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MR. PUNCH TO MISS CANADA.
OH, Canada, dear Canada, we shall not discombobulate
Ourselves concerning JONATHAN. 'Tis true he tried to rob you late
(That is if Tariff-didaling may be qualified as robbery),
But BULL has learned the wisdom of not kicking up a bobbery.
No, Canada, we love you dear, and shall be greatly gratified
If by your March Elections our relations are-say ratified.
We don't expoot self-sacrifice, we do not beg for gratitude,
Bat keep an interested eye, my dear, upon your attitude.
Railings and ravings rantipole we hold are reprehensible,
Bat of our kindly kinship were affectionately

sensible.
A mother's proud to see her child learning to run alone,” you know;
But does not wish to see her “.. run away" from home, she'll own

you know.
MACDONALD is magniloquent, perhaps a bit thrasonical ;
His dark denunciations-at a distance-sound ironical,
And when we read the rows between him and Sir RICHARD CART-
WRIGHT ; dear,

[right, dear!
We have our doubts if either chief quite plays the patriot part
But there, we know that party speeches are not merum nectar, all,
And we can take the measure of magniloquence electoral;
The tipple Party Spirit men will stir and whiskey-toddy-fy,
But when they have to drink it-cold-its strength they greatly

modify.
Beware the Ides of March ? Oh, no! AU auguries we defy, my

dear!
The spectre of disloyalty don't soare us; all my eye, my dear.
So yote away, dear Canada l our faith 's in friendly freedom, dear;
And croakers, Yank, or Canuck, or home-born, we shall not heed

'em, dear'!

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. House of Commons, Monday Night, February 16.–After long tarrying, House once more justified its old character. Been dolefully dull these weeks and months past. Thought it was dead; only been sleeping. To-night woke up, and audience that filled every Benob, blocked the Gangways, and thronged the Bar, had rare treat

A SENSITIVE EAR. Occasion was the indictment of Prince ARTHUR; long pending ; was to have come off at beginning of Session; put off on account Intelligent Briton. "BUT WE HAVE NO THEATRE, NO ACTORS WORTHY of counter attractions in Committee-Room No. 15; postponement OF TAE NAME, MADEMO.SEI LE I WHY, THE ENGLISH DELIVERY OF no longer possible ; and here we are, House throbbing with excite- BLANK VERSE IS SIMPLY TORIURE TO AN EAR ACCUSTOMED TO HBAR ment, OLD. MORALITY nervously clacking about Treasury Bench, IT GIVEN ITS FULL Beauty AND SIGNIFICANCE BY A BERNHARDT OR bringing his chicks together under his wing. RANDOLPH brought A COQUELIN !" his young beard down to witness performance.

Mademoiselle. "INDEFD? I HAVE NEVER HEARD BERNHARDT OR Initial difficulty in Irish

COQUELIN RECITE ENGLISH BLANK VERSE !" Camp; Brer Fox sitting in

Intelligent Briton. "OF COURSE NOT. I MEAN FRENCH BLANK old place, two steps down

VERSE—THE BLANK VERSE OF CORNEILLE, RACINE, MOLIÈRE !” third bench below Gangway.

Mademoiselle. "OA, MONSIEUR, THERE IS NO SUCH TBING !”. Brer RABBIT, sunk in pro

(Briton still tries to look intelligent. found meditation, oblivious to the rival Leader's presence, occupies corner seat; room

“The very man!” cried Tim, “I believe you and he soale the for one between them. Who

same to a pound, and though your waist is more shapely, he has the shall take it? Anxious time

advantage in shoulders." for Tim HEALY. Nothing he

POTTER most obliging of men ; offered no objection. 8. Tim condreads so much as possibility

ducted him to the seat ; he dropped gently, but firmly in it; Brer of outbreak, In Committee

RABBIT putting on his spectacles, and looking across the expanse of Room No. 15, Brer Fox

T. B.'s shoulders, thought he recognised Brer Fox at the other side. snatched out of Brer RABBIT'S

Anyhow, he was beyond speaking distance, and so embarrassment hand a sheet of paper. Sap

was obviated. pobe now, in sudden parox

Tim, his mind thus at rest, able to devote bis attention to debate,

to ysm, he were to reach forth

progress of which, he contributed a few interjections. Finally, when and taking Brer RABBIT by

Division taken on JOHN MORLEY'S Motion, and everybody ready to go the beard bang his head

home, he moved and carried Adiournment of Debate. against the back of the Bench?

