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“Well-er-fact is," said NICHOLAS, steadfastly keeping his eyes on tain that the House of Commons exceeded its jurisdiction when it archway, “WILFRID Lawson told me that if I was here about eleven ordered King CHABLES THE FIRST to be beheaded, but I never heard o'clook I would see PLUNKET and the ATTORNEY-GENERAL come out that it was proposed, after the Restoration, to expunge the Resolution under the archway dancing a pas de deux. Couldn't make out when from the books." I arrived what the illumination was for; asked LAWSON. 'Oh,' says Irreverent House went off into roars of langhter, amid which Mr. he, 'it's the First Commissioner's reminiscence of one of the alcoves Dick, more than ever bewildered, sat down, and presently went out to at Vauxhall Gardens.' Then he told me about PLUNKET and ask Miss Betsy Trotrood why they laughed. WEBSTER. Thought I'd like to see it. Do you think it's all right?" Business done.-Resolution of June, 1880, declaring BRADLAUGA
“Well," I said, “ALBERT ROLLIT did tell me something about ineligible to sit, expunged from journals. ATTORNEY-GENERAL going on the Spree. But that was in Germany, and he had his skates with him. Don't know how it'll be here: incommoded by inconvenient attentions will finally assume
Thursday.- As OLD MORALITY finely says, " The worm persistently You mustn't forget that WILFRID's something of a wag. Wouldn't
aggressive attitude.” So it has proved to-night. SYDNEY GEDGE advise you to wait much after eleven o'clock." House engaged all night on Tithes Bill
. Not particularly lively, when he rises; talk whilst he orates ; laugh when he is serious, are
long been object of contumelious attention. Members jeer at him Towards midnight TANNER, preternaturally quiet since House met, serious when he is facetions. But the wounded worm has turned at suddenly woke up, and, à propos de bottes, moved to report progress. last. SYDNEY has struck. GEDGE has been goaded once too often. COURTNEY down on him like cartload of bricks; declined to put Motion, declaring it abuse of forms of House. This rather depress: Been six hours in Chair in Committee on
It was COURTNEY brought it about. ing: in good old times there would
have þeen an outburst of Tithes Bill; feeling faint and weary, glad indignation in Irish camp; Chairman's ruling challenged, and to refresh himself with sparkling conversquabble agreeably occupied rest of evening. But times changed. sation of Grand Young GARDNER ; GEDGE No Irish present to back TANNER, who, with despairing look round, on his feet at moment in favourite orasubsided, and business went forward without further check,
torial attitude; pulverising Amendment Business done. - Tithes Bill in Committee. Tuesday. -Mr. Dick De LIDLE came down to House to-night fall he heard another voice.
moved by GRAY; thought, as he proceeded,
Could it be? of high resolve. Hadn't yet
been a Member of House when it shook Yes ; it was Chairman of Committees con-
his oath, whilst he (S. G.) was debating the Tithes
versing, with frivolous elderly young man his affirmation, and his stylographic Bill! Should he pass over this last indig.. pen. At that time was in Singapore, nity ? No; honour of House must be vinhelping Sir
FREDERICK WELD to govern dicated; lofty standard of debate must be
a blow. Was standing at the moment
“Sir," he said, bending angry brows on
That was all, but it was enough. HER-
BERT GARDNER slunk away. COURTNKY would oppose it; if necessary, De LISLE hastily turned over pages of the Bill; would assist them with argument. In hung down his guilty head, and tried to
In revolt. any case, they should have his yote. look as if it were Milman who had been engaged in conversation. Heard SOLICITOR-GENERAL with keen Now MILMAN was asleep. satisfaction. He showed not only the
Business done. - Level flow of Debate on Tithes Bill interrupted by undesirability and impossibility of revolt of SYDNEY GEDGE. acceding to proposition, but denounced
"absolutely childish." Mr. G. Friday.--Rather a disappointing evening from Opposition point of
followed; but Mr. G. said the same view. In advance, was expected to be brilliant field-night. Irish Exit!
kind of things eleven years ago, when Administration to be attacked all along line; necessity for new he was Leader of triumphant party, and had been defeated again and departure demonstrated. SHAW-LEFEVRE led off with Resolution again. Of course same fate awaited him now. Government had demanding establishment of Courts of Arbitration. Large muster of spoken through mouth of SOLICITOR-GENERAL, and there was an Members. Mr. G. in bis place; expected to speak; but presently end on't.
