There are several ways of being poetically sorrowful on such occasions. The bard is now some pensive youth of science, who sits deploring among the tombs; again, he is Thyrsis complaining in a circle of harmless sheep. Now Britannia sits upon her own shore, and gives a loose to maternal tender. ness; at another time, Parnassus, even the mountain Parnassus, gives way to sorrow, and is bathed in tears of distress. But the most usual manner is this: Damon meets Menalcas, who hast got a most gloomy countenance. The shepherd asks his friend, whence that look of distress? to which the other replies, that Pollio is no more. “ If that be the case then," cries Damon, "let us retire to yonder bower at some distance off, where the cypress and the jessamine add fragrance to the breeze; and let us weep alternately for Polio, the friend of shepherds, and the patron of every muse."-" Ah," returns his fellow shepherd," what think you rather of that grotto by the fountain side! the murmuring stream will help to assist our complaints, and a nightingale on a neighbouring tree will join her voice to the concert!" When the place is thus settled, they begin; the brook stands still to hear their lamentations; the cows forget to graze; and the very tigers start from the forest with sympathetic concern. By the tombs of our ancestors, my dear Fum, I am quite un- | affected in all this distress: the whole is liquid laudanum to my spirits; and a tiger of common sensibility has twenty times more tenderness than I. But though I could never weep with the complaining shepherd, yet I am sometimes induced to pity the poet, whose trade is thus to make demigods and heroes for a dinner. There is not in nature a more dismal figure than a man who sits down to premeditated flattery: every stanza he writes tacitly reproaches the meanness of his occupation, till at last his stupidity becomes more stupid, and his dulness more diminutive. I am amazed, therefore, that none have yet found out the secret of flattering the worthless, and yet of preserving a safe conscience. I bave often wished for some method, by which a man might do himself and bis deceased patron justice, without being under the hateful reproach of self-conviction. After long lucubration, I have hit upon such an expedient: and send you the specimen of a poem upon the decease of a great man, in which the flattery is perfectly fine, and yet the poet perfectly inno cent. On the Death of the Right Honourable Ye muses, pour the pitying tear For Pollio snatched away: O, had he lived another year He had not died to-day. O, were he born to bless manki: d Heroes themselves had fallen behind- How sad the groves and plains appear, Ev'n pitying hills would drop a tear- His bounty in exalted strain And hark! I hear the tuneful throng He still shall live, shall live as long- LETTER CVI. FROM THE SAME. IT is the most usual method in every report, first to examine its probability, and then act as the conjuncture may require. The English, however, exert a different spirit in such cir cumstances; they first act, and, when too late, begin to examine. From a knowledge of this disposition, there are several here, who make it their business to frame new reports at every convenient interval, all tending to denounce ruin both on their contemporaries and their posterity. This denunciation is eagerly caught up by the public: away they fling to propagate the distress; sell out at one place, buy in at another, grumble at their governors, shout in mobs, and when they have thus for some time behaved like fools, sit down coolly to argue and talk wisdom, to puzzle each other with syllogisms, and prepare for the next report that prevails, which is always attended with the same success. Thus are they ever rising above one report only to sink into another. They resemble a dog in a well, pawing to get free. When he has raised his upper parts above water, and every spectator imagines him disengaged, his lower parts drag him down again, and sink him to the nose; he makes new efforts to emerge, and every effort increasing his weakness, only tends to sink him the deeper. There are some here who, I am told, make a tolerable subsistence by the credulity of their countrymen. As they find the people fond of blood, wounds, and death, they contrive political ruins suited to every month in the year. This month the people are to be eaten up by the French in flat-bottomed boats; the next, by the soldiers designed to beat the French back. Now the people are going to jump down the gulph of luxury; and now nothing but a herring subscription can fish them up again. Time passes on; the report proves false; new circumstances produce new changes; but the people never change, they are persevering in folly. In other countries, those boding politicians would be left to fret over their own schemes alone and grow splenetic without hopes of infecting others but England seems to be the very region where spleen delights to dwell; a vain. At last, therefore, they recollected that the experiment was not yet tried upon the dog; the Dutch mastiff was brought up, and placed in the midst of the friends and relations, the seal was torn off, the packet folded up with care, and soon they found, to the great surprise of all-that the dog would not eat the letter. Adieu. man not only can give an unbounded scope | the government was applied to; strict search to the disorder in himself, but may if he pleas- was made after the incendiary, but all in es, propagate it over the whole kingdom, with a certainty of success. He has only to cry out to the government, the government is all wrong; that their schemes are leading to ruin; the Britons are no more;-every good member of the commonwealth thinks it his duty, in such a case, to deplore the universal decadence with sympathetic sorrow, and by fancying the constitution in a decay, absolutely to impair its vigour. I This people would laugh at my simplicity, should I advise them to be less sanguine in harbouring gloomy predictions, and examine coolly before they attempt to complain. 