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Uncommon things, and rare, were his delight;
THE SPLENDID SHILLING.* From musings deep his brain ne'er gotten
“Sing, heavenly Muse. ease,
Things unattempted yet in prose or rhyme;"
A shilling, breeches, and chimeras dire.
HAPPY the man, who, void of cares and strife,
New oysters cried, nor sighs for cheerful ale ; He many a creature did anatomize,
But with his friends, when nightly mists arise, Almost unpeopling water, air, and land ; To Juniper's Magpie, or Town Hall repairs ; Beasts, fishes, birds, snails, caterpillars, flies, Where, mindful of the nymph, whose wanton eye
Were laid full low by his relentless hand, Transfixed his soul, and kindled amorous flames, That oft with gory crimson was distained ; Chloe or Phyllis, he each circling glass
He many a dog destroyed, and many a cat ; Wisheth her health and joy and equal love. Of fleas his bed, of frogs the marshes drained, Meanwhile he smokes, and laughs at merry tale,
Could tellen if a mite were lean or fat, Or pun ambiguous or conundrum quaint.
And hunger, sure attendant upon want,
( Wretched repast !) my meagre corpse sustain : He knew the various modes of ancient times, Their arts and fashions of each different guise, In garret vile, and with a warming puff
Then solitary walk, or doze at home Their weddings, funerals, punishments for
Regale chilled fingers ; or from tube as black crimes,
As winter-chimney or well-polished jet, Their strength, their learning eke, and rarities ;
Exhale mundungus, ill-perfuming scent. Of old habiliments, each sort and size,
Not blacker tube, nor of a shorter size, Male, female, high and low, to him were known;
Smokes (ambro-Briton (versed in pedigree, Each gladiator dress, and stage disguise ; With learned, clerkly phrase he could have Full famous in romantic tale) when he
Sprung from Cadwollador and Arthur, kings shown
O'er How the Greek tunic differed from the Roman
many a craggy hill and barren cliff,
Upon a cargo of famed Cestrian cheese, gown.
High overshadowing rides, with a design
To wend his wares at the Arvonian mart, A curious medallist, I wot, he was,
Or Maridunum, or the ancient town And boasted many a course of ancient coin ; Ycleped Brechinia, or where Vaga's stream Well as his wife's he knewen every face,
Encircles Ariconiuin, fruitful soil ! From Julius Cæsar down to Constantine : Whence flow nectareous wines, that well may vie For some rare sculpture he would oft ypine, With Massic, Setin, or renowned Falern.
(As green-sick damosels for husbands do ;) Thus, while my joyless minutes tedious Aow, And when obtained, with enraptured eyne, With looks demure, and silent pace, a Dun,
He'd run it o'er and o'er with greedy view, Horrible monster! hated by gods and men,
With vocal heel thrice thundering at my gate,
The voice ill-boding, and the solemn sound, His rich museum, of dimensions fair,
What should I do? or whither turn? Amazed, With goods that spoke the owner's mind was
('onfounded, to the dark recess I fly fraught :
Of wood-hole ; straight my bristling hairs erect Things ancient, curious, value-worth, and rare, From sea and land, from Greece and Rome, My shuddering limbs, and (wonderful to tell !)
Through sudden fear ; a chilly sweat bedews were brought, Which he with mighty sums of gold had bought : So horrible he seems ! His faded brow
My tongue forgets her faculty of speech ; On these all tides with joyous eyes he porul; Intrenched with many a frown, and conic beard, And, sooth to say, himself he greater thought,
And spreading band, admired by modern saints, When he beheld his cabinets thus stored,
Disastrous arts forebode ; in his right hand Than if he'd been of Albion's wealthy cities lord.
* A burlesque imitation of Milton's style.
+ To wit, his garret.
Long scrolls of paper solemnly he waves, Finds no relief, nor heavy eyes repose : With characters and figures dire inscribed, But if a slumber haply does invade Grievous to mortal eyes, (ye gods, avert My weary limbs, my fancy, still awake, Such plagues from righteous men !) Behind him Thoughtful of drink, and eager, in a dream, stalks
Tipples imaginary pots of ale ; Another monster, not unlike itself,
In vain ;- awake 1 find the settled thirst Sullen of aspect, by the vulgar called
Still gnawing, and the pleasant phantom curse. A Catchpole, whose polluted hands the gods Thus do I live, from pleasure quite de barred, With force incredible, and magic charms, Nor taste ‘he fruits that the sun's genial rays First have endued : if he his ample palm Mature, john-apple, nor the downy peach, Should haply on ill-fated shoulder lay
Nor walnut in rough-furrowed coat secure, Of debtor, straight his body to the touch Nor medlar fruit delicious in decay ; Obsequious (as whilom knights were wont) Afflictions great! yet greater still remain. To some enchanted castle is conveyed,
My galligaskins, that have long withstood Where gates impregnable, and coercive chains, The winter's fury and encroaching frosts, In durance strict detain him, till, in form By time subdued, (what will not time subduz! Of money, Pallas sets the captive free.