went off; others fell away, and all the running made from MinisteNot quite. STAFFORD NORTHCOTE, unaccustomed participant in rial Benches. SHAW-LEFEVRE roasted mercilessly. House roared debate, presented himself. Stood immediately behind OCD Mo- at SAUNDERSON's description of his going to interview Sultan, and BALITY, by way of testifying to bis unaltered loyalty. At same being shown into stable to make acquaintance of Sultan's horse. time he suggested that, after all, would be as well to humour BRAD- Prince ARTHUR turned on unhappy man full blast of withering LAUGH and his friends, and strike out Resolution. Then OLD scorn. Don't know whether SHAW-LEFEVRE felt it; some men MORALITY rose from side of SOLICITOR-GENERAL, and, unmindful of rather be kicked than not noticed at all; but Liberals felt they had that eminent Lawyer's irresistible argument and uncompromising been drawn into ridicnlous position, and mumured bad words. declaration, said, on the whole,” perhaps NORTHCOTE was right,
“What's the use," they ask, "of winning Hartlepool out of doors, and so mote it be.
if things are so managed that we are made ridiculous within ?". The elect of Mid-Leicestershire gasped for air. Did his ears
Business done. SHAW-LEFEVRE's Resolution on Irish Land deceive him, or was this the end of the famous BRADLAUGI inci-| Question negatived by 213 Votes against 152. dents ? OLD MORALITY, in his cheerful way, suggested that, as they were doing the thing, they had better do it unanimously. General cheer approved. DE LISLE started to his feet. One
“ Thermidor” up to Date. voice, at least, should be heard in protest against this shameful sur
(Toned down for English Reception.) render. Began in half-choked voice : evidently struggling against Last Act-On the road to the Guillotine-Hero, instead of Heroine, some strange temptation ; talked about the Parnell Commission ;
about to be executed-Heroine imploring Hero to sign paper. accused House of legalising atheism, and whitewashing treason; argued at length with Mr. G. on doctrine of excess of juris
Heroine. Attach but your signature, and you are free! diction. Observed, as he went on, to be waving his hands as if
Hero (after reading document in a tone of horror). What, a vow repelling some object; turned his head on one side as if he would to marry, with the prospect of a breach of promise case to follow !
[Exit to be guillotined. Curtain. fain escape apparition ; House looked on wonderingly. At length, Never!" Death is preferable ! with something like sudued sob, DE LISLE gave way, and Members learned what had troubled him. It was dear old Mr. Dick's com- AN ARTIST AND A WHISTLER.-M. COQUELIN has summoned M. plaint. Standing up to present his Memorial against tergiversation LISSAGARAY for having thrown a whistle at him
on the night of the of OLD MORALITY, De LISLE could not help dragging in head of Thermidor row. It is to be hoped that by this time M. LISSAGARAY CHARLES THE FIRST. As a Royalist,” he said, "I should main-' will have been made to pay for his whistle.
NOTICE.— Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether Ms., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Piotures of any description, will
in no case be returnod, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressod Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rula there will be no exception.
upon, and his motives readily inferred. It can be none other than
the husband's rich bachelor friend, the same who accompanies the (By Mr. Punch's Oron Type Writer.)
pair on all their expeditions, who is a constant guest at their No. XXIII.-THE TOLERATED HUSBAND.
house, and is known to be both lavish and determined in the
prosecution of any object on wbich he has set his heart. His It is customary for the self-righteous moralists who puff them- heart, in this instance, is set upon his friend's wife, and the selves into a state of Jingo complacency over the failings of foreign obstacles in his way do not seem to be very formidable. The case, nations, to declare with considerable unction that the domestic indeed, is soon too manifest for any one but a born idiot to feign hearth, which every Frenchman habitually tramples apon, is main- ignorance of it. The husband is not a born idiot-be
either sees it tained in unviolated purity in every British household. The
rude plainly, or (it may be, after a struggle) he looks another way, and shocks which Mr. Justice BUTT occasionally administers to the resigns himself to the inevitable. For inevitable it is, if he is to national conscience are readily forgotten, and the chorus of patriotic continue in that life of indolence and extravagant comfort which adulation is stimulated by the visits which the British censor finds habit has made a necessity for him. So he submits to the constant it necessary to pay (in mufti) to the courts of wickedness in con- companionship of a third party, and, in order to be truly tolerated tinental capitals. It may be that among our unimaginative race in his own household, becomes tolerant in a manner that is almost the lack of virtue is not presented in the gaudy trappings that sublime. He allows his friend to help him with large subventions delight our neighbours. Our wickedness is coarser and less attractive. of money; he lets him cover his wife with costly jewels. He is It gutters like a cheap candle when contrasted with the steady content to be supplanted without fuss, provided the supplanter never brilliancy of the Parisian article. Public opinion, too, holds amongst decreases the stream of his benevolence; and the supplanter, having us a more formidable lash, and wields it with a sterner and more more wealth than he knows what to do with, is quite content to frequent severity. But it is impossible to deny that our society, secure his object on such extremely easy terms. And thus the however strict its professed code may be, can and does produce Tolerated Husband is created. examples of those lapses from propriety which the superficial public It is curious to notice how cheerfully, to all outward appearance, deems to be typically and exclusively continental. Not only are they he accepts what other men would consider a disaster. Before the produced, but their production and their continuance are tolerated world he carries his head high with an assumption of genial frankby a certain class, possibly limited, but certainly influential. ness and easy good temper. “ Come and dine with us to-morrow, Amongst these examples, both of lapse and
my boy,” he will say to an old acquaintance, of toleration, the Tolerated Husband holds a
"there'll only be yourself and a couple of foremost place. Certain conditions are necessary
others besides ourselves. We'll go to the play for his proper production. He must be not only
afterwards.” And the acquaintance will most easy-going, but unprincipled, – unprincipled,
certainly discover, if he accepts the invitation, that is, rather in the sense of having no particular
that the "ourselves " included not only busband principles of any kind than in that of possessing
and wife, but friend as well. He will also and practising notoriously bad ones. He must
notice that the last is even more at home in have a fine contempt for steady respectability,
the house, and speaks in a tone of greater and an irresistible inclination to that glittering
authority than the apparent host. Everything style of untrammelled life which is believed by
is referred to him for decision, and the master those who live it to be the true Bohemianism.