'have just heard a story, which, though transacted in a private family, serves well to describe the behaviour of the whole nation in cases of threatened calamity. As there are public, so there are private incendiaries here. One of the last, either for the amusement of his friends or to divert a fit of the spleen, lately sent a threatening letter to a worthy family in my neighbourhood, to this effect: SIR, Knowing you to be very rich, and myself to be very poor, I think proper to inform you, that I have learned the secret of poisoning man, woman and child, without danger of detection. Don't be uneasy, Sir, you may take your choice of being poisoned in a fortnight, or poisoned in a month, or poisoned in six weeks; you shall have full time to settle all your affairs. Though I am poor, I love to do things like a gentleman. But, Sir, you must die; I have determined it within my own breast that you must die. Blood, Sir, blood is my trade; so I could wish you would this day six weeks take leave of your friends, wife, and family, for I cannot possibly allow you longer time. To convince you more certainly of the power of my art by which you may know I speak truth, take this letter; when you have read it, tear off the seal, fold it up, and give it to your favourite Dutch mastiff that sits by the fire; he will swallow it, Sir, like a buttered toast: in three hours and four minutes, after he has eaten it, he will attempt to bite off his own tongue, and half an hour after burst asunder in twenty pieces. Blood, blood, blood! | So no more at present from, Sir, your most obedient, most devoted humble servant to command, till death." You may easily imagine the consternation into which this letter threw the whole goodnatured family. The poor man to whom it was addressed was the more surprised, as not knowing how he could merit such inveterate malice. All the friends of the family were convened; it was universally agreed that it was a most terrible affair, and that the government should be solicited to offer a reward and a pardon; a fellow of this kind would go on poisoning family after family: and it was impossible to say where the destruction would end. In pursuance of these determinations, LETTER CVII. FROM THE SAME. I HAVE frequently been amazed at the ignorance of almost all the European travellers who have penetrated any considerable way eastward into Asia. They have been influenced either by motives of commerce or piety; and their accounts are such as might reasonably be expected from men of very narrow or very prejudiced education, the dictates of superstition or the result of ignorance. Is it not surprising, that in such a variety of adventurers not one single philosopher should be found? for as to the travels of Gemelli, the learned are long agreed that the whole is but an imposture. There is scarcely any country, how rude or uncultivated soever, where the inhabitants are not possessed of some peculiar secrets either in nature or art, which might be transplanted with success. In Siberian Tartary, for instance, the natives extract a strong spirit from milk, which is a secret probably unknown to the chemists of Europe. In the most savage parts of India, they are possessed of the secret of dying vegetable substances scarlet; and of refining lead into a metal, which, for hardness and colour, is little inferior to silver : not one of which secrets but would, in Europe, make a man's fortune. The power of the Asiatics in producing winds, or bringing down rain, the Europeans are apt to treat as fabulous, because they have no instances of the like nature among themselves; but they would have treated the secrets of gunpowder, and the mariner's compass, in the same manner, had they been told the Chinese used such arts before the invention was common with themselves at home. Of all the English philosophers, I most reverence Bacon, that great and hardy genius! he it is who allows of secrets yet unknown; who, undaunted by the seeming difficulties that oppose, prompts human curiosity to examine every part of nature, and even exhorts man to try, whether he cannot subject the tempest, the thunder, and even earthquakes, to human control! O, did a man of his daring spirit, of his genius, penetration, and learning, travel to those countries which have been visited only by the superstitious and the mercenary, what might not mankind expect! How would he enlighten the regions to which he travelled! Icious observer, the advantages would be inesand what a variety of knowledge and useful timable. Are there not even in Europe many improvement would he not bring back in ex-useful inventions known or practised but in change! one place? The instrument, as an example, There is, probably, no country so barbarous for cutting down corn in Germany, is much that would not disclose all it knew, if it receiv-more handy and expeditious, in my opinion, ed from the traveller