GLORIOUS TIMES FOR THE LADIES.

IN the reign of Queen Margaret, of Scotland, the parliament passed an act, that any maiden lady, of high or low degree, should have the liberty to choose, for a husband, the man on whom she set her fancy. If the man refused to marry her, he was heavily fined, according to the value of his worldly possessions. The only ground of exemption was previously foretold.

THE HONOURABLE MRS. LEE.

THE daily papers announce the death in Saint James's Place, of the Honourable Mrs. Lee, sister to the late Lord Byron, and whose name will ever be dear to the lovers of that poet's verse, for the affecting manner in which it is therein enshrined. Few readers of Byron will forget his affectionate recurrences to his sister, made more touching from the bitterness of his memories towards all those whom he accused of contributing to the desolation of his house, and the shattering of his household gods. The once

familiar name met with in the common obituary of the journals, will have recalled to many a one that burst of grateful tenderness with which the bard twines a laurel for his sister's forehead, which will be laid down upon her grave :

From the wreck of the past which hath perished,
This much I at least may recall,

That what I most tenderly cherished
Deserved to be dearest of all!

In the desert a fountain is springing,

In the wide waste there is still a tree,

And a bird in my solitude singing
Which speaks of my spirit to thee!

THE ART OF DYEING.

AT a convivial party, in a provincial city, recently, the conversation chanced to turn on the art of dyeing, and after many varying opinions had been expressed, pro and con, a wit present announced his ability to make black a brilliant scarlet, almost instantaneously. The party, as may naturally be supposed, were extremely sceptical on this point, and eventually a wager was laid, that he could neither perform what he had stated, nor tell how it could be effected; when the humourist, placidly removing his pipe, exclaimed, “Oh, I'll do it as easily as possible, gentlemen, I'll boil a lobster."

NO SMOKING ALLOWED.

RAILWAY OFFICIAL-You had better not smoke, sir. TRAVELLER -That's what my friends say. RAILWAY OFFICIAL-But you must not smoke, sir. TRAVELLER-So my doctor tells me. RAILWAY OFFICIAL (indignantly)--But you shan't smoke, sir. TRAVELLER-Ah! just what my wife says.

MY UNCLE AND MY AUNT.

It is a curious fact, that in France, the same person facetiously styled here, my uncle," is familiarly known as my aunt, and that when a gentleman, in Paris, has pledged his watch in order to raise a little ready cash for the expence of the carnival-to the question, Ou est votre montre? "Where is your watch ?" he will reply, Elle est chez ma tante; "It is at my aunt's."

IMAGES OF GOD.

Not from the noble quarry,
Nor from the wealthy mine,
Shalt thou bring images of God
To deck His house or shrine.

Carrara's marble mountains
Before His face are dim;
The purest gold that Siber yields
Recoils abashed at Him.

Canova's art and chisel!

Could faultless beauty give;

His glowing thought and magic touch
Could make dead marble live.

For him lost nymphs and heroes

Would from the rough block spring;

But weak were all Canova's skill
To frame the seraph's King.

In stone of snowy whiteness,
And precious ores of earth,
Triumphant genius carves or moulds
All shapes of human birth.
He calls up forms and features
Which never yet have been,
But vainly will he toil or think
To shew-the Great Unseen.

If thou would'st find His likeness,
Search where the lowly dwell,
The faithful few that keep His laws
Not boastfully, but well.

Mark those who walk rejoicing

The way which Jesus trod;

Thus only shalt thou see below
Fit images of God.

GUNPOWDER TEA!

AT Pentrefelen pit, near Llangafelach (we need hardly say in Wales) a canny collier was provided with two pots, of a similar shape, which he had brought with him from home, one containing cold tea, the other gunpowder. At tea time, he went into a shed with some comrades to get his meal in comfort, and placed the pot (the wrong pot) on the fire. A loud explosion scattered the friendly circle in all directions, and gave them a scorching; but luckily, the shed readily flew to pieces, and they were comparatively little hurt.

THE FINISHING TOUCH.

WE read in a Sheffield paper, that the last polish to a piece of cutlery, is given by the hand of a woman. The same may be said of human cutlery, that the last polish to a young blade, is given by his mixing in female society.

MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT.

Most gentlemen, of considerable property, at some period or other in their lives, are ambitious of representing their country in Parliament; and those, who are ambitious of receiving so high a trust, would also do well to remember its nature and importance. They are not thus honourably distinguished from the rest of their fellow subjects, merely that they may privilege their persons, their estates, or their domestics; that they may list under party banners; may grant or withhold supplies; may vote with or vote against a popular or unpopular administration; but upon considerations far more interesting and important. They are the guardians of the English constitution; the makers, the repealers, and interpreters, of the English laws; delegated to watch, to check, and to avert every dangerous innovation, to propose, to adopt, and cherish any solid and well-weighed improvement, bound by every tie of nature, of honour, and of religion, to transmit that constitution and those laws to their posterity, amended if possible, at least without any derogation. And how unbecoming must it appear in a member of the legislature to vote for a new law, who is utterly ignorant of the old ! What kind of interpretation can he be enabled to give, who is a stranger to the text upon which he comments.

