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Elderly Inquisitive Gentleman (very near-sighted). "DEAR ME! WHAT HAS THAT MAN GOT ON HIS COAT? [Approaches quite close to read the Placard . . . .

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I REALLY MUST

THE HORSE EXPLAINS!

TWO LATE LOSSES.

ARCHIBALD CAMPBELL TAIT. ANTHONY TROLLOPE.
Two men whose loss all Englishmen must rue,
True servants of the Studio and the State:
No manlier Churchman TROLLOPE'S fancy drew
Than History will portray in gentle TAIT.

OUR BARNUM Junior is going it. This is his advertisement about Iolanthe:

"All performing Rights in this Opera are reserved. Single detached numbers may be sung at Concerts, not more than two at any one Concert, but they must be given without Costume or Action. In no case must such performance be announced as a 'Selection' from the Opera. Applications for the right of performing the above Opera must be made to Mr. D'OYLY CARTE, Savoy Theatre, London.''

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"All performing Rights"-(what becomes of the Lefts ?)-"are reserved." Delighted to hear it. The "Performing Rights" are evidently most respectable persons. No one dare send any one of them an invitation to supper. Single detached numbers may be sung at Concerts." How kind! "Not more than two at any one Concert." That is still kinder. Thank goodness, there's a chance of hearing two numbers from Iolanthe at any one concert. "But they must be given without Costume"-(Oh, Mr. D'OYLY, oh!. Spare our blushes. Oh!... Police!! LORD CHAMBERLAIN !! hi!)-"or Action." He couldn't be guaranteed against an action. "In no case must such performance be announced as a 'Selection' from the Opera." Hooray! No selections from Iolanthe in any case! &c., &c. "Again we come to thee, Savoy," as the song says. We should like to give the music another hearing, but we doubt whether there is any one song in it equal to the charming "Letter Song" in Rip Van Winkle, which, by the way, is one of the very few good things in that inexplicably popular Opera.

VESTRYMAN.-A gentleman who never expects snow in December.

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"ROBERT" ON MUNICIPAL REFORM. WELL, I spose as I am to live a life of supprises, but suttenly I never egspekted to live to hear a Lord Mare, and sich a Lord Mare as I prosefied he would be, acshally a-saying, as I herd him with my own years, to the Washupfool Cumpny of Founderers at their capital dinner last week, as how as the ways of his Copperashun is cumbersum and the mashinery wants iling, and must be made to agree with the wants of "the Times!"

Well, if that ain't flat rebellyon I don't know what is.

I should have thort from what I sees and hears, that if there was one Institooshun in the hole civilised world that allers keeps its mashinery jolly well greased, it's the grand old Copperashun. And yet the werry hed and front of it says as how it wants haltering and must be made to fit the wants of "The Times."

Who cares for "The Times" now? I prefers the "Evening Noose," for I sees in that new horgan of Conserwatism, lots of things as I don't see no wheres else. BROWN says as they ain't true, but, how does BROWN know. BROWN ain't everybody, tho' he is a Hed Waiter. But what do I care? What I reads there emuses or staggers me, acordin to suckemstances, jest as much as if they was as true as steal. We all gos to the Play, don't we? but the Play ain't true, and yet we all likes it quite as much as if it was, p'raps more, and we larfs and we crys if we're in the Gallery, as İ genrally am when I pays, or we smiles and we pertends to have a bad cold if we're in the Boxes, as I am sumtimes when I has a order, jest as if all the hacters and the hactresses ment all as they said and did.

would natterally egspec, all I can say is, give me Youth and Contentment before Old Age and Reform.

Let us rewew our forces, my noble Paytrons.

The sacred House of Lords is with us to a man, aye and to a Bishop too, as we all knows. The Markis of SAULSBURY tells us as all the young men are Conserwatives, so they're all for us. Mr. JOHN MILLS once told us as all the old women was Conserwatives, so they're all right, and of course all the old lovers of the good old times as is left is right.

Then what does his Lordship fear?

How our ennemys will rejoice, not that I thinks much of them or their ways either. Just phansy, they've bin a egsiting theirselves and a trying in wain to egsite others for about two long ears, and yet they've never wunce had a single dinner! Much they must

know about Human Natur.

called the Sage of Chelsea, will clap his glad wings and crow when he The sillybrated Scotch Gentleman Mr. FIRTH OF FROTH, commonly reads the Lord Mare's confessions, and the Tresurer of the League will shake his emty purse with joy, and in his dreams see it owerflowing the werry brim.

