"General invitations go for less than nothing, in my opinion," was his ungracious reply. "In proof of which, I invite you to dine here on Saturday the fourteenth of May, to meet a pleasant party, and eat a detestable dinner."

"Invite my sister to dinner at a week's date?" interrupted Armine. "On the contrary, pray ask her to dine with us, en famille, to-morrow!"

"Our specimen of a breakfast, en famille, this morning, proved, no doubt, very attractive?" said Herbert. "No, no! no family dinners for a fine lady like Mrs. Delaval, who cannot live without her Almack's and Merioneth House, and who keeps a cordon bleu of a chef, if I am to trust to the low bow I saw bestowed on her carriage yesterday, from Crockford's window, by George Hanton. A family dinner!-boiled soles and shrimp sauce, a fat leg of mutton, and sallow potatoes, peeled with a knife! Faugh!"

And, in spite of all I could urge, he held me engaged to dinner for the fourteenth. Now, though I should dearly like to dine with the Herberts alone, and chat with Armine after dinner, I have not the slightest inclination to derange them by preparations for a party. I perfectly remember in my aunt Margaret's establishment, the general disarrangement produced by the occasional ceremony of giving a dinner; besides which, I have been forced by his peremptory proposal, to put off a weekly standing engagement to the Delavals; where, on Saturdays, a party of parliamentary men always assembles. But, my penance was to be; and, to-day, at seven o'clock, 1 drove to New Norfolk Street. The moment I entered, I felt persuaded things would go wrong. The footman looked stiff and stupid in a new livery, as fine as yellow plush could make him; and the butler, as sulky as a country butler always looks under the temporary subjection of a maître d'hôtel hired for the day. Armine was not dressed when I arrived, and Herbert stood on the hearth-rug, swearing at her dilatoriness, and the overpowering perfume of some jonquils and heliotropes, with which she had ornamented the jardinière. His pettishness was soon silenced by the announcement of a Sir Dunstan Forbes, a tall, square-shouldered, fussy man, too huge of stature, and too loud of tone for so small a mansion; and, immediately afterwards, a thundering knock, and Armine hurried in, drawing on her gloves, just in time to receive Sir John and Lady Farrington; the lady, dazzling in a full-trimmed lilac satin gown, diamonds, and a wreath of roses! The sun shone brightly upon our finery and ill-humour; and every time the door was opened, came a powerful whiff of the unwholesome vapour of charcoal. Two other men dropped slowly in; but the remaining two, who were to make out our party of ten, not yet making their appearance, the children were asked for by Lady Farrington, a Bedfordshire neighbour of my sister, apparently well-versed in her family concerns. Herbert in

terposed his interdiction, saying, that children before dinner were a bore. Armine looked nervous-Lady Farrington pleaded with affected earnestness; and, after ten minutes' disputing, the nursery bell was rung,—the children, evidently waiting the summons, in all their company finery, arrived and set up a quartett of roaring, or rather a glee-for Montresor, the eldest boy, ran boldly in and climbed on Lady Farrington's lilac satin knees; while poor dear Armine, after vainly endeavouring to pacify them, and eke the head nurse, who bridled with suppressed indignation, on hearing her master assert, that they were the worst managed brats in England, sentenced them to return to the place from whence they came.

Herbert, looking at his watch, proclaimed that it was halfpast seven, and talked of ordering dinner. Armine pleaded that Lord Lancaster was always late; and that, from Spring Gardens to New Norfolk street was a vast distance for Lord Hampton. The Album was accordingly re-opened, and readmired by those nearest the table; the " Keepsake," and the "Book of Beauty," were commented upon, according to individual tastes; and Sir Dunstan inquired of Sir John, whether he had been late at the house the preceding night, in order to prove to the two silent gentlemen in black, that they were in presence of honourable members.

Again there came a pause; and Sir Dunstan attacked Lady Farrington on the exhibition at Somerset House; he giving as his own the sturdy criticisms of the Athenæum, and she replying in the flimsy of the Court Magazine. Herbert was growing flushed, when a carriage rattled to the door, and in came Lord Hampton, all bustle, fuss, and apology, affecting to pant for breath; shaking hands to the right and left, with the em pressement of a man who arrives too late; bowing impertinently low to the two strangers, as if to announce himself most affably resigned to make the acquaintance of the whole injured company.

