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And so he hawks your jest about,
The old, authentic one,
And leaving out the pun!
5. You follow up a stylish card
That bids you come and dine,
(To pay for musty wine ;)
My lady bounces in,
And why you don't begin !
6. You're telling to a knot of friends
A fancy-tale of woes
The story of your strife,
You quarrel with your wife!
7. My dear young friend, whose shining wit
Sets all the room ablaze,
For all your merry ways;
Be stupid, if you can,
To be a funny man!
SOMETHING ABOUT NOTHING.-FBOM SALAD FOR THE SOLITARY.
1. NOTHING will now be presented to the reader for his contemplation. If we offer nothing, nothing will, of course be expected, and nothing we may write will offend any one, provided we stick to our text.
way the subject theme may gang,
Perhaps turn out a sermon.” 2. We have therefore determined to offer nothing, for which no apology will be required. Every thing is of some value and interest to somebody, but nothing concerns nobody —and is a nonentity.
Permit us then to offer a word or two suggestive of this remarkable negative noun, this cipher in numbers—so frequently in vogue, yet never in existencefor certainly nothing can offend, if nothing is affirmed.
3. Perhaps you may remember some occasions when nothing was preferable to anything,—the next of kin to nothing is nobody—and certainly there have been sundry times and seasons when nobody would have been preferred to anybody:it is not impossible that nothing, on the present occasion, may be preferred to anything else, and this is our apology for presenting so dark, mysterious and occult a subject to your contemplation. Out of nothing what marvels have sprung into being.
4. Nothing is a momentous affair-it must be of importance to some, and to affirm this of none, would be to assert it of all-since nothing is more self-evident than that two negatives create a positive. If nothing engages our attention at present, nothing interests us, (if we may be pardoned the ill. disguised egotism,) we are talking about nothing, and we shall gain nothing by anything that may be said.
5. Nothing is certainly a fact, and yet every fact is something-nothing seems to be intangible and ideal, and yet it is
a reality—with all our labored attempts at its exposition, we inust sum up all and confess it is a mysterious somethingsome may think we are making a great deal out of nothing; this is just what we purpose to effect. The fact is there is no end to nothing—it is a circle without beginning or end-and we are persuaded we shall never get the end of our theme, unless we leave off as we commenced. The words of an old song seem to chime in here so well, that we must be excused for citing them in this place.
6. “ The ancients have work’d upon each thing in nature,
Describ'd its variety, genius and feature;
7. “ This world came from nothing, at least so says history;
Of course about nothing there's something of mystery;
8. Thinking of nothing is some folk's enjoyment,
Doing of nothing is many's employment;
9. There's something in nothing exceedingly clever;
Nothing will last out for ever and ever;
10. That life is all nothing its plainer and plainer,
So he who gets nothing is surely a gainer;
TO A FLY TAKEN OUT OF A BOWL OF PUNCH.-WOLCOT.
1. Ah! poor intoxicated little knave,
Why not content the cakes alone to munch?
Thus Death as well as pleasure dwells with Punch.
2. Now let me take thee out and moralize :-
Forever hankering after Pleasure's cup:
But in goes every nose--they must, will sup.
3. Mad are the passions, as a colt untamed !
When prudence mounts their backs to ride them mila.
Gadsbud ! my buzzing friend, thou art not dead;
And kicking, lo, again, thou movest another !
And, finding it, thou rubbest thy two hands, Much as to say : “ I'm glad I'm here again.” And well may'st thou rejoice—'tis very plain,
That near wert thou to Death's unsocial lands.
5. And now thou rollest on thy back about,
Now turnest on the table making rings;
Now fluttering the nectar from thy silken wings,
Preparatory now to leave me—farewell, fly! 6. Go, join thy brothers on yon sunny board, And rapture to thy family afford
There wilt thou meet a mistress, or a wife, That saw thee drunk, drop senseless in the stream, Who gave, perhaps, the wide resounding scream,
And now sits groaning for thy precious life. 7. Yes, go and carry comfort to thy friends,
And wisely tell them thy imprudence ends.
Whilst Punch, the grinning, merry imp of sin,
Then, like an alligator, drags him in!