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sce? Bob got a wife : ard that's all. She's a good tuin deserves another, Dick Gabble will sweet girl though-loves to be squeezed damna. pay his part wherever he goes. I hate a sneak. bly-used to squeeze her myself-kissed her ing sponging devil : don't you, Piomingo ? before ever Bob did-shouldn't mind it now if “Certainly. Proceed." I had an opportunity. Old Stump had seven Well sir, we had three or four glasses-I daughters—fine girls-slippery jades some of don't exactly remember how many thoughthem-all married but one-she's the oldest, probably half a dozen—say half a dozen glasswrinkled as a witch-cross as damnation- es. Let me see-first he had one, than I had knows she must lead apes in hell—fond of cats another, and now-cats fond of her too-birds of a feather “ Never mind : say half a dozen.” -Zounds! how I used to romp with these girls Very well sir : we'll say half a dozen. And -can tell you a damned good story about one so sir, by this time you see sir, we grew pretty of them : One day

warm, you see; and Bob began to brag of his "O curse the story,” cried we, quite ex. horses. Bob has some little knowledge of horse hausted, “ will you never have done with old flesh-not much though-knows enough to be Stump and his daughters? But Dick, my roguish-would be a damned rogue if he could. dear fellow, you must excuse me at present. “There's my little horse at the gate,” says Some other time I will hear the rest of your Bob, says he, “ he can beat any thing, for a adventures: this evening I am particularly quarter, in the thirteen United States of Penn. engaged.” But Gabble seized us by the breast sylvania, carry weight for size, I'll be dee. of our coat and swore bitterly we should not doubly damned if he can't.” “I'll run you," move till he had finished his story.

says I,

a quarter, my black filly against your The gods themselves, some ancient writer horse, for five dollars, not if you will, but if observes, are subject to necessity: and a sa. you dare," says I. “Done,” says he, you carry

a hundred weight to a catch.”

"A catch, vage, -- magna si licet componere parvis --

upon each,” says I, “smack my hand if you dare.” “Done."


he, “ by GM," says he, who resides in a civilized country, must learn poney down your dust-fetch out your to.dissemble his feelings, and wear a smile on mare.” “ Done,” says I, "hell to the flincher." his countenance while anguish preys on his Out to the race ground-every thing readyheart. We saw the necessity of yielding, to judges appointed-go-" The black filly had circumstances, but could not forbear exclaim. the start," says one, " The horse gains," says ing in the words of Horace when persecuted another—“Ten dollars on the horse,” says by an impudent babbler in the streets of Tom Stubbs ; " say done, and it's a bet.”— Rome :

" Done,” says Bill Grubb, “ If I don't win I'll Huccine solem

be damned." "She handles her feet dacently," Tam nigrum surrexe mihi!

says Paddy O'Blather._"Two to one on the

mare," says young Dobbins, “two to one on But we reflected on a saying of Socrates, when the mare.' i'll give you two hundred dollars tormented by the humors of his termagant for the black fillý, Gabble--'Gad she's foremost wife: “ We all have our respective misfor. – let's go and see how it is." “ Judges, how tunes ; and he is a happy man who can com- is the race ?" “ The filly came out first." plain of none greater than this.” Having thus “ How much ?” “A length." "She had the sagaciously subdued our rising emotions, we start,” says Bob. Only a neck," says I ; requested little Gabble to finish the recital of" but let the judges determine; we have no. his adventures.

thing to say in the business," says That's So sir, as I was preparing to come away, my way, Piominge : I'm fair and above board Bob Jockey made his appearance. Not having with every thing. I practise none of your seen each other for some months, we conversed sneaking quirks and tricks : I'm above it a few minutes on various matters. He told I'm above it, you see. me that a mad dog had bitten several of his

“ Well, what said the judges ?" cattle, and

They gave it in my favor. O, I won it • Never mind the mad dog. If you wander sleek enough; but what do you think? When so often from the track, you never will arrive I went to the man who held the stakes, “ give at the end of your journey."

me the money," says I. “He shan't,” says Faith sir, the story about the dog is a very Bob; “ I didn't lose it,” says he. “ I'll have curious story, and ought to be universally it, by G

“ Damned if you shall,” known; but I'll pass it over for the present.