"I have a thousand apologies to offer to Mrs. Herbert," spluttered his lordship, in an audible voice to her husband. "But the fact is, I uniformly dine at eight; and being fully persuaded that you had invited me at eight, I desired François to have my things ready for me at the usual hour. I was sauntering leisurely near the Mount Gate, at twenty minutes after seven, when, happening to meet Lancaster, he said, 'I thought you were to dine at Herbert's?' adding something about an early dinner, which absolutely startled me. He observed that you were very considerate to dine at such an hour, in order to enable us to see something of the Norma. Believe me, I was horror-struck!-took but three minutes and a quarter to reach Spring Gardens,-searched for your card-found it-gave myself five minutes to dress-waited only while my horses were putting to, and have now nothing left but to throw myself on Mrs. Herbert's good-nature."

This apology, which apology was none, was received with indulgence; and the party, yawning and hungry, satisfied that Lord Lancaster intended to cut the affair altogether, fell upon him like cannibals, and were tearing him to pieces, when in he sauntered,-cool, undaunted, unapologizing,-bowing slightly to his hosts, saluting Lord Hampton with a glance, and totally unconscious of the presence of any other person. A dead silence ensued; during which he glided across the room to make the inquiry d'usage of my sister. "Have you been out this morning?-Lovely day!-exquisite weather!" while we all waited impatiently the announcement of dinner. But, as it may usually be observed in such cases, the dinner that has been kept waiting, in the end causes others to wait; and more than a quarter of an hour elapsed before we found ourselves wedging our way down to the dining-room, while little Horace Herbert was roaring his up to the nursery. I heard his father making good-natured remarks to Lady Farrington, who was leaning on his arm; while I followed, on that of Lord Hampton, into a dining-room overheated with Carcel lamps, lighted and smoking for the last two hours. In the act of sending away his scarcely tasted soup, Lord Lancaster, affecting to perceive me, made me a formal bend of recognition, while I swallowed in uneasy silence my cold turbot and warm cucumber.

At three out of every six of even the best dinners given in London, the company is ill-assorted, and the party dull. But, when damped by a really indifferent dinner, nothing can be more unsocial than such a meeting. Sir John and Lady Farrington talked Bedfordshire with Armine and Herbert, which, to all the rest of the party was Hebrew and Greek; Lancaster and Hampton talked club to each other across the table, a dialect equally mysterious to the uninitiated; the two silent gentlemen grew absolutely dumb during the process of mastication; and Sir Dunstan, by whom I was seated, bored me by a series of fretful animadversions on the evils of the age, abusing the post office,-reform bill,-macadamization, public places, private society,-men and things,women and books; and at every new topic of dissertation, ending by protesting that if the thing went on, he would certainly write a letter to the Times.

66

Any news from Hollybridge?" inquired Sir John, addressing my brother-in-law.

66

Nothing important. I had a letter from Thoms yesterday. They want rain. By the way, Thoms mentioned that Denis, (Lord Forcefig's head-keeper) had been over to our friend Smith, about a warrant for the people in Broomby Bottom. It seems they have now some grounds to go upon. Still I hope Smith will be cautious. Smith is apt to let his sportsmanlike feelings run away with him. That affair about the

Oakley keepers did him a great deal of injury in the county. I trust Smith will be cautious."

"Did Thoms say, whether anything was settled about slating the almshouses at Dudley? My man Robson was up last week on business at Smithfield; and he told me, that at the last meeting nothing was decided; adding (between ourselves) that every thing in that quarter was likely to remain at sixes and sevens till we were back again. Smith is a sad potterer, unless on matters connected with the sporting interest."

"Were you late last night?" inquired Lord Lancaster of Lord Hampton, in a cross fire.

"About three! I stayed out another rubber."

"It was going hard against you when I left. The admiral was getting fussy. I heard him call for a glass of Madeira.” "He lost sixteen points of five; and the night before, a couple of hundred against Hilton."

