishing all our valuable relative's motions.

What a treat to have visited the garden Pavilion !--where the pleasures of the Dairy, prepared by the neat hands of the royal Phyllis, offer a relaxation from the cares of state-and are surrounded by all the luxurious tribute of modern sculpture and painting. So, the Medicean family, in their halls of terra-cotta and alabaster, fostered the genius of Giorgione and Rosa. This exquisite nook is worthy of a country's palace. Built in the Elizabethan style-one chamber decorated with the severities of Pompeian art -another plaided with the characteristics of the “North Countrie” -the “ land of the mountain and the flood," (the spirit of Scott being rendered everywhere, by the scrutinising pencil of H. B.)the central hall devoted to the witcheries of Comus in which Maclise plays a distinguished part, and Landseer

Glows like a summer from the mirror'd walls, -there is, in all this, a variety, an excursiveness-a chef-d'oeuvreish intellectuality (to quote the Hon. Mrs. Gore) which speak trumpettongued for the tastes of the distinguished pair ; and excite proud British hope to anticipate glowingly the decoration of the New Houses of Parliament. Mr. Pecker exclaimed, on entering, “Here is solid progress! Ten years hence, a journey to Italy, in quest of artistic culture, will be rendered futile.” Happy England! when the deleterious South is no longer a place of pilgrimage to thy „sons and daughters !

You are wondering, I doubt not, why, ere this I have not chronicled Mr. Pecker's visit to the Collectress, whose invitation I transcribed in my last. My dear friend,—not mine to sully a Christian

page with adverting to the devices with which a female, when she has “stooped to folly,” attempts to extend her society. Resolute to uphold the purity without which

66 the shiver'd vase
Nor form nor colour hideth in the depths

Of its most secret heart,”not mine be it to dwell upon the horror of our relative on discovering, in his correspondent, one of those fascinating children of