An horrid chasm disclose with orifice Beware, ye debtors ! when ye walk, beware, Wide, discontinuous ; at which the winds Be circumspect ; oft with insidious ken
Eurus and Auster and the dreadful force The caitiff eyes your steps aloof, and oft Of Boreas, that congeals the Cronian waves, Lies perdue in a nook or gloomy cave,
Tumultuous enter with dire chilling blasts, Prompt to enchant some inadvertent wretch Portending agues. Thus a well-fraught ship, With his unhallowed touch. So (poets sing) Long sails secure, or through the Ægean deep, Grimalkin to domestic vermin sworn
Or the Ionian, till cruising near An everlasting foe, with watchful eye
The Lily bean shore, with hideous crush Lies nightly brooding o'er a chinky gap, On Scylla or Charybdis (dangerous rocks) Portending her fell claws, to thoughtless mice She strikes rebounding ; whence the shattered Sure ruin. So her disembowelled web
oak, Arachne, in a hall or kitchen, spreads
So fierce a shock unable to withstand, Obvious to vagrant flies : she secret stands
Admits the sea. In at the gaping side Within her woven cell ; the humming prey, The crowding waves gush with impetuous rage, Regardless of their fate, rush on the toils Resistless, overwhelming ; horrors seize Inextricable, nor will aught avail
The mariners ; Death in their eyes appears, Their arts, or arms, or shapes of lovely hue. They stare, they lave, they pump, they swear, The wasp insidious, and the buzzing drone,
they pray: And butterfly proud of expanded wings
(Vain efforts !) still the battering waves rush in, Distinct with gold, entangled in her snares, Implacable, till, deluged by the foam, Useless resistance make ; with eager strides, The ship sinks foundering in the vast abyss. She towering flies to her expected spoils :
JOHN L'HILIPS Then with envenomed jaws the vital bloodl Drinks of reluctant foes, and to her cave Their bulky carcasses triumphant drags. ELEGY ON THE DEATH OF A MAD DOG,
So pass my days. But when nocturnal shades This world envelop, and the inclement air
Good people all, of every sort,
Give ear unto my song ;
It cannot hold you long.
Of whom the world might say,
Whene'er he went to pray.
A kind and gentle heart he had,
To comfort friends and foes : Meanwhile I labor with eternal drought,
The naked every day he clad And restless wish, and rave; my parched throat When he put on his clothes.
He saw a pig rapidly
Down a river float;
Was cutting his own throat ;
His countenance fell for a moment
When he felt the stitches go ;
That I've made for my tailor below.”
And Satan gave thereat his tail
A twirl of admiration ;
And her suckling babe Taxation.
“Great news! bloody news !” cried a newsman ;
The Devil said, “Stop, let me see !
“The bloodier the better for me."
Well enough, in sooth, he liked that truth,
So he bought the newspaper, and no news And nothing the worse for the jest ;
At all for his money he had. But this was only a first thought;
“ Lying varlet,” thought he, "thus to take in And in this he did not rest :
Old Nick! Another came presently into his head ;
But it's some satisfaction, my lad, And here it proved, as has often been said, To know thou art paid beforehand for the trick, That second thoughts are best.
For the sixpence I gave thee is bad.” For as piggy plied, with wind and tide,
And then it came into his head, His way with such celerity,
By oracular inspiration, And at every stroke the water dyed
That what he had seen and what he had said, With his own red blood, the Devil cried,
In the course of this visitation, “Behold a swinish nation's pride
Wonld be published in the Morning Post In cotton-spun prosperity!”
For all this reading nation. He walked into London leisurely ;
Therewith in second-sight he saw The streets were dirty and dim ;
The place and the manner and time, But there he saw Brothers the prophet,
In which this mortal story And Brothers the prophet saw him. *
Would be put in immortal rhyme. He entered a thriving bookseller's shop ;
That it would happen when two poets Quoth he, “ We are both of one college,
Should on a time be met For I myself sate like a cormorant once
In the town of Nether Stowey,
In the shire of Somerset.
Would he the song begin ;
In ready accord join in. He saw a turnkey tie a thief's hands
So each would help the other, With a cordial tug and jerk ;
Two heads being better than one ; “Nimbly," quoth he, "a man's fingers move
And the phrase and conceit When his heart is in his work."
Would in unison meet,
And so with glee the verse flow free
In ding-dong chime of sing-song rhyme,
Till the whole were merrily done.
And because it was set to the razor,
Not to the lute or harp, At this good news, so great
Therefore it was that the fancy
Should be bright, and the wit be sharp
“But then,” said Satan to himself,
" As for that said beginner, ." After this I was in a vision, having the angel of God near me, Against my infernal Majesty and saw Satan walking leisurely into London." — BROTHERS' Prophecies, Part'. p. 41.
There is no greater sinner.
THE DEVIL AT HOME.
"He hath put me in ugly ballads
With libellous pictures for sale ;
And has made very free with my tail.
FROM "THE DEVIL'S PROGRESS."
“But this Mister Poet shall find
I am not a safe subject for whim ; For I'll set up a school of my own,
And my poets shall set upon him."
As he went along the Strand
Between three in the morning and four, He observed a queer-looking person
Who staggered from Perry's door.
And he thought that all the world over
In vain for a man you might seek, Who could drink more like a Trojan,
Or talk more like a Greek.
The Devil sits in his easy-chair,
though not so prosy quite
The Devil then he prophesied
That with wine when smitten,
The story of this walk.
"A pretty mistake,” quoth the Devil ;
“A pretty mistake, I opine ! I have put many ill thoughts in his mouth ;
He will never put good ones in mine."
Now the morning air was cold for him,
Who was used to a warm abode ; And yet he did not immediately wish
To set out on his homeward road.
THOMAS KIBBLE HERVEY.
For he had some morning calls to make
THE NOSE AND THE EYES. “So,” thonght he, “I'll step into a gaming. Between Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose :
house, And that will do as well ;'
The spectacles set them, unhappily, wrong ; But just before he could get to the door
The point in dispute was, as all the world knows, A wonderful chance befell.
To whom the said spectacles onght to belong.
For all on a sudden, in a dark place,
And it struck him with such consternation,
'T was the general conflagration.
So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause,
So famed for his talent in nicely discerning.
“In behalf of the Nose, it will quickly appear
• Porson, the Greek scholar.