HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL. THE COURTIN'. GOD makes sech nights, all white an' still Zekle crep' up quite unbeknown, 'Ith no one nigh to hender. A fireplace fill'd the room's one side, The wa'nut logs shot sparkles out The chiny on the dresser. Agin the chimbley crook-necks hung, The ole queen's-arm thet gran'ther Young The very room, coz she was in, Ez the apples she was peelin'. Clean grit an' human natur'; He'd spark'd it with full twenty gals, But long o' her his veins 'ould run She thought no v'ice hed sech a swing My! when he made Ole Hunderd ring, An' she'd blush scarlit, right in prayer, Thet night, I tell ye, she look'd some! She seemed to've gut a new soul, She heered a foot, an' know'd it tu, Some doubtfle o' the sekle, But hern went pity Zekle. Love, at whose shrine both popes and monarchs fall, And e'en self-interest, that controls them all Possess a petty power, when all combined, Compared with fashion's influence on mankind: For love itself will oft to fashion bow: A petit maître woo'd a fair, "Pity my grief, angelic fair, Behold my anguish and despair; The virgin heard, and thus replied: "If my consent to be your bride Will make you happy, then be blest; "A sacrifice! Oh speak its name, "Must I the realms of Neptune trace? "Oh no, dear sir, I do not ask "Sir, these are trifles," she replied- "O say," he cried-" dear angel, say— What must I do, and I obey; No longer rack me with suspense, Speak your commands, and send me hence." "Well, then, dear generous youth!" she cries, "If thus my heart you really prize, And wish to link your fate with mine, She said-but oh what strange surprise sprung, While wild amazement tied his tongue : At length our hero silence broke, And thus in wildest accents spoke: "Cut off my whiskers! O ye gods! I'd sooner lose my ears by odds; My whiskers! zounds!" He said no more, But quick retreated through the door, To take the beau with all his hair. THE BUMBOAT WOMAN'S STORY. With the laudable view of enhancing his country's naval pride, When people inquired her size, Lieutenant Belaye replied, "Oh, my ship? my ship is the first of the Hundred and seventy-ones!" Which meant her tonnage, but people imagined it meant her guns. Whenever I went on board he would beckon me down below: "Come down, Little Buttercup, come!" (for he loved to call me so). And he'd tell of the fights at sea in which he'd taken a part, And so Lieutenant Belaye won poor Poll Pineapple's heart! I'm old, my dears, and shrivell'd, with age, But at length his orders came, and he said and work, and grief, My eyes are gone, and my teeth have been drawn by Time, the thief! For terrible sights I've seen, and dangers great I've run one day, said he, "I'm order'd to sail with the Hot Cross Bun to the German Sea." And the Portsmouth maidens wept when they learnt the evil day, I'm nearly seventy now, and my work is For every Portsmouth maid loved good almost done! Lieutenant Belaye. Ah! I've been young in my time, and I've And I went to a back, back street, with play'd the deuce with men— I'm speaking of ten years past-I was barely sixty then: plenty of cheap, cheap shops, And I bought an oilskin hat, and a secondhand suit of slops, My cheeks were mellow and soft, and my And I went to Lieutenant Belaye (and he eyes were large and sweet, Poll Pineapple's eyes were the standing toast of the Royal Fleet. never suspected me), And I enter'd myself as a chap as wanted to go to sea. A bumboat woman was I, and I faithfully We sail'd that afternoon at the mystic hour of one, served the ships With apples and cakes, and fowls and beer, Remarkably nice young men were the crew of the Hot Cross Bun, and halfpenny dips, And beef for the generous mess, where the I'm sorry to say that I've heard that sailors officers dine at nights, sometimes swear, And fine fresh peppermint drops for the But I never yet heard a Bun say anything rollicking midshipmites. Of all the kind commanders who anchor'd When Jack Tars meet, they meet with a tenant Belaye. Lieutenant Belaye commanded the gun boat Hot Cross Bun, "How do you do, my dear?" When Jack Tars growl, I believe they growl with a big big D— She was seven-and-thirty feet in length, But the strongest oath of the Hot Cross and she carried a gun. Buns was a mild "Dear me!" Yet, though they were all well-bred, you | He up and he says, says he, “O crew of could hardly call them slick: the Hot Cross Bun, Whenever a sea was on, they were all Here is the wife of my heart, for the extremely sick; church has made us one." And whenever the weather was calm, and And as he utter'd the word, the crew went the wind was light and fair, out of their wits, They spent more time than a sailor should on his back, back hair. And all fell down in so many separate fainting fits. They certainly shiver'd and shook when And then their hair came down, or off, as order'd aloft to run, And they scream'd when Lieutenant-Belaye discharged his only gun. And as he was proud of his gun-such pride is hardly wrong— the case might be, And lo! the rest of the crew were simple girls, like me, Who all had fled from their homes in a sailor's blue array, The lieutenant was blazing away at inter- To follow the shifting fate of kind Lieutenvals all day long. ant Belaye. So he sigh'd and pined and ogled, After a fortnight's cruise, we put into port Till he blew his silly brains out, one day, And off on leave for a week went kind Lieutenant Belaye, And after a long, long week had pass'd (and it seem'd like a life) Lieutenant Belaye return'd to his ship with a fair young wife! And no more was by it troubled. Charlotte, having seen his body Borne before her on a shutter, WILLIAM MAKEPEACE THACKERAY. |