Business done.- Prince ARTHUR indicted for breach of ConstituTim's gentle nature shivered

tional Law in Ireland. Jury retired to consider their verdict. Agreed with apprehension; thing to

upon acquittal by 320 Votes against 245. do was to get a good plump

Tuesday.-A once familiar presence pervades House to-night. gentleman set between the

Everyone more or less vaguely, conscious of it. Even without two, so that in case hostilities

chancing to look up to Peers' Gallery, Members are inspired with broke out his body might be

sudden mysterious access of Moral Influence. OLD MORALITY himused as buffer. Thought of

self, that over flowing reservoir of moral axioms, takes on an aggraELTON first. Besides a pro

A Buffer Q.C.

vated air of responsibility and respectability. Has had a great fessional desire to find occupation for Members of the Bar, ELTON's triumph which would inflate a man of less modest character. figure seemed made on purpose for the peaceful errand Tom had in Last night, or rather early this morning, Irish Members appeared to mind. Broached subject. ELTON said, always happy to oblige; but force Government hand; just when it seemed that RUSSELL'8 Amendwas, in fact, just now retiring from Parliamentary life; didn't care ment was about to be substituted for MORLEY's Resolution, Tox to be brought

into undue prominence. Besides, he belonged to other HEALY interposed, moved Adjournment of Debate; OLD MORALITY side of House; Why not try T. B. POTTER ?

protested ; SEXTON slily threatened all-night sitting; after an hour's

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struggle, Government capitulated; Adjournment agreed to; Irish recently spent some time in Boulogne) says, en route pour les chiens ; Members went off jubilant.

the SECRETARY of State for War demonstrating that everything is To-night Sexton asks OLD MORALITY when they shall resume in apple-pie order, and his right honourable predecessor on the Front debate ?

Opposition Bench bearing testimony to the general state of efficienoy, “Ah," says OLD MORALITY, with look of friendly interest, as if WOLMER flashed through the haze a word that has long wanted the idea had struck him for the first time, “yes ; just so. The Hon. saying in the House. Why, he asked, place sentries surrounding Member wants to know when we shall resume the debate, the St. James's Palace, the War Office, and the Horse Guards? Why, if adjournment of which he and his friends were instrumental in presence of armed men at these particular gateways is essential' to carrying at an early

hour this morning. Well, I must say, on the proper conduct of affairs of Department-why should Charity Com part of Her Majesty's Government, that we

missioners and Education Office be left unguarded ? WOLMER should are perfeotly satisfied with matters as they

keep pegging away at this question till he gets common-sense answer. were left. We had a lively debate, a majority

Business done. - Army Estimates moved. much larger than we had dared to hope for,

Friday.-- Gallant little Wales took the floor to-night. Wants and, as far as we are concerned, I think we'll

the Church Disestablished; PRITCHARD MORGAN, in speech of proleave matters alone. As one of our great

digious length, asked House to sanction the proposal. The Governprose-writers observed, it is, on the whole,

ment, determined to oppose Motion, cast about for Member of their more conducive to 'comfort to endure any inconveniences that may press upon one at

body who could best lead opposition. Hadn't a Welshman on the

Treasury Bench. the current moment, than to hasten to en

"There's RAJKES, you know," AKERS-DOUGLAS said, discussing counter others with the precise nature of

the matter with OLD MORALITY.' " He's not exactly a Welshman, which we do not happen to be acquainted.” GRAND CROSS missed this delightful little

but, when he's at home, he lives in Denbighshire, which is as near

being Wales as you can get. Besides, his postal address is episode, not coming in till questions were

Llwynegrin.” over. Now he sat in Peers’ Gallery and

"Ah!" said OLD MORALITY, “that looks well. He's not the gazed through spectacles on scene of earlier

rose, but he lives in convenient contiguity to the fiower." triumphs. Looks hardly a day older than

So RAIKES was put up, and a nice, peaceful,

soothing, insinuating, when he left us; the same perky manner,

conciliatory speech he made. In fact, as the Member for SARK says, the same wooden visage, with its pervading