“ Didn't the judges give it in my Well sir, Bob called for a glass of brandy and favor ?" says I. They were partial,” says water, and asked me to drink, you see. I he. " And you won't pay it ?" says I. "No," complied : for I like to be social and friendly: says he. You're a damned rascal," says I. don't you, Piomingo ?

“ You're a damned liar," says he. Smack I “ Yes. Proceed."

took him, between the lug and the horn, as When we had finished the glass, I called for Julius did the bull-down he fell—and I upon another-I couldn't be worse than a bad fellow, him. The damned rascal, to give me the lie ! you see—no, no, that would never do: one By G- sir, no man shall give me the lie with

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says I.


impunity. I didn't care the hundredth part of there I lay till this morning.

When I got up a damn for the money; but when a fellow I felt quite poorly 1 assure you sir, damned goes to jockey me, d'ye see ?--and gives me sort of good-for-nothing like, I don't know how the lie to boot, d'ye see? I'd fight sir, by the you call it-head aches yet. So sir, you pergod of war, I'd fight for the thousandth part ceive that I have endeavored to explain to you of a cent, 1 would. My name's Dick Gabble the manner in which 1 was detained: which -I'm not ashamed of my name. I may be I hope I have done to your satisfaction. whipped; but I can't be cowed-can't, can't- * Fully." damn me, it's impossible: there's no such Yes sir, 1 was detained qnite unexpectedly : thing in nature. I'm but a little fellow; but but I have got home at last. I wouldn't turn tail to never a man that broke “Thank God!" the bread of life, I wouldn't: not I.

I say thank God too : I'm very glad to be : "Did you flog him ?

at home indeed. No: they parted us—I'd have licked him “You give thanks for one thing, and I for like damnation, if they hadn't parted us—did another: you-because you have completed give him damned black eye-didn't hurt me your journey; and I-because your story is at all didn't get a scratch-takes a damned ended." smart fellow to scratch me, I tell you.

You should thank me for that. But zounds, “ You are an active little dog, I dare say.' how I spend my time: I have a hundred things

That I'am-am indeed-got a strong arm, to do this very evening-indeed I have-upon I tell you. Then, I have such springs-Gad! my word, sir. Next time I see you, I'll exI'm as quick as lightning. A fellow has need plain the business more fully--give you several to have all his eyes about him when he's got other interesting particulars. me to deal with, you see ; if he hasn't l'll be So having said, little Dickey strutted off damned.

with an air of infinite importance. The ever" Then you are spirited also.”

lasting babbler might have answered our True blue, by G-! I'd fight the devil and question in the following words: “I got drunk, all his imps.--Roar thunder, blaze hell, blow and could not return until I became sober." damnation! here I am, Dick Gabble for What think ye, gentle readers, of the civil. ever!

ized Gabble ? shall we apologize for intro. “ You knocked him down the first stroke, ducing such a character to your notice? or did you ?”

will you apologize for having such a character Yes, yes, I did ; damme if I didn't, sir; among you ? Dick Gabble is no creation of like a shot, sir. Hold here, Piomingo, I'll ours: perhaps we should make an apology to show

how I took him the first clip.

him, for omitting a multitude of his caths. “ There is no necessity for an example, I understand it perfectly. What! do you mean

Scandal. to strike me ?"

Hic nigræ succus loliginis, hæc est Just give you a light touch, Piomingo, to Ærugo mera. show you how I took him-won't hurt you- Scandal is generally spoken of as if she were damn it, don't be afraid—won't hurt you, 'pon a female. We cannot give any inforination my honor-won't, 'pon my soul-wouldn't concerning her sex; but we have as often seen hurt you for the world. Just so.

her in male, as in female attire. “Hands off, you puppy! hands off!”

