ANNA. Talk to Jennie? now, Aunt Tabitha, you did not let Jennie TAB-Anna, have you completed your preparations? Where is Jennie? ANNA.-Up-stairs; shall I tell her to come down? TAB.-Yes, go. [Exit Anna.] DR. And how about the Deacon, Tabitha? Report says he walks up the road this way quite frequently. TAB.--I wish people would attend to their own busi ness. DR.-Oh! I beg your pardon. [Enter Jennie and Anna.] DR.-Well, ladies, I suppose you are quite ready for your proposed journey? JENNIE. Yes, but I half regret that I gave my consent to go: it is so far. ANNA. Not any farther for you than for me. so often. You have been over the road ANNA. And is the length of the road the only reason? eh? DR.--Anna, I think you might have extended your invitation to me. I should like to accompany you. ANNA. Well, will you go, Doctor? Under existing circumstances, I suppose there is no impropriety in inviting you, and we should be very glad to have your company, DR.-- There is nothing to prevent my going; so I shall accept your invitation promptly, and be very happy to accompany you. TAR--It would be very useless for you to say nay to Anna: she would have her way afterwards. DR —But if I have a journey before me in the morning, it is fully time I was turning my face homewards-the cars reach the depot at eight, don't they? Well, I shall be here by half-past seven. Will that do? ANNA. Certainly. I am so glad you are going. I do not like to ride on the cars, without an escort. TAB.-Well, I do wonder you travel so much alone then. One who has the tact of doing just as she pleases need never go alone. DR rising.]-I expect you will miss your nieces very much. TAB.-Miss them! I shall be glad when Anna's gone, for she puts more mischief in Jennie's head than is there, and that is needless. ANNA. Now, you know you are sorry I am going, aunt. You will have no one to talk to you about the Deacon. TAB-And if I cannot have some one more respectful to me than you, I had better be alone. ANNA. No danger of your being alone, for the Deacon. will walk over about every other day. DR.-No doubt, no doubt of it, Anna. But really, I must say good-night. I shall see you in the morning. [Exit, bowing.] TAB.-Well, Jennie, I hope you are at rest, as every thing is favorable for having your fate linked with that conceited flirt of a Doctor. Dr. ANNA. Why, la! aunt, I thought you considered him. perfection, but I suppose circumstances alter cases. Thorntongrove, the widower, and Dr. Thorntongrove, married, will of course be very different; never mind, the Deacon's left. Come, Jennie, let's retire. Good-night, Aunt Tabitha! Good-night! [Exit Anna and Jennie.] TAB. [soliloquizing.]-Well, who can tell what will hap pen! I am sure I cannot. I should never have thought of the Doctor marrying Jennie, but I suppose I must make the best of it. I might do worse than marry the Deacon. He has a nice home, and maybe he won't live long, and rich widows always get along better than old maids. So, Tabitha, I think the best thing you can do is to take the Deacon. But, Anna Steele, you need not exult in the anticipation of being bridesmaid, for I shall hurry off the wedding before any of you are any the wiser. So here's to bed. [Starts.] [Curtain falls.] A SCENE IN COURT. CHARACTERS. JUDGE SOBER, presiding COUNSELLOR SHARP, prosecuting attorney. PHELIM O'SHAUGHNESSY, prisoner. HANS PUMPERNICKEL, FRAU PUMPERNICKEL, witnesses for prosecution. CONSTABLE FERRET, TERRENCE BRADY, BRIDGET SPALPEEN, witnesses for prisoner. CLERK, JURORS, CRIER and BAILIFFS. SPECTATORS, ad lib. Court-room with usual accompaniments. Loud conversation suspended on the entrance of Judge, who takes his seat. JUDGE. Mr. Crier, you may open the Court. CRIER. O yes! O yes! O yes! All persons having any business before this Honorable Court, which stood adjourned to this time and place, draw near and give their attendance, and they shall be heard! JUDGE. Any thing ready this morning, Mr. Sharp? SHARP.