A WEEKLY LITERARY AND SCIENTIFIC MISCELLANY. The extensive circulation of the IRIS, renders it a very desirable medium for ADVERTISEMENTS of a LITERARY and SCIENTIFIC nature, No. 97.-VOL. II. (Written for the Iris.) (Continued from our last.) The Custom House was our next visit from the Tower; a building of such vast extent as to render description incredible.-This noble and national fabric was erected in place of the one destroyed by fire, and it almost obliterated the remembrance of those important losses in the estimate of its present splendour. For the interior I shall confine myself to the long room, the extent of which I can only describe by the extreme taper which one end displays when viewed from the other. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 6, 1823. PRICE 31d. it is impossible to form a picture equal to the grandeur of this scene, which must be witnessed before it can be believed. I viewed the picture, I must own, with a swelling heart-but it was of pride; the tide was just turning to ebb, and numerous vessels, some of war, were gliding down to leave this, or it might be, depart for their own country,-the day was lovely, the sea calm-and some verses which I knew then, but which some prose I have known since has made me forget, I repeated-however I patch them, for Thames was Still as the undisturbed Lake on the boson of old Father Thames in raptur- Majesty's bed-chamber-it is small, but very ous admiration of the views which unfolded elegant; the bed resembles a couch, and the themselves; the exterior of the Custom House drapery (grey moreen richly lined and bordered) here reflects itself in splendid majesty the part is tastefully hung, and terminates, near the facing the river, of stone, does high credit to head, like a tent, surmounted by the imperial the architect, and there is, on the centre co-crown-there was a rich coverlid over the bed, lumn, a representation of the four quarters of and a velvet cushion bordered with gold, and the globe, with emblematical devices, choicely on which was another ornamental crown, supexecuted. We passed through numerous vessels plied the place of a pillow, in the absence of till we arrived at one which bore on its flag its illustrious possessor. "The Church for Seamen"-this was a novelty, We left this beautiful specimen of naval art, but an agreeable one; we understood it was and proceeded on our voyage to Greenwich, well frequented, and had lately been ornamented and forthwith to its celebrated building. It with an Organ. Some distance further we were forms a large oblong square with right angles, attracted by the appearance of an elegantly gilt having two elegant turrets at each extreme; vessel, which the sun contributed to render there is a delightful area in front, and the vesmore superb-it was the Royal Sovereign Yatch, sels passing in constant review have a most enThere are several massy pillars which serve waiting to convey one of the Russian Princes-chanting effect. From hence as far as the eye alike for use and ornament, but so ingeniously our boatman informed as the admission to it could extend, the Docks present vast forests of constructed that they disguise their_real_pur- was easy, and we left the rest of our little squa- masts, and the bosom of the Thames is studded pose, that of warming this vast room; I am dron to proceed to their destination for an with vessels from all parts of the known world not practised enough in the principles of Sir inspection of this royal vessel; on our nearer Humphrey Davy to explain the construction, approach we found her hull to be exquisitely but it is worthy the attention of the traveller. carved and gilt; the bow supported the head Business is carried on her with much celerity, of his Majesty, surmounted by the Imperial and without that personal labour required at the Crown on a cushion, the stem held the royal other maratime ports I have visited; and with a arms over the cabin windows-arrived at the trifling expense vessels are entered, and cleared steps, we were admitted with only a formal out, whilst their owners are occupied on other challenge, and the deck represented as excellent matters. We embarked at London Bridge a specimen of cleanliness as I ever saw, bass Stairs, for Greenwich, with a number of other matting was laid round for the visitors to walk strangers, and this little voyage will suffice to on; she is about the size of a sloop of war, has curtail, and yet exemplify, the notice which I three masts, with rigging which a lady who had intended to have taken of the East and has spent her life in silk work might look upon West India Docks,—it is curious to observe the with pleasure, so beautifully neat is its worketiquette established amongst the boatmen at manship-she mounts 18 brass guns: the different stairs, who dressed in a peculiar proceeded below, and were beginning to exlivery, and with a badge upon their arms, have press our admiration, when we were suddenly Could the frost of apathy withstand such a a sort of club or united faternity, for the pur- stopped by an assurance that these were only scene, and not dissolve in emotion? Yes it poses of general regulation, which though up the apartments of the inferior officers-they can-and, Mr. Editor, pardon a momentary diheld by no Charter, is so praise-worthy in itself were panelled with polished mahogany, taste-gression, (parvis componere magnis) I think it as to have commanded the reverence of every fully hung with scarlet moreen