indeed, the British Dumpling at that Time, was little better than what we call a Stone Dumpling, nothing else but Flour and Water: But every Generation growing wifer and wifer, the Project was improv'd, and Dumpling grew to be Pudding: One Projector found Milk better than Water; another introduc'd Butter; fome added Marrow, others Plumbs; and fome found out the Ufe of Sugar; fo that, to speak Truth, we know not where to fix the Genealogy or Chronology of any of thefe Pudding Projectors, to the Reproach of our Hiftorians, who eat fo much Pudding, yet have been so Ungrateful to the firft Profeffors of this most noble Science, as not to find them a Place in History.

The Invention of Eggs was merely accidental, two or three of which having cafually roll'd from off a Shelf into a Pudding, which a good Wife was making, the found herself under a Neceffity either of throwing away her Pudding, or letting the Eggs remain; but concluding from the innocent Quality of the Eggs, that they would do no Hurt, if they did no Good, fhe wifely jumbl'd 'em all together, after having carefully pick'd out the Shells; the Confequence is eafily imagined, the Pudding became a Pudding of Puddings; and the Use of Eggs from thence took its Date. The Woman was sent for to Court to make Puddings for King John, who then fway'd the Scepter; and gain'd fuch Favour, that fhe was the making of her whole Family. I cannot conclude this Paragraph without owning, I receiv'd this important Part of the Hiftory of Pudding from old Mr. Lawrence of Wilfden-Green, the greatest Antiquary of the prefent Age.

From that Time the English became fo famous for Puddings, that they are call'd Pudding-Eaters all over the World, to this Day.

At her Demife, her Son was taken into Favour,

and

and made the King's chief Cook; and fo great was his Fame for Puddings, that he was call'd Jack Pudding all over the Kingdom, tho' in Truth, his real Name was John Brand, as by the Records of the Kitchen you will find: This John Brand, or Jack Pudding, call him which you pleafe, the French have it Jean Boudin, for his Fame had reached France, whofe King would have given the World to have had our Jack for his Pudding-Maker. This Jack Pudding, I fay, became yet a greater Fa vourite than his Mother, infomuch that he had the King's Ear as well as his Mouth at Command; for the King, you must know, was a mighty Lover of Pudding; and Jack fitted him to a Hair, he knew how to make the most of a Pudding; no Pudding came amifs to him, he would make a Pudding out of a Flint-ftone, comparatively speaking. needless to enumerate the many forts of Pudding, he made, fuch as Plain Pudding, Plumb Pudding, Marrow Pudding, Oatmeal Pudding, Carrot Pudding, Saucefage Pudding, Bread Pudding, Flower Pudding, Suet Pudding, and in fhort, every Pudding but Quaking Pudding, which was folely invented by, and took its Name from our good Friends of the Bull and Mouth beforementioned, notwithstanding the many Pretenders to that Projection.

It is

But what rais'd our Hero in the Efteem of this Pudding-eating Monarch, was his Second Edition of Pudding, he being the firft that ever invented the Art of Broiling Puddings, which he did to fuch Perfection, and fo much to the King's liking, (who had a mortal Averfion to Cold Pudding,) that he thereupon instituted him Knight of the Gridiron, and gave him a Gridiron of Gold,the Enfign of that Order, which he always wore as a Mark of his Sovereign's Favour; in fhort, Jack Pudding, or Sir John, grew to be all in all with good King John; he did nothing without him, they were Finger and

Glove; and, if we may our very good Friend had

believe Tradition, no fmall Hand in

the Magna Charta. If fo, how much are all Englishmen indebted to him? in what Repute ought the Order of the Gridiron to be, which was inftituted

