A Ň A POLOGY. FOR THE LIFE O F GEORGE ANNE BELLAMY. LETTER XCI. December 22, 17 I NOW found all my theatrical expectations fruftrated. Although, but a few days before, they feemed to be refuming their wonted fplendour, and bid fair to be productive of at least some years of unclouded funshine, in a moment an envious gloom darkened the profpect. Tranfient, as "when a fable cloud turns forth her filver lining "to the night," was the flattering hope. But fuch was my lot. I could by no means have wished for an engagement, unless it was on condition of being rein VOL. V. B ftated ftated in most of the parts that had been in my poffeffion, together with my quota of new ones; and as to requefting a favour of that kind from Mr. Woodward, I reprobated the very thought. `I could not for a moment suppose, even had I been fo unreasonable as to make fuch a weak propofal, that a person who knew the value of money fo well as he did, would have confented to have me (to make use of a political phrase) tacked to him by way of dependent. For notwithstanding friendfhip is a very fine. thing to talk of, very few would prove fuch devotees to it, as to facrifice a thousand pounds a year upon account of it. As for my own ideas of that facred union, they are fo truly romantic, and fo very unfashionable, that I am almost afhamed to make them known: but I should not think worlds too dear a purchase, for the perfon towards whom I profeffed a friendship. I now regretted, more poignantly than before, that I had made Mr. Colman my enemy. Though I deplored his refentment, I acknowledged the juftice of it. I have, however, the confolation to add, that from that gentleman's liberal behaviour for fome time. paft, I have every reason to believe his displeasure has fubfided, and that I have the happiness, once more more, to look upon him in the light of a friend. Upon the third of December I always made a dinner for fome friends, in honour of its being the name-day of Comte Haflang. I had accordingly invited fome ladies, and his Excellency's Secretary, to dine at my mother's, where I now refided when I came to town. The evening previous to that day my mother feemed to be indifpofed, but as I was in hopes that it was only a flight indifpofition, and she herself objected to my putting off the party, I had not done fo. When I returned home from paying the usual compliments upon the occafion, I found her in the parlour, much worfe than when I left her. Seeing this, I entreated her to permit me to fend for advice; which fhe refufed, but confented to return to bed, As I did not apprehend any real danger from my mother's illnefs, good company, joined to good cheer, and good humour, made us laugh rather too loud; when, to our great furprize, fhe entered the room, in the midst of our feftivity, and turning to Mrs. Howe, one of the ladies prefent, defired her not to raise a mob about the door by her immoderate laughing. As my mother was a remarkable B 2 a remarkable well-bred woman, and was very particular in her behaviour to those who were tinged with nobility, we concluded this uncommon rudenefs must arise from fome extraordinary cause. And fo it proved to be; for we foon perceived, from the tenor of her behaviour, that fhe was light-headed. I therefore fent away immediately for Doctor Macdonald, a phyfician of whom she had such a very high opinion, that she always did him the honour to confult him upon every flight indifpofition of her friends, as well as herself, and that 'gratis. The Doctor immediately came, and apologized for not joining us at dinner, as he had been invited. He informed me, that he was rather late, and recollecting, when he got near Brewer-street, that he was in mourning, he would not commit fuch a folecifm in good manners, as to appear in fables at my grand gala; he therefore returned, and dined elsewhere. Doctor Macdonald did all he could to affift my mother for ten or twelve days; but finding every medicine he prescribed prove ineffectual, he defired that I would call in fome other advice. I therefore immediately fent for Doctor Schomberg, a gentleman as eminent for his wit, as distinguished in his profeffion. When he came, he pronoun ced ced her complaint to be a lethargic palfy; adding, that there were no hopes of her recovery, as it was not in the power of the whole materia medica to reftore her. He ordered both her head and feet to be bliftered, but without any good effect arifing from it. She lingered for fome time, during which fhe had no interval of fenfe; and whilft I was kneeling by her bed-fide, kiffing her hand, she caft her eyes upon me, with a benignant fmile, and left this world without a pang. The grief I felt at the lofs of my much loved parent, was leffened by the confideration, that the had every affiftance this world could afford her. The poor had reason to regret her departure, as fhe was benevolent to an excess. Though a rigid oeconomist where she herself was only concerned, fhe was liberal almoft to a fault when any object of compaffion excited her tender feelings. I had the fatisfaction of feeing thofe intimates who esteemed her whilst living, feverely lament her when dead. As to myfelf, death deprived me not only of an anxious parent, but of a kind friend. Happy would it have been for me, had I always liftened to her prudent admonitions! I fhould then have been a ftranger to error, and confequently to its fure attendants, anguish and misfortune. B 3 |