He got gallant little Wales down on its baok, tied its horns and air of supreme self-satisfaction and insorutable wisdom. It is a night given up to

heels together, partially flayed it, and then rubbed in cunningly

contrived combination of Cayenne pepper and vinegar.” Indian topios. PLOWDEN, in his quiet,

Business done.-Welsh Dísestablishment Motion negatived by 235 effective way, has just carried Motion which

Votes to 203. will have substantial effect in the direction

isto Joma of securing fuller debate of Indian questions. GORST, standing at table replying to

Celt Again. BUCHANAN on another Indian topic, alludes

GRANT-ALLEN, --his manner moves cynios to mirth |-with deferential tone to “the SECRETARY OF

Makes out that the Celt is the Salt of the Earth. STATE.” GRAND Cross almost audibly purrs

Under-Secretary.

That accounts, it may be, for his dominant fault; from his perch in the Gallery.

A “salt of the earth" has a taste for assault! An odd world, my masters,” says

the Member for SARK, striding out impatiently, when you have a man like Goost Under-Secre

Prital tary, with a man like GRAND Cross at the Head of the Department."

OUT OF SCHOOL! Business done.-An hour or two given to India.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,—You are so awfully good to chaps at school that Thursday.-Army Estimates on to-night. HANBURY comes to I am sure you will insert this letter. SMITH MINOB, who takes in the the front, as usual. STANHOPE tossing about on Treasury Bench, in Times, says, that a "PARENT” has been writing to say, that there considerable irritation.

should be a meeting of Fatbers to swagger over the

meeting of Head “What's the use, my ST. JOHN,” he asked

BRODRICK, the only man Masters. Well, this wouldn't be half a bad idea if it were properly subjected to annoyance like this? With one brother in the Peers, who wants to cut down the holidays, and such like rot. And this a pillar of staid Conservatism; with myself on the Treasury Bench, brings me to what I want to propose myself. If there are to be a Cabinet Minister, a right-hand man of the Government; and then, meetings of Head Masters and Parents, why not a meeting of Boys?

final touch, old PHILIP We have a heap of grievances. For instance, lots of chaps would EGALITÉ below the Gang- like to know why," the water" was stopped at Westminster, and way opposite, with his Radi- something about the domestio economy of Harrow. Then the great calism, and his tendency to and burning question of grub is always ready to hand. The out-JACOBY LABOUCHERE. “PARENT" wants to have a hand in the payment for school-books, This is a broad-based family seeing his way to getting the discount (stingy chap!) then why combination, that ought to shouldn't we fellows have a voice choosing them? Then about make us, each in his way, taking up Greek, why shouldn't we have our say in that matter ? irresistible. And yet there After all, it interests us more than anyone else, as we are the seems nothing to prevent a fellows that will have to learn it, if it is to be retained. Then fellow like HanboBY look about corporal punishment. Not that we mind it much, still we are ing down from his six feet the fellows who get swished at Eton, and feel the tolly

at Beaumont. two scornfully on a British Surely the Boys know more about a licking than Head Masters soldier not more than five and Parents ? 'You, as a practical man, will say, Who should feet four in his stocking- attend the Congress?" I reply, every public school might send a feet, whilst he inflates his delegate; and by public school, i do not limit the term to the old chest, and asks, in profound legitimate “ E. and the two W.'s,” Eton, Winchester and Westbass notes, how, are the minster. No; I would throw it open to such respectable educational ancient glories of the British establishments as Harrow, Rugby, Charterhouse, St. Paul's, MarlArmy to be maintained with borough, Felsted, Cheltenham, Stonyhurst, and the rest of them. men who oannot stretch the The more the merrier, say I; and if there was a decided division tape at thirty-six inches?” of opinion on any subject, we could settle the matter off-hand at

When ANBURY sat once, by taking off our jackets and turning up our shirt-sleeves. down, after pounding away The more I think of it, the more I like it! It would be a game! in ponderous style for Always your affectionate friend,

(Signed) JONES MINIMU8. nearly an hour, STANHOPE

got up and prodded him re"Amazed at his own Moderation."

proachfully.
Wonderful

The Same Old Game.
how much vinegar and

08 Bit vitriol he managed to distil into his oft-repeated phrase, "My

[Russia is said to be threatening the old Finnish laws and liberties.] honourable friend !As for HANBURY, he sat with hands in pocket,

RUSSIA snubs him who, as a candid friend, staring at empty benches opposite, amazed at his own moderation.

