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End Road. Translator of SHAKSPBARE “HONOURS EASY!

into the Puttialah dialect, &c., &c.

Founder of the European University of (Omitted from the New Year's List last

Sir F. LEIGHTON, Bart., P.R.A.,

Latest Additions.-Messrs. A. & to be raised to the Peerage as the

F. PEARS. To be Companions of the Earl of BURLINGTON, in order to

Bath. adorn the House of Lords.

“ General ” BOOTH. To be Knight Mr. HENRY IRVING, to be Lord

Commander of the Bath. To enable Liczom, to please Baron BEEFSTEAK.

him to deal moro effeotually with Mr. J. L. TOOLE, to be Baron BEEF

the “Submerged Tenth." STEAK, to satisfy Lord LYCÆUM.


Most Distinguished Order of The Lady REDCROSS OF GENEVA ; because

Tinsel Star. For eminent services she earned it nearly forty years ago.

to Astronomy. “General" Booth, to be Viscount

Mr. W. H. STEAD. The Most BOOMON, to collect subsoriptions in

Honourable Order of the Golden the House of Lords.

8coop. For his enterprise in roSir WILFRID LAWSON, Bart., will

viewing Reviews, and gallantry in take the title of Lord DRINKWATER.

storming Magazines. N.B.-He will always have to appear

Mr. MACDOUGALL. The Order of in Court snit with pumps.

the Free Pass. For services to Viscount WOLSELEY will be made

Morality. Mr. O'BRIEN. The Order F.R.8., F.S.A., F.R.G.8., M.D., in

of Retreat. For a short period. order to add to his colleotion, if he hasn't them already. Professor NORMAN LOCKYER will

AT THE END OF THE YEAR. receive The Garter, to place among

THE FRIEND'S REPLY. his Stars. Lord TENNYSON, a Second Pension

I THOUGHT your lines a great su00e88, from the Civil List, to augment the

(You always did write rather one granted half a century or so ago.

neatly) The Donkey of the Brothers

Although I must at onot confess GRIFFITHS, the Order of the Thistle.

I can't agree with you completely.

Of course I recollect quite well Some More of. Them.-The

How long we sat and smoked toQUEEN has been further pleased

gether, to confer the dignity of a Peerage

And how our conversation fell of the United Kingdom upon

(As fall it will) upon the weather. Mr. Sheriff AUGUSTUS HARRIS, who will, on taking his seat in the

Our prospects then seemed bright

and fair, Upper House, assume the title of Lord AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS OF

(Our language certainly got LONG ACRE.

stronger) Mr. 8. B. BANCROTT, who will

We built our castles in the air, take that of Lord HAYMARKET.

And by degrees our drinks grew Mr. WILLIAM BLACK, who will in

longer. future be known as Lord SHEILA OF

Yes, in the game of law BEN wins, THULE.

And many guineas in he's picking, Messrs. SWAN AND EDGAR, who

But have you heard his wife has will assume the dignity, respeo


[ing 1 tively, under the titles of Lords

And both of them alive and kickPICCADILLY and REGENT'S CIRCUS,

And pompous JOE, now JOE, M. P., and the

Is 'loubtless pleased at growing BEADLE OF THE BURLINGTON ARCADE, who will accept the honour

Through speaking, since he's proud with the style and "title of Lord BURLINGTON OF ARCADIA. A WAY OF PUTTING IT.

to be

The Member for a Tory Caucus. HER MAJESTY has also been further

Author. "Do you LIKE MY VERSES ?." pleased to confer the dignity of a Pompous Critic. “OH, IMMENSELY | I OBSERVE THAT THE

Yet I'm afraid for his poor brain, Baronetcy of the United Kingdom EXIGENCIES OF RHYME HAVE OCCASIONALLY LED TO A FELI

That such success will surely on the following Gentlemen ; piz., CITY OF EXPRESSION WHICH—WHICH ALMOST COMPELS ONE


For every speech means 80 much CARTER, LAMPLOUGH, and COCKLE.


[it! HER MAJESTY has further been

Since off by heart he has to learn pleased to confer the honour of Knighthood GINGEREE BABIHOT, JABBERJEEHOY, the

And mazy Jack, whose chance in life, on several Gentlemen greatly distinguished Reigning Jam of Jollipore."