curtains, and will plead its own apology. I travelled from court of justice within the limits of their ap- elegantly furnished; we were led through a Liverpool one suminer's afternoon to go into peal,-that is-whoever offers to dispute the pre-little lobby, at the termination of which was a Merionethshire on a pedestrian journey of pleaference a passenger has given to the hand held door covered with red cloth, and edged with sure, with three others, one of whom had never up (the indication to an approaching customer deep gold leather, on opening which we passed been in Wales before, we secretly conjured up of his willingness to serve you), or utters a another of the same description which led us to by what means to awake his surprise at the breath of SLANDER against his fellow, is scouted his Majesty's state cabin, it was indeed worthy of beautiful scenery which this Eden of England off the water, and denied the privileges of their so great a monarch, and filled us with admiration; possesses-the vale of Clwyd was but three establishment!Methinks this is worthy of imi- a rich Turkey carpet (then protected by green miles out of our way, and we gladly put up tation. Their boats, or rather canoes, are well baize) covered the floor; each side was pannelled with the inconvenience for the gratification of adapted to the tide they are destined to float with thick looking glass, divided into compart-him seeing, in panorama, what we had preupon-they are beautifully built, and many of ments by various and richly gilt devices; over viously travelled through; we knocked up a them elegantly carved and gilded; in stepping the mantle piece were the royal arms; even the harper at a Welsh tavern, regaled ourselves, into one of these I had nearly upset it with its mast, which necessarily comes through this and proceeded-it was day break as we ascended owner, and said to him when recovered of his part of the vessel, was made tributary to gran- the mountains which bound this lovely vale, and fright, "My good fellow, this boat would not deur, by being made a splendid pillar with a as we should be too soon before sunrise to have live long upon our river" (the Mersey). Pray rich corinthian capital; elegant lustres for lights the effect we wished, we proposed a nap on the Sir, what river is that?" said he. Why," were tastefully interspersed, and from the cen- dry ground which skirts the ascent to the mounreplied I," Wigan! did you never hear of it?" tre, one of as beautiful as well as ingenious tains; we lay till the sunbeams tinged their "Can't say I ever did, Sir," he answered; description, suspended from a triton's head, so brown tops, and awoke our dormant traveller; poor fellow, how shuold he? when there are constructed that whatever roll the vessel may we soon arrived at the summit which commands thousands in "that overgrown place" who have make in a heavy sea, the light continues in the the view of a vale, which in a few words I will never seen a field of corn in their lives, and same position; the tables are also of curious describe, it is about eighteen miles long by know not the material of which the very bread contrivance, being compressed for the conveni- seven to nine broad, varving-contrasted with they eat is composed-I know numerous in- ence of four, or extended for the entertainment the mountains on each side it is a cultivated stances of this fact in Spital-fields. Our several of twenty, in a minute's time. Passing through garden, and studded with castles, towns, and boats were pulled swiftly along, and we passed a lobby parallel to the other, we eatered his villages, the silver Clwyd running through the 66 we The beauteous vessels onward glide 66 centre, the sea terminates the prospect;-I thought of Moses viewing the Land of Promise. I cast my eyes upon the countenance of our traveller, expecting a delirium of joy,-finding a total vacancy, is not this Heaven?" said I. "Y-e-s-eh! see that rabbit!" and taking up a stone to throw after it, burst into a laugh of inanity; I looked at my other companions, who chucked their heads, and proceeded on, muttering internally a long Chinese malediction. It has been said of the late Lord Thurlow, that he had features of iron and nerves of steel, -what must this being's have been composed of? but it is worthy of remark, and fourteen years of experience have proved it, that he has been insensibly cruel and depraved in the nearest and dearest ties of consanguinity and friendship. The remembrance of that journey, and the tranquillity of my mind at that moment will never be effaced, for as you said in the Iris, "the days of my youth are a sigh," so I just now draw an aspiration the precise length of that tour-but to return. Greenwich Hospital was formerly intended for a Royal Palace, but converted to the noble purpose of providing for England's naval defenders-the Painted Hall has been acknowledged to be superior to any thing of the kind in the world, nobody can divest himself of the idea but that the pilasters round the walls are real-after the strictest scrutiny with the eye the touch is even unsatisfactory, the fluted part is so inimitably executed. The ceiling, which in the ornamental devices is in itself rich, is one grand mass of picturesque magnificence. Nelson's funeral car stands at the extreme end, is separated by a richly gilt railing of iron defended by spikes: as I had seen this before I took advantage of the guide being elsewhere occupied, and determining to say I had