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THE HISTORY OF POETRY,

IN A LETTER TO A FRIEND.

SIR,-In obedience to your commands, I nere send you the following short essay toward a History of Poetry in England and Ireland, At first it was a science we only began to CHAW SIR. A hundred years after, we attempted to translate out of the Psalms, but could not our STERN-HOLD. In queen Elizabeth's reign, I think, there was but one DI-SPENSER of good verses; for his patron, though a great man, IS HID NIGH by the length of time. Yet a little before her death, we attempted to deal in tragedy, and began to SHAKE SPEARS; which was pursued under king James I. by three great poets, in one of them many a line so strong, that you might make a BEAM ONT; the second, indeed, gives us sometimes but FLAT CHEER, and the third is BEN-ding a little to stiffness.

In the reign of king Charles I. there was a new succession of poets, one of them, though seldom read, I am very fond of; he has so much salt in his compositions, that you would think he had been used to SUCK-LING: as to his friend the author of "Gondibert," I'D HAVE AN AUNT write better. I say nothing against your favourite, though some censure him for writing too cooLY; but he had a rival whose happier genius made him stand like a WALL OR a pillar against censure. During the Usurpation, we fell into burlesque; and I

I think whoever reads Hudibras, cannot BUT LEER. have COT ONE more, who travestied Virgil, though not equal to the former.

After the Restoration, poets became very numerous; the chief, whose fame is louder than a MILL-TONE, must never be forgot. And here I must observe, that poets in those days loved retirement so much, that sometimes they lived in dens. One of them in a DRYDEN: another called his den his village, or DEN-HAM; and I am informed that the sorry fellow, who is now laureat, affects to USE-DENS still; but to return from this digression, we were then famous for tragedy and comedy; the author of "Venice Preserved" is seldom OT AWAY; yet he who wrote the "Rival Queens," before he lost his senses, sometimes talked MAD-LEE. Another, who was of this kingdom, went into England, because it is more SOUTHERN: and he wrote tolerably well. I say nothing of the satirist, with his OLD DAM' verses. As for comedy, the "Plain Dealer," w'ICH EARLY came into credit, is allowed on all hands an excellent piece: he had a dull contemporary, who sometimes showed humour; but his colouring was bad, and he could not SHADE-WELL. Sir George, in my opinion, outdid them all, and was sharp at EITHER-EDGE. The duke is also excellent, who took a BOOK IN GAME, and turned it into ridicule, under the name of "The Rehearsal." It is, indeed, no wonder to find poetry thrive under the reign of that prince; when by one of his great favourites, who was likewise an excellent poet, there was a DORE-SET open for all men of wit. Perhaps you WILL-MUTT'er, that I have left out the earl of Rochester; but I never was one of his admirers.

Upon the Revolution, poetry seemed to decline; however, I shall PRY O'R as many poets as I can remember. Mr. Montague affected to be a patron of wit, and his house was the poets' HALL-I-FAX for several years, which one of them used to STEP-NIGH every day. Another of them, who was my old acquaintance, succeeded well in comedy, but failed when he began to CON-GRAVE subjects. The rest came in a row.

The author of the "Dispensary" had written nothing else valuable, and therefore is too small in the GARTH. But may not a man be allowed to ADD IS OWN friend to the number? I mean the author of Cato."

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To mention those who are now alive, would be endless; I will therefore only venture to lay down one maxim, that a good poet, if he designs to TICKLE the world, must be GAY and YOUNG; but if he proposes to give us rational pleasure,he must be as grave as a POPE. I am, Sir, yours, &c.

DECREE

FOR CONCLUDING THE TREATY BETWEEN

DR. SWIFT AND MRS. LONG, 1709.

MISS ANNE LONG, sister to sir James Long of Draycot, in Wiltshire, a lady of great beauty, accomplishment, and fashion. Swift became acquainted with her at Mrs. Vanhomrigh's; and the following piece of humour is founded upon the respectful advances which, between jest and earnest, he demanded from the ladies who were ambitious of his acquaintance. The treaty thus whimsically concluded, occasioned a sincere though short friendship between the parties. Mrs. Long was, from the derange ment of her affairs, obliged to retire to Lynn, in Norfolk, where she died, under a borrowed name, in 1711.