We all of us considered shady, for their services respectively to Art, Literature, and Science, whose names, however,

* JOHN JAMES SMITH, Esq., educated at Har

Has married money (and a wife); it is not necessary to mention, but whose Poojah, 1880; Acting-Deputy at Boorgipore, 1887,

Commissioner of Gunenjore, 1878; Collector of

But tell me-do you know the lady ? labours, had they been rewarded with that &c., &c.

DICK's dinners, too, I'm quite aware, financial suocess that atterds the efforts of Thomas JENKINS ROBINSON, Author of The

Are noted-yet he's far from steady, & pushing and advertising tradesman would, Paper Rupee. What is its Commercial Value ? Sat

Whilst Tom's fine house in Belgrave Square doubtless, bave earned them the more be- on the Puttialah Commission in 1870. Suspended

Is mortgaged, so they say, already. coming dignity of a Peerage.

for insubordination, 1882. Removed to Gallichud. Life, after all, is surely more Her MAJESTY has further been. pleased to dah, 1888. Part Author of The Governor-General's Than guineas, Belgrave Square, or confer the dignity of a Full Knight Grand Goose, and

who is to Cook It?

dinners. Commander of the First Class of the

JAMES WALLOP_BROWN, Esq., son of John most exalted Order of the Sceptre of India, Putney. Author of Brown's Digest of Synthetical WALLOP BROWN, Esq., of The Nut-crackers, Upper

Life is a race—but yet, before

You curse your luck, are those the onJOEY JAMES SMITH, Esq., THOMAS JEN- foola. 1885; Chourmgee, 1886, &c., &c. Illusions ! Collector of Naggerpore, 1886; Boora


H.R.H. the Jam of JOLLIPORE, the 29th descen

And so, old friend, content I jog BROWN, Esq., of the Bengal Civil Service. dant in direct line from GINGER KHAN, the con- Along, amidst life's hurry-skurry, And also that of an equal dignity of the queror of the Moguls. Garo 100,000 Rupees to the

And smoke my bird's-eye, sip my grog, same exalted Order, on His Royal Highness, foundation of the New Indian Hospital in the Mile Without a caro or thought

to worry.

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puttin' money by, you ought! That's right, tyke them snivellin' VOCES POPULI.

kids 'ome-blast me if ever I-&o., &o., &c. ON THE ICE,

(Exit party, pursued, by powerful metaphors.

The Egotistic Skater (in charge of a small Niece). Just see if you SCENE- The Serpentine. On the bank, several persons are having can get along by yourself a littlo-1'll come back presently. Praotise

their skates put on; practised Skaters being irritable and striking out. impatient, and others curiously the reverse, at any delay in

The Niece. But, Unode, directly I strike out, I fall down! the operation.

The E. S. (encouragingly). You will at first, till you get into itChorus of Unemployed Skate-Fasteners. 'Oo'll'ave a pair on for gives you confidence. Keep on at it-don't stand about, or you 'll an hour ? Good Sport to-day, Sir! Try a pair on, Mum! (to any catch cold. I shall be keeping my eye on you ! particularly stout Lady). Will yer walk inter my porler, Sir ? corpet

[Skates off to better ice. all the wy! 'Ad the plea- The Fancy Skater (to less accomplished Friend). This is a pretty sure o puttin' on your figure sort of variation of the “Cross Cut,” ending up with The skites last year, Miss! Best Vine;” it's done this way (illustrating), quarter of circle on outside skates in London, Sir ! edge forwards ; then sudden stop, (He sits down with violence.) [Exhibiting a primæval Didn't quite come off that time! pair.

The Friend. The sudden stop came off right enough, old fellow! The Usual Comic Cockney The F. S. I'll show you again-it's realy a neat thing when it's (to his Friend, who has un- well done ; you do it all on one leg, like this dertaken to instruct him).

[Executes an elaborate back-fall. No 'urry,, old man-this His Friend. You seem to do most of it on no legs at all, old ohap! joker ain't ’arf finished with The F. S. Haven't practised it lately, that's all. Now here's a me yet! [To Skate-Fast- figure I invented myself. “The Swooping Hawk” I call it.

ener.) Easy with that jim- His Friend (unkindlyas the F. 8. comes down in the form of a “Look here! This is rather a pretty figure.” 'orn, like a 'orse's 'oof! If ain't it?

let, Gav'nor. My eel ain't St. Andrew's Cross). Y-yes. More like a Spread Eagle though, you're goin' to strap me up as toight as all that, I shell’ave to go A Pretty Girl (to Mr. AСKMEY, who has been privileged to take to bed in them skites!... Well, what is it now!