his

to do Honour to this wonderful Man? But alas ! how foon is Merit forgot? how impudently do the Vulgar turn the moft ferious Things into Ridicule, and mock the most folemn Trophies of Honour ? for now every Fool at a Fair, or Zany at a Mountebank's Stage, is call'd Jack Pudding, has a Gridiron at his Back, and a great Pair of Spectacles at his Buttocks, to ridicule the moft noble Order of the Gridiron. Which Spectacles are a moft ungrateful Reflection on the Memory of that great Man, whofe indefatigable Application to Bufinefs, and deep Study in that occult Science, rendered him Poreblind; to remedy which Misfortune, he had always a Squire follow'd him, bearing a huge Pair of Spectacles to faddle his Honour's Nofe, and fupply his much-lamented Defect of Sight. But whether fuch an Unhappiness deserves not rather Pity than Ridicule, I leave to the Determination of all good Chriftians: I cannot but fay, it raifes my Indignation, when I see these Paunchgutted Fellows ufurping the Title and Atchievements of my dear Sir John, whofe Memory I fo much venerate, nor can I always contain my felf. I remember to my Coft, I once carry'd my Refentment a little farther than ordinary; in furiously affaulting one of those Rafcals, I tore the Gridiron from his Back, and the Spectacles from his A-e ; for which I was apprehended, carried to Pye-powder Court, and by that tremendous Bench fentenced to moft fevere Pains and Penalties.

This has indeed a little tam'd me, infomuch that I keep my Fingers to my felf, but at the fame time let my Tongue run like a Devil; Forbear vile Mifcreaturs,

creants, cry I, where- e'er I meet thefe Wretches? for bear to afcribe to your felves the Name and Honours of Sir John Pudding? content your felves with being Zanies, Pickled-Herrings, Punchionellos, but dare not fcandalize the noble Name of Pudding: Nor can I, notwithstanding the Clamours and Ill Ufage of the Vulgar, refrain bearing my Testimony against this manifeft piece of injuftice.

What pity is it therefore, fo noble an Order fhould be loft, or at leaft neglected. We have had no Account of the real Knights of the Gridiron, fince they appeared under the fictitious Name of the KitKat Club: In their Poffeffion was the very Gridiron of Gold worn by Sir John himself; which Identical Gridiron dignified the Breast of the most ingenious Mr. Richard Estcourt that excellent Phyfician and Comedian, who was Prefident of that Society.

Quis talia fando temperet à Lachrymis ?

What is become of the Gridiron, or of the Remains of that excellent Body of Men, Time wil, I hope, difcover. The World, I believe, muft for fuch Difcoveries be obliged to my very good Friend F T-Efq; who had the Honour to be Door-keeper to that Honourable Affembly.

But to return to Sir John: The more his Wit engaged the King, the more his Grandeur alarm'd his Enemies, who encreas'd with his Honours. Not but the Courtiers carefs'd him to a Man, as the first who had brought Dumpling-eating to Perfection. King John himself lov'd him ‹ntirely; being of Cefar's Mind, that is, he had a natural Antipathy against Meagre, Herring-gutted Wretches; he lov'd only Fat-headed Men, and fuch who flept o' Nights; and of fuch was his whole Court compos'd. Now it was Sir John's Method, every Sunday Morning, to give the Courtiers a Breakfaft, which Breakfast

was

was every Man his Dumpling and a Cup of Wine; you muft know, he was Yeoman of the WineCellar at the fame time.

for

This was a great Eye-fore and Heart-burning to fome Lubberly Abbots who loung'd about the Court; they took it in great Dudgeon they were not invited, and ftuck fo clofe to his Skirts, that they never rested 'till they Outed him. They told the King, who was naturally very Hafty, that Sir John made-away with his Wine, and feafted his Paramours at his Expence; and not only fo, but that they were forming a Design against his Life, which they in confcience ought to discover: That Sir John was not only an Heretic, but an Heathen, nay worfe, they fear'd he was a Witch, and that be had bewitch'd, His Majefty into that unaccountable Fondnefs for a Pudding-Maker. They affur'd the King, That on a Sunday Morning, instead of being at Mattins, he and his Trigrimates got together Hum-jum, all fnug, and perform'd many Hellish and Diabolical Ceremonies. In fhort, they made the King believe that the Moon was made of GreenCheese: And to fhew how the Innocent may be Bely'd, and the best Intentions mifreprefented, they told the King, That He and his Associates offer'd Sacrifices to Ceres: When, alas, it was only the Dumplings they eat. The Butter which was melted and pour'd over them, thefe vile Mifcreants call'd Libation: And the friendly Compotations of our Dumpling-eaters, were call'd Bacchanalian Rites. Two or thrée among 'em being fweet-tooth'd, wou'd ftrew a little Sugar over their Dumplings; this was reprefented as an Heathenish Offering. In fhort, not one Action of theirs, but what these Rafcally Abbots made Criminal, and never let the King alone 'till poor Sir John was Difcarded. Not but the

King