WHEREAS it hath been signified to us, that there is now Leicester Fields, on the one part, and Mrs. Long, of a treaty of acquaintance on foot between Dr. Swift, of Albemarle-street, on the other part: And whereas the said Dr. Swift, upon the score of his merit and extraordinary qualities, doth claim the sole and undoubted right, that all persons whatsoever shall make such advances to him as he pleases to demand, any law, claim, custom, privilege of sex, beauty, fortune, or quality, to the contrary notwithstanding: And whereas the said Mrs. Long, humbly acknowledging and allowing the right of the said doctor, doth yet insist upon certain privileges and exceptions, as a Lady of the Toast, which privileges, she doth allege, are excepted out of the doctor's general claim, and which she cannot betray without injuring the whole body whereof she is a member; by which impediment the said treaty is not yet brought to a conclusion, to the great grievance and damage of Mrs. Vanhomrigh and her fair daughter Hessy and whereas the decision of this weighty cause is referred to us, in our judicial capacity, We, out of our tender regard to truth and justice, having heard and duly considered the allegations of both parties, do declare, adjudge, decree, and determine, That the said Mrs. Long, notwithstanding any privileges she may claim as aforesaid as a Lady of the Toast, shall, without essoine or demur, in two hours after the publishing of this our decree, make all adthat the said advances shall not be made to the said vances to the said doctor that he shall demand; and doctor as un homme sans consequence, but purely upon account of his great merit. And we do hereby strictly forbid the said Mrs. Vanhomrigh, and her fair daughter Hessy, to aid, abet, comfort, or encourage her, the said Mrs. Long, in her disobedience for the future. in consideration of the said Mrs. Long's being a Toast, we think it just and reasonable that the said doctor should permit her, in all companies, to give herself the reputation of being one of his acquaintance, which no other lady shall presume to do,d upon any pretence whatsoever, without his especial leave and licence first had and obtained.

By especial command,

G. V. HOMRIGH.

And

a "When I lived in England," says the dean to Miss Hoadly, June 4, 1734, "once every year I issued out an edict, commanding that all ladies of wit, sense, merit, and quality, who had an ambition to be acquainted with me, should make the first advances at their peril."

b The Kit-cat Club had regular toasts of the most fashionable and beautiful women, favourable to their political opinions. Esther Vanhomrigh, the unfortunate Vanessa.

d Swift expresses himself strongly against those who claimed his acquaintance on slight grounds.

eThe signature of Mrs. Vanhomrigh, mother of Vanessa.

A DISCOURSE

TO PROVE

THE ANTIQUITY OF THE ENGLISH TONGUE. SHOWING FROM VARIOUS INSTANCES, THAT HEBREW, GREEK, AND LATIN WERE DERIVED FROM THE ENGLISH.

DURING the reign of parties for about forty years past, it is a melancholy consideration to observe how philology has been neglected, which was before the darling employment of the greatest authors, from the restoration of learning in Europe. Neither do I remember it to have been cultivated, since the Revolution, by any one person, with great success, except our illustrious modern star, doctor Richard Bentley, with whom the republic of learning must expire, as mathematics did with sir Isaac Newton. My ambition has been gradually attempting, from my early youth, to be the holder of a rush-light before that great luminary; which, at least, might be of some little use during those short intervals while he was snuffing his candle, or peeping with it under a bushel.

My present attempt is to assert the antiquity of our English tongue; which, as I shall undertake to prove by invincible argument, has varied very little for these two thousand six hundred and thirty-four years past. And my proofs will be drawn from etymology; wherein I shall use my readers much fairer than Pezro, Skinner, Verstegan, Camden, and many other superficial pretenders, have done: for I will put no force upon the words, nor desire any more favour than to allow for the usual accidents of corruption, or the avoiding a cacophonia.

I think I can make it manifest to all impartial readers, that our language, as we now speak it, was originally the same with those of the Jews, the Greeks, and the Romans, however corrupted in succeeding times by a mixture of barbarisms. I shall only produce at present two instances among a thousand from the Latin tongue. Cloaca, which they interpret a necessary-house, is altogether an English word; the last letter a being, by the mistake of some scribe, transferred from the beginning to the end of the word. In the primitive orthography it is called a cloac, which had the same signification; and still continues so at Edinburgh, in Scotland, where a man in a cloac, or cloak, of large circumference and length, carrying a convenient vessel under it, calls out, as he goes through the streets, "Wha has need of me?" Whatever customer calls, the vessel is placed in the corner of the street; the cloac, or a cloak, surrounds and covers him; and thus he is eased with decency and secrecy.