charge of herself and her plain Sister). Do come and tell me if I'm Skate-Fastener. Reglar thing for Gen'lm'n as 'ires skates tor doing it right, Mr. AСKMEY. You said you'd go round with me! leave somethink bo’ind, jest as security like-anythink 'll do-a The Plain S. How can you be 80 selfish, FLORRIE ? You've had gold watch and chain, if yer got sech a thing about yer!

ever so much more practice than I have! Mr. AСKMEY, I wish The C. C. Oh, I dessay-not me!

you'd look at my left boot-it will go like that. Is it my ankle-or Skate-F. (wounded). Why, yer needn't be afroid! I shorn't what? And this strap is hurting me so! Couldn't you loosen it, run away-you'll find me 'ere when yer come back !

or take me back to the man, or something? FLORBIE can get on The C. C. Ah, that will be noice! But all the sime, a watoh is quite well alone, can't she ? a thing as slips out of mind so easy, yer know. You might go and Mr. 4. (temporising feebly). Er-suppose I give each of you a forgit all about it. 'Ere's a match-box instead ; it ain't silver! hand, eh?

Skate-F. (with respect). Ah, you do know the world, you do! The Plain S. No; I can't go along fast, like you and LAURA.

The C. c. Now, ALF, old man. I'm ready for yer! Give us 'old You promised to look after me, and I'm perfectly helpless alone ! of yer 'and... Go slow now. What's the Vestry about not to put The Pretty 8. Then, am I to go by myself, Mr. AcKMEY? some gravel down 'ere ? It's downright dangerous! Whoo-up! Mr. A. I-I think- just for a little, if you don't mind ! Blowed if I ain't got some other party's legs on!... Sloide more ? The Pretty S. Mind ? Not a bit! There's CLABA WILLOUGHBY Whadjer torking about! I'm sloidin' every way at once, I am! : and her brother on the next ring, I'll go over to them. Take good Stroike out?, I've strack sparks enough out of the back o' my'ed, care of Alice, Mr. ACEMBY., Good-bye for the present. if that's all!... Git up? Ketch me! I'm a deal syfer settin' [She goes ; ALICE doesn't think Mr. A. is

nearly so nice as he dayown, and I'll sty 'ere!

[He stays.

used to be." 4 Nervous Skater (hobbling cautiously down the bank-to Friend). The Reckless Rough. Now then, I'm on 'ere. Clear the way, all I-I don't know how I shall be in these, you know-haven't had a of yer! Parties must look out fur theirselves when they see me a pair on for years. (Striking out.) Well, come-(relieved) -skating's comin', I carn't stop fur nobody! one of those things you never forget-all a question of poise and

(Rushes round the ring at a tremendous pace. equi—confound the things! No, I'm all right, thanks—lump in An Admiring Sweeper (following his movements with enthusiasm). the ice, that's all I As I was saying, skating soon comes back to Theer he goes-the "Ornimental "Skyter! Look at 'im a buzzin'

thought I was gone that time! Stick_by me, old fellow, till I round! Lor, it's a treat to see 'im_bowlin' 'em all over like a lot begin to feel my Oh, hang it all!... Eh? surely we have been er bloomin' ninepins! Go it, ole FRANKY, my son—don't you stop on more than five minutes! Worst of skating is, your

feet get so to apollergise ! Ah, there he goes on his nut agen! E don't cold!... These are beastly skates. Did you hear that crack ? care, note! Orf he goes agin ! That's another on 'em Well, you may stay on if you like, but I'm not going to risk my down, and ole FRANKY atop --'e'll 'ave the ring all to isself life for a few minutes' pleasure !

(He returns to bank. presently! Up agin!_Oh, ain't he lovely! I never see his loike The Fond Mother (from bank, to Children on the ice). That's afore nowheres .. Round yer go-that's the stoyle! My eyes, right, ALMA, you're doing it beautifully-don't walk so much! if he ain't upset another - lydy this time--she's done 'er skytin (7o French Governess). Alma fay bocoo de progray, may elle ne fur the d'y, any 'ow! and ole FRANK knocked silly. Well, I glisse assez—nayse par, Ma'amzell

ain't larfed ser much in all my life!

[He is left laughing. Mademoiselle. C'est ELLA qui est la plus habile, elle patine déjà très bien-et aveo un aplomb!

The Curate to his Slippers.
The F. M. Wee-wee; may ELLA est la plus viaile, vous savvy.
Look at ELLA, ALMA, and see how she does it !