Horrors Siberian, Hebrew would diminish, Hours of the usual kind of talk on Army Estimates ; the Colonels,

Must Muscovitos prove tyrants to the end ?

parodi Volunteer and otherwise, showing that the Army is as ĜILL (who has

At least they aim to prove so to the Finnish! HJA KF NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether M8., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will

in no case be returned, not oven when acoompanied by a Stamped and addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.

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'A GOOD LITTLE 'UN IS BETTER THAN A BAD BIG YUN.”—(P.R. Maxim.)

A BIT OF MODERN BOXIANA.

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110-Ton Guns do not count for any practical purpose ... These monsters or the shambling “Baldnob the Titan" have been in front of the are the laughing-stock of everyone who takes the smallest interest in the small but active and accomplished “Daodecimo Dumps”? Why, subject. They are quite indefensible, and not worth making, even if they where the vaunted “Benicia Boy” would have been after fifty were unobjectionable, for the simple reason that everything we require can rounds with Tom SAYERS —with his “ Auctioneer” in full play. In be done by smaller weapons . . . It is believed that more of these useless fact, when a good little 'un meets a bad big 'un, it is very soon a monsters are to be made by way of reserve. It is an insane policy, designed case with the latter-of "bellows to mend," or

“there he goes simply to save somebody's amour propre, and we still hope to hear from Lord with his eye out !" GBORGB HAMILTON that it has been abandoned.”—“The Timeson the These remarks have been suggested by recent revelations concernNaval Estimates.

ing that much over-rated pet of the mugs—the “Woolwich "That a good little 'un is better than a bad big 'un," is an old and Whopper," alias the "Elswick Folly," alias HAMILTON'S "Novice." accepted maxim amongst the really knowing ones of the P. R. It The "W. W." always was a fraud, and, for all his lumbering bulk is one, however, that now, as of yore, swell backers, self-conceited and "MOLINEAUX-like” capacity of "tatur-trap," never could trainamateurs, and other pugilistic jugginses are apt to ignore or forget. on soundly, or—figuratively speaking "spank a hole in a pound of

Wbere, we wonder, would the slab-sided “Sprawleybridge Babe" butter.” Many cleverish trainers, and still more ambitious backers

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of the "Corinthian Jay" species, have had a shy, pro, fessionally or monetarily, at the Woolwich Whopper, and invariably with disastrous results. The “w. W.," though big enough in all conscience, is not of sound con

NO CHARI stitution, nor of the true wear-and-tear sort, is very difficult (and expensive) to train, and when brought fairly up to the scratch is certain to go bang to pieces after the first few rounds, if these are at all of a hot-and-hot character.

Still there are-worse luck !- certain parties connected, more or less, with the P.R. who—whether from interest, vanity, or sheer cussedness, still pin their faith to this “huge, lumbering. soft,' long-shanked, top-heavy, shambling, thump-shirking_Son of a Gun," as NOBBY NOPKINS, of the Nautical Division, pithily called him the other day. If some of these credulous or conceited coves had witnessed the little trial "scrap » which took place recently (on the strict Q.T.), at the Admiral's Head,” in the presence of Mr. JOHN B.LL (the famous P.R. referee), between the vaunted “Whopper & smart and handy light-weight known as Quickfire," their owl-eyes might, having been a little opened, and their peacock-strut a bit modified.

The • Woolwich Whopper,” for all his height and overwhelming weight, seemed to toe the

scratch with awkward reluctance. He pat up his dukes very famblingly, and his attitude was decidedly of the head-over-tip" character. Young“Quickfire,” on the contrary, was erect as a dart, nimble on his pins as a girl at her first dance, and smart in delivery as a newly-promoted Postman, or the Parcels Express. He was all over his man in a brace of shakes, and the

Whopper,” who looked as though he could have knocked holes in him if he could have hit him, could hardly land a " little one in once in the course of a round, and then it was so short that it would hardly have brashed a bumble-bee off a buttercup.

The respected Referee, who watched the dust-up with careful interest, was much pleased with the promise of the smart light-weight, “Quickfire,” who seems to have in him the makings of a fine fighter. Mr. B-LL did not

Hq.7. disguise his disgust at the feeble figure cut by the “Whopper," about whose pretensions to first-class form, let alone Champion honours, it is to be hoped we shall

RECOGNITION OF MERIT. bear little more for the future.