The second instance is yet more remarkable. The Latin word turpis signifies nasty, or filthy. Now this word turpis is a plain composition of two English words: only, by a Syncope, the last letter of the first syllable, which is d, is taken out of the middle, to prevent the jarring of three consonants together; and these two English words express the most unseemly excrements that belong to man.

But although I could produce many other examples, equally convincing, that the Hebrews, the Greeks, and the Romans originally spoke the same language which we do at present, yet I have chosen to confine myself chiefly to the proper names of per sons, because I conceive they will be of greater weight to confirm what I advance; the ground and reason of those names being certainly owing to the nature, or some distinguishing action or quality in those persons, and consequently expressed in the true ancient language of the several people.

I will begin with the Grecians, among whom the most ancient are the great leaders on both sides in the

siege of Troy; for it is plain, from Homer, that the Trojans spoke Greek as well as the Grecians. Of these latter, Achilles was the most valiant. This hero was of a restless, unquiet nature, never giving himself any repose either in peace or war; and therefore as Guy of Warwick was called a kill-cow, and another terrible man a kill-devil, so this general was called A-kill-ease, or destroyer of ease; and, at length, by corruption, Achilles.

Hector, on the other side, was the bravest among the Trojans. He had destroyed so many of the Greeks by hacking and tearing them, that his soldiers, when they saw him fighting, would cry out, "Now the enemy will be hack't, now he will be tore." At last, by putting both words together, this appellation was given to their leader under the name of Hacktore; and, for the more commodious sounding, Hector.

Diomede, another Grecian captain, had the boldness to fight with Venus, and wound her; whereupon the goddess, in a rage, ordered her son Cupid to make this hero to be hated by all women, repeating it often that he should die a maid; from whence, by a small change in orthography, he was called Diomede. And it is to be observed, that the term maiden-head is frequently, at this very day, applied to persons of either

sex.

Ajax was, in fame, the next Grecian general to Achilles. The derivation of his name from A jakes, however asserted by great authors, is, in my opinion, very unworthy both of them and of the hero himself. I have often wondered to see such learned men mistake in so clear a point. This hero is known to have been a most intemperate liver, as it is usual with soldiers; and, although he was not old, yet, by conversing with camp-strollers, he had got pains in his bones, which he pretended to his friends were only age-aches; but they telling the story about the army, as the vulgar always confound right pronunciation, he was afterwards known by no other name than Ajax.

The next I shall mention is Andromache, the famous wife of Hector. Her father was a Scotch gentleman, of a noble family still subsisting in that ancient kingdom. But, being a foreigner in Troy, to which city he led some of his countrymen in the defence of Priam, as Dictys Cretensis learnedly observes, Hector fell in love with his daughter, and the father's name was Andrew Mackay. The young lady was called by the same name, only a little softened to the Grecian ac

cent.

Astyanax was the son of Hector and Andromache. When Troy was taken, this young prince had his head cut off, and his body thrown to swine. From this fatal accident he had his name, which has, by a peculiar good fortune, been preserved entire, A sty,

an ax.

Mars may be mentioned among these, because he fought against the Greeks. He was called the god of war; and is described as a swearing, swaggering companion, and a great giver of rude language. For when he was angry, he would cry, "Kiss my a-se, My a-se in a bandbox, My a-se all over;" which he repeated so commonly, that he got the appellation of My a-se; and by a common abbreviation, Mars, from whence, by leaving out the mark of elision, Mars. And this is a common practice among us at present; as in the words D'anvers, D'avenport, D'anby, which are now Danvers, Davenport, Danby, and many others.

The next is Hercules, otherwise called Alcides. Both these names are English, with little alteration, and describe the principal qualities of that hero, who was distinguished for being a slave to his mistresses, and at the same time for his great strength and courage. Omphale, his chief mistress, used to call her lovers her

cullies; and because this hero was more and longer subject to her than any other, he was in a particular manner called the chief of her cullies: which, by an easy change, made the word Hercules. His other name, Alcides, was given him on account of his prowess; for, in fight, he used to strike on all sides; and was allowed on all sides to be the chief hero of his age. For one of which reasons, he was called All sides or Alcides; but I am inclined to favour the former opinion.