equivalent information; than the sickle used in England. The cheap and I am apt to think, that a person who was ready and expeditious manner of making vinegar, to give more knowledge than he received, would without previous fermentation, is known only be welcome wherever he came. All his care in a part of France. If such discoveries, there.. in travelling should only be to suit his intellec- fore, remain still to be known at home, what tual banquet to the people with whom he con- funds of knowledge might not be collected in versed; he should not attempt to teach the un- | countries yet unexplored, or only passed through lettered Tartar astronomy, nor yet instruct the by ignorant travellers in hasty caravans ? polite Chinese in the ruder arts of subsistence. The caution with which foreigners are reHe should endeavour to improve the barbarian ceived in Asia may be alleged as an objection in the secrets of living comfortably; and the to such a design. But how readily have severinhabitant of a more refined country in the spe-al European merchants found admission into culative pleasures of science. How much more regions the most suspecting, under the characnobly would a philosopher thus employed spend ter of Sanjapins, or northern pilgrims. his time, than by sitting at home, earnestly in- such, not even China itself denies access. tent upon adding one star more to his catalogue, or one monster more to his collection; or still, if possible, more triflingly sedulous in the incatenation of fleas, or the sculpture of a cherry-stone? Το The To send out a traveller, properly qualified for these purposes, might be an object of national concern; it would in some measure repair the breaches made by ambition; and might show that there were still some who boasted a greater name than that of patriots, who professed themselves lovers of men. only difficulty would remain, in choosing a proper person for so arduous an enterprise. He should be a man of philosophical turn; one apt to deduce consequences of general utility from particular occurrences; neither swollen with pride, nor hardened by prejudice; neither wedded to one particular system, nor instruct wholly a botanist, nor quite an antiquarian; his mind should be tinctured with miscellaneous knowledge, and his manner humanized by an intercourse with men. He should be in some measure an enthusiast in the design; fond of travelling, from a rapid imagination and an innate love of change; furnished with a body capable of sustaining every fatigue, and a heart not easily terrified at danger. Adieu. I never consider this subject without being surprised, that none of those societies, so laudably established in England for the promotion of arts and learning, have ever thought of sending one of their members into the most Eastern parts of Asia, to make what discoveries he was able. To be convinced of the utility of such an undertaking, let them but read the relations of their own travellers. It will be there found, that they are as often de-ed only in one particular science; neither ceived themselves, as they attempt to deceive others. The merchant tells us, perhaps, the price of different commodities, the method of baling them up, and the properest manner for a European to preserve his health in the country. The missionary, on the other hand, informs us, with what pleasure the country to which he was sent embraced Christianity, and the numbers he converted; what methods he took to keep lent in a region where there was no fish, or the shifts he made to celebrate the rites of his religion, in places where there was neither bread nor wine! Such accounts, with the usual appendage of marriages and funerals, inscriptions, rivers, and mountains, make up the whole of a European traveller's diary: but as to all the secrets of which the inhabitants are possessed, those are universally attributed to magic; and when the traveller can give no other account of the wonders he sees performed, very contentedly ascribes them to the power of the devil. It was a usual observation of Boyle the English chemist, That if every artist would but discover what new observations occurred to him in the exercise of his trade, philosophy would thence gain innumerable improvements. It may be observed with still greater justice, that if the useful Knowledge of every country, howsoever barbarous, was gleaned by a judi LETTER CVIII. FROM THE SAME ONE of the principal tasks I had proposed to myself on my arrival here, was to become acquainted with the names and characters of those now living, who, as scholars or wits, had acquired the greatest share of reputation. In order to succeed in this design, I fancied the surest method would be to begin my inquiry among the ignorant, judging that his fame would be greatest, which was loud enough to be heard by the vulgar. Thus predisposed, I began the search, but only went in quest of disappointment and perplexity. I found every district had a peculiar famous man of its own. Here the story-telling shoemaker had engrossed the admiration on one side of the street, while the bellman, who excelleth at a catch, was in quiet possession of the other. At one end of a lane the sexton was regarded as the greatest man alive; but I had not travelled half its length, till I found an enthusiastic teacher had divided his reputation. My landlady perceiving my design, was kind enough to offer me her advice in this affair. It was true, she observed, that she was no judge, but she