We lately fell into company with a number Beg your paidon, sir--no offence, no offence of gentlemen, with some of whom we had the -meant no harm-damned if I did, you see. honor of being acquainted ; or, to speak more “ Well, what next?

correctly, some of whom had the honor of Why sir, I'll tell you how it was sir: We being acqnainted with us. agreed to leave the whole affair to a reference: Robert Steady, Frank Flucnt, George Toper, and what do you think was the award ? Charles Lavish, Jack Flash, Will Braggart, "I cannot tell.”

and Timon Crabtree, were the only persons Why sir, they awarded that every man present of whom we had any previous knowshould have his own money ; that each of us ledge; but there were several others, with should pay a dollar for something to drink; whose names we became acquainted during and that we should shake hands, d'ye sec, and the course of the evening : Peter Poison, be friends. 'Twas hard-damned hard; but Simon Specious, Samuel Pliant, and Ralph I never bear malice. I'm the best tempered Penniless. creature in the world : indeed, I'm too good- We all formed but one company, and were natured : I suffer myself to be imposed upon : scated very closely together; but, if our con. it's my weakness : I can't help it : it's natural jectures be not erroneous, it was the pleasing

So sir, you sce sir, we repaired to the warmth of a fire, and not the attraction of love house sir, and drank like Cæsars. Shall I tell or brotherly kindness that hrought us into conyou the truth, sir?

tuct. Winter calls mon toreiher, and com. “ If you please."

pels them to be social: wien it is probable if Well sir, the fact is this, sir : I got drunk, they were theriy to come thrir own in. sir--dead drunk-hey carried mc to bed; and clinations, they would preier being separate.


to me.

Men become more polished and civilized in the delighted mortal discovered his felicity by the winter than they are in the summer : for, his fidgeting embarrassment, and by the awk. being forced into company, their mutual de. ward complacency which spread itself over his pendence is increased, and their asperities are countenance. rubbed off by the continual friction they find There was a young fellow present who it necessary to suffer. Every one assumes the seemed to have formed a high estimate of his character in which he wishes to appear, and colloquial powers, as he frequently evinced an sedulously endeavors to hide the natural bent anxiety to join in the conversation ; but, alas! of his disposition : nature is banished with his coat had suffered by the ravages of time, violence; and affectation is the order of the and his shirt looked out at the elbows. His day.

waistcoat was threadbare; his linen was none Among those whom chance had brought of the cleanest; and his boots appeared never together on the present occasion, there was one to have formed an acquaintance with blacking: who attracted a considerable share of our at- his whole appearance proclaimed, what we are tention. He was about five feet six inches all solicitous to conceal-want. How should high,well formed; and his features were rather such a man make a judicious observation ? delicate than otherwise. He was extremely The thing was impossible. Yet he was not to complaisant to those with whom he conversed; be discouraged by all these disqualifying cir. and his visage exhibited continually a sickly cumstances; but continued to take advantage simpering smile; which was not however of every pause in the conversation by endeasufficient to conceal the characters of malevo. voring to edge in a word of his own. For a lence and envy which were written in his long time, we paid not the slightest attention countenance. His words were smooth as oil: to his remarks; but some of us, at last, pro.. they dropped from his lips as “ honey from the voked at his intrusive perseverance, turned green oak," yet we could not help suspecting round and regarded him with a stare of superci. thal tho poison of asps was under his tongue. lious amazement. Frank Fluent, who sat near us, perceiving who After some time had been spent in this it was that excited our observation, whispered manner, Mr. Steady, observing that he had in our ear “that is Peter Poison, of Bohon some business that required his attention, rose Upas Grove, esq.

