out into several digreffions, finds a hint that puts him in mind of another ftory, which he promises to tell you when this is done; comes back regularly to his fubject, cannot readily call to mind fome perfon's name, holding his head, complains of his memory; the whole company all this while in fufpence; at length fays, it is no matter, and fo goes on. And, to crown the business, it perhaps proves at last a story the company has heard fifty times before; or, at beft, fome infipid adventure of the relater.

Another general fault in converfation, is that of those who affect to talk of themselves: Some, without any ceremony, will run over the history of their lives; will relate the annals of their diseases, with the several symptoms and circumstances of them; will enumerate the hardships and injuftice they have fuffered in court, in parliament, in love, or in law. Others, are more dextrous, and with great art will lie on the watch to hook in their own praife: They will call a witness to remember, they always foretold what would happen in fuch a cafe, but none would believe them; they advised such a man from the beginning, and told him the confequences, juft as they happened; but he would have his own way. Others, make a vanity of telling their faults; they are the ftrangest men in the world; they cannot diffemble; they own it is a folly; they have loft abundance of advantages by it; but if you would give them the world, they cannot help it; there is fomething in their nature

that

that abhors infincerity and conftraint; with many other infufferable topicks of the fame altitude.

Of fuch mighty importance every man is to himfelf, and ready to think he is fo to others; without once making this eafy and obvious reflection, that his affairs can have no more weight with other men, than their's have with him; and how little that is, he is fenfible enough.

Where company has met, I often have obferved two perfons discover, by fome accident, that they were bred together at the fame school or university; after which, the rest are condemned to filence, and to listen while these two are refreshing each other's memory, with the arch tricks and paffages of themfelves and their comrades.

I know a great officer of the army who will fit for fome time with a fupercilious and impatient filence, full of anger and contempt for those who are talking; at length of a fudden demand audience, decide the matter in a fhort dogmatical way; then withdraw within himself again, and vouchsafe to talk no more, until his fpirits circulate again to the fame point.

There are fome faults in converfation, which none are fo fubject to as the men of wit, nor ever fo much as when they are with each other. If they have opened their mouths, without endeavouring to fay a witty thing, they think it is fo many words loft: it is a torment to the hearers, as much as to themfelves, to fee them upon the rack for invention, and in perpetual complaint, with fo little fuccefs. They muft do fomething extraordinary, VOL. V.

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in order to acquit themselves, and answer their character, elfe the ftanders-by may be disappointed, and be apt to think them only like the rest of mortals. I have known two men of wit induftriously brought together, in order to entertain the company, where they have made a very ridiculous figure, and provided all the mirth at their own expence.

I know a man of wit, who is never eafy but where he can be allowed to dictate and prefide; he neither expects to be informed or entertained, but to difplay his own talents. His bufinefs is to be good company, and not good converfation; and therefore he choofes to frequent thofe who are content to liften, and profefs themselves his admirers. And indeed, the worst converfation I ever remember to have heard in my life, was that at Will's coffeehoufe, where the wits (as they were called) ufed formerly to affemble; that is to fay, five or fix men, who had writ plays, or at least prologues, or had share in a mifcellany, came thither, and entertained one another with their trifling compofures, in fo important an air, as if they had been the nobleft efforts of human nature, or that the fate of kingdom's depended on them; and they were ufually attended with an humble audience of young ftudents from the inns of courts, or the univerfities; who, at due diftance, liftened to these oracles, and returned home with great contempt for their law and philofophy, their heads filled with trash, under the name of politenefs, criticifm, and belles lettres.

By thefe means, the poets, for many years paft, were all over-run with pedantry. For, as I take it, the word is not properly used; because pedantry is the too frequent or unfeafonable obtruding our own knowledge in common difcourfe, and placing too great a value upon it; by which definition, men of the court, or the army, may be as guilty of pedantry, as a philofopher or a divine; and it is the fame vice in women, when they are over-copious upon the fubject of their petticoats, or their fans, or their china. For which reafon, although it be a piece prudence, as well as good manners, to put men upon talking on fubjects they are beft verfed in, yet that is a liberty a wife man could hardly take; because, befide the imputation of pedantry, it is what he would never improve by.

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The great town is ufually provided with fome player, mimick, or buffoon, who has a general reception at the good tables; familiar and domefic with perfons of the first quality, and usually sent for at every meeting to divert the company; against which I have no objection. You go there as to a farce or a puppet-show; your business is only to laugh in feafon, either out of inclination or civility, while this merry companion is acting his part. It is a bufinefs he has undertaken, and we are to fuppofe he is paid for his day's work. I only quarrel, when in felect and private meetings, where men of wit and learning are invited to pafs an evening, this jefter fhould be admitted to run over his circle of tricks, and make the whole company unfit for R 2

any

any other converfation, befide the indignity of confounding mens talents at fo fhameful a rate.

Raillery is the fineft part of converfation; but, as it is our ufual cuftom to counterfeit and adulterate whatever is too dear for us, fo we have done with this, and turned it all into what is generally called repartee, or being fmart; juft as when an expenfive fashion comes up, those who are not able to reach it, content themfelves with fome paltry imitation. It now paffes for raillery to run a man down in difcourfe, to put him out of countenance, and make him ridiculous; fometimes to expofe the defects of his perfon or understanding; on all which occafions, he is obliged not to be angry, to avoid, the imputation of not being able to take a jeft. It is admirable to obferve one who is dextrous at this art, fingling out a weak adverfary, getting the laugh on his fide, and then carrying all before him. The French, from whence we borrow the word, have a quite different idea of the thing, and fo had we in the politer age of our fathers. Raillery, was to fay fomething that at firft appeared a reproach or reflection, but, by fome turn of wit unexpected and furprifing, ended always in a compliment, and to the advantage of the person it was addreffed to. And furely one of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish we had rather left unfaid: nor can there any thing be well more contrary to the ends for which people meet together, than to part unfatisfied with each other or themselves.

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