A certain Grecian youth was a great imitator of Socrates; which that philosopher observing, with much pleasure said to his friends, "There is an Ape o' mine own days." After which the young man was called Epaminondas, and proved to be the most virtuous person, as well as the greatest general, of his age.

Ucalegon was a very obliging inn-keeper of Troy. When a guest was going to take horse, the landlord took leave of him with this compliment, "Sir, I should be glad to see you call again." Strangers, who knew not his right name, caught his last words: and thus, by degrees, that appellation prevailed, and he was known by no other name even among his neighbours.

Hydra was a great serpent, which Hercules slew. His usual outward garment was the raw hide of a lion, and this he had on when he attacked the serpent: which, therefore, took its name from the skin; the modesty of that hero devolving the honour of his victory upon the lion's skin, call that enormous snake the Hyderaw serpent.

Leda was the mother of Castor and Pollux; whom Jupiter embracing in the shape of a swan, she laid a couple of eggs; and was therefore called Laid a, or Leda.

As to Jupiter himself, it is well known that the statues and pictures of this heathen god, in Roman Catholic countries, resemble those of St. Peter, and are often taken the one for the other. The reason is manifest: for, when the emperors had established Christianity, the heathens were afraid of acknowledging their heathen idols of the chief God, and pretended it was only a statue of the Jew Peter. And thus the principal heathen god came to be called by the ancient Romans, with very little alteration, Jupiter.

The Hamadryades are represented by mistaken antiquity as nymphs of the groves. But the true account is this: they were women of Calabria, who dealt in bacon; and living near the sea-side, used to pickle their bacon in salt-water, and then set it up to dry in the sun. From whence they were properly called Ham-a-drya-days, and in process of time misspelt Hamadryades. Neptune, the god of the sea, had his name from the tunes sung to him by the Tritons, upon their shells, every neap or nep tide. The word is come down to us almost uncorrupted, as well as that of Tritons, his servants; who, in order to please their master, used to try all tones till they could hit upon that he liked.

Aristotle was a peripatetic philosopher, who used to instruct his scholars while he was walking. When the lads were come, he would arise to tell them what he thought proper; and was therefore called Arise to tell. But succeeding ages, who understood not this etymology, have, by an absurd change, made it Aristotle.

Aristophanes was a Greek comedian, full of levity, and gave himself too much freedom; which made graver people not scruple to say, that he had a great deal of airy stuff in his writings: and these words, often repeated, made succeeding ages discriminate him Aristophanes. Vide Rosin. Antiq. 1. iv.

Alexander the Great was very fond of eggs roasted in hot ashes. As soon as his cooks heard he was come home to dinner or supper, they called aloud to their under-officers, All eggs under the grate; which, repeated every day at noon and evening, made strangers think it was that prince's real name, and therefore gave

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him no other; and posterity has been ever since under the same delusion.

Pygmalion was a person of very low stature, but great valour; which made his townsmen call him Pigmy lion and so it should be spelt, although the word has suffered less by transcribers than many others.

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Archimedes was a most famous mathematician. His studies required much silence and quiet; but his wife having several maids, they were always disturbing him with their tattle or their business; which forced him to come out every now and then to the stair-head, and cry, Hark, ye maids; if you will not be quiet, I shall turn you out of doors." He repeated these words, Hark, ye maids, so often, that the unlucky jades, when they found he was at his study, would say, There is Hark, ye maids; let us speak softly." Thus the name went through the neighbourhood; and at last grew so general, that we are ignorant of that great man's true name to this day.

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Strabo was a famous geographer; and, to improve his knowledge, travelled over several countries, as the writers of his life inform us; who likewise add, that he affected great nicety and finery in his clothes; from whence people took occasion to call him the Stray beau; which future ages have pinned down upon him very much to his dishonour.