been in it made a hasty effort to get over, and met with an accident which had nearly put an end to my descriptive tour-my boot catching a spike, I was precipitated with violence on my face against the flags,-stunned for the moment, I got into the car, and had the good fortune to return unobserved, leaving behind me and carrying with me a bleeding testimony of my indiscretion and loyalty; I mention this as a warning to others, as the punishment for this transgression is very heavy. The car is very beautiful, covered with black silk velvet, and the pictures in the shops are an exact representation. Hence to the Chapel, which is allowed to be a master-piece of art in its construction; it would be impossible, where all is excellence, to select any particular object-one, however, should not be passed over, the Altar-piece; the subject is the escape of St. Paul from shipwreck on the Island of Melita (Malta), executed, I believe, by West. After viewing the mess rooms, dormitories, and various curiosities, we proceeded to a tavern, frequented by these interesting veterans, to refresh, and a greater or more affecting sight could not be produced.There sat, over their heavy wet, a score of Jack Tars "fighting their battles over again," and it was impossible not to sympathize in their narratives, for they gloried in their misfortunes. We left here on foot for Deptford to see the Nelson of 120 guns, on the stocks, and nearly finished, and had a proud gratification of inspecting this immense vessel, the largest in the navy. We took boat again, and the tide carried us rapidly to London Bridge, where landing, we proceeded forthwith to the monument. This celebrated and beautiful column, built to commemorate the Fire of London, is said to surpass Trajan's Pillar at Rome,-it is fluted, with a gallery and urn at the top, and forms a prominent figure amongst the wonders of the metropolis; we mounted by an inside circular staircase, and had a superior view of London than from St. Paul's; the base bears an inscription attributing the fire to the Papists, but Pope indignantly rebuts this in the Lines "Where London's Column, pointing to the skies, Sadler's Wells closed the evening, a place which should always be visited by strangers; it is singular as having the New River running under the stage, which is moveable, and the performances generally terminate with an aquatic scene, full of ingenious performances. (To be continued in our next.) THE SCHOOLMASTER. Traveller, thou know'st where Winwick's temple stands, And proudly lifts its spiry top in air; The lofty site a prospect wide commands, And its gilt honours glitter from afar. Pleas'd with the sweet seclusion of the place, In days of yore, as mouldering records tell,* Those rural haunts a monarch lov'd to trace, And there apart from grandeur, deign'd to dwell. Fast by its walls, beneath a yew-tree's shade, Where a low stone its humble head uprears, He lies, whose NOD my timid youth obey'd, Who for the Muses form'd my earliest years. Firm fix'd upon a rock's projecting brow, The Village School defied the shock of time; Fancy depicts its cherish'd image now, Delighted to retrace the scenes of prime. There, while the tardy hours their circles ran, Impatient childhood sate, compell'd to pore On ling'ring tasks that with the dawn began, And conn'd the ungrateful lesson o'er and o'er. Hard fate, when scarcely from the sullied page The curious eye a moment dar'd to stray; Nor from the oaken bench, embrown'd with age, The nimble foot might prove its light essay: When on the silence scarce a whisper broke, A kindred thought of pleasure to excite; Nor, unrestrain'd by Terror, Fancy spoke, The fond idea of appall'd delight! Save that the unpleasing ham of sad constraint What angluish keen from young sensation flows, From memory's brazen page each mournful scene; With lighter band the lines of pleasure trace, Nor dwell on tales of woe that intervene! Full oft again she'd join the sportive throng, Hunt the gay mead, the fragrant breeze inhale, Explore the mossy nest, the brakes among, Or in the race outstrip the flying gale! Again, with youthful eagerness, partake The buxom joys that innocence bestows, With morning suns to dreams of pleasure wake, And sink with eve to undisturbed repose. DANDYMANIA. (Abridged from the New Monthly Magazine.) The transformation of the chrysalis into the butterfly is not more complete or surprising than that of the slovenly schoolboy into the finished civil, academic, or military dandy. Dandyism, at first, is like the small speck in the cloudless azure, which to the eye of the experienced mariner presages the gathering In its birth it is scarcely noticed by common observers, or noticed only to be des pised. storm. The late Hugh Peters was a striking instance of how far the genuine dandymania could carry a man, who in other respects was not destitute of natural good sense. In Hugh, indeed, this disease appeared to be constitutional; he evinced evident symptoms of it at a very early age, and it continued with increasing violence to his dying day. This master-passion was not to be controlled by sickness, poverty, imprisonment, or exile. It burned with as much fervour in age as in youth, and was scarcely extinguished by that universal damper-death. Hugh, as I have said, began dandyism at an early age. His With sameness echoed through the mansion drear; sect, and of course reprobated all vain aderaparents were of a strict religions And ever and anon, the piteous