up and took his leave of the company. He The conversation, as is usual in mixed com- was scarcely gone when Mr. Poison introduced panies, was of a desultory nature: One subject the following conversation : was scarcely introduced till it was supplanted by another. Sometimes we paid the strictest that he never suffers pleasure to interfere with

Poison. It may be observed of Mr. Steady, attention to the speaker ; and sometimes we his business. He is a cheerful companion ; interrupted him with observations of our own; his countenance is pleasing and his manners Sometimes, in the ardor of disputation, we all spoke at once, and again awed by the import.

agreeable. I have known him ever since he ance of the personage who was delivering his was a boy, and I feel for him sentiments of sentiments, we listened, with silent submission, I cannot but wonder how it happens that he

the sincerest and most durable friendship: yet, to the wisdom that flowed from his lips. When should suppose himself qualified to engage in we say all

, we would be understood to except the discussion of political or philosophical subTimon Crabtree ; who continued silent, gnaw. jects. He may occasionally make a judicious ing the head of his cane and viewing the com; observation ; but he never was known to de. pany with alternate emotions of contempt and duce any logical inferences, or to connect indignation. Sometimes he smiled ;

together a series of causes and effects. His but smiled in such a sort:

opinions, as well as his estate, have descended 48 if he mocked himself and scorned his spirit, to him by inheritance; and it is probable they That could be moved to smile at any thing, will be transmitted in the same manner to his

When Mr. Steady (whose easy manners and son, without their having suffered any waste elegant habiliments indicated the enjoyment or derangement in their passage through the of luxury and the possession of wealth) thought mind of their present possessor. proper to make an observation,

If man be correctly defined a reasoning Conticuere omnes, intentique ora tenebant: animal, Mr. Steady must no longer lay claim with greedy ears, open mouths, und upraised must, however, be acknowledged that if he

to the appellation : for he never reasons. It eyelids, we devoured the sweet intelligence as the Israelites devoured the quails in the wilder- tation : and although he fails of producing con

never conquer, he is never overcome in dispu. ness, or the manna that was sent down from viction in the minds of others, he always preheaven. When he smiled, we smiled; when he attempted to be witty, we were all con

serves his own opinions inviolate. vulsed with immoderate laughter; and, when Pliant. Your observations are just, Mr. he expressed his surprise at any circumstance, Poison. Steady's mind is so well fortified by Good God! burst simultaneously from the lips prejudice, that he laughs at the clearest axioms of every one in the assembly. When he ad. with all their host of unavoidable consequences; dressed himself particularly to any individual, he despises the tropes and figures of rhetoric;

and bids defiance to all the syllogistic artillery Crabtree. If you be his friend, let him alone; of the schools.

the snail, wherever it crawls, leaves a portion Poison. True, Mr. Pliant: there he has the of its slime. advantage of us: our opinions must be sup Poison. Pray,why should you, Mr. Crabtree, ported by reason, otherwise they fall; but this who profess to hate all the world, undertake gentleman's upper works are impregnable, the defence of Mr. Steady ? absolutely impregnable.

Crabtree. It is not respect for him, but de. Specious. Notwithstanding his intellectual testation of you, which occasions my displea. weakness, his conduct appears to be regulated sure. Yes, I hate all the world, but particuby the strictest rules of propriety; and he is larly sycophants and slanderers. universally allowed to be just and honorable in Poison. Do you hate yourself? his dealings. Alas! what is reason? It is Crabtree. Yes. rather a meteor that leads us astray, than a Poison. Why? "a lamp to direct our feet through the wilder. Crabtree. Because I am a man : because I ness of life !” A man can do as well with bear the same shape with such a poisonous out it.

