view at this diftance, I plainly fee to have been, at that time, clearly pointing and conducting' me, by feveral steps thereof, unto it. Accordingly, on Monday the 29th, I went away to vifit my friend; and, following the conduct of providence, we determined the bufinefs to the middle of July; and fo I returned chearfully, and ever after was well fatisfied as to the determination of the time. May 24. At night, before family-exercife, I was fomewhat caft down and troubled by reafon of fome remaining difficulties in the accomplishing of my business. At prayer I took occafion to bewail this; and fo it was, that my foul feeing more of the vanity of the world, and longing for heaven, I found my foul blefling God for troubles in the world; for I well faw, that otherwife I would have been faying, "It is good for me to be here." Bleffed be the Lord for that word which we fung, Pfal. lxxxv. ult. "What is good the Lord will give." I think I can believe it, though I fee it not. Lord help my unbelief. May 28. & 29. I was taken up in bufinefs relative thereto, and was helped to manage matters with an eye to God, and my heart was lifted up in admiration of divine conduct, making mountains molehills. June 3. Having purpofed to fpend fome time this day in prayer, with fafting, with refpect efpecially to my marriage, I rofe early this morning; and though I found much of yesterday's frame continuing, yet wanted I not fome fecret heart-averfenefs to that work. After prayer, I confidered what I was to plead for. And, firft, As to my marriage, 1. That the Lord would clear up duty more and more, that we may go on under a fenfe of God's command; 2 That he would pardon mifmanagements in the oncarrying of it; 3. That he would give us a fuitable frame for fuch a weighty bufinefs, and particularly in the time of it; 4. Conjugal love and concord; 5. Contentment as to our choice, and with our lot in the world; 6. That we may be fpiritually ufeful to one another, and particularly with refpect to a time of trouble for the gofpel; 7. That we may live loofe to one another, ready to part on a call; and that God would provide things neceflary for our through-bearing; laftly, That I may be fpared with her a while; and if I be taken away, he may not be left deftitute, but God may be her tutor. Secondly, Victory over corruption. Thirdly, Succefs in my miniftry. Lafily, Preparation for the faft at Fogo. Thefe things i carneftly U 2 fought fought of the Lord; and as I went on, I won very near God, attaining to familiarity and confidence with the Lord; fo that I was made to blefs the day i fet about this work. My heart and flesh were all aloft towards Christ. After I had come from that exercife, in the afternoon I received a letter from her, wherein the fhowed me fome piece of exercise fhe was under, and the prevalency of unbelief with her, with fomething importing fears of approaching death. This did fomewhat amufe me, and made me wonder what might be the language of it to me. I had prayed for a token of the Lord's accepting this fervice, and this feemed not to be fuch. But, on further confideration, I found I had no great reafon to complain, but rather to blefs the Lord, who made her careful of her falvation, and exercifed with her own heart at such a juncture. And I had liberty with the Lord on her account. As for the fears of approaching death, it is like God has fent it to ballaft me, and keep me watchful; and I am the Lord's, let him do what feemeth him good. I found iny heart last week, and at this time, more clear in the fight of the world's vanity, and going more after being with Chrift, which I fee is beft of all, than a good while before. Her cafe and my own fent me fometimes to God. But at night I grew fo very apprehenfive of her death, that my ballaft was like to fink me. I ftrove to encourage myself, but nothing would effectually do. But I faw the caufe of it. And on the morrow morning fo was it with me, ftill I funk, when I thought on it; fo eafily was I overcome after fuch kind dealing It fent me again and again to the Lord. (N. B. See how Providence filled up what I had most unaccountably forgot in the causes above mentioned for what reafon can be given, that when I had made it one of my errands to God, that I might be fpared with her, that I should not also with that been concerned that he might be fpared with me ?). I behoved to go to the prefbytery; and I won but fo far above it, as to let it be only ballaft to my heart, and to make me watchful, and prepare for whatever fhould come. And fo it proved very useful to me this day both abroad and at home. And fo was it the next day while ftudying the fermon for Fogo. : June 8. I minded to declare my purpofe to two of the elders, and went to God on that head; but was very dull in my frame, but one of them could not be got. So I delayed delayed to this day, at which time it was better with me. So that I came to them with confidence in God, leaning on and getting ufe made of that word which God faid to me before I came to Simprin, "The eternal God fhall be "thy refuge," &c. And I could not but obferve the Lord's putting a stop to it till I was in this cafe. June 13. Thurfday, I met with a fevere ftroke. On the Monday afternoon and Tuesday I had fallen fecure again; had only fome awakening gliffs, and fad experience of the inftability of my heart; which lay fo heavy on me on Tuesday's night, that I would have been content to have quitted all, to have been out of the reach of a woful heart, and to have had a dying-day instead of a marriage-day. On Wednesday, it was once better; but ere that day was gone, my vigour fpiritual was gone, This morning I had little freedom in prayer. I preached the weekly fermon with an overly fuperficial moving of affections. After the fermon a while, I went out to the garden, and there was a fpit fticking in the wall of the houfe, with the fmall end of it outmoft. I rushed inadvertently my