HENRY BUCKLE'S CREED:

This is the Creed, let no man chuckle,
Of the great thinker Henry Buckle :—

I BELIEVE in fire and water,
And in fate, dame Nature's daughter,
Consciousness I set aside,

The dissecting knife my guide.
I believe in steam and rice,

Not in virtue nor in vice;

In what strikes the outward sense,

Not in mind nor providence ;

In a stated course of crimes,
In Macaulay and the "Times."

As for "truth" the ancients lost her;
Plato was a great impostor.
Morals are a vain illusion
Leading only to confusion.
Not in Latin nor in Greek
Let us for instruction seek;

Fools like Bossuet that might suit,
Who had better have been mute;
Let us study snakes and flies,
And on fossils fix our eyes.

Would we learn what men should do,
Let us watch the Kangaroo !

Would we know the mental march; It depends on dates and starch !

I believe in all the gases

As a means to raise the masses.
Carbon animates ambition,
Oxygen controls volition;
Whatever's good or great in men
May be traced to hydrogen;
And the body, not the soul,
Governs the unfathom'd whole.

THE LESSONS FOR THE DAY, 1742.
The First Lesson.

¶ Here beginneth the First Chapter of the Book of
Preferment.

Now it came to pass in the 15th year of the reign of George the King, in the 2nd month, on the 10th day of the month at Even, that a deep sleep came upon me, the visions of the night possessed my spirit, I dreamed, and behold Robert the minister came in unto the King, and besought him, saying:

O King, live for ever! let thy throne be established from generation to generation! but behold now the power which thou gavest unto thy servant is at an end, the Peterborough election is lost, and the enemies of thy servant triumph over him.

Wherefore now I pray thee, if I have found favour in thy sight, suffer thy servant to depart in peace, that my soul may bless thee.

And when he had spoken these words, he resigned unto the King his place as First Lord of the Treasury, his Chancellorship of the Exchequer, and all his other preferments.

This parody concludes with the following:

OLD ENGLAND'S TE DEUM TO GEORGE THE THIRD. WE complain of Thee, O King, we acknowledge Thee to be an Hanoverian.

All Hungary doth Worship Thee, the Captain everlasting.

To Thee all Placemen cry aloud, the House of Lords and all the Courtiers therein.

To Thee, Carteret and Bath continually do cry,

Warlike, Warlike, Warlike, Captain General of the Armies! Brunswick and Lunenburgh are full of the brightness of our coin.

The venal Company of Peers praise Thee.

The goodly fellowship of Ministers praise Thee.
The noble Army of Hanoverians praise Thee.

The Holy Bench of Bishops throughout the land doth acknowledge Thee.

Thine honourable, true, and steady Son.

Also my Lady Yarmouth the comforter.

Thou art a glorious Prince, O King!

Thou art the ever charming Scn of the Father.

When thou tookest upon Thee to deliver this nation, Thou didst not abhor thy Father's example.

When Thou hadst overcome the sharpness of want, Thou didst open the smiles of thy favour to all believers in a

court.

Thou sittest at the right hand of in the Treasury of the Father.

We believe that Thou shalt come to be our scourge.
We therefore pray Thee provide for thy servants, whom
Thou hast fed with thy renown. Make them to be numbered
with thy slaves in livery everlasting.

O King, spare thy people of England.
And now squeeze thy people of Hanover.
Govern them as Thou hast governed us,
And confine them to their turnips for ever.
Day by day we sing ballads unto Thee.

And we bawl against Hanover, ever world without end. Vouchsafe, O King, to keep us this year without thy Hanoverians.

us.

The Lord have mercy upon us; the Lord have mercy upon

Sir Robert Walpole.

O King, let thy Mercy lighten our Taxes, as our Credit should be in Thee.

O King in Thee have I trusted, let me not be confounded. Valour be to the Father, common sense to the Son, and a young bed-fellow to the Countess of Yarmouth; as was not in the beginning, is not now, nor is ever like to be, world without end. Amen!

There is another parody of the Te Deum in Robert Southey's Omniana (vol. 2. p. 41.) entitled Te Franciscum, and dated 1733, but it is of little interest.

Q. Who gave you this name?

A.

The Candidates for a seat in the House of Commons.

Q. Wherein does your Freedom consist?

A. First. In having the liberty to eat, drink, and revel in debauchery, from the commencement of the canvass to the close of the poll, let that time be what it may ;-and all that on free cost.

Secondly. In giving my vote to that Candidate or his friends, whom I shall conceive the most likely to serve my own private interest, without any regard to the comparative merits of the Candidates, or the welfare and prosperity of this Town and Kingdom.

Q. What sort of morality do you call this?

A. This I call political morality; and it is this morality which has the greatest influence on the conduct of very many electors.

Q. Are there no electors who vote on other principles ? A. Yes there are some who think, judge, and compare before they promise; and then give their suffrage, so that their hearts may not reproach them, for a violation of those principles of morality, which ought to regulate the conduct of every man, especially if he professes to be a Christian.

Q. Is this promise binding, which has been obtained on a false statement of facts?

A.

All Casuists say No; especially if it be to the injury of a third person.