plaint Of smarting dullness smote the list'ning ear. For ah a wight he was whose very frown, With timid awe each wayward thought represt; And when he spoke, the authoritative tone Awoke to terror each discordant breast. Exalted high upon imperial chair, He rul'd the assembly with despotic sway; His scanty praise 'twas glory's self to share, His wrathful accents widely spread dismay. "Twas thence his glance each lurking corner try'd, Suspicion's self sate brooding in his eye; Where might the self-convicted truant hide! How frame, to meet his ear the fraudful lie! In vain the stammering accent would conceal The hurried task, by negligence prepared; Nor suppliant looks, nor artful tears avail, Vindictive stripes from sluggard backs to ward. With stern, convulsive grasp his forceful hand The culprit seiz'd, while cries his terror spoke : Nor idly fell the unrelenting wand, As shrinking instinct writh'd to shun the stroke. ● Alluding to the legend yet to be seen upon the walls of the Northanhumbrorum eras Rex nuncque Polorum regna Ilic locus Oswalde quondam placuit tibi valde church: tenes, &c. ↑ Newton in Mackerfield. ment of the outward man; they were careful that Hugh should be arrayed with the utmost plainness, in clothes of the coarsest texture, and the most ungainly fashion. The style of his habiliments was singularly ludicrous, and afforded infinite diversion to his young compa nions. Instead of being dressed in the fashion of boys of his own age and rank, he was attired like an old man. He usually wore a blue coat with covered buttons, which fitted him like a sentry-box; his waistcoat was of a sober brown, with pocket-flaps "five fathom deep," tha overhung a pair of scanty corduroy inexpressi bles, scarce covering the cap of his knee. Grey yarn stockings, shoes, or rather brogues, two inches in the sole, and a broad-brimmed hat, completed the exterior of the elegant Hugh Peters. The system pursued by his parents produced an effect diametrically opposite to their intertion. It turned the boy's regard to the subject of dress, and generated and fostered the desire of decoration. He ventured, as he grew older, though with a trembling hand, to make some his enormous coat-flaps, and succeeded in m slight reform in his costume. He disfranchise celling a few sinecure pockets. This he ma erson. aged by cultivating a good understanding with "His baleful eyes, That witness'd huge affiction and dismay," he suddenly espied his buff-leather gaiters, which hung upon a peg above his head. An idea flashed across his brain like lighting-one of those felicitous conceptions of genius, perfect as if matured by years of thought, sudden as inspiration! He seized the gaiters, posted to a cobler, had them cut out into the shape of Hessian hoots at top, blackened, pelished, decked with tassels. What need of more words? Nothing could be more complete. The followng day was Sunday. He appeared at church n complete costume,-cocked chapeau, pudling-cravat, red waistcoat, fireman's jacket, rown-coloured tights, and gaiter-boots,-the dmiration of himself-the derision of manyhe astonishment of all! proper to conform to its regulations of dress. a fantastic costume which bore a caricatured with a large emerald, and beneath it a waving banner of frill sported in the wanton zephyrs. A gold eye-glass with a red riband, white kidgloves, and inordinate chapeau-bras—the portrait is finished. Hitherto Hugh had given more attention to resemblance to the uniform of his corps. The his person than his face; and, coxcomb as he first person he met there was the colonel, who was, he had still much to learn in the minuter insisted on his leaving the room immediately; details of dandyism. Critically nice in the cut and as colonels seldom experience much diffi- and fashion of his apparel, he was but a novice culty in the removal of an obnoxious subaltern, in the mysteries of the cosmetic art, his prachis exit from the regiment very speedily fol- tice in this way scarcely extending beyond the lowed his exit from the ball. He was, in fact, more ordinary processes of ablution. He had, advised to tender his resignation; and he had besides, certain prepossessions to overcome on too much knowledge of the army not to feel the this score. Notwithstanding the latitude of his propriety of following this judicious counsel. foppery, he conceived that there was a fixed Hugh was not very seriously concerned for boundary beyond which it must not extend, and the loss of his commission, as it left him "fancy where manliness would say, "thus far shalt free" to pursue his devious courses through the thou go and no farther." He would wear, for fields of foppery and fashion. He repaired to instance, a coat tight enough almost to check London, and soon became the very mirror of respiration, but would shudder at the thought fantastic coxcombry. He had his day like other of a pair of stays. He might employ an hour dogs, and the time has been when the prome- in brushing his hair, but he would turn with nades of Bond-street and Hyde-park would have loathing from the idea of painting his face. been deemed to want their most essential attrac-But it is the character of every folly, and of tion in the absence of "the original Hugh Pe- every vice, to increase, unless the growth be ters." But, alas for human eminence, and the timely and effectually prevented. The incipient degeneracy of present times! The "lights of gangrene must be met with the knife and the the world and demi-gods of