Peloponnesus, that famous Greek peninsula, got its name from a Greek colony in Asia the Less; many of whom going for traffic thither, and finding that the inhabitants had but one well in the town of ** * from whence certain porters used to carry the water through the city in great pails, so heavy that they were often forced to set them down for ease: the tired porters, after they had set down the pails, and wanted to take them up again, would call for assistance to those who were nearest, in these words, Pail up, and ease us. The stranger Greeks, hearing these words repeated a thousand times as they passed the street, thought the inhabitants were pronouncing the name of their country, which made the foreign Greeks call it Peloponnesus, a manifest corruption of Pail up, and ease us.

Having mentioned so many Grecians to prove my hypothesis, I shall not tire the reader with producing an equal number of Romans, as I might easily do. Some few will be sufficient.

Cæsar was the greatest captain of that empire. The word ought to be spelt Seizer, because he seized on not only most of the known world, but even the liberties of his own country: so that a more proper appellation could not have been given him.

Cicero was a poor scholar in the university of Athens, wherewith his enemies in Rome used to reproach him; and, as he passed the streets, would call out, O Ciser, Ciser O! A word still used in Cambridge, and answers to a servitor in Oxford.

Anibal was a sworn enemy to the Romans, and gained many glorious victories over them. This name appears, at first repeating, to be a metaphor drawn from tennis, expressing a skilful gamester, who can take any ball; and is very justly applied to so renowned a commander. Navigators are led into a strange mistake upon this article. We have usually in our fleet some large man-of-war, called the Anibal with great propriety, because it is so strong that it may defy any ball from a cannon. And such is the deplorable ignorance of our seamen, that they miscall it the Honey-ball.

Cartago was the most famous trading city in the world; where, in every street, there was many a cart a going, probably laden with merchant goods. See Alexander ab Alexandro, and Suidas upon the word Cartago.

The word Roman itself is perfectly English, like other words ending in man or men, as hangman, drayman, huntsman, and several others. It was formerly

spelt Rowman, which is the same with Waterman. And therefore when we read of jesta (or, as it is corruptly spelt, gesta) Romanorum, it is to be understood of the rough manner of jesting used by the watermen; who, upon the sides of rivers, would row man o'r um. This I think is clear enough to convince the most incredulous.

Misanthropus was the name of an ill-natured man, which he obtained by a custom of catching a great number of mice, then shutting them up in a room, and throwing a cat among them. Upon which his fellowcitizens called him Mice and throw puss. The reader observes how much the orthography has been changed, without altering the sound: but such depravations we owe to the injury of time, and gross ignorance of transcribers.

Among the ancients, fortune-telling by the stars was a very beggarly trade. The professors lay upon straw, and their cabins were covered with the same materials: whence every one who followed that mystery was called A straw lodger, or a lodger in straw; but, in the newfangled way of spelling, Astrologer.

It is remarkable, that the very word diphthong is wholly English. In former times, schoolboys were chastised with thongs fastened at the head of a stick. It was observed that young lads were much puzzled with spelling and pronouncing words where two vowels came together, and were often corrected for their mistakes in that point. Upon these occasions the master would dip his thongs (as we now do rods) in p-, which made that difficult union of vowels to be called dipthong.

Bucephalus, the famous horse of Alexander, was so called because there were many grooms employed about him, which fellows were always busy in their office; and because the horse had so many busy fellows about him, it was natural for those who went to the stable to say, "Let us go to the busy fellows;" by which they meant to see that prince's horse. And in process of time these words were absurdly applied to the animal itself, which was thenceforth styled Busy fellows, and very improperly Bucephalus.

I shall now bring a few proofs of the same kind, to convince my readers that our English was well known to the Jews.

Moses, the great leader of those people out of Egypt, was in propriety of speech called mow seas, because he mowed the seas down in the middle, to make a path for the Israelites.

Abraham was a person of strong bones and sinews, and a firm walker, which made the people say, "He was a man (in the Scotch phrase, which comes nearest to the old Saxon) of a bra ham;" that is, of a brave strong ham, from whence he acquired his name.

The man whom the Jews called Balaam was a shepherd; who, by often crying ba to his lambs, was therefore called Baalamb, or Balam.

Isaac is nothing else but Eyes ake; because the Talmudists report that he had a pain in his eyes.-Vide Ben Gouion and the Targum on Genesis.

Thus I have manifestly proved, that the Greeks, the Romans, and the Jews, spoke the language we now do in England; which is an honour to our country that I thought proper to set in a true light, and yet has not been done, as I have heard, by any other writer.

