MR. GREENHORN'S EXPERIENCES. THE LIBERAL HABERDASHER. I HAVE just received a Circular from Messrs. ISAACS and LAWSON, Haberdashers, that has filled me with profound regret. It is addressed to Mrs. GREENHORN, but as, fortunately or unfortunately as the case may be, there is no Mrs. GREENHORN, I took the liberty of opening it, and what do I find? A kindly intimation to a supposed Mrs. GREENHORN that, in consequence of the terrible and unprecedented depression in the Silk Markets, Messrs. ISAACS and LAWSON have been enabled to purchase an enormous quantity of the most costly Silks and Satins at such ridiculously low prices, that some of them are for sale at little more than a quarter of what they cost to manufacture! That of itself is terrible enough to think of, for of course under such circumstances, there must be an end of all silk manufacturing for years to come, and consequent fearful distress among the poor operatives. But there is always a silver lining to a cloud, however black it may appear to us, and so it is in the present sad case. Having made this enormous purchase at such absurdly low prices, what steps do these patriotic Gentlemen next take? Do they endeavour to make enormous profits out of the misfortunes of their fellow-countrymen at Macclesfield, Manchester, and Spitalfields, or of their silky friends at Paris and Lyons? No, certainly not, but with a degree of magnanimity seldom equalled, never excelled, they desire to make even an imaginary Mrs. GREENHORN a partaker of their good fortune, and they actually offer her, in one tempting lot, "7,650 yards of good 22 inch silks, for evening wear, all in perfect condition, at 1s. 73d. per yard, the usual price being 38. 9d.!" If that is considered too large a quantity for one lady, presumably of moderate dimensions, they offer her "2,152 yards of large check all silk Grenadines, at 1s. 101d. per yard, original price 48. 9d.!" Again, supposing she requires but a very moderate quantity of these costly productions, she may possess herself of any quantity of Ombre Silk and Tinsel Balzarine, 20 inches wide, at 9 d. per yard, Ah! who shall lead us thither ? Our hopes from the New World now pale and wither, There is no joy in Cheapside and the Strand. Who'll lead us with a friendly hand, Thither, oh thither, Into the Oyster Land? Into the Oyster Land! Of Native worth. Delicious daily visions Gulping cheap bivalve beauties O Land O Land! No longer hopeful joy stirs Within my bosom. Rubbish, tinned and potted, Mocks one, by no bright herald now doth stand, To lead us, with a liberal hand, Into the land of the cheap good Oysters, Into the Oyster Land! Lotos-Eating Bumbledom. THE Strand is knee-deep in mud, and half the streets of London are blockaded with inverted wheelbarrows and hillocks of wooden blocks, on which the exhausted labourer rests, with his pipe in his mouth, like a Neapolitan Lazzarone. In the meantime St. Pancras admits the possession of nineteen hundred able-bodied paupers, who are doing nothing and living on the rate-payers. How many less candid parishes are in the same position ? Shall we be far wrong if we say there are twenty thousand able-bodied Lotos-Eaters, snoring their lives away, and eating something besides the lotus? If the paupers are able-bodied, their governors are not able-headed, or this shameful waste of labour would not exist another minute. BUBBLE CONCERNS.-Aërated Water Companies. which actually cost 28. 10 d. to manufacture! Perhaps, when I add that Black Satins, in perfect condition, are to be had at 18. 10fd. per yard, and other Black Satins, slightly damaged, at 24d. per yard, I have reached a lower depth in commercial depression than was ever known since the days of EVE, who, presumably, would not have been tempted even by such bargains as these. I don't know much about such mysterious matters as Ladies' dresses myself, but I was speaking at the Club yesterday to Toм ROBINSON, who knows all about everything, and he quite agrees with me that no Lady could possibly want such enormous quantities of silks, however cheap they might be, though, as Tom says, they do dearly love a bargain. Of course, too, they must want largely increased quantities for what they call their trains, Toм calls them their dusters, and they certainly do keep the floors in capital condition. However, be that as it may, as I have one or two female relatives in the country to whom I should like to show a little attention, especially a somewhat precise maiden Aunt from whom I have some considerable expectations, I have written to Messrs ISAACS and LAWSON, requesting them to forward a sufficient quantity of the "good 22 inch Silk, for evening wear, at 18. 7d.." to the Aunt in question, and to my other two female Relatives, sufficient of the "all Silk Grenadines at is. Od.," to make them handsome dresses. In each case I have also ordered a small quantity of the slightly damaged Black Satin at 24d. for trimming, and I make no doubt my unwonted liberality will cause them as much surprise as gratification. It is not often in these days of heartless competition, that we find Tradesmen coming forward with a spirit of liberality worthy of any age or of any race to ask the Public to share thus largely in their good fortune, and, not content with that, they advise their friends to come early. TOM says laughingly that their reason for so advising is, that it is usually the early worm that is caught by the bird, and that they open their doors at the unearthly hour of nine for the purpose of taking in the early