THE TIGHTEST KNOT IN THE WORLD. THE matrimonial knot once tied, never can be untied; and the worst is, that, unlike the gordian-knot, you cannot even cut it.

ANOTHER NOVEL MODE OF PROTECTING
FRUIT."

MR. R. G. MASON, the celebrated lecturer on temperance, &c., tells his audience, by way of illustration, an anecdote of a certain old gardener, who, notwithstanding his strong fences, and his "cautions" of " spring guns," "man traps," &c., "being laid on the premises," was continually annoyed and robbed of the fruits of his labour by a lot of young urchins who heeded not his "notices." Setting his wits to work, the old man thought of the following, which he had printed in large characters and nailed up in the most conspicuous spot: :-"Whoever is found trespassing in this orchard shall be spacificated." It had the desired effect, none of the boys dare run the risk of knowing what it was to be spacificated.

A TRUE WIFE.

WITH a true wife, a husband's faults should be sacred. A woman forgets what is due to herself, when she condescends to that refuge of weakness-a female confident. A wife's bosom should be the tomb of her husband's feelings, and his character far more valuable in her estimation than his life. If this be not the case, she pollutes her marriage vow.

THE BURSTING OF THE BUD.

Spring is coming, spring is coming,

With her sunshine, and her showers;
Heaven is ringing with the singing,
Of the birds in brakes and bowers.
Buds are filling, leaves are swelling,
Flowers on field and broom on brie,
O'er earth and air and ocean,

Nature holds her jubilee.

Soft then, stealing, comes a feeling
O'er my bosom tenderly;
Sweet I ponder as I wander,

For my musings are for thee.
Everywhere and every minute,
Feel I near thee, lovely one,
In the lark and in the linnet,
I can hear thy joyous tone.
Bud and blooming, mark the coming
Of thy feet, o'er vale and hill,
And thy presence, with life's essence,
Makes the forest's heart to feel.

Now before thee, I adore thee,
Love creative, thee I sing;

Now I meet thee, and I greet thee,

By the holy name of Spring.

MR. ABERNETHY BEATEN.

A VERY talkative lady who had wearied the temper of Mr. Awhich was at all times impatient of gabble, was told by him the first moment he could get a chance of speaking, to be good enough to put out her tongue. "Now pray, madam," said he playfully, "keep it out." The hint was taken. He rarely met with his match, but on one occasion he fairly owned that he had. He was sent for to an innkeeper, who had a quarrel with his wife, and who had scarred his face with her nails, so that the poor man was bleeding, and much disfigured. Mr. Abernethy considered this an opportunity not to be lost, for admonishing the offenders, and said, Madam, are you not ashamed of yourself to treat your husband thus-the husband who is the head of all-your head, madam, in fact!" 66 Well, doctor," fiercely retorted the virago, "and may I not scratch my own head." Upon this, her friendly adviser, after giving directions for the benefit of the patient, turned upon heel, and confessed himself beaten for once.

EXAMINATION OF A MUSICIAN.

WHAT is a slur? Almost any remark one singer makes on another. What is a rest? Going out to take refreshments between the acts. What is a crotchet? Any eccentric notion which a person is addicted to practice or argue for.-What is a bar? A place frequented by lawyers, criminals, or drunkards.-What is an air? A gaseous body, of which there are several, such as fine air, foul air, &c..-What is called singing with an understanding? Marking in time on the floor with your feet.-What is staccato movement? Leaving the choir in a huff because one is dissatisfied with the leader. What is a swell? A professor of music who pretends everything about science, while he cannot conceal his ignorance.

EPITAPH IN THE CATHEDRAL CHURCHYARD,

WINCHESTER.

TO THE MEMORY OF THOMAS FLETCHER.

Here sleeps in peace a Hampshire grenadier,
Who caught his death by drinking cold small beer;
Soldiers, be wise from his untimely fall,

And when you're hot, drink strong or not at all.

This memorial being decayed, was restored by the officers of the garrison:

An honest soldier never is forgot
Whether he die by musket or by pot.

AN IRISH BLUSH.

AN Irish piper, who now and then indulged in a glass too much, was accosted by a gentleman with "Pat what makes your face so red ?" "Please your honour," said Pat, "I always blush when I spake to a gentleman."

IN company, an English lady, half jocularly, of course, attributed a very polite readiness for wine to the daughters of Erin. "I believe, that in Ireland," she observed, "it is quite customary for "a lady, if she only catches the eye of a gentleman earnestly directed to her at dinner table, to say Port, if you please.' Promptitude is the order of the day.” "Yes," replied the Irish lady, not over pleased with the insinuation, and determined to repay it with interest, and the promptitude takes another direction in your country." "How do you mean ?” 'Why, when an English lady finds a gentleman's eye upon her at table, I understand she averts her countenance, and blushing, says in her gentlest tone, "You must ask papa."

66

A CORRESPONDENT of a Picaynne paper is afflicted with such a severe cold in his head that he can't wash his face without freezing the water.