And thus I have ventured (perhaps too temerariously) to contribute my mite to the learned world, from whose candour I may hope to receive some approbation. It may probably give me encouragement to proceed on some other speculations, if possible, of greater importance than what I now offer; and which have been the labour of many years, as well as of constant watchings, that I might be useful to mankind, and particularly to mine own country.

THE WONDERFUL WONDER OF

WONDERS.

THERE is a certain person lately arrived at this city, of whom it is very proper the world should be inforined. His character may perhaps be thought very inconsistent, improbable, and unnatural; however, I intend to draw it with the utmost regard to truth. This I am the better qualified to do because he is a sort of dependant upon our family, and almost of the same age: though cannot directly say I have ever seen him. He is a native of this country, and has lived long among us; but, what appears wonderful, and hardly credible, was never seen before by any mortal.

It is true, indeed, he always chooses the lowest place in company; and contrives it so, to keep out of sight. It is reported, however, that in his younger days he was frequently exposed to view, but always against his will, and was sure to smart for it.

As to his family, he came into the world a younger brother, being of six children the fourth in order of birth; of which the eldest is now head of the house; the second and third carry arms, but the two youngest are only footmen: some indeed add, that he has likewise a twin-brother, who lives over-against him, and keeps a victualling-house; he has the reputation to be a close, griping, squeezing fellow; and that when his bags are full, he is often needy; yet, when the fit takes him, as fast as he gets he lets it fly.

When in office, no one discharges himself, or does his business better. He has sometimes strained hard for an honest livelihood, and never got a bit till everybody else had done.

One practice appears very blameable in him: that every morning he privately frequents unclean houses, where any modest person would blush to be seen. And although this be generally known, yet the world, as censorious as it is, has been so kind as to overlook this infirmity in him. To deal impartially, it must be granted that he is too great a lover of himself, and very often consults his own ease at the expense of his best friends; but this is one of his blind sides; and the best of men I fear are not without them.

He has been constituted by the higher powers in the station of receiver-general, in which employment some have censured him for playing fast and loose. He is likewise overseer of the golden mines, which he daily inspects when his health will permit him.

He was long bred under à master of arts, who instilled good principles into him, but these were soon corrupted. I know not whether this deserves mention, that he is so very capricious as to take it for an equal affront to talk either of kissing or kicking him, which has occasioned a thousand quarrels; however, nobody was ever so great a sufferer for faults, which he neither was, nor possibly could be, guilty of.

In his religion he has thus much of the Quaker, that he stands always covered, even in the presence of the king; in most other points a perfect idolater, although he endeavours to conceal it; for he is known to offer daily sacrifices to certain subterraneous nymphs, whom he worships in an humble posture, prone on his face, and stripped stark naked; and so leaves his offerings behind him, which the priests of those goddesses are careful enough to remove, upon certain seasons, with the utmost privacy, at midnight, and from thence maintain themselves and families. In all urgent necessities and pressures, he applies himself to these deities, and sometimes even in the streets and highways, from an opinion that those powers have an influence in all places, although their peculiar residence be in caverns under ground. Upon these occasions, the fairest ladies will not refuse to lend their hands to assist him; for, although they are ashamed to have him seen in their

company, or even so much as to hear him named, yet it is well known that he is one of their constant followers.

In politics, he always submits to what is uppermost; but he peruses pamphlets on both sides with great impartiality, though seldom till everybody else has done with them.

His learning is of a mixed kind, and he may properly be called a helluo librorum, or another Jacobus de Voragine; though his studies are chiefly confined to schoolmen, commentators, and German divines, together with modern poetry and critics; and he is an atomic philosopher, strongly maintaining a void in nature, which he seems to have fairly proved by many experi

ments.

I shall now proceed to describe some peculiar qualities, which, in several instances, seem to distinguish this person from the common race of other

mortals.

His grandfather was a member of the rump parliament, as the grandson is of the present, where he often rises, sometimes grumbles, but never speaks. However, he lets nothing pass willingly but what is well digested. His courage is indisputable, for he will take the boldest man alive by the nose.

He is generally the first a-bed in the family, and the last up; which is to be lamented, because when he happens to rise before the rest, it has been thought to forebode some good fortune to his superiors.

As wisdom is acquired by age, so, by every new wrinkle in his face, he is reported to gain some new knowledge.