TAKE, oh take those boots away
Mad. Vous marchez toujours toujours, ALMA; tâchez donc de

That so nearly are out-worn ; glisser un petit peu-c'est beaucoup plus facile !

And those shoes remove, I prayAlma. Snay pas facile quand vous avez les skates toutes sur un

Pumps that but induce the corn ; oôté-comme moi, Ma'amzell!

But my slippers bring again, F. M. Ne repondy à Ma'amzell, Alma, and watch ELLA!

Bring againElla. Regardez-moi, ALMA. Je puis voler vite-oh, mais vite . . .

Works of love, but worked in vain, oh, I have hurt myself so !

Worked in vain ! Alma (with sisterly sympathy). That's what comes of trying to , ,

the bank. OUR Own First-class Clipper sends us the following from the A Paternal Skate- Fastener. 'Ere you are, Missie-set down on Manchester Guardian, Deo. 11th : thin'eheerbeer and you toes myelittie de arte or there woont doo GROCERY.— Wanted, a live Sugar Wrapper

. Apply, &e. no 'arm, Mum, bless '! Lemme tyke yer little akites orf, my pooties. I'll be keerful, Mum—got childring SH

HOE TRADE.-Wanted, good Hand-sewn Men. Apply, &c, Term. Governess). Sayt un homme avec un bong ker. DR40

3.2. Applyse og letter, stating experience, &o., to own o

RAPERY.—Wanted, for the first three weeks in January, several Men, Avez-vous-or-des ouivres, Ma'amzell?

The P. S. (disgustedly). Wot ?-on'y two bloomin' browns fur Would a Spirit Rapper be accepted for the first ? and a man who tykin' the skites or them two kids' trotters! I want a shellin ort had got a stitch in his side for the second ? As for the third, there o' you for that job, I do . “Not another penny" P Well, it are so many people sold at Christmas time, that to provide a few you do everythink as cheap as you do yer skiting, you orter be men for sale would be no very difficult task.

NOTICE.-Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether M8., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will

in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stampod and Addrossed Envelope, Cover, or Wrappor. To this rulo

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year 1585



I don't care to stop to see them-that's play-actin', that is—and I OUR SPORT AND ART EXHIBITION. don't 'old with it nohow! What are these two parties supposed to

be doin' of over here? What-Cardinal NEWMAN and Cardinal MANNING at the High Altar at the Oratory, Brompton! Come along, and don't encourage Popery by looking at such figures. I did. 'ear as they'd got Mrs. PEARCEY and the prambilator somewheres. I should like to see that, now.

IN THE CHILDREN'S GALLERY. An Aunt (who finds the excellent Catalogue a mine of useful information). Look, BOBBY, dear (reading). Here we have ConSTANTINE's Cat, as seen in the Nights of Straparola,' an Italian romancist, whose book was translated into French in the

Bobby (disappointed). Oh, then it isn't Puss in Boots !

4 Genial Grandfather (pausing, before." Crusoe and Friday). Well, PERCY, my boy, you know who that is, at all evento-eh?

Percy. I suppose it is STANLEY—but it's not very like.

The G. G. STANLEY !-Why, bless my soul, never heard of Robinson Crusoe and his man Friday ?

Percy. Oh, I've heard of them, of course, they come in Pantomimes—but I like more grown-up sort of books myself, you know. Is this girl asleep She?

The G. G. No at least-well, I expeot it's The Sleeping Beauty." You remember her, of course all about the ball, and the glass slipper, and her father picking a rose when the hedge grew round the palace, eh?

Percy. Ah, you see, Grandfather, you had more time for general reading than we get. (He looks through a practicable cottage window.) Hallo, a Dog and a Cat. Not badly stuffed ! The

G. G. Why that must be "Old Mother Hubbard." (Quoting from memory).

Old Mother Hubbard sat in a cupboard, eating a Christmas pie-or a bone was it ?"

Percy. Don't know. It's not in Selections from British Poetry,

which we have to get up for “rep.' DRAWING A BADGER,

The Aunt (reading from Catalogue). “The absurd ambulations of this antique person, and the equally absurd antics of her dog, need

no recapitulation." Here's " Jack the Giant Killer" next. Listen, VOCES POPULI.