fame" have quitted cautery. Hugh's attention was first directed to the stage for ever, and the fashionable, like the his visage by some one remarking that his eyepolitical horizon, is left in a feeble twilight, the brows were rather light. There could be noprecursor, it is to be feared, of a long night of thing unmanly in adding to the expression of Egyptian darkness. Brummel is extinct, Van the countenance, to which dark eyebrows so Butchell in his grave. Sir I, like another materially contributed. He began first by penOvid in Pontus, is exiled to the ungenial cli- cilling, next proceeded to painting, and lastly mate of St. George's, where he pours his una- to staining his brows, with a variety of deletevailing "triasta," and stoops indeed, but, alas, rious composts. He became the dupe of adverno more to conquer! Baron Geramb is gone, tising impostors, and the most absurd distresses and the gallant gay "Lothario" is sobered down were the frequent result of his ill-judged expeinto Benedict, the married man." We listen riments. In the course of a few months his in vain for the rattling of his chariot-wheels, brows had successively assumed all the colours and the high-crested cock has now become an of the rainbow, to the vast amusement of his empty name. Finally, Hugh Peters himself friends, and his own ineffable inconvenience. hath passed away, and the flags of Bond-street He persevered, however, with a constancy worhave forgot his step! thy of a better cause, and at last hit upon a composition which produced the proper hue; but after a few applications utterly destroyed the hair, and left him literally browless! His only resource was a pair of artificial eyebrows, which formed, as may be supposed, but an imperfect deception, and an insecure substitute 66 Hugh was, at this time, more remarkable for the singularity than the taste of his costume. He delighted in glaring colours, and a close fit he considered the 66 summum bonum." His motions were dreadfully constrained by the But the hour was at hand when Hugh was to tightness of his dress, and the various organic ast his slough, to unfold his glittering scales functions seriously impeded. To button his coat a the sunbeain, to burst the dark prison of his required an effort almost superhuman. His inbrysalis for ever, and issue forth an airy but-expressibles (horresco referens) were perpetuerty in all the colours of the rainbow. His ally yielding to the force of pressure, and leavither undertook a voyage to Smyrna. The ing him exposed in some vital part. The tarsus, rince of air raised a storm, and plunged the metatarsus, and toes, sustained infinite damage varicious merchant in the deep. Hugh was from the compressive action of the boot, and le heir of all his wealth, which was consider- the uncomfortable projection, of a heel three le, and as the trustees of the property did inches high. His feet became pleasingly varieot pretend to any control over his conduct, gated with corus and bunnions, and were soon is hopeful youth was left at the age of seven-reduced to a state of premature superannuation. en "Lord of himself, that heritage of woe." for the natural. Hugh's next discovery was, that a smooth skin and clear complexion were essentials of beauty. His toilet was soon loaded with cold cream, milk of roses, botanic bloom, eau de Cologne, and soaps of all sonorous titles borrowed from the "rich orient," and of a variety of shades of colour and degrees of fragrance. His hands now came in for their share of attention, and he consumed immense quantities of almond paste and white wax. Not satisfied I shall not speedily forget the first time I had with topical applications for the purpose of imthe honour of beholding Hugh Peters. He was proving his appearance, he used warm baths, His first step was to enter the army, a mea- in full dress for the pit of the Opera. His coat had himself blooded and physicked regularly re of which he would not have dared to whis-was of the genuine Pomona-green, with a col- with the same view. He consumed three esr during the lifetime of his father. He got lar reaching to the crown of his head, basket- tates, which he inherited, in the expenses of to a dashing regiment of light-infantry, and worked buttons made of silver, and skirts lined the toilet. When destitute of money, he ran on became distinguished for the most extra- with white silk. His waistcoat was white, rich-in debt to gratify his vanity; and for some years gant foppery. Not contented with the cos- ly embroidered, and studded with three rows of previous to his death he supported his elegant ne of his corps, which was elegant and splen- small yellow buttons. Inside this were two appearance by certain financial measures, to d, he was perpetually making such altcra- more, cushioned and quilted, the one of scarlet which, peradventure, a fastidious moralist might ins and additions as his own whim suggested. silk, the other of sky-blue. Canary-coloured attach an impolite epithet. Confined in the is capricious taste in this way subjected him small-clothes, with flesh-coloured silk-stockings, Bench, he used to saunter about, in a rich robe frequent reprimands and arrests for the vio- decorated his nether limbs; and a pump, which de chambre, green velvet-cap, and red slippers, tion of the regimental orders. His offences might emulate a vice, with a diamond buckle, with an immense Turkish pipe in his mouth, came at last so frequent and so flagrant, that showed his almost Chinese foot