of the house treats him with a deferential huHe should be weak in character, he may be
mility which goes far to contradict the cynical pleasant in manner and appearance, and he
observation that there is no gratitude on earth. must be both poor and extravagant. If to these
The Tolerated Husband, indeed, never tires of qualities be added, first a wife, young, good
dispensing hospitality at the cost of his friend, looking, and in most respects similar to her
and though the whole world knows the case, husband, though of a stronger will, and secondly
there will never be a lack of guests to accept a friend, rich, determined, strictly unprincipled,
what is offered. and thoronghly unscrupulous, the conditions
At last, however, in spite of his toleration, he which produce the Tolerated Husband may be
becomes an encumbrance in his own house, said to be complete.
and, like most encumbrances, he has to be The Tolerated Husband may have been at one time an officer in a paid off, the friend providing the requisite annual income. One good regiment. Having married, he finds that his pay, combined after another he puts off the last remaining rags of his pretended with a moderate private income, and a generous allowance of in- self-respect. He haunts his Clubs less and less frequently, and debtedness, due to the gratification of expensive tastes, is insufficient seems to wither under the open dislike of those who are repelled by to maintain him in that position of comfort to which he conceives the mean and sordid details of his despicable story. And thus he himself to be entitled. He therefore abandons the career of arms, and drags on his life, a degraded and comparatively
impoverished outcast, becomes one of those who attempt spasmodically to redeem com-untidy, haggard and shunned, having forfeited by the restriction of mercial professions from the taint of mere commercialism by his spending powers even the good-natured contempt of those who becoming commercial themselves. It is certain that the gilded were not too proud to be at one time mistaken for his friends. society which turns up a moderately aristocratio nose at trade and tradesmen, looks with complete indulgence upon an ex-officer who dabbles in wine, or associates himself with a new scheme for the
LABOURS FOR LENT. easy manufacture of working-men's boots. An agency to a Fire and Life Assurance Society is, of course, above 'reproach, and the Stock Emperor of Germany. - To conciliate the great men who have had Exchange, an institution which, in the imagination of reckless fools, to prefix “Ex” to their official titles since he ascended the Throne. provides as large a cover as charity, is positively enviable- & repu- Emperor of Russia. – To find a resting-place safe from the tation wbich it owes to the fancied ease with which half-a-crown is Nihilists. converted into one hundred thousand pounds by the mere stroke of King
of Italy. - To do without CRISPI, and the Triple
Alliance. an office pen.
The Emperor of Austria.—To master the subject of Home Rule as The Tolerated Husband tries all these methods, one after applied to Austria, Hungary, and the Bulgarian Nationalities. another, with a painful monotony of failure in each. Yet, some- King of Portugal. To settle the Map of Africa with Lord SALIShow or other, he still keeps up appearances, and manages to live BURY. in a certain style not far removed from luxury. He entertains The President of the French Republic.—To adapt Thermidor for his friends at elaborate dinners, both at home and at expensive the German stage. restaurants; he is a frequent visitor at theatres, where he often The President of the American Republic.—To bless the McKinley pays for the stalls of many others as well as for his own. He Tariff. takes a small house in the country, and fills it with guests, to The Marquis of Salisbury.—To consider with his son and heir the whom he offers admirable wines, and excellent cigars. His wife is Roman Catholic Disabilities Removal Bill. always beautifully dressed, and glitters with an array of jewels Mr. W. H. Smith. To renew his stock of Copy-book proverbs. which make her the envy of many a steady leader of fashion. Mr. Gladstone.-To compile and annotate a new volume of GleanThe world begins to ask, vaguely at first, but with a constantly ings, containing the Quarterly Article on
Vaticanism," " and the increasing persistence, how the thing, is done. Respectability and speech in support of the Ripon-plus-Russell Relief Bill. malice combine to whisper a truthful answer. Starting from the Mr. Goschen.–To divide the coming Surplus to everyone's aziom that the precarious income which is produced by a want of satisfaction. success in many branches of business cannot support luxury or Mr. Balfour.-To learn to love both wings of the Irish Party, purchase diamonds, they arrive, per saltum, at the conclusion that Mr. Justin McCarthy. To discover his exact position. there must be some third party to provide the wife and the hus- Mr. S. B. Bancroft.-To regard with satisfaction his gift to band with means for their existence. His name is soon fixed General Dealer BOOTH.