knew what pleased herself, and, if I would rest upon her judgment I should set down Tom Collins as the most ingenious man in the world; for Tom was able to take off all mankind, and imitate besides a sow and pigs to perfection. I now perceived, that taking my standard of reputation among the vulgar, would swell my catalogue of great names above the size of a court calendar; I therefore discontinued this method of pursuit, and resolved to prosecute my inquiry in that usual residence of fame a bookseller's shop. In consequence of this, I entreated the bookseller to let me know who were they who now made the greatest figure, either in morals, wit, or learning. Without giving me a direct answer, he pulled a pamphlet from the shelf, The Young Attorney's Guide: There, Sir," cries he, "there is a touch for you; fifteen hundred of these moved off in a day: I take the author of this pamphlet, either for title, preface, plan, body or index, to be the completest hand in England." I found it was in vain to prosecute my inquiry, where" my informer appeared so incompetent a judge of merit; so paying for the Young Attorney's Guide, which good manners obliged me to buy, I walked off. 86 66 My pursuit after famous men now brought me into a print-shop. "Here," thought I, the painter only reflects the public voice. As every man who deserved it had formerly his statue placed up in the Roman forum, so here, probably, the pictures of none, but such as merit a place in our affections are held up for public sale." But guess my surprise, when I came to examine this repository of noted faces; all distinctions were levelled here, as in the grave, and I could not but regard it as the catacomb of real merit. The brick-dust man took up as much room as the truncheoned hero, and the judge was elbowed by the thieftaker; quacks, pimps, and buffoons increased the group, and noted stallions only made room for more noted whores. I had read the works of some of the moderns previous to my coming to England, with delight and approbation; but I found their faces had no place here, the walls were covered with the names of authors I had never known, or had endeavoured to forget; with the little self-advertising things of a day, who had forced themselves into fashion, but not into fame. I could read at the bottom of some pictures the names of, and ***, and ****, all equally canditates for the vulgar shout, and foremost to propagate their unblushing faces upon brass. My uneasiness, therefore, at not finding my few favourite names among the number, was changed into congratulation. I could not avoid reflecting on the fine observation of Tacitus on a similar occasion." In this cavalcade of flattery," cries the historian, "neither the pictures of Brutus, Cassius, nor Cato, were to be seen; eo clariores qui ima... gines eorum non deferebantur; their absence being the strongest proof of their merit. "It is in vain," cried I, "to seek for true greatness among these monuments of the unburied dead; let me go among the tombs of those who are confessedly famous, and see if any have been lately deposited there, who deserve the attention of posterity, and whose names may be transmitted to my dearest friend, as an honour to the present age." Determined in my pursuit, I paid a second visit to Westminster-abbey. There I found several new monuments erected to the memory of several great men; the names of the great men I absolutely forget, but I well remember that Roubillac was the statuary who carved them. I could not help smiling at two modern epitaphs in particular, one of which praised the deceased for being ortus ex antiqua stirpe: the other commended the dead because hanc ædem suis sumptibus readificavit. The greatest merit of one consisted in his being descended from an illustrious house; the chief distinction of the other, that he had propped up an old house that was falling. Alas! alas!" cried I, such monuments as these confer honour, not upon the great men, but upon little Roubillac." Hitherto disappointed in my inquiry after the great of the present age, I was resolved to mix in company, and try what I could learn among critics in coffee-houses ; and here it was that I heard my favourite names talked of even with inverted fame. A gentleman of exalted merit as a writer, was branded in general terms as a bad man; another of exquisite delicacy as a poet, was reproached for wanting good-na ture; a third was accused of free-thinking; and a fourth of having once been a player. 66 66 Strange," cried I, "how unjust are mankind in the distribution of fame! the ignorant, among whom I sought at first, were willing to grant, but incapable of distinguishing the virtues of those who deserved it; among those I now converse with, they know the proper objects of admiration, but mix envy with applause." Disappointed so often, I was now resolved to examine those characters in person, of whom the world talked so freely. By conversing with men of real merit, I began to find out those characters which really deserved, though they strove to avoid applause. I found the vulgar admiration entirely misplaced, and malevolence without its sting. The truly great, possessed of numerous small faults and shining virtues, preserve a sublime in morals as in writing. They who have attained an excellence in either, commit numberless transgressions, observable U to the meanest understanding. The ignorant | A minister should therefore be invested with critic and dull remarker can readily