to exquisite ad- from which he exhaled not " Mundungus' ille colonel, much of a martinet, told him that vantage. His cravat, which at the least he took perfuming scents," but green tea! He debilimust leave the regiment unless he thought an hour to adjust, was fastened in the centre tated his frame by the use of medicine, and contracted complaints in his side and chest from continual pressure. Dandyism is in youth only ridiculous; in age it is contemptible. We have attempted the portrait of Hugh in his early days. At fifty he was the most artificially constructed being in existence; he was made up from head to foot. He wore a wig, false eyebrows, false whiskers, and false mustachios. He had a complete set of false teeth, his cheeks and lips were painted, and the furrows beneath his eyes were filled up with a white paste. His clothes were stuffed out at the chest and shoulders, his waist was tightened in with stays, and he had false calves to his legs. He was altogether a walking deception-a complete lie from top to toe-a finished specimen of that most despicable of all animals-the superannuated dandy. EXTRACTS FROM LACON. alterations, omissions, and additions, from the First The following articles are extracted, with some Volume of Lacon, by the Rev. C. C. Colton, whose name has recently been brought before the public, in rather a mysterious way. The style of Lacon is more diffuse than laconic; a fault, indeed, which seems to have increased in his Second Volume. But the propensity to write, like every other indulged inclination, not with our strength. In point of fact, in this Age of unfrequently grows with our growth, and strengthens Writing,' a bow of Ulysses is to be found in almost every town ;-and "Many write now who never wrote before; And those who always wrote, now write the more." S. X. WIT HAPPILY APPLIED. There is no quality of the mind that so instantaneously and irresistibly captivates, as Wit. An elegant writer has observed, that wit may do very well for a mistress, but that he should prefer reason for a wife. Whoever deserts reason, and gives himself up entirely of Manchester.) to the guidance of wit, will certainly be exposed to many pitfalls and quagmires, like him who walks by flashes of lightning, rather than by the steady beams of The conquest, therefore, of wit over the A humble vot'ry, I an offering give ;- The heralds of night, Which awe and encharm the fix'd-wond'ring-gaze; Yet serene as the moon, In her own cloudless noon, O'er the streamlets reflecting her silvery rays: From thy brilliant fairy home, Euphrosyne attended come!- Health's faint blushes grace her cheek, Steals the odour of her sigh, Sighs that rise unknowingly, Bear her redolent in charms, To my friends enfolded arms, As those arms the maid enclose, The passing winds will take his woes! When his love is told, On a clond of gold, Let thy nymphs chaunt their melodies sweet; With asphodel wreaths Which ambrosia breaths Strew the poet's enchanting retreat. While as I view the orbs pale night, While o'er me weep, The gentle dews from you high dome ; No cares intrude, Death's solitude, Peace is the inmate of the tomb - the sun. intellectual sun, before its beams have reached the horizon of common minds; that's right,-first come, first served. Next, that Socrates stood on the apex wisdom, wiping his eyes, in order that he might more clearly see a brighter system of things; in short, a And this very naturally brings the promised land! writer to Moses, who saw more than be was permitted to enjoy, a very common event to men in general! THE MISERY OF RECEIVING TOO MANY PRESENTS IN ONE WILL. It is not well to be always lamenting and complaining on one's own account, therefore I shall this time trouble you with the complaint of a particular friend of mine, whose name is Plod, and who is a very worthy man in the main, but not fond of being put to what he considers unnecessary expense. The complaint was rather a singular one, and the subject mat ter of it such as most housekeepers would have esteemed fortunate rather than otherwise: it had too many presents in one week. was neither more nor less than that of having mind, is not like that of the Romans over the body, occasionally, without invitation, and taking potI am in the habit of popping in at his house which was regulated by policy, and perpetuated by prudence. The triumphs of wit may be compared to luck, which I did a little while back, upon my the inroads of the Parthians, splendid, indeed, but return from a short trip in the country, and was transient. Wit, however, is one of the few things welcomed by old Plod with,- Ah! my dear which has been rewarded oftener than it has been accu- Crockery, we are very glad to see you—lots of rately defined. A certain bishop said to his chaplain, old victuals in the house-know you'll excuse one day, What is wit? The chaplain replied, the vicar-it-always glad to see you, hot or cold;' and as age of Bowden is now vacant; give it to me, and that he finished in came the tray. I made an excelwill be wit. Prove it, said his Lordship, and you shall lent meal on the remains of two or three sorts have it. It would be a good thing well applied, rejoined of game, and as many, or more, sorts of tarts, the chaplain. The dinner which was daily provided for the Royal Chaplains at Saint James's, was reprieved together with jellies, custards, and blancmange, from suspension by a fortunate and extemporaneous evidently the reliques of a feast. When the effusion