And now, as if to heap staggerer on staggerer, the learned and gallant Alderman HANSON, of all Aldermen of the City, returns his off trumps at once, as all us Waiters nat'rally egspected. lead when the LORD MARE leads such a bad sute, instead of leading

I shoud respectably recomend him to reconsider his sentyments. He can't have much else to do. He's only a Alderman and a Knight and a Master of Hearts and a Leftennant and a Feller of the Serciety of Antequeerys and a Shipright and a Merchant Taylor and a Take my own case. I am I hopes a neffectionet Husband and Kernel and a School Boarder, that's all, so he must have plenty of Farther. Well, I gos to see Othello. Does ennybody think as I time to spare. But it's the old story I suppose, Sumbody finds should enjoy the last hact of that wunderfool play more than I do, if sum mischief still for idle hands to do, so the sooner he gits someI thort as how it was all reel. No, suttenly not. It 'ud be no think more to do, the better. I should wenture to sudgest as a plesure to me to see a black Gentleman a-smothring of his little relaxation, the Bored of Gardiens or the Small Pox Asylums bootiful white wife, poor thing! in bed, with a pillar, if I didn't Bored. know as it was all a sham, in fact I feels sure as I shoud at once of adwice to the four million an a quarter of us Londoners, I would And now, in conclushun, if I might wenture to give jest one word call for the pelisse, as of course I ought to. I wunce had a great respec for age, and it seemed to grow stronger say respecfoolly, in the words of the emortal Poet, "better put up as I growed older, but if the Grand Old Man is a-going to reform with all the good things as we have, than fly to a lot of bad things the Grand Old Copperashun insted of symperthising with it as one as we knows nothink about."

ROBERT.

TO CORRESPONDENTS.-In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copies of MS. should be kept by the Senders.

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the restrictions and formalities of Court-etiquette would have been more than usually irksome. But the good son did not allow these considerations to influence him in the least, and was quite ready to assist at his father's enfranchisement. The scheme failed, and CHARLES insisted upon treating the Dauphin's companions as traitors. Rather than vex his father by opposition, LOUIS accepted this view of the case, and received the news of their fate with resignation and even cheerfulness. A few years later, the good young man was accused by a certain Count DAMMARTIN of having attempted to bribe him to murder a person who was known to be obnoxious to the former. Fortunately for LOUIS's good name, there was conclusive proof that the Count, in this matter, had been guilty of deliberate falsehood. The proof rested upon the firmest ground-the Prince's own word. LOUIS settled the matter once and for ever, by promptly denouncing DAMMARTIN as a "naughty storyteller." Strange to say, CHARLES refused to believe his own son, and the Dauphin was banished from Paris for four months. LOUIS did not return, but went to the Court of the Duke of BURGUNDY, who received him with the greatest kindness. While there, he amused the people by sowing dissensions between his host and his eldest son. This was an act of pure unselfishness, as, had his tactics been discovered, he would undoubtedly have got into disfavour with both parties.

enemy," he spent the greater part of his long reign in making hollow peace and real war with the man who had shown him kindness in his youth, when sympathy was more than usually valuable. And yet this disinterested conduct has been condemned by the thoughtless as the ambition of LOUIS to make the Duke of BURGUNDY treacherous and ungrateful! It was neither. It was one of the greatest masters of strategy of his age. Under his tuition he became so. On one occasion the King was unwise enough to place himself in the power of the Duke at a time when he (the King) was bribing the servants of the Duke to betray their master. Louis was anxious to see what the Duke would do. His pardonable curiosity was speedily gratified. The Duke made his guest his prisoner, and only granted him his liberty on condition Duke of BERRI. The King was profuse in his liberality. of his assigning certain provinces to his brother, the He not only made over the provinces, but gave his brother a very fine peach. After the Duke of BERRI had eaten the peach, he died; and LOUIS, overwhelmed with grief, kept the provinces as a memento of his poor brother's sudden decease,

From these little anecdotes it may be gathered that he was a good son and a kind brother he was also an affectionate father. He never allowed his son to go to school, not because (as has been cruelly suggested by the malicious) he wanted to keep him too ignorant to be troublesome, but because he knew the Dauphin, boylike, preferred play to work, and did not wish to run counter to his inclinations. And it speaks volumes for the really affectionate nature of LOUIS that his son contrived to outlive him.

