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ENCOURAGEMENT. Professional Gulfer (in answer to anxious question). “WEEL, NO, SIR, AT YOUR TIM& o' LIFE, YE CAN NEVER HOPE TO BECOME A PLAYER;

BUT IF YE PRACTISE HARD FOR TAREE YEARS, YE MAY BE ABLE TO TELL GOOD PLAY FROM BAD WHEN YE SEE IT!”.

up fine.

THE “PAPER-CHASE."

For them makes my bosom as glad

A8-Big Surplus, and Popular Budget; The Hare (with many financial friends)

And so I should like to secure them a rua,
loquitur :-

Combining snug safety with plenty of fun.
HERE goes ! 'Tis a rather now line- I don't want to lessen their speed,
But that is no very great matter.

I don't want to hamper their daring;
If they've faith in a lead, 'tis in mine, But rashness won't always succeed –
So a tentative trail let me scatter.

Just ask that smart runner, young
The old track of country this time I'll forsake; B-R-xa!

[line I trust they'll not think I have made á And that's why I'm trying.

strike a new mistake?

For our Paper-Chase-outting the “Paper"
That old line of country they know,
Across it for years they've been rangers,

I scatter it wide. Will it float ?
All right, when the going is slow,

Of course for awhile there's no knowing ;
When 'tis fast, are they fly to its dangers ? But I shall be able to note,
For Hares to raise scares 'midst the Hounds By the sequel, which way the wind's
were improper,

blowing.

[notes, in full flight. But how if the pack come a general cropper ! There ! Look like white-birds, or bank.

Now, lads, double up! There's not one yet Remarkably near it last time,

in sight! Though some of 'em didn't suspect it; But I spy the peril! 'Twero orime

Of course I'm ahead of my field, If I did not help them to deteot it.

As a Hare worth his salt ever should be. If they don't like my trail they must give My Hounds, though, are mostly spring-heeled. me the sack ;

Eh? Funk it ? I'don't think that could be ! I'd rather be bullied than break up the pack. For pluck and for pace. There's the trail, —

The L. S. D. Harriers' lick others hollow
They fancy I'll keep the old course,

will they follow ?
There or thereabout. But I've a notion !
They'll grumble perhaps, with some force,
But they're not going to flurry G. GOSCHEN.

“SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.”- You need Of this havresack there have been some smart not go to Holland to see the Hague. You may carriers

find it-him we mean-at DOWDESWELL'S I'll make 'em sit up, though, the L. 8. D. Gallery. Here you can repel in a good fit of Harriers !

the Hague without shivering. Indeed, Mr.

ANDERSON HAGUE, judging from his pictures I love 'em, each supple-shanked lad, of North Cambria, seems to be very fit, and

'Most as much as-Statistics. To trudge it therefore, he may be called an HAGUE-fit.

A CAN(NES) DID CONFESSION.

(By a Suffering Angelina.) You write to me, sweetest, with envy

Of "zephyrs” and “summerlike stars; " You say women, horses, and men vie

In chorus of croups and catarrhs;
You picture me safe from the snarling

Of Winter's tyrannical sway:
This isn't, believe me, my darling,

The Mediterranean way.
You rave of the "shimmering light on

An ocean pellucidly fair.”
You get it, my darling, at Brighton,

And coals that can warm you are there ;
Of boughs with hot oranges breaking”.

Cold comfort, while fortunes we pay
For faggots that mock us in making

Their Mediterranean way!
You dream of me rapt by a casement

Mimosa caresses and rose ;
This window was surely the plaoe meant

For mistral to buffet my nose.
Of tennis and dances and drums in

"That Eden for Eyes"- did you say? Apt phrase ! Nothing masculine comes in

Our Mediterranean way.
And “Esterel's amethyst ranges

Of gossamer shapes”-and the rest.
Good gracious, how scenery changes !

They too have a cold on their chest. At "delicate lungs,". dear, and so on

No more for this climate I'll play, But homeward in ecstasy go on

My Mediterranean way. ;

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Right Hon. GEO. J. G-ECB-N (the Hare). “ WONDER WHETHER THEY'LL FOLLOW ?"

THE OLD WOMAN AND HER WATER SUPPLY,

(An Old Nursery Rhyme with a new burden.)
THERE Was an old Woman, as I've heard say,
The frost froze her water-pipes fast one day;
The frost froze her water-pipes fast at first,
Till a thaw came at last, and the water-pipes burst.
By came the Company, greedy of gain,
And it cut her water all off at the main,
It cut her water off sharp, if you please,
Though it wasn't her fault that the pipes began to freeze.
It wasn't her fault that the water-pipes burst.
So she had no water for cleansing or thirst,
She had no water, and she began to cry,

Oh, what a cruel buzzum has a Water Company
But I'll repair the pipes, since so it must be,
And the plumber, I'm aware, will make pickings out
If there's a frost I've no water for my pail,
And if there's a thaw then the rate-collectors rail.”
On Law the old Woman is entirely in the dark ;
There seems (no one to save her from the fresh-water

shark ;
The shark 'does what he likes, and she can only ory,
• Who'll help a poor old Woman 'gainst the Water

Company ?”

