KIND AND SYMPATHETIC-416.

66

"What is the matter, my dear?" asked a wife of her husband, who had sat half an hour with his face buried in his hands, and apparently in great tribulation. 'Oh, I don't know," said he; "I have felt like a fool all day.” "Well," returned the wife, consolingly, "I'm afraid you'll never be any better-you look the picture of what you feel!"

HUMAN NATURE.-417.

SOME wise man sagely remarked, "there is a good deal of human nature in man." It crops out occasionally in boys. One of the urchins in the school-ship Massachusetts, who was quite sick, was visited by a kind lady. The little fellow was suffering acutely, and his visitor asked him if she could do anything for him. "Yes," replied the patient, "read to me. "Will you have a story?" asked the lady, "No," answered the boy; "read from the Bible; read about Lazarus ;" and the lady complied. The next day the visit was repeated, and again the boy asked the lady to read. "Shall I read from the Bible?" she inquired. "Oh, no," was the reply, "I'm better to-day; read me a love story."

A YOUNG LADY'S SACRIFICE.-418.

A YOUNG lady has been heard to declare that she couldn't go to fight for the country, but she was willing to allow the young men to go, and die an old maid, which she thought was as great a sacrifice as anybody could be called upon to make!

POETRY AND PROSE.-419.

A COUNTRY editor, referring to Tupper's line, the house is a well-spring of pleasure," says, prefer to get water from the pump."

"A babe in "If it is we

DANIEL WEBSTER AND HIS BILLS.-420.

OUR readers are aware that the late Hon. Daniel Webster was not so careful in his pecuniary matters as some men, and this fault was at times taken advantage of. At one

time a man sawed a pile of wood for him, and, having presented his bill, it was promptly paid by Mr. Webster. The labourer was taken ill during the winter, and a neighbour advised him to call upon Mr. Webster for the payment of his bill. "But he has paid me," said the man.

66 No matter," replied his dishonest adviser, "call again with it. He don't know, and don't mind what he pays. It is a very common thing for him to pay much larger bills twice." The man got well, and carried in his account the second time. Mr. Webster looked at it, looked at the man, remembered him, but paid the bill without demurring. The fellow got "short some three or four months afterwards, and bethought him of the generosity and loose manner of Mr. Webster in his money matters, and a third time he called and presented the bill for sawing the wood. Mr. Webster took the account, which he immediately recognized, and, scanning the wood-sawyer a moment, said: "How do you keep your books, sir ?"" "I keep no books" said the man, abashed. "I think you do, sir," continued Mr. Webster, with marked emphasis; "and you excel those who are satisfied with the double-entry system. You keep your books upon a triple-entry plan, I observe." Tearing up the account, Mr. Webster added: "Go, sir, and be honest hereafter. I have no objection to paying these little bills twice, but I cannot pay them three times. You may retire." The man left the room, feeling as though he was suffocating for want of air. He had learned a lesson that lasted through life.

KEEPING A SECRET.-421.

Or the descendants of the Pilgrims there once lived an old man, who, unlike nearly all his brethren, had no particular respect for the clergy. Going his accustomed rounds one day, he met a reverend gentleman, who, after a few casual remarks on worldly topics, thus addressed him :"Mr. Brown, you have lived long; very few attain your age. Would it not be the part of wisdom to attend to your soul's concerns immediately? Really, it would rejoice my soul to see you at the eleventh hour become a praying Christian." "Well, now, Parson Hoyt, my Bible tells me to pray in secret." "Ah, well-yes-but do you pray in 'Why, now, Parson Hoyt, you know if I should tell you, 'twouldn't be any secret, anyhow."

secret?"

MOST TOO SUDDEN.-422.

AN old lady, a resident of Providence, who had never ridden in the cars, was persuaded, by the combined efforts of the children, James and Mary, to accompany them on an excursion, she all the time saying that she knew something would happen. She took her seat with fear and trembling, taking hold of the arm of the seat next the passage-way. The train was late, as excursion trains are usually, and in coming round a curve the Boston express train was on the same track, both nearing each other faster than was pleasant. The momentum of each train was nearly lost, and they came together with a chuck, which pitched the old lady on her face in the passage-way between the seats. She rose to her hands, and, looking back, asked: "Jeems, do they allus stop like that?"