comers, such as the imaginary Mrs. GREENHORN; but, as usual, I don't quite see the joke. JOSEPH GREENHORN. OCTOBER 21, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. TIDINGS OF COMFORT AND JOY!" Mr. Punch (Inspector of Nuisances). "HALLO, YOUR GRACE! GOING TO CLEAR OUT MUD-SALAD MARKET AT LAST, EH?" THE MEDDLEVEXERS IMPROVING. BRAVO, Meddlevex Magistrates! As that eccentric enthusiast, styling himself "General" BOOTH, could not or would not give a straightforward answer to your very plain question, you were quite right to decide that he should only be a Singing, and not a Dancing Воотн. There was some clause in the Eagle's agreement-the Eagle would by which the General be nothing without his claws, of course But the Magistrates hoped to procure the licence in question. didn't see it; so the Eagle's claws were cut, and he won't dance. Quite bad enough for the Salvationists to sing-judging from the specimens given in last Friday's Morning Post-but should they also become dancing Dervishes, several new Lunatic Asylums would have to be erected for the benefit of the devotees. The Proprietor of the Oxford Music-Hall must be delighted at having his licence renewed without a dissentient voice, the recommendation being the "decorous dulness" of the entertainment. This is unfair: decorous, yes; but dull, no,-at least, not when BY OVERLAND ROUTE TO LYCEUM. THE OVERLAND ROUTE was written by Tom TAYLOR for a certain set of popular Actors associated with the Haymarket Theatre. It was a capital piece of work at the time, each Actor being correctly measured and perfectly fitted by our Sartor Dramaticus. It was such pleasant and easy work to write for BUCKSTONE, COMPTON, and CHARLES MATHEWS; and as long as they were fitted, the rest was mere detail, and mattered very little. What were the odds as long as they, the principals, were happy? The audiences of those days went to see BUCKSTONE and MATHEWS, and as long as these comedians amused them, the plot of the piece, its Author, its title, and even the names of the characters represented by their favourites, were matters of very little importance. which since the first night may have been expunged) the Third Act, is weak compared with all the good things they have to say belonging properly to the piece. Mrs. BANCROFT, from beginning to end, is excellent, only once overdoing a scene with Mrs. JOHN WOOD until, brief though it is, it began to remind us of the quarrel in Madame Angot rather than a fencing-match between a couple of Ladies,-though, by the way, in what society these Ladies move (what was Mr. Lovibond professionally ?) is not quite clear; so that, after all, a considerable latitude may be allowed both ladies-and they do allow it to themselves, and make the most of it. Mr. ALFRED BISHOP, as the old made-up fop, with false teeth and dyed whiskers, gives a carefully considered bit of character; so also does Mr. BROOKFIELD, who certainly completely loses his own identity in his impersonation of the old Indian officer-a fact that will forcibly strike anyone who sees him first of all in "Masher" James. Very pale face his drawing-room monologue which effect of James's powder. precedes the comedy,- -a attempt, by the way, on which we congratulate him, and, in the plucky words of Mr. Sam Weller, after his joke to Mr. Blazes at the Bath footmen's swarry, we hope that he 'll try a better next time." Mr. SMEDLEY'S card-sharping cowardly Captain was about as good as it could be; and Mr. EVERILL'S Major McTurk wasn't. O. steamers must be magnificent, judging from this specimen, and The piece is marvellously well put on the stage. Those P. and the height of the cabins must be equal to that of a Belgrave-Square drawing-room. The Deck Scene is admirably contrived: the stage But nowadays everybody is a Critic: the bill is carefully scrutinised to see who plays what, and we absolutely dare to expect that Actors shall sink their personal identity in the part each one may have to represent. We are not satisfied to see Mr. BANCROFT as Tom Dexter, but "Things isn't now as they he must so impress us with the fact used to was in my late that his Tom Dexter is the only possible husband's time." person of that name, that we must be positively unable to imagine any other. The audience that, years ago, saw CHARLES MATHEWS as Tom Dexter, would have been utterly disappointed had that rattling light Comedian ceased to be himself, and become the character he impersonated. No matter what the name of the character, as long as it was a "touch-and-go" part-anything with a "patter" dialogue-CHARLES MATHEWS, in spite of all disguise, remained CHARLES MATHEWS to the end. This, of course, only applies to him in this sort of impersonation, as his Sir Charles Coldstream, his Affable Hawk, and his Lavater were distinctly marked characters. But Tom Dexter in the Overland Route was simply another name for CHARLES MATHEWS in that play, and if he be made, what Mr. BANCROFT can scarcely help making him, an earnest, energetic, muscular Christian, but shallow philosopher, who tries to conceal his melancholy temperament by the assumption of a boisterous geniality, then the mainspring of the work is injured, and the mechanism halts. It is not that Mr. BANCROFT is not the Author's Tom Dexter, but it is that the Author's Tom Dexter was CHARLES MATHEWSno one else. To institute a comparison would be unfair; there can be none. Mr. BANCROFT himself, in his most hilarious moments, would never have commissioned an Author to write such a part as this for him. He thought he could give a new reading of the character which should be equally true to the Author's intention, and equally as effective as CHARLES MATHEWS' rendering of it. He has given a new reading, but the character won't stand it. It might have fitted Mr. CHARLES WYNDHAM, who would, perhaps, have overbustled it; but do with it what he will, act it as carefully and as well as he possibly can, Mr. BANCROFT remains Mr. BANCROFT to the end, as Mr. CHARLES MATHEWS remained himself, only that the character was written for the latter, and not for the former. 