Finding them shunned by most of his other subjects, he made his barber and hangman his constant companions. He was never so happy as when he had them in to tea. It was a pretty sight to see the good-natured monarch entertaining these strange, weird guests, and attempting by witty and amusing conversation to dispel their gloom. And it says a great deal for the prejudices of the age that these two persons never accepted an invitation to the palace without providing themselves with enormous bottles of antidotes. These merry meetings used to take place in the royal library, which was filled with volumes of the King's favourite authors, amongst whom were included practical jokers of all descriptions, from the author of The Witticisms of Joe Miller up to the inventor of the Thumb-screw and the Scavenger's Daughter.

In many other matters this monarch showed his unselfishness. Fond of fighting, he yet bought off EDWARD THE FOURTH and his army, when they spoke about the English King's eldest daughter. He subsequently denied hostile invasion of France, by arranging to marry the himself the extreme pleasure of wedding a bride he had never seen by leading to the hymeneal altar some one else. and yet, when he had a confidential letter from the Again, politeness to ladies was his favourite hobby, youthful Duchess of BURGUNDY, he did not hesitate for a moment to hand it over to her subjects, although well aware that she would consider the proceeding a sign of the greatest discourtesy, as it would put her to grave personal inconvenience.

fulness for others, and utter abnegation of self, was But perhaps the best proof of his extreme thoughtafforded by his great exertions to keep alive. Although extremely ill, he warded off death by every means in his power to the very last moment, for the simple reason that he was unwilling to give unnecessary trouble-to the undertakers. And with this triumphant example of his disinterestedness, this short memoir of his life is brought to an appropriate conclusion.

But it must not be imagined that he had forgotten his absent parent. Always mindful of his father's comforts, Lours contrived to provide CHARLES with a number of little delicacies, of which he deprived himself, through the hands of his domestics. For some time the King refused to eat them, but breaking his rule one day, he died rather suddenly. So did AGNES SORREL, a lady of the King's Court, who was also present at the banquet. And yet LOUIS did not hesitate to furnish his father and his father's friends with food that, had he kept it for his own table, would have been sure to have produced a profound sensation. And this is the man who has been painted as a monster of selfishness! The moment LOUIS became king, he dispossessed his younger brother of everything that had been given to him by their father, not for his own aggrandise- MRS. RAMSBOTHAM'S Uncle has had another severe ment, but because he wished to save the Duke of BERRI from temptations attack, but she tells us she has sent him La Physiologie inseparable from rank and property. Moreover, to teach the Duke of BURGUNDY du Gout, by a French Physician, Dr. BRILLIANT SAVARIN, this wholesome adage, "that you should treat your enemy as if some day he a well-known authority on the complaint, so she hopes will become your friend, and your friend as if he will some day become your it will do him a great deal of good.

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HEDGING A THRONE.

(Lord High Chamberlain's Memoranda.)

7 A.M.-Let his shaving-water by a string down the chimney, put his iron-plated shirt under the door, shook the dynamite out of his boots, and brought him his morning antidote.

9 A.M.-Breakfast. Poisoned muffins. Herring full of arsenic. Coffee made with laudanum, and enough strychnine in the sugar-basin to settle a whole regiment. Had the Cook, Financial Controller, and deputy RedStick in waiting up, and made the three of them finish the whole thing straight off between them. Funny.

11 A.M.-His Majesty hungry. Go out for him disguised as British Ambassador, and buy a halfpenny roll in European quarter. Sell it him for twopence down and a province in Asia Minor. Funny again. Hear somebody coming. Put a dish-cover over his head, wrap him in a hearth-rug, and hide him in a crockerycupboard.

1 P.M. Several strangers present themselves at intervals during the morning. As a precautionary measure, pop at them with an air-gun. Finally, have them all put in sacks, and consigned to the Bosphorus. Turns out that they are tradesmen calling for orders. Immensely funny. Tell his Majesty. Puts him in such roaring spirits that he says he'll venture out for an airing. Risky.

3 P.M.-Start all the Cabinet Ministers in different directions on horseback, got up like "the Sultan." All of 'em shot at one after another over and over again. Road clear at last. Off we go in a steam-roller, His Majesty carefully packed away inside revolving drum. Pick out a quiet side-street, and go up and down for five hours and a quarter. Can't hear him saying "he has had enough of it." Screaming fun this-but no one suspects anything.

9 P.M.-Home a little tired. His Majesty complains of a headache. Says he's sure I've put something in his tea. The idea! See him comfortably to bed in an inverted diving-bell. But, just for the fun of the thing, drop a couple of French-beans into the air-pump. Time to go. Have myself tied up in a sack and directed Working Joiner (button-holed on his way home by Political Plumber). "LOOK" with care "to the Russian Embassy. Close, but safe. 'ERE! COME ALONG, AND MY MISSUS WILL GIVE US A CUP O' TEA, AND YOU'LL Get out, shake myself, and resign my office by post-card. SEE THE SPEAKER AN' THE OPPOSITION AN' 'OME RULE ALL IN ONE!"

