PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.-DECEMBER 30, 1882. W. E. G. (Perruquier to the Theatre). "NOW, SIR CHARLES, WHAT AM I TO MAKE YOU UP AS ?" many people play upon that familyer instrument many hundred times. I was glad to hear afterwards that the QUEEN wasn't at all fritened at the butiful Griffin, as Captain SHAW LEFEVER had feared, but acshally larfed at it with admiration. The one thort that filled my manly busom at the Temple Luncheon was, that upon the whole I suttenly had never seen a finer display of magnificent appetites in the whole course of my waried career. ROBERT. THE SILVER KING; OR, BEAUTIFUL AS A BUTLER. THE Drama at the Princess's, written by Messrs. A. JONES-not the JONES, only A JONES,-and HENRY HERMAN, is, except for one fault, well constructed, carefully written, admirably placed on the stage, forcibly played by the men, weakly by the women, but sufficiently interesting from first to last when once the spectator has granted the rather improbable basis on which the whole action rests, though 'tis fair to say that the action never does "rest" any more than do the villains of the play, who carry on their work with unflagging spirit. "O Ware and O Ware!" The situation in Scene 3, Act I., which brings down the Curtain, and the house, on the termination of some remarkably fine acting on Mr. WILSON BARRETT's part, specially as Denver the Drunkard, is, we believe, thoroughly new and original. Denver has come to kill Geoffrey Ware, but, stupified by drink, only wakes up to find himself alone with the corpse of Geoffrey, who has been shot by the captain of a gang of burglars. Then Denver, after stretching himself, and exclaiming, Where am I? Where? Where?" approaches the body, starts, and echoes his own question, 66 Ware! Is this Some Ware, or No Ware, or Hard Ware ? Is it Summer Ware or Winter Ware? Good Ware? A Wash and a Ware? Here's Ware-on the floorand not in the Great Bed of Ware!" Gradually, as these misty notions-the last remaining effects of beer and skittles at "The Wheatsheaf," Clerkenwell-clear away, Denver fancies that he has murdered Ware without himself being aware! Then he staggers off, and rushes, through the entr'acte, back to his own house, where he confesses to his wife what he thinks he has done, and his wife (Miss EASTLAKE) hurries him off disguised as his own butler, the latter generously advancing forty pounds out of his hard-earned savings to help his murdering master to make away with himself as quickly as possible. Mr. GEORGE BARRETT throughout is excellent a true artist. The weak point of the piece is that the sensation scene of the murder comes in the First Act; and though there are four Acts, and about fourteen scenes more, no such thrilling situation as this occurs again. Mr. WILLARD'S Spider, a sort of modern Robert Macaire, is, as far as we are capable of judging such a character, a very clever performance. He is associated with three comic villainsWillard the Willin; or, the Spider reminding every playgoer of and the Fly. the accomplices of Lesurque in The Courier of Lyonsplayed, without very much exaggeration, by Messrs. CLIFFORD COOPER, CHARLES COOTE, and FRANK HUNTLEY. At the end of Act II. Denver reads of his own supposed death in a railway accident, and he is free. And now comes either a very weak point, or real touch of nature, according to the view of each individual spectator. Being free, Denver does not at once go to his wife, and say, "Now we'll be off!" nor does he go away to Boulogne, for example-(very few people, by the way, would think of going to Boulogne, for example; but we didn't mean that)-taking the name of JONES or HERMAN, and from that salubrious sea-port send for his wife and child to come out to him, and share his new name, and probable fortune. No; he makes use of his liberty, and of as much as remains of the confiding Butler's forty sovereigns, to bolt to Australia, leaving his wife and child behind him to get on as best they can, and sponge to any extent on Daniel Jaikes, the aged domestic above mentioned. The man who takes a cynical view of married life, would at once say that Denver, with forty pounds in his pocket and free to call himself anything he likes and to begin the world again as a bachelor without responsibility, would naturally go away and enjoy himself; but the Respectable Member of Society, or the inexperienced Lover, would take the other line and say, " Of course, he might go away; but, hang it all, he'd at once send for his wife and childwhich he could do in perfect safety." We do not pretend to decide: Messrs. JONES and HERMAN make him go away, give him a silvermine, and then bring him back to his own native land, dressed much in the style of that lugubrious person, the husband of Mrs. Haller, once well known and indeed popular as "The Stranger," with white hair, a Guy-Fawkes hat, and an invincible propensity for wearing disguises and making long, speeches just at a time when everybody most wants the Play to be "getting