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66

MOI-MEM. “Moi-Même," in the course of his pleasant Worldly wanderings among things in general, observes, à propos of the younger COQUELIN's suggestion about lectures by professors of the Dramatic Art to youthfal students,

One can scarcely fancy a more humorous sight than Mr. TOOLE giving a professional lecture to dramatic aspirants, telling them when to wink, when to wheeze, when to 'scuse his glove, ,'" &c. Now it so happens that when this same idea was first started -or perhaps_revived some eleven years ago, Professor TOOLE's Lecture to Students of the Dramatio Art was given in Mr. Punch's pages. The lecture, one of a series supposed to he given by various actors, will be found in Vol. LXXVIII., page 93. It appeared on the 28th of February, 1880.

THE OYSTERS AT WHITSTABLE FROZEN IN THEIR BEDS !

(See Daily Papers.)

Note by a Nomad.
SMITH, of Coalville, imagines that Civilised Man
Falls too much to the rear if he lives in a Van;
But Caravan-dwellers, with force and urbanity,
Declare that SMITH's views of Van life are pure vanity!

supply should be provided for the submerged half of the population, THE HIGHEST EDUCATION;

and they could not grumble at these things, but what they did not Or, what is looming a-head.

consider necessary was, that a salary should be forthcoming for

each pupil-teacher sufficient to enable him or her to drive down A DEPUTATION on behalf of the Exasperated Ratepayers' Associa- to the schools in their own carriage and pair. (Much laughter.) tion waited yesterday afternoon on the Chairman of the London He did not think it a laughing matter. He would strongly suggest School Board at their new and commodious palatial premises erected a diminution of at least £1000° a-year in the salaries of these overon the vast central site recently cleared, regardless of expense, for paid officials. that purpose in Piccadilly, and presented a further protest against The Chairman here asked the speaker if he had considered that the ever-increasing expenditure indulged in by that body. The descending" from a carriage was necessarily connected with the Chairman, smilingly intimating that he would hear what the Depų- teaching of Deportment, on which the Board set great value? Was tation had to say, though he added, amidst the ill-suppressed merri- he not aware that some great man had said, wishing to give Deportment of his confrères, he supposed it was the old sing-song protest, ment its proper weight as an educational factor, that the Battle of possibly on this occasion because they had recently directed that the Waterloo (at least he thought he was quoting correctly) was won at boys attending the schools of the Board should come in “Eton" Almacks ? (Renewed laughter.) Anyhow, he did not consider that suits, the cost of which naturally, fell upon the rates, or some £2,500 a-year, and a house in Mayfair, was at all an excessive remucaptious objection of_that kind, which it really was a waste of neration for a School-Board teacher, as measured by the Board's breath to discuss. However, whatever it was, he added, he was standard. He thought, if that was all the Deputation had to urge, willing to hear it.

that they might have saved themselves the trouble their protest had The Spokesman of the Deputation, a Dake in reduced circumstances, cost them. who ascribed his ruin to the heavy rates he had been called upon to

The Spokesman having for a few moments consulted with his pay through the extravagance of the Board, and who

declined to give colleagues, hereupon turned to the Chairman, and delivering with his name, said that though they had not thought the Eton suits a fearful emphasis the customary curse on the School Board, its necessity, still it was not against them that they had to protest... It Chairman, and all its belongings, at the same time thanking the was the addition of Astronomy involving the erection (with fitting Chairman' for his courteous reception of the Deputation, silently first-class instruments) of 341 observatories in the London district and sulkily withdrew. alone, Chinese, taught by 500 native Professors imported from Pekin for the purpose, horse-riding, yachting, and the church organ (these last two being compulsory), together with the use of the tricycle, DBURIOLANUS AND DANCING. -The Fancy Dress Ball-not a “Ball type-writer,land phonograph, all of which instruments were provided Marsky"-at Covent Garden, last Tuesday week, was a great for every single pupil at the expense of the ratepayers, to the curri- success, on which DBURIOLANUS FORTUNATUS is hereby congratuonlum of all those pupils who were fitted for the third standard. The lated. There is to be a similar festivity, to celebrate Mi-Carême. speaker said he knew that it had long been settled that the finest and Quite appropriate this date, when the season is half Lent, and the most comprehensive eduoation that our advanced civilisation could costumes almost all borrowed.

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