of wit. King Charles had appointed a day for table was cleared, the servant retired, and Mrs. dining with his Chaplains, and it was understood that P——, too, had quitted the room, I could not this step was adopted as a conciliating mode of putting help saying, Why, Plod, you have been living an end to the dinners altogether. It was Dr. South's rarely of late seemingly. Ah! Crockery, turn to say the grace; and whenever the King honour- rarely indeed!!' sighed old Plod, with a most ed his Chaplains with his presence, on that occasion, woeful note of admiration; but come, fill the prescribed formula ran thus: God save the King, your glass of toddy, and I will tell you all about and bless the dinner." Our witty divine took the liberty it.' I did so; and having drawn my chair close of transposing the words, by saying, "God bless the follows:to the fire, poor Plod began his lamentation as King, and save the dinner." "And it shall be saved," said the monarch. A BOX TICKET. In all societies it is advisable to associate as much as possible, with the highest; not that the highest are always the best; but, because if disappointed there, we can at any time descend; but if we begin with the lowest, it is almost impossible afterwards to ascend. In the grand theatre of human life, a box ticket takes us through the house. The figure which Mr. Colton has here employed, is uncommonly good; but the advice he gives must be followed with some limitation. The Scripture says, we should take the lowest seat, and wait till some one says to us, "Friend, come up higher." Sterling merit will, sooner or later, generally meet with its due reward. QUAINT COMPARISONS. "That man alone," observes Mr. Colton, in one of his Reflections, "deserves to have any weight with posterity, who has shewn himself superior to the pre dominant errors of his own times; such a man,' he continues, "like the peak of Teneriffe, has hailed the intellectual sun, before its beams have reached the horizon of common minds; standing like Socrates, on the apex of wisdom, he has removed from his eyes all film of earthly dross, and has foreseen a purer law, a nobler system, a brighter order of things; in short, a promised land, which like Moses on the top of Pisgah, he is permitted to survey, and anticipate for others, without being himself allowed either to enter or to enjoy."—Such a man, it seems, in Mr. Colton's quaint style of writing, is like the Peak of Teneriffe, he is like Socrates, he is, in fine, like Moses, on the top of Pisgah! We are also told, that the Peak of Tenerife hails the 'You are aware, Crockery, that, having but a small family, I generally lay in my stock of provisions for the week at one purchasing; well. last Saturday, this very day week, I laid in a good fair supply-a leg of mutton, a fillet of veal, and a piece of roasting beef; one day hot, and one day cold, and hashed, that's my way you know, Crockery. Sunday we cooked the veal, and on Monday morning the first thing comes a porter with two brace of partridges, carriage 2s. porterage 1s.-by the bye, some of my friends in the country have a scurvy trick of not paying the carriage of their presents, and so it happened with the whole lot this week. He was scarcely gone before another fellow came banging at the door with a thumping hare "Deat carriage 2s. porterage 1s. again. is to become of all the meat?" What, indeed, ," said Mrs. Plod, upon seeing this, "wha thought I, the veal being the only thing cooked. me," 'Next day, Tuesday, came a lot of grouse carriage, &c. 5s. for they came from among the mountains; and presently after arrived, from a friend who lives 50 miles off, and has a taste for ket of beautiful vegetables certainly, and a brace horticulture and tame rabbits, an immense basof doubie smuts, I think my friend called them rabbits in his letter, but they were poor picks ninny things: this cost 6s. and was positively not worth the money-I could have done better by half in the market. So Tuesday passed over, and there was some veal left to mince on Wed nesday. Mrs. Plod and I now began seriously to think what could be done with all this provision; we had no friends in town to whom we owed a present, and I have no notion of sending game to the poulterers by way of exchange. We certainly must have a party!" suddenly exclaimed Mrs. P. A party thought I, and down sunk my heart; while I seemed to feel divers pounds, shillings, and pence evanishing from my lower pockets. "We certainly must have a dinner party, my love," repeated Mrs. P. in a still more explanatory tone. Now, Crockery, whenever a lady says my love to her husband, the thing, be what it may, is decided; and I saw plainly we must have a dinner. But we had not done with presents yet, for before we got down or got up, which you please-on the Wednesday morning, a brace of pheasants arrived, costing 4s. likewise a goose, with two dozen apples for sauce, from my tenant the blacksmith, at B- with a ticket for 2s. 6d. making a total for carriage and porterage, in three days, of 11. 3s. 6d.