TIM TWINKLETON'S TWINS.

CHARLES A. BELL.

Tim Twinkleton, was, I would have you to know,
A cherry-faced tailor, of Pineapple Row ;

His sympathies warm as the irons he used,
And his temper quite even, because not abused.
As a fitting reward for his kindness of heart,

He was blessed with a partner both comely and smart,
And ten "olive branches,"-four girls and six boys-
Completed the household, divided its joys.

But another "surprise" was in store for Tim T., Who, one bright Christmas morning was sipping coffee, When a neighbor (who acted as nurse), said with glee, "You've just been presented with twins! Do you see ?” "Good gracious!" said Tim, overwhelmed with surprise,

For he scarce could be made to believe his own eyes;
His astonishment o'er, he acknowledged of course
That the trouble, indeed, might have been a deal worse.
The twins were two boys, and poor Tim was inclined
To believe them the handsomest pair you could find,
But fathers' and mothers' opinions, they say

Always favor their own children just the same way. "Would you like to step up, sir, to see Mrs. T. ?”

The good lady said; "she's as pleased as can be."
Of course the proud father dropp'd both fork and knife,
And bounded up stairs to embrace his good wife.

Now, Mrs. Tim Twinkleton-I should have said-
An industrious, frugal life always had led,
And kept the large family from poverty's woes,
By washing, and starching, and ironing clothes.
But, before the young twins had arrived in the town,
She'd intended to send to a family named Brown,
Who resided some distance outside of the city,
A basket of clothes; so she thought it a pity

That the basket should meet any further delay,
And told Tim to the depot to take it that day.

He promised he would, and began to make haste,

For he found that there was not a great while to waste.
So, kissing his wife, he bade her good-bye,

And out of the room in an instant did hie;

He met the good nurse on the stairs, coming up
With the "orthodox gruel," for his wife, in a cup.

"Where's the twins ?" said the tailor. "Oh, they are all right,"
The good nurse replied; "they are looking so bright !
I've hushed them to sleep,—they look so like their Pop,—
And I've left them down stairs, where they sleep like a top."
In a hurry Tim shouldered the basket, and got

To the rail-station, after a long and sharp trot,

And he'd just enough time to say "Brown-NorristownA basket of clothes-" and then the train was gone.

The light-hearted tailor made haste to return, For his heart with affection for his family did burn ; And it's always the case, with a saint or a sinner, Whate'er may occur, he's on hand for his dinner. "How are the twins?" was his first inquiry; "I've hurried home quickly my darlings to see," In ecstasy quite of his reason bereft.

"" Oh, the dear little angels hain't cried since you left!

"Have you, my sweets?"-and the nurse turned to where
Just a short time before, were her objects of care.
"Why-which of you children," said she with surprise,
"Removed that ar basket?-now don't tell no lies!"
"Basket! what basket?" cried Tim with affright;
"Why, the basket of clothes-I thought it all right
To put near the fire, and, fearing no harm,
Placed the twins in so cozy, to keep them quite warm.

Poor Tim roared aloud, "Why, what have I done?
You surely must mean what you say but in fun!
That basket! my twins I shall ne'er see again!

Why I sent them off by the 12 o'clock train !"

The nurse, at these words, sank right into a chair,

"

And exclaimed, "O my preciouses dear, you hain't there!

Go Twinkleton, go, telegraph like wildfire!"

Why," said Tim, "they can't send the twins home on the

wire!"

"Oh dear!" cried poor Tim, getting ready to go; "Could ever a body have met with such woe?

Sure this is the greatest of greatest mistakes;

Why, the twins will be all squashed down into pancakes!” Tim Twinkleton hurried as if all creation

Were after him, quick, on his way to the station.
"That's the man, O you wretch!" and, tight as a rasp,
Poor Tim found himself in a constable's grasp.

"Ah! ha! I have got yer, now don't say a word,
Yer know very well about what has occurred;
Come 'long to the station-house, hurry up now,
Or 'tween you and me there'll be a big row.”
"What's the charge?" asked the tailor of the magistrate,
"I'd like to find out, for it's getting quite late."
"So you shall," he replied; "but don't look so meek,-
You deserted your infants,-now hadn't you cheek?"
Now it happened that, during the trial of the case,
An acquaintance of Tim's had stepped into the place,
And he quickly perceived, when he heard in detail
The facts of the case, and said he'd go bail
To any amount, for good Tim Twinkleton,
For he knew he was innocent, "sure as a gun."
And the railway-clerk's evidence, given in detail,
Was not quite sufficient to send him to jail.

It was to effect, that the squalling began
Just after the basket in the baggage-van

Had been placed by Tim T., who solemnly swore
That he was quite ignorant of their presence before.
So the basket was brought to the magistrate's sight,
And the twins on the top of the clothes looked so bright,
That the magistrate's heart of a sudden enlarged,
And he ordered that Tim Twinkleton be discharged.

Tim grasped up the basket and ran for dear life,
And when he reached home he first asked for his wife;

But the nurse said with joy, "Since you left she has slept,

And from her the mistakes of to-day I have kept."

Poor Tim, and the nurse, and all the small fry,

Before taking dinner, indulged in a cry.

The twins are now grown, and they time and again
Relate their excursion on the railway train.

PEOPLE WILL TALK.

We may go through the world, but it will be slow,
If we listen to all that is said as we go.

We'll be worried and fretted and kept in a stew;
Too meddlesome tongues must have something to do.
For people will talk, you know, people will talk;
Oh, yes, they must talk, you know.

If quiet and modest, you'll have it presumed
Your humble position is only assumed—

You're a wolf in sheep's clothing, or else you're a fool;
But don't get excited, keep perfectly cool.

For people will talk, etc.

ANON.

If generous and noble, they'll vent out their spleenYou'll hear some loud hints that you're selfish and mean; If upright and honest and fair as the day,

They'll call you a rogue in a sly, sneaking way.

For people will talk, etc.

And then if you show the least boldness of heart,
Or slight inclination to take your own part,
They'll call you an upstart, conceited and vain;
But keep straight ahead, and don't stop to complain.
For people will talk, etc.

If threadbare your coat, and old-fashioned your hat,
Some one of course will take notice of that,

And hint rather strong that you can't pay your way,
But don't get excited, whatever you say.

For people will talk, etc.

If you dress in the fashion, don't think to escape,
For they will criticise then in a different shape;
You're ahead of your means, or your tailor's unpaid;
But mind your own business, there's nought to be made.
For people will talk, etc.

They'll talk fine before you; but then at your back,

Of venom and slander there's never a lack;
How kind and polite in all that they say,
But bitter as gall when you are away.
For people will talk, etc.

The best way to do is to do as you please,

For your mind (if you have one) will then be at ease;
Of course you will meet with all sorts of abuse,
But don't think to stop them, it's not any use,

For people will talk, you know, people will talk,
O, yes, they must talk, you know.

CAPTAIN RICE HE GIN A TREAT;

OR, COUSIN SALLY DILLIARD.

SCENE.-A Court of Justice in North Carolina.

H. C. JONES.

A beardless disciple of Themis rises, and thus addresses the Court: "May it please your honors, and you, gentlemen of the jury, since it has been my fortune (good or bad, I will not say) to exercise myself in legal disquisitions, it has never befallen me to be obliged to prosecute so direful, marked and malicious an assault-a more wilful, violent and dangerous a battery-and finally a more diabolical breach of the peace has seldom happened in a civilized country; and I dare say, it has seldom been your duty to pass upon one so shocking to benevolent feelings, as this which took place over at Captain Rice's in this county. But you will hear from the witnesses."

The witnesses being duly sworn, two or three were ex