"He had better pull up. The admiral's play is worse than anything, except his luck."

"Have you heard that he has promised to put up Taffrail?" "He had better let it alone. Taffrail was with our squadron at Cherbourg last summer. We know him. It won't do."

"He was black-balled three times last winter at Paris." "That argues nothing. The Carlist clique black-ball all the English upon principle. They have thrown over some of the best fellows in town; and show no mercy to younger brothers like Taffrail. A low bow from Rothschild would have been his only guarantee."

"You were at the Opera, madam, on Saturday?" said Sir Dunstan, addressing me, meanwhile, with stately condescension;-to which inquiry I bowed an affirmative. "In that case, I trust you participated in the indignation I could scarcely repress at finding the last act of the Gazza Ladra substituted for the first act of the Semiramide. Who is to rely upon the veracity of the bills, if such abuses are tolerated? An individual pays his money for a ticket, upon the faith of the announcement, expecting to see the first act of the Semiramide: they give him the last act of the Gazza Ladra? He has, perhaps, seen it before-perhaps repeatedly, and to satiety. Yet to this abuse the public are required tamely to submit! I fairly warn Monsieur Laporte, that, should he again presume to trifle in a similar manner with the forbearance of his subscribers, I will write a letter to the Times."

And this is rational conversation!Heigho! heigho! heigho-Miss Austin observes, in one of the best of her admirable novels, that "when lovely woman stoops to be disagreeable," the only art her guilt to cover is, like the lovely woman who stoops to folly, "to die!" Yet, what multitudes stoop to be disagreeable !-How many of those who are sulking with the world, from finding themselves less important,

less beautiful, less lauded than they could wish, take refuge in the morasses of disagreeableness!-some looking prudishsome consequential-some pharisaical-some blue,-in the mistaken view of magnifying their nothingness. So that their presence do but impose upon the timid, the ignorant, and the weak, they are content. They forget that the world repays itself during their absence;-that they must sometimes depart this city, and, at last, this life; and that, if the ass avenged itself by spurning the dead lion, still more ignominiously are its hoofs applied upon a defunct asinine brother, equipped in a lion's skin!

Last night, at Mrs. Percy's, "Sare Delafals" brought in tidings, that Lady Kirkby was no more. Lady Kirkby, it seems, was once a beauty and a wit,-an heiress in her youth, a countess in her middle age. Yet she lived without a friend, and died without a mourner; for she, alas! had stopped to be disagreeable. As a beauty, she was envious; as a wit, spiteful; as an heiress, selfish; as a countess, insolent. To secure her supremacy in the fashionable world, she had dropped her own relations; and at length, infirm and wrinkled before her time, by incessant wear and tear of temper, the world made mouths at her distresses. Her daughters disappointed her, by remaining single; her sons thwarted her inclination, by marrying according to theirs. Vexed by her own family, she looked abroad for consolation; hired a professional toady, and gathered a whole batch of protégées under her wings. But even Toady and the Protected at last rebelled. Lady Kirkby's friendship was dreaded almost as much as her animosity; she harassed her allies scarcely less than her enemies. She was fine, she was nervous, she was susceptible,-she was, in short, eminently disagreeable; and now that she is dead and gone, the two thousand tongues, so long kept still, per force of Terror, are wagging against her, as if to make up for loss of time. Warning! warning! warning!

To-morrow there is a Drawing-room, at which I am to be presented by the Marchioness of Clackmannon. I waited till Armine's arrival in town, hoping that Herbert would permit her to accompany me; but he protests, that poor men's wives have no business at Court; and Armine, with her usual gentle habit of accepting his opinions, assures me she is afraid of the heat.

A female Court must certainly be highly advantageous to the interests of commerce. What an infinity of trivialities must be accomplished, in order to send one in good style to the drawing-room. My neighbours, the Ronshams, seem in a panic of agitation. The old horses have been crammed with beans; the old coach (and coachman, too, I fancy,) re-varnished; the old hammercloth re-fringed,-seeing that there was no time for more extensive preparations, and while waiting, this morning, full-dressed in my white satin and plumes, the