reptile as you. Poison. I do believe, at least I hope, that Poison. Rail away, Mr. Crabtree, your snarl. Mr. Steady is perfectly honest ; but, a man can ing makes no impression upon me. hardly be so correct in his conduct, but that Crabtree. No ? well then I will try to make there will be some whisperings to his disad- an impression with my cane. vantage. I should be sorry to give cre So saying, he raised his knotty cudgel, and dence to any story that might be circulated to was proceeding to lay it across the shoulders the injury of Mr. Steady's reputation ; but it of the delicate Poison ; who exclaimed with a has been intimated to me, in the way of confie loud voice, “I am a justice of the peace : strike dence, that there was some little underhand me if you dare!" when the company interfered work in the settlement of old John Rich's es- and prevented the perpetration of mischief. tate. Mr. Steady, you know, was sole execu We could perceive, by their countenances, tor: I hope the orphans had no cause of com- that Charles Lavish, George Toper, Jack plaint, though there appears to be some mystery Flash, and Will Braggart, were much dissatisin the transaction. Indeed, I had all the par. fied with our conduct in quelling the distur. ticulars of the affair from a person who had bance; from which they had promised themevery opportunity of being acquainted with the selves considerable entertainment; being discircumstances. I am not at liberty to mention appointed in their expectation, they thought the particulars; and I am by no means dis. proper to leave the company and look for posed to promote the circulation of any story amusement in some other quarter. that might have a tendency to sully the fair Frank Fluent, willing to see if the late re. fame of my friend.

buff had effected a reformation in Poison, Crabtree. When Mr. Steady were present, thought proper to renew the conversation. gentlemen, you servilely received his genti: Frank. Are you acquainted with Lavish, ments as emanations from the oracle of truth: Mr. Poison ? you praised the acuteness of his perception, Poison. I have known him from a child. the correctness of his reasoning, the solidity of He once owned a very pretty property ; but he his judgment, and the brilliancy of his wit; has ruined himself by his folly and extravabut the moment he is gone, you pronounce him gance. Five years ago, he was a man of suba fool: and not satisfied with that, you endeavor stance; but, by his gambling and dissipation, to blacken his character. How inconsistent he has reduced himself to beggary. such proceduro! how dastardly such con. Frank. He owns, I think, several houses in duct!

the city at present. Poison. If you allude to Mr. Crabtree, Poison. There are several houses which may I cannot do otherwise than express my surprise sometimes be called his; but they are mort at what you have said. Mr. Steady, as I said gaged for more than they are worth. At before, is my particular friend, and I was present he owns nothing, less than nothing : merely expressing my regret that the censori. he has contracted debts which he can never ous world, you understand me, should cast repay. aspersions of this nature

Frank. What think you of Toper ? Crabtree. Yes, I understand you very well: Poison. Ah, poor George! it makes me conscious of your own depravity, you enviously melancholy to think on the race he has run! endeavor to disparage every thing that has the Would you believe it, Mr. Fluent? This man, appearance of excellence.

a few years ago, was respected by every one Poison. Mr. Crabtree, do you mean to in. who knew him. He was well educated, possult me?

sessed uncommon abilities, and was every way Crabtree. Yes.

qualified to make a figure in life; but now ho Poison. You wrong me, indeed you do : 80 is a confirmed drunkard, scarcely recovering tar from contributing to injure the fame of Mr. from one fit of intoxication before he plunger Steady, I would willingly defend his character into another. Is it not a great pity, gentle from the attacks of malevolence.

men 1


Pliant. A great pity indeed, Mr. Poison. will accede to every thing you say. GentleSpecious. A very great pity.

men, I wish you a good evening; Crabtree. Damn your pity! Wretches ! how Frunk. Poison is gone; the whole company dare you pity a man so much superior to your- has dispersed: and we have done wisely in selves ?

keeping our posts until the time of his de. Poison. I am really sorry for Toper's mis. parture. Had we gone away sooner, we should fortune: he is an enemy to nobody but himself. have suffered from the lash of his malevolent There, too, are Jack Flash and Will Braggart: tongue: he would have passed some slight the first is a handsome fellow ; but he bears commendations on Piomingo and Frank; and his whole fortune on his back : and the second then would have followed his malignant and is an agrecable companion ; but an intolerable poisonous But: he never was known to bestow liar: he never, unless it were by accident, told praise on any one save for the purpose of ina word of truth in his life.

troducing slander. Crabtree. Mr. Poison, I am going away in

Hic niger est : Hunc, tu Romane, caveto. order to give you an opportunity of scattering a little more of your venom.