N.B. FREEMEN, it must be well-known to you, that HENRY BROUGHAM and THOMAS CREEVEY are the Friends of Trade, Peace and Plenty, and have neither Place nor Pension; when it is equally notorious that GEORGE CANNING and ISAAC GASCOYNE are the Friends of War, Taxes, and Famine, and are now living on the Spoils of their Country.

From An impartial Collection of Addresses, Songs, Squibs, &c., published during the Liverpool Election, October 1812.

The Candidates were the Rt. Hon. George Canning; Lt.-Gen. Isaac Gascoigne; Henry Brougham; Thomas Creevey; and Gen. B. Tarlton. (Messrs. G. Canning and Gascoigne, both Tories, were elected.)

Biped or quadruped?

I believe, biped.

Q. Of what are they ordinarily composed?

A. Mud, tempered with ditch-water. Sometimes they are made of road-scrapings; they are sometimes found of pure clay.

Q. What is your duty towards the rabble?

A. My duty towards the rabble is, from the very bottom of my heart (wherever that may be) to loathe, detest, hate, and abhor them.

Q. As everything has its place in the condition of the world, what-in your opinion-in the scale of creation, is the proper place of the rabble? Take, for instance, an individual. One of the rabble?

A. I believe that one of the rabble is a-yes-a sort of link between an ape and a contented labourer. I have, I think, read of apes that chop sticks and draw water, and walk upright on two legs; I have no doubt that moral anatomy would establish the analogy. No doubt of it. Yes; one of the rabble is a link between an ape and a labourer-a contented labourer.

Q. Has the rabble any voice?

A. Certainly not: it is the want of voice that is the rabble's distinguishing want.

Q. But supposing that the rabble could, by Act of Parliament, for instance, obtain voices—they would then be rabble no longer?

A. Certainly not.

Q. What makes you of the rabble?

A. Nothin' makes me ; got nothin'; that's why nothin' does it.

Q. What is your place in the world?

A. Got no place by rights; only what the gentlefolks is so kind-heaven bless 'em-is so kind to grant me. Q. What are your duties in life?

A. My duties is to pay duties on 'bacca, and on whatsomever there may be put upon-tea and beer and so forth--and ax no questions.

Q. Have you any voice at elections?

Q.

But you have no vote?

A.

In course not. 'Cause I'm one o' the rabble. Q. And as one of the rabble-what are you to expect from the gentlemen who propose themselves-for the benefit of the country-to be Members of Parliament ? A. I am to expect, and not a bit to mind it, to be despised from the bottom of their hearts.

Q. Were you created for that?

A. I was, as badgers were made to be baited, foxes to be hunted, and hedgehogs to be beaten to bits-so was the rabble made to be despised by Members of Parliament, 'specially when majors, from the very bottom of their hearts.

A CATECHISM FOR LONDONERS.

Q. WHAT is a Premium?

A.

Premium is a Latin word meaning "prize" or "reward." In London this reward is given by Landlords to themselves out of the money of incoming Tenants. Q. Is a Premium a prize for good conduct?

A. Exclusively so. The good conduct consists in allowing Tenants to live in London at all.

Q. Is the moment when a house is taken the only occa. sion on which a Premium is exacted?

A. Not at all. When a lease expires, Landlords, especially Ducal ones (see Mr. PLATT'S evidence before the Parliamentary Committee), often refuse to renew without a heavy Premium.

Q. Is it a valid plea to say that this Premium is a repayment to the Landlord for improvements which he has kindly made in the house?

A. No; because the Landlord hardly ever makes any improvements.

Q. Then, at any rate, Tenants of London houses can always have the advantage of a lease, if they like to pay a Premium for it?

A. Such is not the case. Some Ducal Landlords now exact Premiums, and at the same time refuse to grant leases.

Q. Then the Tenant becomes a mere Tenant-at-will? A. Unless he prefers to become a Tenant-at-won't, and leaves the house in disgust.

Q. Why do not all Tenants adopt the latter system? A. Because to leave his place of business may mean to a tradesman the sacrifice of his "connection," a fact of which Landlords take full advantage.

Q. If a Tenant asked his Landlord for compensation for improvements executed by himself, what would the latter do?

A. Improve him off the estate, probably.

Q. When a London Landlord destroys at one blow the value of a Tradesman's good-will, by refusing him a lease, and drives him to emigrate by exacting a "starvationrent," what does he call the result to the Tenant?

Yes. Temporal Peers and Spiritual Peers?

Q. What are Spiritual Peers?

A. Bishops of the Church of England.
Q. What are the Privileges of a Peer?

To be called "My Lord," to sit in Parliament without asking his fellow-citizens, to legislate without consulting them, to appoint clergymen to livings in the Church, and his poor relations to well-paid offices in the public

service.

Q. How many does the People's House represent? A. Thirty-four millions.

A.

Q. Are the members of the House of Lords all English. No; the Scotch Peers created before 1707 elect sixteen of their number to sit in each Parliament, and the Irish Peers created before 1801 elect twenty-eight of their number to sit for life.