face on it, and the wound I got was about a ftraw-breadth beneath the eye. I was ftupified with it, and knew not but it had gone into the eye-ball. It fwelled to a great bignefs, and covered a great part of my eye. I was afraid of lofing my eye. It fent me to the Lord, confefling my fin, and taking with the punishment of mine iniquity; and I got a patient, quiet, fubmiffive, and contented frame under the rod, endeavouring to trust God come what would. Great mercy it was that it was not a ftrawbreadth higher; for then it would have digged out my eye. I endeavoured to fit loofe to my friend, and all created enjoyments, which I thought God called for by that rod. On the morrow the thoughts of my falling off fo frequently to provoke the Lord, and fo bringing one rod after another on myfelf, made heaven very defirable to me. And noticing the way of Providence with me, I kiffed this rod, for there was a deal of kindness in it. June 23. I preached at Eymouth, under great withdrawings of the Spirit, as before narrated. This bufinets has been a fnare to me fince it came fo near a period. If. I had not guided better before, I could have had little comfort in it. God is my witness, that it has been and is my grief, that in my thoughts of it I cannot be more heavenly; heavenly; and that I cannot more vigorously look to God with refpect to it. If this day eight days, when I am to be proclaimed, be fuch a day as this, I think I will be wounded with the arrows of the Almighty for that it should be fo at this juncture is a double mifery. : June 28. Wherefore I fpent fome time this day in prayer, with respect to my marriage mainly; was folidly affected with it, and helped to believe; and have hitherto felt my fpirit bettered thereby, keeping fomewhat more clofely with God than before. Yesterday I had a view of my need of Chrift, and the fupplies of his grace; and had much inward fatisfaction flowing from the fenfe of my foul's nearness to God, and my heart's being kept in fome measure with God. And this day the thoughts of that bufinefs were a fpur to duty. June 30. This day was a good day. I got my heart' carneft for God's prefence, and I wanted neither light nor life in my work. And finishing a particular fubject that day, my foul was affected and melted with the people's cafe. July 9. This day I found myself under a great decay again; but difcourfing with a good lad, he had occafion to fpeak of these two fcriptures, "Truly God is good to If rael," upon which I feemed to have a fight of the Lord's goodnefs; and that, "If thy prefence go not "with me, carry us not up hence;" which had fuch an impreflion on me, that upon it I had fome revival. But by my careleffnefs it flipped away, and great darknefs and hardness of heart fucceeded. A while after thefe feemed to be going away but neither was that right guided; and then I was carried quite off my feet. On the morrow efpecially, I faw my confidence with God was quite marred, and fin lay heavy on foul and confcience. And though I spent a good part of the day, the weary day, in fafting and prayer, the Lord would not hear me, neither could I win to any meltedness of heart: only I had tormenting light without life. Afterwards Mr G-Rcame; but I was indifpofed both in body and mind, heavy and melancholy, unfit for any thing whatfoever. Yet at length, while i lifted up my dejected eyes to the Lord, and we converfed about the meafure of humiliation requifite in a finner before he can come to Chrift, concerning felf-condemnation, &c. I found I spoke only what I felt. So in the very time while we thus walked up and down, down, and difcourfed, the Lord loofed the poor prifoner; my heart loofed, and my bands were taken off. And I obferved my body grew better, when the cure was begun in my foul. Afterwards I went to God, poured out my foul before him like water, with grief for fin, and confidence of his mercy. And then I was helped to wrestle in earneft with God for his prefence to be with me with respect to my businefs. By the Lord's dealing thus feverely with me, I had a fight of the excellency of Christ; and when I won near God, O but my foul prized Christ as the Mediator, and way to the Father; and my heart was in love with the doctrine of the gofpel, even free grace. I fpent fome time thereafter in the fields meditating, with a deep fense of my own vilenefs. On the morrow I had real ftruggling ere I could get my heart right, but not without fuccefs. I faw nothing defirable in the world but Christ and ordinances. And I had much of the felt prefence of God in preaching my fermon, (it being Thurfday.) Thereafter, in fecret, I found my confidence in the Lord was enlarged, as to what is before me, and otherwife; and my foul was affected with a sense of my mifery and nothingnefs: but bleffed be the Lord for his kindness to vile me. July 11. Towards night I met with a fweet seasonable providence, which enlarged my heart in thankfulness to God, encouraging me in the bufinefs before me, and making me fet up another Ebenezer. Thereafter meditating in the fields, I was filled with joy in the Lord, and my heart was glad, while I had discoveries of Chrift made to my foul, and was helped to fee his fufficiency, and to believe. So that my foul was filled with praifes and admiration of the Lord's kindnefs to poor me at this juncture, notwithstanding my woful backflidings from him before. O the doctrine of the gofpel, and revelation of Chrift, is fweet to my foul. I have had felt ftrength against corruption this day. July 13. Saturday. This day I was to go to Kelfo, from whence I was to go ftraight to Culrois. And I found the Lord was with me, and helped me to wrestle with him for his prefence to my marriage, and to-morrow's work. The teftimony of my confcience witnefling to me, that I had acknowledged God in this my way, was a fweet help to me, to believe my fteps fhould be directed by him. I found a more than ordinary concern on |