on." However, Mr. WILSON BARRETT & Co. must be satisfied that the Play is getting on uncommonly well. Then the Silver King disguises himself as a modern " poor Tom's a-cold," and easily deceives the knowing ones, who open the door and take him in, when he in turn takes them in, and, mastered by some unaccountable desire to frighten the villains with a melodramatic attitude, he starts up among the bales and barrels in the marine-store-dealer's place, and exclaims "I am WILFRED DENVER!" which so takes them aback that, though they are armed and are four to one, they actually let him escape scot free. Conscience makes cowards of us all," we know; but, as not one of these blackguards ever had any conscience, and as Captain Spider possesses the greatest sang-froid possible, this situation is comparatively tame. "The Return of Mr. Barrett as Stranger," or Bogie the Silvery Haired King. 64 The remainder of the play is the return of the dead 'un, reminding us of La Joie fait Peur. Good plays, like good men, have their little weaknesses, but, making allowance for these, our friends in Mr. Barrett still as "The Stranger" makes his Missis haller! The Butler weeps at a reminiscence of his Childhood. front cannot do better than pass an evening in the company of The Silver King; or, Beautiful as a Butler. And they won't see much better acting of its kind than that of Mr. WILSON BARRETT in the earlier part of the play, and of Mr. WILLARD and Mr. GEORGE BARRETT throughout. Now that ARABI's trial is finished, Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM sincerely trusts that all the European Powers will settle down quietly and smoke the Calomel of peace. A PROBLEM IN REAL (AND THEATRICAL) PROPERTY.-(Case for Counsel, picked up in the Globe.)-After hearing the Wills, to find the rightful Eyre. A PERFECT CURE. A ROSE WITHOUT A THORN. (Just about this Festive Season in full bloom.) A fiddlestick's end for the frosts and snows; Which the leeches, both Latin and Greek, of yore, Withal to physic the crazed and mad. So lunatics, as the story goes, They sent to the Isle of the Christmas Rose. A fiddlestick's end, &c. No Colney Hatch was known to men, No such institution as Hanwell, then. No Bedlam had they, but, in Bedlam's room, Ye might say, the Anti-Bedlam bloom. They could mad folk mend with the Christmas Rose? Such virtue in sooth had hellebore, For to most of ourselves the fact is plain, Great part of the world around's insane. The Shamrock to twine with the Christmas Rose ! The Market in the Market. AT last the Duke of BEDFORD has shown a desire to meet the public wants, and has practically offered Covent Garden Market and a large block of adjacent property to the Metropolitan Board of Works. A Board 80 largely composed of builders and architects can surely not resist this tempting offer? without a thought of Physicians, or any such necessary nuisances, and in a truly blessed state of ignorance of physiology or any such twaddle, two things, and two things only, are necessary, and those two things are, plenty of good hard work and plenty of good high living. With these two in thorough combination every man would lead a life of thorough enjoyment, and, barring accidents, go to his rest at a ripe old age without a pang. But, continued my Guide, Philosopher, and Friend, the misfortune is, that the large majority of mankind addict themselves to one or other of these equally necessary matters, but not to both; the consequence is that those who work hard without living superbly wear out their ill-used bodies, and live and die miserably; while those who live luxuriously and freely without working hard, live a life of trial and suffering and gout, and their end is not peace. Br a species of good luck, for which I can never be sufficiently thankful, I found myself seated at dinner, last week, by the side of one of the most eminent Physicians of the day. He was courteous, good-natured, full of fun and anecdote, knew all about Actors and Actresses, to me always a matter of great and almost absorbing interest, had attended Royalty, and some of the most eminent men in Art, Science, and Literature. I was, of course, charmed and delighted with his conversation, which never flagged, but passed from grave to gay, from lively to severe with the greatest facility. But what surprised me to a degree that I can scarcely express, was to see the delightfully free and easy way in which he partook of almost every dish that was contained in a most liberal and varied I never listened to words of wisdom with more perfect faith, and menu. There was no declining all the luxuries of the table from thanking my kind instructor for his admirable and timely lecture, cowardly fear of indigestion, but rich sauces, stewed mushrooms, to his faith in which he continued to give me a practical example, I Paté-de-foies-gras, Vol-au-vent of Lobster, all were welcomed and at once resolved to follow out his suggestions whenever that good all, apparently, enjoyed.. And as to wines, no nonsense about keep-fortune which I have been so long anticipating shall at last arrive. ing to one colour for him, but Punch, Sherry, Hock, Champagne, In the meantime I give the world the benefit of my kind Physician's and Port, were all partaken of, each in its turn, but all, I am bound priceless prescription. AN OUTSIDER. to say, in moderation. As much astonished at what I saw as I was charmed with what I heard, I ventured, with all that refined delicacy for which I have A REAL CHRISTMAS PUDDING.