Q. How many Peers are Conservatives, and how many are Liberals ?

A. There are 285 Conservatives and 218 Liberals, the remaining few being uncertain.

Q. Do they vote on all questions in proportion to these numbers ?

A. No; they generally show an overwhelming majority against Liberal measures, especially in relation to the Landed Interest.

Q. Can they prevent the People's House from passing any laws it may deem necessary?

A.

Yes.

A.

16,411,986 acres.

Q.

How much land is there in Great Britain and Ire

land?

A. 72,119,961 acres, exclusive of waste lands and

commons.

Q.

What is the yearly income of the richest Peer?

A.

Four hundred thousand pounds.

Q.

How much is that per day?

Ten hundred and ninety-five pounds.

No; the average attendance of Peers in the House of Lords is about twenty.

Q. Have the Peers no other duties?

A. Yes, they have to provide the chief officers of the Royal Household, as only Peers and Peeresses can perform such exalted functions.

Q. Do they fill those offices gratuitously?

A. No, they are handsomely paid, some of them receiving as much as £2,000 a year.

Q. Have they any other duty?

A. No, that is the whole duty of a Peer.

Issued by The People's League for the Abolition of the Hereditary Chamber.

THE DRUNKARD'S CATECHISM.
Question.-WHAT is your name?
Answer.-Drunken Sot.

Q.-Who gave you that name?

A. As drink is my idol, landlords and their wives get all my money; they gave me that name in my drunken sprees wherein I was made a member of strife, a child of want, and an inheritor of a bundle of rags.

Q. What did your landlords and landladies promise for

you.

A. They did promise and vow three things in my name, first, that I should renounce the comfort of my own fire side; secondly, starve my wive and hunger my children; thirdly, walk in rags and tatters, with my shoe soles going flip flap all the days of my life.

Q.-Rehearse the articles of thy belief.

A.-I believe in the existence of one Mr. Alcohol, the great head and chief of all manner of vice, the source of nine-tenths of all diseases! and I not only believe, but am sure that when my money is gone and spent, the landlord will stop the tap and turn me out.

I.

Thou shalt use no other house but mine,

II.-Thou shalt not make to thyself any substitute for intoxicating drinks, such as tea, coffee, ginger-pop and emonade; for I am a jealous man, wearing the coat that should be on thy back, eating thy children's bread, and pocketing the money which should make thee and thy wife happy all the days of thy life.

III.-Thou shalt not use my house in vain.

IV. Remember that thou eat but one meal on the Sabbath day. Six days shalt thou drink and spend all thy money, but the seventh day is the Sabbath, wherein I wash my floor, mend my fires and make ready for the company the remaining part of the day.

V.-Thou shalt honor the landlords, the landladies and the gin-shops, with thy presence that thy days may be few and miserable, in the land wherein thou livest.

VI.-Thou shalt commit murder, by starving, hungering and beating thy wife and family.

VII.-Thou shalt commit self-destruction.

VIII.-Thou shalt sell thy wife's and children's bread and rob thyself of all thy comforts.

IX.-Thou shalt bear false witness when thou speakest of the horrors, saying, Thou art in good health when labouring under the barrel fever.

X.-Thou shalt covet all thy neighbour is possessed of; thou shalt covet his house, his land, his purse, his health, his wealth, and all that he has got, that thou mayest indulge in drunkenness, help the brewer to buy a new coach, a pair of fine horses, a new dray, and a fine building, that he may live in idleness all his days; likewise to enable the landlord to purchase a new sign to place over his door, with "Licensed to be drunk on the Premises' written thereon.

The foregoing are only a few of the many imitations of the Catechism, others are either too long to quote, or not sufficiently interesting.

There was one published during the Regency, entitled "A Political Catechism, dedicated (without permission) to His most Serene Highness Omar Bashaw, Bey and Governor of the Warlike City and Kingdom of Algiers; the Earl of Liverpool, Lord Castlereagh, and Co." Coventry: J. Turner. Price Twopence. It was also published in London, by R. Carlile, 1817.

This was written to urge the people to petition the Prince Regent for Parliamentary, and Constitutional Reform.

Another, which was published about three years ago, was styled The Conservative Catechism, or, the Principles of Organised Hypocrisy Explained." This was issued, at the low price of one penny, by Abel Heywood & Son, Manchester, and had a large sale among the Radical voters at the time of the last Election.

:0:

The following parody occurred in a sermon preached at St. Paul's Cross during the reign of James I., by Dr. John Boys, Dean of Canterbury :

"Our Pope, which art in Rome, cursed be thy name; perish may thy kingdom; hindered may thy will be, as it is

in heaven, so in earth. Give us this day our cup in the Lord's Supper; and remit our moneys which we have given for thy indulgencies, as we send them back unto thee; and lead us not into heresy ; but free us from misery; for thine is the infernal pitch and sulphur, for ever and ever. Amen." This was printed in Jefferson's Entertaining Literary Curiosities, 1808, and was also referred to by Hone in his trials.

A long article appeared in Notes and Queries, August 8, 1885, devoted to the history of the Lord's Prayer, with variations, paraphrases, imitations, and translations. It gave two curious versions of the Prayer in very early English.