spy ble- the title and dignities of court vermin-killer; mishes in eloquence or morals, whose senti- he should have full power either to banish, ments are not sufficiently elevated to observe a take, poison, or destroy them, with enchantbeauty. But such are judges neither of books ments, traps, ferrets, or ratsbane. He might nor of life; they can diminish no solid reputa- be permitted to brandish his besom without tion by their censure, nor bestow a lasting cha- remorse, and brush down every part of the furracter by their applause. In short, I found by niture, without sparing a single cobweb, howmy search, that such only can confer real fame ever sacred by long prescription. I commuupon others, who have merit themselves to nicated this proposal some days ago in a comdeserve it. Adieu. pany of the first distinction, and enjoying the most honourable offices of the state. Among the number were the inspector of Great Britain, Mr Henriques the director of the ministry, Ben. Victor the treasurer, John Lockman the secretary, and the conductor of the Imperial Magazine. They all acquiesced in the utility of my proposal, but were apprehensive it might meet with some obstruction from court upholsterers and chambermaids who would object to it from the demolition of the furniture, and the dangerous use of ferrets and ratsbane. LETTER CIX. FROM THE SAME. THERE are numberless employments in the courts of the eastern monarchs utterly unpractised and unknown in Europe. They have no such officers, for instance, as the emperor's ear-tickler, or tooth-picker; they have never introduced at the courts, the mandarine appointed to bear the royal tobacco-box, or the grave director of the imperial exercitations in the seraglio. Yet I am surprised that the English have imitated us in none of these par ticulars, as they are generally pleased with every thing that comes from China, and excessively fond of creating new and useless employments. They have filled their houses with our furniture, their public gardens with our fireworks, and their very ponds with our fish. Our courtiers, my friend, are the fish and the furniture they should have imported; our courtiers would fill up the necessary ceremonies of a court better than those of Europe; would be contented with receiving large salaries for doing little; whereas some of this country are at present discontented, though they receive large salaries for doing nothing. I lately, therefore, had thoughts of publishing a proposal here, for the admission of some new eastern offices and titles into their Court Register. As I consider myself in the light of a cosmopolite, I find as much satisfaction in scheming for the countries in which I happen to reside, as for that in which I was born. The finest apartments in the palace of Pegu are frequently infested with rats. These the religion of the country strictly forbids the people to kill. In such circumstances, therefore, they are obliged to have recourse to some great man of the court, who is willing to free the royal apartment, even at the hazard of his salvation. After a weak monarch's reign, the quantity of court vermin in every corner of the palace is surprising; but a prudent king, and vigilant officer, soon drive them from their anctuaries behind the mats and tapestry, and ffectually free the court. Such an officer in England would, in my opinion, be serviceable at this juncture; for if, as I am told, the palace be old, much vermin must undoubtedly have taken refuge behind the wainscot and hangings. My next proposal is rather more general than the former, and might probably meet with less opposition. Though no people in the world flatter each other more than the English, I know none who understand the art less, and flatter with such little refinement. Their panegyric like a Tartar feast, is indeed served up with profusion, but their cookery is insupportable. A client here shall dress up a fricasee for his patron, that shall offend an ordinary nose before it enters the room. A town shall send up her address to a great minister, which shall prove at once a satire on the min. ister and themselves. If the favourite of the day sits, or stands, or sleeps, there are poets to put it into verse, and priests to preach it in the pulpit. In order, therefore, to free both those who praise, and those who are praised, from a duty probably disagreeable to both, I would constitute professed flatterers here, as in several courts of India.-These are appointed in the courts of their princes, to instruct the people where to exclaim with admiration, and where to lay an emphasis of praise.-But an officer of this kind is always in waiting when the emperor converses in a familiar manner among his rajahs and other nobility. At every sentence, when the monarch pauses, and smiles at what he has been saying, the Karamatman, as this officer is called, is to take it for granted that his majesty has said a good thing. which he cries out-" Karamat! Karamat!a miracle! a miracle!" and throws up his hands and his eyes in ecstasy. This is echoed by the courtiers around while the emperor sits all this time in sullen satisfaction, enjoying the triumph of his joke, or studying a new repartee. Upon I would have such an officer placed at every great man's table in England. By frequent practice, he might soon become a perfect master of the art, and in time would turn out pleasing to his patron, no way troublesome to himself, and might prevent the nauseous attempts of |