66 Tom Deck-stir. One of the Deck-orations at the Haymarket. management admirable, and the way in which the finish of the Second Act of this very light comedy is suddenly intensified into a thrilling melodramatic climax, is strictly true to the life. The piece, if never interesting, is at all events very amusing, and Mr. CHARLES the new Overland Route at the Haymarket will be popular for some MATHEWS could time to come. not have played The Lyceum.-We must defer till next week what we have to say Captain Hawtree concerning Much Ado About in Caste, and in Nothing, but we have great this Mr. BAN- pleasure in recording, d'avCROFT was inimi-ance, that, whether for acting table. or for mise-en-scène, this is Mr. DAVID the most thoroughly successJAMES is very ful of all the pieces yet put funny as Lovi- on this stage under the manbond, but the agement of Mr. HENRY notion will haunt IRVING, who, as far as he that he is himself is personally condoing his utmost cerned, has never been seen to avoid being to greater advantage. He is "Mrs. B." bright as Mrs. Se-bright, between the Elders. like BUCKSTONE, essentially a comedian, an and that the admirable comedian, and dialogue-specially the strong expressions and the broad side- though there could be no splitters in which the old Haymarket favourite, as a chartered libertine, revelled-is perpetually entrapping him into a momentary imitation of the original exponent of this utterly farcical character. Mrs. JOHN WOOD is excellent, and her scenes with Mr. D. JAMES are capital farce; but the dialogue, which has been written into (and us doubt as to who was playing Taking steps in the right direction. WHEN AGATHA GOLDMORE FIRST MET HIM, IT WAS AT THE SEA- SHE NEXT MET HIM IN LONDON. GOOD HEAVENS! WHAT A SHOCK! HE LOOKED FOR ALL THE WORLD LIKE A COMMONPLACE MORAL.-Why not wear White Flannel Shirts and Knickerbockers every day, even in the City, and look like Olympian Gods (since it seems they used to dress something like that), all the Year round? WE were delighted to see that a Museum had been opened by and in connection with the employés of the South-Western Railway. A glance at the Catalogue shows at once how important and interesting this Exhibition must be. sengers. It is impossible to describe this work in detail, but the visitor should not fail to observe the young Lady into whose face a bullet-headed ruffian is puffing tobacco-smoke. We think that a race-day at Epsom, Goodwood, Ascot, Sandown, or Kempton is hinted at by the capital group in the far corner, where four men are playing cards over the body of an old clergyman. Can these men be Welshers? They look like it. By a happy inspiration which amounts to genius, the Artist has thrown up in strong relief the announcement, "This compartment to hold eight passengers." No. 84. "A Model of a Third-class Carriage."-Though only on the scale of a quarter of an inch to a yard, so admirably is this model executed that as one looks at it, one can feel the discomfort that would attend a journey in the original; one can smell the close, dusty, dirty odour that would accompany one on that journey; one can conjure up the dawdling rate between stations, the long stoppages at stations, which would be an essential part and parcel of that journey. This model deserves more than a passing look. No. 111. "Which Platform?"-This is a spirited little sketch. A Gentleman, whose luggage is labelled "Midhurst," is putting the question, "Which platform ?" to a crowd of Guards and Inspectors who, by the good-humoured puzzledom on their countenances, are evidently unable to answer the conundrum. They give it up. The agony on the questioner's face is really comic; while the chagrin on the face of his wife, who fears missing the train, is equal to the best work of any of our satirical Artists. A delicious confusion is added to the tout ensemble by the delineation of porters carrying various articles of luggage, all labelled "Midhurst," to different No. 1. "The Train that was Punctual."-An oil-painting repre-platforms. senting one of those occurrences in the history of the S.-W. R. No. 200. "How Beautiful is Sleep!"-A tender, touching picture which are so curious and strange as well to deserve the attention of representing a signalman in his box, enjoying that repose which the Artist. Note the delirious joy on the faces of the passengers, fourteen hours' incessant work has surely entitled him to. and the dazed look of the officials. No. 250.-Surely there is some mistake in the numbering here. No. 37. We are Seventeen."-A water-colour. The painter has"250" in the Catalogue is set down as "A Meeting of the Directors slily parodied the words of the great Poet to give point to his of the S.-W. R." 250" on the walls represents a drove of asses humorous design. The interior of a first-class railway carriage is eating thistles in a field. We trust that before our next visit this depicted, filled, as the picture's title denotes, with seventeen pas-mistake will be rectified. |