-pretty well for the beginning of a feast; and be it remembered, that all these presents will cost me, to return them at Christmas, a barrel of oysters to each at least. However, it was now quite certain that we must make a muster of friends and acquaintances to help us to eat all these good things, and Friday was fixed on as the day for devouring. To work Mrs. Plod and I went, she to inspecting and preparing, and I to writing of pretty polite notes, on hot-pressed, wire-wove, gilt-edged, and all that sort of thing: lamenting the shortness of notice, &c. but hoping to have the pleasure to see, &c. &c. &c. It was soon discovered that plates, dishes, and glasses innumerable must be bought, to complete our sets of each. All this was done; a handsome dessert was provided; Mrs. Brown, our occasional cook, was sent for; and for two days, that is to say Wednesday and Thursday, we lived on gravy beef, and other odds and ends, in a most uncomfortable way. 'At length the great, the eventful day arrived; and, will you believe it? after all the good things were at and on the fire-yea, even after the cloth was laid, note after note arrived, bearing excuses. Mr. and Mrs. Noakes could not come, Mr. and Mrs. Styles could not come, Mr. and Mrs. Doe, and Mr. and Mrs. Roe, were in the same predicament, and so it went on with the Whites, the Smiths, and the Jenkinses: in short, Crockery, I expected twenty people, and only six came; we had not even you to cheer us with your accustomed songs; and the whole thing was, to me at least, stale, flat, and unprofitable; and I will ask you, before Mrs. Plod comes in again, whether it is not a miserable thing for a man to have so many presents in one week? Ah! I knew you would say yes-I hope it will never be your case, my boy. I can assure you I was more rejoiced when the last 66 good night" had sounded at my door than I can express. It was but yesterday that this entertainment took place, and for about a fortnight I expect we shall have to live upon the cold meat and fragments that are left; for our small party performed a miracle in the fragment way; Come every day, Crockery, if you can, and help us off with it.' My friend ended just as Mrs. Plod returned to her seat; and upon retiring to my sanctum sanctorum I thought I could not do better than send you off an account of what I had heard. Lit. Chronicle. Dear me ! Then, verbam sat, And "mizzles " out of door. Enter another-"oh! your last week's paper "Has run the arts and the nine muses taper," "Tis full of merit ; "The lively wits "And scrappish bits "Replete with life and spirit: "It will just suit the fashion of the day"Thought for the grave-and laughter for the gay ! "That's what I say." Oh! what a life is this! remember well For it would be a matter of surprize Who for the mammon-that is, paltry pence, The lines I quote So if you please For Peter Pindar. "In sonnet, ode, and Legendary tale, "My labours damn'd, the Muse with grief will groan- TO THE GOD HYMEN, LICENSED CHAIN The Petition of a harrassed and suffering Humbly Sheweth-That your Petitioner, was an unbending and stiff-necked creature, shielded equally from the darts of Cupid, and the fear of your chains, by the cooling hand of forty till, in an inauspicious moment, he was pierced years apprenticeship, in the ways of women, through the heart, by the lovely and penetrating rays shot from the eyes of one of the most bewitching of "witches" of sweet nineteen. And that your Petitioner, from that moment, hitherto has enjoyed no alleviation, from the racking pains and torments which tear the adniring heart, but by the conduct of the dear creature, they are increased daily, and that if you do not lend, speedily, your fastening hand, your Petitioner will soon be distracted, and bereft of his senses. Furthermore, the conduct of the "witch," whose name is calls loudly for your strenuous and enchaining hand, to stop that mad career which she appears determined to pursue. On Sunday, at St. Peters, she puts down her veil, which makes her beauty appear more interesting whilst partially concealed) then raising it again, darts forth such piecing rays, from her two sunny orbs, and smiling charmingly at the same time, so interests him that he continues gazing and standing long after the Doctor has prouounced "let us pray," and thus subjects him to the sarcasms of his companions, who whisper loudly, "behold! the DENIED PETER. Your Petitioner, is also subjected to the most distressing inconveniences, by the careless flirting of this unthinking beauty,-when he meets her in the street she smiles benignantly on her rejected adorer, who returns the sinile, and when she has passed, your Petitioner is so infatuated that he turns and gazes upon her receding form, absorbed in thought, until, perhaps, floundering in the mud by the jostling of passengers, he recovers his senses. In the pursuit of his vocation, he is also under much inconvenience,-upon paying his creditors he is incessantly writing, "By ," which his partner cash to observing, with a smile desires to know where this beauty resides, who is such an enormous expense to him. Your Petitioner, therefore, earnestly desiring to avoid all the above mentioned inconveniences, requests you will either link us together in your well MANUFACTURED chains, or will publish this Petition, that it may reach the unthinking creature who thus torments him, and be a warning to all "witches" not to disturb the peace of OLD Bachelors, but to attack the YOUNG ones, who will joyfully accept them; by so doing you will have the thanks of the unhappy PETER BACCALAUREUS. Piccadilly, Nov. 26, 1823. TO LIEUTENANT H. MACKWORTH, Of his Majesty's ship Brazen, who, by jumping overboard at a desperate risk, succeeded in saving the life of a seaman on the point of drowning. The captain and crew shed tears on his bringing the poor fellow upon deck, but were unable to utter a word. They shall not die, who dare to do |