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On the 22d thofe of the parish of Dollar craved of the prefbytery a minifter to moderate in a call; but they delayed it till their next meeting at Alloa, March 1. That day they delayed it again, till they fhould get an anfwer of a letter they were to write to Argyle; and Mr White told me, there was fome mention of another young man whom that Noble perfon minded for Dollar. On the 15th, as I was going to the prefbytery, Mr Turnbull told me, that Argyle had returned an anfwer to their letter, and therein told them of the young man he defigned for the parish, but took no notice of me. By the prefbytery's minutes that day, I understood their letter had been to take off fome mifreprefentations made of me to him.

The meeting of the commiffion of the general affembly was now near; and Argyle's letter aforefaid tryfting therewith, feemed to be a providential inclofing of me for the north; which occafioned me great heavinefs. On the morrow the Lord comforted me, by giving me light into that word, "That ftone is made head corner-ftone which "builders did defpife;" thinking, that if Christ was defpifed by the builders, no wonder I should be fo too; and that however I was defpifed by them, God might do great things for me, and by me. At this time the trouble in my ear was but going off, fo that it kept me near a month. I wonder that I do not find that I took it for a rebuke of my listening fo far to that temptation to fainting aforementioned.

March 20. Being on my way to Edinburgh to the commiffion, I was by ftorm stopped at the North-Ferry that night. Then and there were two words brought to me: the one Zech. iv. 6. "Not by might, nor by power," &c. the other, Dan. i. 15. "At the end of ten days, their "countenances appeared fairer, and fatter in flesh, than "all the children which did eat the portion of the King's "meat." This alfo was made sweet and ftrengthening to my foul and I enjoyed a great calm and ferenity of mind, which, by the mercy of God, lafted all along with me, till on the 23d I was freed from the miflion to the north, which for a long time before had occafioned me much perplexity. I had refolved to attend the prefbytery, to get them to fpeak for me to the commiffion; but was hindered by the boil in my ear; and minding to make up that with a letter to one of the prefbytery, it was mifcarried ; and this was the reafon of my going to the commiflion.

As

As I was bleffing the Lord with my foul for the ferenity arifing from the confideration of the aforefaid fcriptures, Satan fet on me with a fulfome temptation, as if God had dealt fo with me for my preaching fo yesterday. I prefently noticed it, prayed, and protefted against it, and difowned it; and took a look of my black feet, particularly as they appeared that day. The main ftrefs of the bufinefs, as to the miflion, was at a committee, where I had no acquaintance but one, who was none of my best friends. Having been advised before to cut out my hair, for my health, at that time I got a wig; and thereafter wore one all along; till after my coming to Ettrick, finding it troublesome when going abroad, I laid it aside, and betook me again to my own hair; which to this day I

wear.

Upon my return to the Ferrytown, confidering that Dollar, the only place in that country where I could have defired to fettle, was now blocked up; I was in a strait how to difpofe of myself next, knowing of nothing, but to go to Nithfdale, which I had no great inclination to. In that cafe was useful to me that word, which used to come flipping in, as it were, into my mind, Pfal. Ixxi. "20. Thou, Lord, who great adverfities, and fore, to "me didft fhow, Shalt quicken, and bring me again, from "depths of earth below;" and on the 31ft, together with it, that text, 2 Cor. iv. 8. "Perplexed, but not in defpair;" and Pfal. lv. 22. "Caft thy burden on the "Lord, and he will fuftain thee."

Robert Kemp, a noted profeffor of the stricter fide, in the parish of Airth, had, on March 10. asked me, if a certain elder had spoke to me about their calling me to be their minifter: the which I having anfwered in the negative, he told me there was such a motion; and that if the elders would not move in it, they would prefent a fupplication to the prefbytery for that effect. But having, on April 16. preached the last fermon I had there, on the morrow after, that elder, William Colvan in Powfide, did fignify their defign to call me. I told him very feriously, that fuch an attempt would be needlefs: the thoughts of it were indeed terrible to me, being very fenfible of my unfitnefs for fuch a poft. But there was no probability of that project's taking effect, my friends being, part of them, not acceptable to the prefbytery; and a certain perfoa

fon of eminence there, upon hearing fometime that I was to preach there, had curfed me: at the report whereof coming to me, I thought upon, and faw the use of, that word, Matth. v. 11. "Bleffed are ye, when men fhall re"vile you," &c. That Sabbath at Airth, I found, 1. That in the morning, efpecially in prayer before I went to the kirk, I was tempted to think I had been rash in a certain bufinefs, not yet accomplished. I flighted the temp tation, knowing it to be a device of Satan to mar me of what I was about. I thought it no time then to confider, whether it was really fo or not, it being a thing that could not be quickly cleared. 2. That in the forenoon I had light, but little life; in the afternoon I had both, and fome things ufeful and feafonable were laid to my hand. 3. That I was helped betwixt fermons and in the afternoon, to live by faith; and I had a ferenity of mind, and contentment of heart, flowing from dependence on the Lord.