-Yes, your Honor! State against O'Shaughnessy, for larceny, was assigned, and the witnesses for the prosecution are all here, I believe. JUDGE. Call the prisoner, Mr. Clerk. PHELIM [sitting near his counsel]-Here, your wor ship! [rising and pulling his forelock.] JUDGE. Let him be arraigned. BLUSTER. I appear, if your Honor pleases, for Mr O'Shaughnessy. We waive the arraignment and plead "Not Guilty." [Phelim sits.] JUDGE -Has the jury been sworn? BLUSTER. Before going any further, if your Honor pleases, I have here a motion [holding paper in hand] to quash the indictment. The prisoner is indicted for the larceny of one hog, the property of Hans Pumpernickel. My point is, that the description of the animal alleged to have been stolen is too vague and indefiniteand that the indictment, therefore, is fatally defective in not stating whether the animal laid is a hog, or a sow, or a boar, or a barrow, or a shoat, or a pig. Such an indictment, your Honor, can never be sustained for a fraction of a moment in a court of law. I would refer your Honor-if indeed your Honor has any doubt upon so clear a point-to the case of Regina v. Tims, Vol. 989, English Common Law Reports, page 3001. I have the case here, your Honor [producing book], and will read it to you. This was a case JUDGE [interrupting]-Have you any thing to say, Mr. Sharp? SHARP [smiling]-Nothing, your Honor. JUDGE The Court will not trouble you, Mr. Snap. I overrule the motion to quash. BLUSTER-Your Honor will note an exception, then [seating himself] JUDGE Certainly [making memorandum]. Proceed, Mr. Sharp. SHARP-Gentlemen of the jury, this is an indictment against Phelim O'Shaughnessy, the prisoner at the bar, for the larceny, on the twenty-fourth of last December, of one hog, the property of Hans Pumpernickel. The facts in the case you will learn from the witnesses who will be produced before you. Call Hans l'umpernickel. CRIER.-What name? CLERK. Hans Pumpernickel. CRIER [calling]-Hans Pumpernickel ! HANS [coming forward]-Yah-yah-he ish here. SHARP-Take the stand, Hans. [Clerk swears witness.] Now, Hans, tell these gentlemen here [pointing to jury] and the judge all you know about losing your hog last winter. BLUSTER.If your Honor please, in a case of so much importance to my client I must ask that all the witnesses in the case except the one testifying shall be excluded. JUDGE. Certainly, if you wish Mr. Clerk, call the names of the witnesses. [Clerk calls names of witnesses, Bluster having handed him a list of prisoner's.] All the witnesses whose names have been called, except the one now on the stand, will leave the court-room and remain outside till they are called. [Witnesses withdraw, the opposing witnesses scowling defiance at each other.] SHARP. NOW, Hans, speak up loud, so that all these gentlemen can hear you. HANS.-Yah-yah. Don't nobody bodders me, and I dells you der troot and nodin' but zhoost der troot. You sees I says to mine frow, says I, "Katareen ". BLUSTER [loudly] -You needn't tell what you said to your wife, sir. SHARP-Never mind that, Hans. HANS. Hans?" Den Katareen, she says, "Vat you vants, BLUSTER.-Don't tell us what your wife said, sir. SHARP. NO, Hans. Go on and tell us about your losing your hog. HANS.-Yah-yah. Dat ish zhoost vat I vas dryin' to dell you. Zhoost all lets me be and I dells you all about mine hog and dat Irishman's shtealing him. BLUSTER.This, certainly, is not evidence, your Honor. SHARP. Hans, hark to me now, and answer the questions which I ask you. IANS.-Yah-yah. SHARP. Did you lose a hog last winter, Hans? HANS. - Yah-I loses one goot hog-so goot as never vas mit me before. SHARP-What time in the winter was it? SHARP.-The day before Christmas-the twenty-fourth of December then. What kind of a hog was it? HANS.-I dells you he vas one goot hog. Oh, so goot! So pig-so BLUSTER [interrupting]-A pig? I thought you just now swore it was a hog. [Looking meaningly al jury.] |