BOBBY, to what it says about him here. (Reads.). "It is clearly AT THE REGENT STREET TUSSAUD'S.

the last transmutation of the old British legend told by GEOFFREY of

Monmouth, of CORINEUS the Trojan, the companion of the Trojan Before the effigy of Dr. Koce, who is represented in the act of BRUTUS, when he first settled in Britain. But more than this"_I

examining a test-tube with the expression of bland blamelessness hope you're listening, BOBBY P—" more than this, it is quite evident, peculiar to Wax Models.

even to the superficial student of Greek mythology, that many of Well-informed Visitor. That's Dr. Koca, making his great the main incidents and ornaments are borrowed from the tales of discovery!

HESIOD and HOMER.” Think of that, now!
Unscientific V. What did he dis-

[BOBBY thinks of it, with depression. cover ?

The G. G. (before figure of Aladdin's Uncle selling new lamps for Well-inf. V. Why, the Consump- old). Here you are, you see ! “ Ali Baba," got 'em all here, you see. tion Bacillus. He's got it in that Never read your " Arabian Nights," either! Is that the way they bottle he's holding up.

bring up boys nowadays! Unsc. V. And what's the good of Percy. Well, the fact is, Grandfather, that unless a fellow reads it, now he has discovered it ?

that kind of thing when he's young, he doesn't get a chance afterWell-inf. V. Good ? Why, it's wards. the thing that causes consumption, The Aunt (still quoting). "In the famous work,” BOBBY, "by which

we know MASUDI, he mentions the Persian Hezar Afsane-um-umUnsc. V. Then it's a pity he didn't um,- nor have commentators failed to notice that the occasion of the leave it alone!

book written for the Princess Homai resembles the story told in the Before a Scene representing " The Home Life At Sandringham.” Hebrew Bible about ESTHER, her mother or grandmother, by some

Persian Jew two or three centuries B.C.” Well, I never knew First Old Lady (with Catalogue). It says here that “the note that before! ... This is "Sindbad and the Old Man of the Sea". the page is handing may have come from Sir DIGHTON PROBYN, the let's see what they say about him. (Reads.) “Both the story of Comptroller of the Royal Household." Fanoy that!

Sindbad and the old Basque legend of Tartaro are undoubtedly borSecond Old Lady. He's brought it in in his fingers. Now that's rowed from the Odyssey of HOMER, whose Iliad and Odyssey were a thing I never allow in my house. I always tell ŠARAH to bring all translated into Syriac in the reign of HARUN-UR-RASHI." Dear, letters, and even circulars, in on a tray!

dear, how interesting, now! and, BOBBY, what do you think someone Before a Scene representing the late FRED ARCHER, mounted, on

says about “ Jack and the BeanstalkHe says—“this tale is an Ascot Race-course.

allegory of the Teutonio Al-fader, the red hen representing the all4. Sportsman. Ħ'm-ARCHER, eh? Shouldn't have backed his producing sun; the money bags, the fertilising rain; and the harp,

the windo.” Well, I'm sure it seems likely enough, doesn't it? mount in that race ! Before The Library at Hawarden."

[BOBBY suppresses a yawn ; PERCY's

feelings are outraged by

receiving a tin trumpet from the Lucky Tub; general move Gladstonian Enthusiast (to Friend, who, with the perverse ingenuity to the scene of the Hampstead Tragedy.

patrons of Wax-works, has been endeavouring to identify the Rev. JOHN WESLEY among the Cabinet in Doroning Street). Oh, never

Before the Hampstead Tableaux. mind all that lot, BETSY ; they 're only the Gover' ment! Here's Spectators. Dear, dear, there's the dresser, you see, and the dear Mr. and Mrs. GLADSTONE in this next! See, he's lookin' for window, broken and all; it's wonderful how they can do it! And something in a drawer of his side-board-ain't that natural ? And there's poor Mrs. 'OGG-it's real butter and a real loaf she's cutting, only look-a lot of people have been leaving Christmas cards on and the poor baby, too! . . . Here's the actual casts taken after him la pretty and touching tribute of affection, which is eminently they were murdered. Oh, and there's Mrs. PEABCEY wheeling the characteristic of a warm-hearted Public). I wish I'd thought operambulator-it's the very perambulator! No, not the very onebringing one with me!

they've got that at the other place, and the piece of toffee the baby Her Friend. So do I. We might send one 'ere by post-but sucked. Have they really! Oh, we must try and go there, too, it'll have to be a New Year Card now !

before the children's holidays are over. And this is all? Well, 4 Strict Old Lady (before next group). Who are these two? well, everything very nice, I will say. But a pity they couldn't get "Ms. 'ENERY IRVING, and Miss ELLEN TERRY in Faust, eh? No the real perambulator!

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