In him we may observe the true effects and consequences of tyranny in a state; for, as he is a great oppressor of all below him, so there is nobody more oppressed by those above him; yet, in his time, he has been so highly in favour, that many illustrious persons have been entirely indebted to him for their preferments.

He has discovered, from his own experience, the true point wherein all human actions, projects, and designs do chiefly terminate; and how mean and sordid they are at the bottom.

It behoves the public to keep him quiet; for his frequent murmurs are a certain sign of intestine tumults.

No philosopher ever lamented more the luxury for which these nations are so justly taxed; it has been known to cost him tears of blood; for in his own nature he is far from being profuse: though indeed he never stays a night at a gentleman's house without leaving something behind him.

He receives with great submission whatever his patrons think fit to give him; and when they lay heavy burdens upon him, which is frequently enough, he gets rid of them as soon as he can; but not without some labour, and much grumbling.

He is a perpetual hanger on; yet nobody knows how to be without him. He patiently suffers himself to be kept under, but loves to be well used, and in that case will sacrifice his vitals to give you ease; and he has hardly one acquaintance for whom he has not been bound; yet, as far as we can find, was never known to lose anything by it.

He is observed to be very unquiet in the company of a Frenchman in new clothes, or a young coquette. He is, in short, the subject of much mirth and raillery, which he seems to take well enough; though it has not been observed that ever any good thing came from himself.

There is so general an opinion of his justice, that sometimes very hard cases are left to his decision; and while he sits upon them, he carries himself exactly even between both sides, except where some knotty

| point arises; and then he is observed to lean a little to the right or left, as the matter inclines him; but his reasons for it are so manifest and convincing, that every man approves them.

POSTSCRIPT.

Gentle reader,-Though I am not insensible how many thousand persons have been, and still are, with great dexterity handling this subject, and no less aware of what infinite reams of paper have been laid out upon it; however, in my opinion, no man living has touched it with greater nicety, and more delicate turns, than our author. But, because there is some intended obscurity in this relation, and curiosity, inquisitive of secrets, may possibly not enter into the bottom and depth of the subject, it was thought not improper to take off the veil, and gain the reader's favour by enlarging his insight. ARS enim non habet inimicum, nisi ignorantem. It is well known that it has been the policy of all times to deliver down important subjects by emblem and riddle, and not to suffer the knowledge of truth to be derived to us in plain and simple terms, which are generally as soon forgotten as conceived. For this reason, the heathen religion is mostly couched under mythology. For the like reason (this being a FUNDAMENTAL in its kind) the author has thought fit to wrap up his treasure in clean linen, which it is our business to lay open, and set in a due light; for I have observed, upon any accidental discovery, the least glimpse has given a great diversion to the eager spectator, as many ladies could testify, were it proper, or the case would admit.

The politest companies have vouchsafed to smile at the bare name; and some people of fashion have been so little scrupulous of bringing it into play, that it was the usual saying of a knight and a man of good breeding, that whenever he rose, his a-se rose with him.

THE WONDER OF ALL THE WONDERS THAT EVER THE WORLD WONDERED AT.

FOR ALL PERSONS OF QUALITY AND OTHERS.

NEWLY arrived at this city of Dublin, the famous artist John Emanuel Schoitz, who, to the great surprise and satisfaction of all spectators, is ready to do the following wonderful performances; the like before never seen in this kingdom.

He will heat a bar of iron red hot, and thrust it into a barrel of gunpowder before all the company, and yet it shall not take fire.

He lets any gentleman charge a blunderbuss with the same gunpowder, and twelve leaden bullets, which blunderbuss the said artist discharges full in the face of the said company, without the least hurt, the bullets sticking in the wall behind them.

He takes any gentleman's own sword, and runs it through the said gentleman's body so that the point appears bloody at the back to all the spectators: then he takes out the sword, wipes it clean and returns it to the owner, who receives no manner of hurt.

He takes a pot of scalding oil and throws it by great ladlesful directly at the ladies, without spoiling their clothes or burning their skins.

He takes any person of quality's child, from two years old to six, and lets the child's own father or mother take a pike in their hands: then the artist takes the child in his arms, and tosses it upon the point of the pike, where it sticks, to the great satisfaction of all spectators; and is then taken off without so much as a hole in his coat.

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