Peace. As soon as Poison perceived that Crabtree

“ How long," said a pious religionist, “shall had actually departed, he proceeded as follows: " I cannot conceive why Crabtree should make the carth be afflicted by war? How long me the particular object of his enmity; but it fair fields of creation with carnage and de

shall man rise up against man, and cover the is, probably, because he knows it is in my struction ? When shall the olive of peace power to mention some circumstances which

extend its branches over the earth, and the are not generally known.”

sons of men seek repose under its widespreadSpecious. You allude to the affair a that made some little noise some time ago which “swords shall be beaten into plough

ing shade? When shall the time come in -you know what I mean. Poison. Yes, yes, (nodding, and winking, nation shall not lift up sword against nation,

shares, and spears into pruning hooks, when and smilling) I believe I do: I heard the whole neither shall they learn war any more ?" story immediately after the transaction took

I have seen burned cities, desolated fields, place. Pliant. Ab! there was some whispering.

and impoverished families : I have heard the

groans of the father when deprived of his son, Poison. It was an ugly affair ; but I hope the support of his age: 1 have witnessed the that nothing I have said will be mentioned despair of the mother, when bereaved of the again Possibly it was not as bad as it was represented : I should be sorry, however, that have heard the frantic cries of the widow, and

delight of her eyes and the joy of her life: I any one had it in his power to circulate such have seen the tears of the orphan : I have bea story concerning me. As to Crabtree's rude held the decrepit soldier oppressed with age and unmannerly observations, I treat them and covered with wounds, begging a wretched with contempt. Pliant. He is a brute.

support at the doors of the opulent :-" This Specious. He is not fit to live a civilized ambition !"

is thy work, O war! these are thy fruits, 0 country

What then, we demanded, is peace ? Having wearied themselves with winks, nods, hints, smiles, shrugs, knowing looks, and “ Peace,” said our friend, " is the absence a variety of crooked insinuations, Messieurs of war: Where there is no contention, no Specious and Pliant took a ceremonious leave, strife, no opposition, there is peace. Peace is expressing the highest degree of friendship love: it is harmony: it is rest. I cannot telt and respect for Mr. Poison ; who, on his part, you what it is; but it is no less excellent on gave them a pressing invitation to visit him at account of my inability to define it. A modern Bohon Upas Grove, assuring them that not only poet has wrtten a beautiful hymn to peace : he himself, but Mrs. Poison and all the family shall I read it ?" would be delighted at such an occurrence ; and think themselves honored in contributing “ Hail, holy peace, from thy sublime abode, to the amusement of gentlemen so dearly be- Mid circling saints that grace the throne of God! loved and so highly respected.

Before his arm, around our embryon earth, Frank. These gentlemen, who have just left Stretched dim the void and gave to nature birth, you, are, it seems your particular friends, Mr. Or songs of gladness woke an angel's tongue,

Ere morning stars his glowing chambers hung, Poison ?

Veiled in the splendors of his beamful mind, Poison. Yes: we have long been in habits In bless'd repose thy placid form reclined, of intimacy. Specious is a fine man, a very And traced and toned his universe of thought,

Lived in his life, his inward sapience caught, fine man indeed ; but smooth water is deep: Borne through the expanse with his creating voice he would have no objections to practise a little Thy presence bade the unfolding worlds rejoice, roguery,

if it could be done snugly in a corner. Led forth the systems on their bright career, As to Pliant, he is a good sort of a man; but Shaped all their curves and fashioned every the creature has no opinion of his own: he. sphere,

Do so.

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