A Pindaric Fragment. (A long way after Gray.)
TOMMY ATKINS'S HARD LOT. “TOMMY ATKINS," writing modestly enough to the Daily Chronicle of the 6th February, complains that the coal supplied by the Authorities for barrack-rooms, is so limited in quantity that “during the winter this, as a rule, only lasts about two days' in the week, and Tommy and his comrades have to “club-up" to supply the deficiency out of their own microscopical pay. “In fact” (says T. A.) “I have been in barrackrooms where the men have had no fires after the first two days of the week.” If this be 80, Mr. Punch agrees with Tommy in saying, Surely this ought not to be!" TOMMY ATKIN8 may reasonably be expooted to "stand fire” at any season, but not the absence of it in such wintry weather as we have had recently!
If this is poor Tommy ATKINS's lot, : As Tommy might say, It is all Tommy-rot!
COLUMBIA ON HER SPARROW.
(With Apologies to William Cartwright.) [“ The Americans have had enough of the Sparrow (Passer domesticus), and the mildest epithet reserved for him seems to be that of 'pest.'” - Daily Chronicle.) TELL mo not of joy,- a hum! Now the British Sparrow's oome.
Sent first was he
Across the sea,
When he winged way o'er Yankee soil,
My caterpillar swarms he'd spil;
My fields he'd skip,
And peck, and nip,
And nought should crawl, or hop, or rin
When he his hearty meal had doir.
A plague, alas !;
That doth surpass
Check him I can't. What shall I do?
The British Sparrow won't depart,
Would he away
I would not, nay! And give to pæans all thy sounding With sleek-pruned plumes, and close- About mere caterpillars fuss. strings! farled wing
Patience with grubs and moths were mine, Here is a triumph joyfuller than Spring's. Will calmly cackle, and put by
Would he but pass across the brine. Jeunesmacksof Summer rather, and must take The terrors of his beak, the lightnings of I call Passer Domestic Cuss!
Tempered to thy pleasant sway,
"HERE WE HARE AGAIN!"-There are Stately Sir FRANCIS ! Blue and Buff, Orange and Green,
two Johnnies on the stage. JOHNNY Senior See how late-knighted Justice moves along, In polychromatic harmony are seen,
being J, L. TOOLE (now on his way home High, majestic, smooth and strong,
As on a bright Jeune day.
from New Zealand), and JOHNNY Junior, JOAN Through Cupid's maze and Neptuno's mighty And now JEUNE triumphs in no minor mel- HARE, both immensely popular as comedians, main
and both in high favour with our most illus(0 Wimpole Street, uplift the strain !) Judicial Pomp and Social Pleasure
trious and judicious Patron of the Drama, Toward that proudly portal'd door.
Now indeed make marvellous meeting. A R.H. the Prince of WALES. It is gratifySilk gowns and snowy wigs raise the ap- See with suasion firmly sweet
ing to learn that, after the performance of plausive roar! That brisk trio, gaily greeting
A Pair of Spectacles at Sandringham, the O Sovereign of the Social Soul, To that portal guide his feet.
Prince presented the Janior of these two Lady of bland and comfort - breathing Neptune's hoarse hails his friend's approach Johnnies with a silver cigar-box. In the airs,
right-hand corner of the lid is engraved a Enchanting hostess ! Business cares Probate, the winged sprite, about must play; hare looking through a pair of spectacles, and And Party passion own thy soft control. With wanton wings that winnow the soft air inside is a dedication to JOHN HARE from In thy saloons the Lord of War
In gliding state Lord Cupid leads the way ALBERT EDWARD. “Pretty compliment this," Muffles the wheels of his wild car,
To where grave Law must mark, assay, reprove as Sir WILL SOMERS, the Court Jester, might And drops his thirsty lance at thy command. Wanderings of young Desire, and lures of have said, -- "to JOHNNY HARE from the Hare Smoothed by a snowy hand,