PARADOY

ELEVENTH CLASS-PARADOXES.

CCCLXI.

[The following is quoted in Parkin's reply to Dr. Stukeley's second number of Origines Roystonianæ,' 4to, London, 1748, p. vi.]

PETER WHITE will ne'er go right, Would you know the reason why? He follows his nose where'er he goes, And that stands all awry.

CCCLXII.

O THAT I was where I would be,
Then would I be where I am not!
But where I am I must be,

And where I would be I cannot.

CCCLXIII.

[The following was sung to the tune of Chevy Chase. It was taken from a poetical tale in the Choyce Poems,' 12mo, London, 1662, the music to which may be seen in D'Urfey's 'Pills to Purge Melancholy,' 1719, vol. iv, p.1.]

THREE children sliding on the ice
Upon a summer's day,

As it fell out, they all fell in,

The rest they ran away.

Now had these children been at home,
Or sliding on dry ground,
Ten thousand pounds to one penny
They had not all been drown'd.

You parents all that children have,
And you that have got none,
If you would have them safe abroad,
Pray keep them safe at home.

CCCLXIV.

THERE was a man of Newington,
And he was wond'rous wise,
He jump'd into a quickset hedge,
And scratch'd out both his eyes:
But when he saw his eyes were out,
With all his might and main
He jump'd into another hedge,
And scratch'd 'em in again.

CCCLXV.

Up stairs, down stairs, upon my lady's window,

There I saw a cup of sack and a race of ginger;

Apples at the fire, and nuts to crack,
A little boy in the cream-pot up to his neck.

CCCLXVI.

I WOULD if I cou'd,

If I cou'dn't, how cou'd I?

I cou'dn't, without I cou'd, cou'd I?
Cou'd you, without you cou'd, cou'd

Cou'd ye, cou'd ye?

ye ?

Cou'd you, without you cou'd, cou'd ye?

CCCLXVII.

If all the world was apple-pie,

And all the sea was ink,

And all the trees were bread and cheese,
What should we have for drink?

CCCLXVIII.

TOBACCO Wick! tobacco wick!

When you're well, 'twill make you sick : bacco wick! tobacco wick!

ill make you well when you are sick.

CCCLXIX.

[The following occurs in a MS. of the seventeenth century, in the Sloane Collection, the reference to which I have mislaid.]

THE man in the wilderness asked me,
How many strawberries grew in the sea?
I answered him, as I thought good,
As many as red herrings grew in the wood.

CCCLXX.

[The conclusion of the following resembles a verse in the nursery history of Mother Hubbard.]

THERE was an old woman, and what do

think?

you

She lived upon nothing but victuals and

drink:

Victuals and drink were the chief of her

diet;

This tiresome old woman could never be quiet.

She went to the baker, to buy her some bread,

And when she came home her old husband was dead;

She went to the clerk to toll the bell,

And when she came back her old husband was well.

CCCLXXI.

HERE am I, little jumping Joan;
When nobody's with me,
I'm always alone.

CCCLXXII.

THERE was an old woman had nothing,
And there came thieves to rob her;
When she cried out she made no noise,
But all the country heard her.

CCCLXXIII.

THERE was a little Guinea-pig,
Who, being little, was not big,
He always walked upon his feet,
And never fasted when he eat.

When from a place he ran away,
He never at that place did stay;
And while he ran, as I am told,
He ne'er stood still for young or old.

He often squeak'd and sometimes vi'lent,
And when he squeak'd he ne'er was silent
Though ne'er instructed by a cat,
He knew a mouse was not a rat.