The M Dougall, L.C.C. Ito Cambridge Don). " WELL DONE ! THE SPINSTER TO [Mem.-Mr. Punch suspects that the above edifying and THE SPINNING HOUSE ! YOU ARE INDEED A PROCTOR AND A BROTHFR !" idiomatic homily was intended for some sporting contemporary, but, with his accustomed courtesy, he gives it for what it is worth.)

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
TO A COMPLIMENTARY COUNSEL.

The Quiet Mrs. Fleming is very nearly being a good povel of the kind with

once upon a time" Mr. F. C. PHILIPS used to delight us. Mr. RICHARD [“ Here the Plaintiff met the Defendant, who formed a PRYCE'8 Quiet Mrs. F. might perhaps be placed in the same category with strong attachment for her, at which he (the learned Counsel), F. C. P.'s Little Mrs. Murray, which was not by any means the Author's best. did not wonder."- Extract from a recent Report.)

The story, like the Consols, is good enough for those who don't want much THE Plaintiff she was very fair

interest for their money. It may be safely recommended as a pleasant companion I'd very gladly make a verse on

during a railway journey. The Baron does not consider that The Quiet Mrs. F. Her face, her smile, her eyes, her hair,

will make much noise in the novel-reading world. Her comely and attractive person.

A coloured leaflet, of autumnal tint, commands me, in the tone of a Wellington Last year a gentleman had stormed

dispatch, to "order earlya new “Family Magazine," entitled, Golden Gates, Her heart and swore that nought should sunder edited by JOAN STRANGE WINTER. "I have not yet seen it,” says the Baron, The strong attachment he had formed,

“but wish the adventurous pennyworth every possible success." Its bill of At which you said you “ did not wonder.'contents announces" a complete story,” by the editress, and also a “complete Oh! tell me was it quite the thing,

novelette," by Mrs. LOVETT CAMERON. This looks well for the first number; Of prudence shamelessly defiant,

and an editor's motto must be. " Take care of Number One." I suppose in In such a pointed way to sing,

each number there will be “ A Winter's Tale.” The praises of your pretty client.

Interesting reading for the Baron and his friends the Public, is Mr. ANDERHad she been ugly-yes, or plain,

SON's article, entitled Studies in Illustrated Journalism, in this month's Magazine Would you have reckoned it your duty

of Art. Mr. ANDERSON is a trifle inaccurate in some details of his pleasantlyTo say how much it caused you pain

written and generally trustworthy sketch of the history of Mr. Punch, on which it is To look and mark her lack of beauty?

needless for the Baron to dwell hic et nunc. The Baron remembers the dapper, Perhaps vou meant the words you said,

sportingly-attired "little HOWARD,” who had the reputation of being “LEECA'S 'Twould be amusing to discover

only papil,” but who was never one of Mr. Punch's Staff Officers. In the same If she bad really turned your head,

number of this Magazine is a brief, but carefully written notice of the Baron's And in her lawyer found a lover.

old friend, convive, and fellow-worker on Mr. Punch's staff, CHARLES KEENE. Yet even should this be the case,

"A superb Artist,” writes Mr. SPIELMAN, “pure and simple”- true this, in You cannot well escape supporting

every sense –“the greatest master of line in black and white that will live for This statement-that it's not the place

many years to come.” The engraving that accompanies this notice of our old In open Court to go a-oourting.

friend is not a striking likeness of .CARLO," but it exactly, reproduces his

thoughtful attitude, with his pipe in his hand, so familiar to all his associates. When next a lady comes to say

Hereby and herewith thanks-a-many are returned to the “Bibliographer," That He and she at last have parted,

who is also the Secretary of the Setto of Odd Volumes, for his charming little And that she'll make the villain pay

brochure about Robert Houdin, his Life and Magical Deeds, by his truly, For having left her broken-hearted,

THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS. You'll recollect that in the Breach

Of Promise Case, you must not blunder, But mention in your opening speech

A "STERNE” TRUTH (as to conviction under The Embezzlement and Larceny That at his love you do not wonder.

Act, 1861). —"They order this matter better in France."

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