Being refolved to part with the prefbytery of Stirling in a little time, I had alfo got over the perplexity by the strait aforefaid, how to difpofe of myself next, refigning the matter freely to the Lord; till on April 20. it began to recur. I confidered then the two words given me at the North Ferry, viz. Zech. iv. 6. and Dan. i. 11. that the former was accomplished already, in the manner of my deliverance from the northern miflion, and hoping the latter would be accomplished too in its time. And that very day, in the afternoon, I received a letter from my. father, defiring me, on the account of private affairs, to come home. Hereby the Lord himself did seasonably mark out to me my way, in the which he hath by this time fulfilled that word alfo unto me.

About this time began a fecond alteration in the strain of my preaching, which by degrees, though with much. difficulty in the way thereof, ripened into a more clear uptaking of the doctrine of the gofpel; which by the mercy of God I arrived at, after my fettlement in Simprin. Having been at Barhill on the 11th, I heard at Culross a week-day's fermon, on the excellency of Chrift, from Phil. iii. 8. by Mr Mair; and thereafter was entertained by him with edifying difcourfe fuitable thereto. Upon the back of this, I fometimes thought I had preached but too little of Chrift, which I would have been content to have reformed. On the 18th I went to God, and begged

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an anfwer of fome fuits I had had long depending before the throne of grace; which were especially two. The one was, That I might fee Chrift by a spiritual illumination, with more fulness of the evidence requifite to believing on him, according to that word, John vi. 40. "That every one which feeth the Son, and believeth on him;" to a particular notice of which paffage, I had, fome time or other, been led by Mr Mair's means alfo. The other was, That I might be helped to live, by faith, above the world. On the morrow after, as I arofe, I thought on thefe words, Pial. cv. 13. 14. 15.: and the view of the Lord's concern about his people, in all their removes, was sweet. After which, going to prayer, the Lord was with me in it. My foul went out in love to Chrift, followed hard after him, and I faw much content, delight, and fweet in him. The flue hereof was, that I found myfelf fomewhat helped to believe; the which, though it carried me not fo far above the world as I would fain have been, yet it rendered the world in fome fort contemptible in mine eyes; and I found my heart defirous to preach Christ's fulness, his being " all, and in all.”

This iffued in my being determined, on the 21ft, to that text, Matth. xiii. 45. 46. unto which I addreffed myfelf, after bemoaning, before the Lord, my ignorance of Chrift, and begging the revealing of him to me; being convinced I was but a child in that matter, yet feeing it my duty to preach him. Having entered upon it, I faw it a very full text; but going on in it, I found myself dry and barren upon it; which left me much dejected, feeing I could not preach Chrift, and beholding much of my ignorance of him. On the morrow I got more light, cafe, and infight into the excellency of Chrift, from the Lord, And reading in my ordinary thereafter, I fell on that Col. iv. 3. 4. which afforded me this inftruction, That whereas I had been difcouraged, for that I could not preach Chrift, I faw it indeed a mystery; and fuch a one as the great apoftle found a need of the prayers of the faints, that he might be enabled to preach it. I faw the preaching of Christ to be the moft difficult thing; for that though the whole world is full of wonders, yet here are depths beyond all. I was to preach in Clackmannan, where most were for me to be their minifter, and fome that had the greatest power were against me, as it ordinarily fared with me in the places where I ufed to preach.

On

On the Saturday's afternoon there comes a letter to my hand, defiring me to give the one half of the day to one Mr J. G. whom thofe that were against me had an eye upon. The letter I received contentedly, granted the defire of it, and bleffed the Lord for it. In thefe circumftances, feeing what hazard I was in of an evil eye, I committed my heart to the Lord, that I might be helped to carry evenly. I cried to the Lord for it; and got that word, "My grace fhall be fufficient for thee." Sabbath morning I found in myfelf a great defire to love Chrift, and to be concerned folely for his glory; and prayed to that effect, not without fome fuccefs. He got the forenoon, for fo it was defired by them. I was helped to join in prayer, was much edified both by his lecture and fermon, and I fung with a fweet frame after fermon: yet in the time I was thrice affaulted with the temptation I feared; but looking up to the Lord, got it repulfed in fome measure; and found my foul defirous that people fhould get good, foul-good, of what was very feriously, patheti cally, and judiciously faid to us by the godly young man. Betwixt fermons I got a fight of my own emptinets, and then prayed and preached in the afternoon with very much help from the Lord. Yet, for all that, I wanted not fome levity of fpirit; which poifon my heart fucked out of that fweet flower. When I came home, my heart was in a manner enraged against my heart on this account, and I confeffed it before the Lord, abhorring myself, appealing to God's omnifcience, that I would fain have had it otherwife, and would have been heartily content to have fold my own credit in the matter for the glory of Christ. As I was complaining that Satan had winnowed me, and brought forth much filthy ftuff out of my heart, notwithftanding all my prayers, &c. it came into my mind, how Chrift faid to Peter, "Simon, Satan hath defired to have "thee, that he may fift you as wheat: but I have prayed "for thee, that thy faith fail not ;" and yet Peter denied him, even with oaths, on a very filly temptation. This was comfortable. There were four things fuggefted to me in the morning, as antidotes against the temptation; whereof this was one, That I was confcious to myself of my being unwilling to engage with fuch a poft, in regard of my unfitnefs for it, though they were all willing. In the evening, while I fat mufing on what I had been preaching, viz. That the foul that has got a true difcovery of

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