66 ANY RELATIONS?"-423.

THE man who collects the names of soldiers for the town records of Adams was recently the questioner in the following conversation, the lady of the house replying:"Have you any friends in the war, madam ?" "No, sir." Any relations?" "No, sir." "Do you know anybody from this neighbourhood who is in the army?" "No, sir." As he was leaving, a bright thought struck her, and she rushed to the door, exclaiming: "Oh, my husband has gone to the war!"

DIDN'T CARE THEN IF HE DID.-424.

A GENTLEMAN from Boston chanced to find himself among a little party of ladies away down East this summer, in the enjoyment of some innocent social play. He carelessly placed his arm about the slender waist of as pretty a damsel as Maine can boast of, when she started, and exclaimed: "Begone, sir; don't insult me!" The gentleman instantly apologized for his seeming rudeness, and assured the halfoffended fair one that he did not mean to insult her. "No?" she replied, archly. "Well, if you didn't, you may do it again."

NO JUSTICE IN THAT COURT.-425.

A VILLANOUS specimen of humanity was brought into the Police Court before Justice Cole, of Albany, charged

with having brutally assaulted his wife. The charge was substantiated in the clearest and most positive manner, and exhibited the most heartless cruelty on the husband's part. On his examination before the Justice, he had a good deal to say about "getting justice." "Justice!" exclaimed Squire Cole, " you can't get it here. This court has no power to hang you!"

SENSATIONS OF A DOWN-EASTER.-426.

Ir has been truly said that "we reckon the progress of our lives by sensations, not years," and an anecdote related by a friend very happily illustrates the truth of the maxim. A young man "down East" was asked his age: to which he answered-" Wal, I don't know exactly, but I have had the seven year itch three times."

CHANGES.-427.

A YOUNG lady, in a class studying physiology, made answer to a question put, that in six years a human body became entirely changed, so that not a particle which was in it at the commencement of the period would remain at the close of it. 66 Then, Miss L.," said the young tutor, "in six years you will cease to be Miss L. ?" "Why, yes, sir, I suppose so,' ," said she, very modestly looking at the floor.

LONGFELLOW AND LONGWORTH.-428.

ONE of the happiest witticisms on record is related by the Boston correspondent of the Cincinnati Gazette:-"I heard the other day of a bon mot made by Longfellow, the poet. Young Mr. Longworth, from your city, being introduced to him, some one present remarked upon the similarity of the first syllable of the two names. "Yes," said the poet, "but in this case I fear Pope's line will apply:"Worth makes the man, the want of it the fellow."

NOVEL PROPOSITION.-429.

:

It is proposed to light the streets of a Western city with red-headed girls. In noticing the fact, a contemporary says, he'd like to play tipsy every night, and hang hold of the lamp-posts.

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INTERESTING ANNOUNCEMENT.-430.

Ir is with feelings too deep for utterance, and a sense of obligation overwhelming, and of worldly consequence never before experienced, and with a heartfelt ecstacy heretofore not even dreamed of, that the junior editor of this paper announces to his friends, and the rest of mankind, that a son was born unto him on the morning of Friday last. A general reprieve is granted to all political offenders, and an earnest appeal made to those in pecuniary arrears to liquidate at the earliest convenience, as the young gentleman must be fed and clothed.

EXCUSE FOR DRINKING.-431.

A LADY made her husband a present of a silver drinking cup, with an angel at the bottom; and when she filled it for him he used to drink it to the bottom, and she asked him why he drank every drop. "Because, duckey," he said, "I long to see the dear little angel." Upon which she had the angel taken out, and had a devil engraved at the bottom; and he drank it off just the same, and she again asked him the reason. 66 'Why," replied he, "because I won't leave the old devil a drop."

TIGHT-FISTED.-432.

THE account comes to us of a young man who attends church regularly, and clasps his hands so tight during praying time that he can't get them open when the contribution box comes round.

EDITORS' WIVES WIELDING THE BROOM.-433.

An editor says his attention was first drawn to matrimony by the skilful manner in which a pretty girl handled a broom. A brother editor says the manner in which his wife handles a broom is not so very pleasing.

THE WRONG WOMAN.-434.

A JERSEY man was lately arrested for flogging a woman, and excused the act by saying he was near-sighted, and thought it was his wife.