DOMESTIC GOVER'MENT.

DRAMATIC DOINGS.

No Theatricals this week to speak of that is, for us to speak of. "We're going to do without 'em, We don't want any more "-till next time, but just note en passant that at the Opéra Comique Messrs. SAVILE CLARKE and SLAUGHTER, with their An Adamless Eden,-have scored a success. Mr. SLAUGHTER scored the music. The collaborateurs have "invested" the Clay figures-the Lila Clay figures-" with artistic merit."

At the Princess's, Messrs. HERMAN and JONES's Silver King is earning golden opinions. Mr. WILSON BARRETT is "getting a big boy now.' So is his brother GEORGE. More on this subject-anon. M. SARDOU has brought out a new Play, called Fedora, with the diaphanous SARA DAMALA as heroine. One of the chief situations of the piece appears to have been suggested by the Author's own Patrie, while the character of Countess Olga the Russian spy reminds us of a similar part in Dora, and bears a still stronger resemblance to the heroine in La Main Coupée. Mr. BANCROFT, who was the happy possessor of Dora, has purchased Fedora, and should there be any difficulty as to casting the divine SARA's part, he will, of course; play it himself. Well, he will really play it very nicely. At HARE and KENDAL'S" Establishment a serious Play has been produced, with a title peculiarly suggestive of the style of piece associated with the Criterion. It is called Impulse. Any playgoer can, without much difficulty, imagine Mr. CHARLES WYNDHAM acting on impulse. The Drama at the St. James's is founded on La Maison du Mari-an announcement which seems to have puzzled the Critics, who were wild at having to acknowledge their ignorance of the original.

The Westminster Play Phormio was a success. It was written some time ago by an Irish Author known as TERENCE, and was translated into Latin from the original. Its full title as given by the Westminster Scholars was, of course, Sixth-Phormio. It was whispered at the last moment that the LORD CHAMBERLAIN would have refused to license it if he had had a "crib" at hand, but it is probable that he received one too late to withdraw his consent. It

An eventful day. To bed in fits.

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PUNCH'S CHRISTMAS CARDS.

To Mr. Henry Irving.-"Ado, Ado; remember me!"
To Captain Shaw. A plague on all your houses!"
To the Duke of Mudford.- No Thoroughfare."

To the Last of the Barons.-"You fool us to the top of our Belt."
To the Right Hon. J. Chamberlain, M.P.-"Reform it altogether."
To the Premier.- "A Sentry for half a Century."
To Charles Reade.-" Pieces that run by READE."
Edison.-"New Lamps for old ones!"

Arabi Bey." Things are going on swimmingly!" Dr. Arthur Sullivan.-"Sometimes, though not often, he doctors weak music."

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The Duke of Edinburgh.-"He plays the fiddle like an angel."
J. L. Toole.-"Boys and Girls come out to play.'
Lord Wolseley.-Wake me at cock-crow."

The Prince of Wales." The right man in the right place."

NEW WORK by the Author of Nothing but Leaves:-The Perpetual Furlough.

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DERBY, dear, I am old and grey,
Fifty years since my Newark day;
Changes will come to every one
As the years roll on.
DERBY, dear, when the votes went wry,
Out in the cold and alone was I;
Ah! but the thought of you cheered me then,
""Tis not for long he can hold with BEN."
Always the same, DERBY, my own,
Always the same to your old GLAD-STONE!
Always the same to your old GLAD-STONE!

PREMIER sings:

DERBY, dear, but I did feel riled,
When the Jingoes with joy went wild,
Until hope whispered Knowsley's lord
"Loveth not the sword."
DERBY, dear, 'twas your backing out
Showed the way for the Tories' rout,
Ah, dear! how you stilled my fear,
Life appeared better and office near.

Always the same, DERBY, my own,
Always the same to your old GLAD-STONE!
Always the same to your old GLAD-STONE!

Hand in hand we can go to-day,
Hand in hand on the old Whig way;
Chop and change sides for everyone,
As the years roll on.
Hand in hand though the Carlton sneer.
You were never true Tory, dear;
Ah no! I was sure of you when
Jingo you flouted, and turned up BEN.

Always the same, DERBY, my own,
Always the same to your old GLAD-STONE!
Always the same to your old GLAD-STONE!

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