-Take a ton of Strand mud-there been long rather remarkable, to gently insinuate that I should much is plenty to spare-and mix it with two hundred weight of the like to know to what he attributed his possession of such remarkably experimental stones which are laid about once a month at the Pallfine powers of digestion, when, without the slightest hesitation or Mall end of Waterloo Place. Garnish it with a few rotten cabbagedoubt, he revealed to me the most important and satisfactory infor- leaves from Mud-Salad Market, which have been wafted almost into mation that I have ever received in my long and varied career. the inner yard of Marlborough House, and then serve it up at the In order, said he, to live a life of peace and comfort and enjoy-first Vestry dinner you can find. You can serve it according ment, perfect peace, thorough comfort, and supreme enjoyment, to temper. TO CORRESPONDENTS.-In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copies of MS. should be kept by the Senders. ABOLITION of Coffee, 109 Advantages of a Gas-Stove (The), 106 Advice to an Actor, 298 Advice to Strephon, 214 Esthetic Farm (AD), 12 Almanack Time, 219 Another Egypt, 180 Anti-Sanitary Ballad (An), 166 Arabi's Case, 226 Arabi's Diary, 21 Arrangements for a Happy Day, 34 Better than bis Promise, 204 Biggar's Petition (The), 13 Black and White, 106 "Blood and Iron," 154 Blunderbuss and Burglar, 177 Blunt "Asking for More," 273 Bon Voyage! 243 Bootheration to 'Em ! 22 Cram and Crash, 292 "Cri is Still"-(The), 121 Criticism for the Million, 178 Crowned Heads and Shilling Days, 75 "DANIEL Come to Judgment" (A), 95 Delicacies at the Dairy-Show, 178 Diary of a Sabbatarian à la Mode Dirge of Decoration (The), 279 Handbook of Knowledge (A), 10, 33, 48, Mr. Greenhorn's Experiences, 182, 258 &c. Handy Jack! 75 Hedging a Throne, 290 "He was such a Consistent Man," 42 de Householder's Dilemma (The), 138 Doubt of the Benefit (The), 71 265 Echo of the Week, 221 Egyptian Alphabet (The), 180 Egyptian Names with English Variations, 227 British Workman not at Home (The), 171 "English Spoken "-in France, 101 "Boys and Girls," &c., 225 Butcher Worship. 77 By Overland Route to Lyceum, 184 By the Sea-side, 108 Christmas Ghosts, 302 "Christmas is Coming!" 294 Christmas Numbers, 227 Censor of the Press in Egypt (The), 93 College of Dramatic Criticism (The), 10 Coming to Terms through the Wire 8 Conservative Orsons endowed with Constitution's New Monthly Nurse (The), 301 Evening from Home (An), 240 Exhibition of the Royal Water-Colour Extracts from my Reminiscences, 117 Fancies on Fans, 157 Fictor Nogo on Arabi Pasha, 193 Figaro in Berlin, 158 Financial Scare (A), 195 Finding Something for him to do, 130 First of September (The), 97 Flights and Sights, 97 Floating Capital, 179 Fond Beliefs, 299 Food Exbibition (The), 216 Free and Merry England, 190 From Arm-ed J. B. to Ahmed Arabi, 53 GAMBETTA'S Shot and Plot, 265 Gas and Gastronomy, 106 Gladstonius amidst the Ruins of the Good News for Burglars, 231 Grand Old Minstrel Boy (The), 53 HAMBURG, not Humbug, 227 "I'm going to do without 'Em," 47 JAVA reduced to Jelly, 132 Justice to Punch and Ireland, 142 KABBY and 8kool Bord, 283 Licensing Dead-Lock (A), 277 Literature on Lease, 207 Little Holiday (A), 112, 124, 147, &c. Sol "Look always on the Surrey Side," 204 Lotos-Eating Bumbledom, 182 L. S. Dee, 70 "MASHING" and Matrimony, 228 168 Merchant Taylors' Boys at the Munching "Merry War" and a Lively Piece (A), 208 Modern Life in London, 9, 25, 57, &c. More Waggery, 186 Mosé in Egitto, 155 Mossoo on the Moor, 61 Mrs. R. in a New Place, 165 New Song of Jingo (The), 192 North Sea Fiend (The), 23 No Such Luck, 19 Not absolutely Improbable, 238 Notes from the Diary of a City Waiter, Not Generally Known, 216 ODE on a Close Prospect of Eton College, 51 Oh, for Oysters! 154 Oil on the Waves, 210 "Old Soldiers," 190 One Iaw for the Rich, &c., 216 One Sea-sided Advice, 15 Only a Shop-Girl! 289 On Public Grounds, 10 Opening of the New Law Courts, 280 Opera of the Future, 178 "O rare Ben!" 12 Our Advertisers, 189, 201, 285 Our 'Arry again! 154 Our Booking-Office, 229, 253, 275 Our Booking-Office and Christmas Card Out of Place, 222 Oyster Miles, 141 PARADISE of Mudlarks (The), 267 Parliamentary Language, 34 Parliament without Parley, 238 Paupers and Porpoises, 166 Perfect Cure (A), 310 Physicking the Press, 105 Pity the Poor Sheriffs! 217 Pity the Sorrows of a Poor Prince, 131 Plutonic Dialogue (A), 189 Pleasant Things to Say, 153 Plot against Paddy (A), 281 Poor Jack! 80 |