I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better: Six Practical Principles that Empower Others to Solve Their Own Problems While Enriching Your RelationshipsPenguin, 2000 M05 1 - 336 páginas In their weekly radio show and in their popular workshops, Gary and Joy Lundberg have already helped thousands of people and their families to communicate more effectively. Now, the Lundbergs address an all too common dilemma that arises when others expect you to solve their problems for them, showing readers how they can shed the no-win role of "fixer" and empower people to solve their own problems through validation--a simple yet profound communication tool that is essential to any healthy relationship. Refreshingly straightforward, this inspiring and entertaining work is poised to become a classic guide for anyone who wishes to improve relationships with their partner, children, colleagues and friends. |
Contenido
Principle 1 Be an Effective Validator | 3 |
WHAT IS VALIDATION? | 7 |
WHAT ABOUT POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE? | 9 |
VALIDATION BEGINS WITH SELF | 11 |
VALIDATION IS NOT MANIPULATION | 12 |
PERSONAL BOUNDARIES DO NOT HAVE TO CHANGE WHEN YOU USE VALIDATION | 13 |
THE UNIVERSAL NEED | 14 |
Principle 2 Leave the Responsibility Where It Belongs | 16 |
BEGIN TODAY | 140 |
How Validation Works with Adult Children | 142 |
DONT ALLOW THEM TO CONTROL YOU | 145 |
GIVE UP GIVING ADVICE | 151 |
WHEN THEY BLAME YOU | 155 |
BOOMERANG CHILDREN | 158 |
WHEN THEIR LIFESTYLES DONT MATCH YOURS | 161 |
THE UNIVERSAL NEED | 164 |
POWER AND DESIRE | 18 |
OFFERING HELP | 19 |
MAKING DECISIONS FOR OTHERS | 20 |
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE PROBLEM | 22 |
IF I OFFER HELP AM I STUCK? | 26 |
Principle 3 Acknowledge Emotions | 30 |
EMOTIONS CAN AFFECT OUR PHYSICAL WELLBEING | 32 |
UNINTENTIONAL TEACHING | 34 |
SO WHAT CAN WE DO? | 37 |
THE RULES OF VALIDATION | 38 |
GET OUT OF YOURSELF FOR A WHILE | 39 |
IT TAKES SO LITTLE TIME | 41 |
Principle 4 Develop the Art of Listening | 43 |
LISTEN FOR INFORMATION | 44 |
RELIEF FOR THE LISTENER | 46 |
THE ART OF QUESTIONING | 48 |
OPERATIVE WORDS | 50 |
THE GREAT INVALIDATOR | 52 |
THE EYES GIVE CLUES | 54 |
BEGIN TODAY | 55 |
Principle 5 Find the Right Time to Teach | 57 |
WHY NOT THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT? | 61 |
NOT ALL QUESTIONS NEED IMMEDIATE ANSWERS | 64 |
THE TIME TO FOLLOW UP | 66 |
PLANNED TEACHING TIMES | 70 |
MAKE IT HAPPEN | 78 |
BEGIN TODAY | 79 |
Principle 6 Learn the Effective Validating Phrases and Questions | 81 |
VALIDATING QUESTIONS | 84 |
BEGIN TODAY | 86 |
The Application | 89 |
How Validation Works with Young Children | 91 |
LET THEM FEEL WHAT THEY ARE FEELING | 92 |
GIVE THEM A CHANCE TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM | 95 |
TRY THEIR POINT OF VIEW | 99 |
HOLD ON TO YOUR BOUNDARIES | 101 |
EYETOEYE CONTACT | 105 |
PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES | 106 |
RESIST RESOLVING | 109 |
WHEN ILLNESS STRIKES | 112 |
THE UNIVERSAL NEED | 116 |
How Validation Works with Teenagers | 118 |
HELP THEM TO START TALKING | 120 |
REINFORCE VALUES | 122 |
BELIEVE IN THEM | 124 |
DISCIPLINE WITH VALIDATION | 128 |
CONTROL YOURSELF | 134 |
SILENCE CAN BE VALIDATING | 135 |
THEY CAN MAKE WISE CHOICES | 137 |
How Validation Works with a Spouse | 166 |
WHAT TO DO ABOUT A NO GOOD VERY BAD DAY | 169 |
HANDLING DISAPPOINTMENT | 171 |
STOP DEFENDING YOUR POSITION | 174 |
DO IT OVER | 177 |
THE MALE AND FEMALE DIFFERENCE | 179 |
SETTING FAMILY VALUES | 180 |
ENJOY EACH OTHERS DREAMS | 182 |
PLAN TIMES TOGETHER | 184 |
SENSE EACH OTHERS NEEDS | 186 |
BEGIN TODAY | 188 |
How Validation Works with Parents and ParentsinLaw | 190 |
DONT TRY TO CHANGE THEIR THINKING | 192 |
LOVE HONOR AND SET YOUR BOUNDARIES | 197 |
DEALING WITH DEATH | 201 |
HANDLING ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR | 204 |
WHEN SENILITY SETS IN | 206 |
ITS WHAT WE ALL NEED | 210 |
How Validation Works with Divorced and Blended Families | 212 |
YOU ARE NEWLY WEDS | 214 |
THE PARENTING CHALLENGE | 215 |
DEALING WITH THE LONELINESS | 216 |
COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR EX | 218 |
ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS | 219 |
THE NEED FOR BOUNDARIES | 223 |
YOU ARE NOT MY DAD MOM | 225 |
SETTING THE RULES IN A BLENDED FAMILY | 228 |
UNFULFILLED PROMISES | 232 |
THE MORE PEOPLE WHO LOVE | 233 |
BEGIN TODAY | 236 |
How Validation Works with Friends | 237 |
DONT TELL A FRIEND WHAT TO DO | 238 |
SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH FRIENDS | 241 |
WHEN A FRIEND LOSES A LOVED ONE | 245 |
LET THEM ENJOY A MINICATHARSIS | 248 |
How Validation Works on the Job | 250 |
NOT ALL NEEDS CAN BE MET | 253 |
CARING IS THE KEY | 254 |
WATCH FOR EXAMPLES | 256 |
THE VALIDATING TEACHER | 258 |
VALIDATIONA LIFE SAVER | 260 |
BELIEVE IN YOUR EMPLOYEES | 261 |
BEGIN TODAY | 264 |
Conclusion | 265 |
A SONG TO LEAN ON | 266 |
The Workbook | 269 |
Notes | 301 |
Otras ediciones - Ver todas
I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better: Six Practical Principles to ... Gary B. Lundberg,Joy Saunders Lundberg Sin vista previa disponible - 1999 |
I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better: Six Practical Principles that ... Gary Lundberg,Joy Lundberg Sin vista previa disponible - 2000 |
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