Frame-Maker (who comes to measure STODGE's Academy pictures). "Now, I think it's a pity you don't let me have some o' these for my Winder, since you have no idea of the amount of Rubbish I can get rid of at times."

POKING AT THE BRITISH LION.

(From MR. BRIGHT's Organ.)

cracy wanted a new light upon several subjects. A meeting of the chemists and druggists of Little Holliwaggle, at which it was unanimously resolved, that if physical force should be needed, physical force should not be wanting; but that for the moment they should bottle their indignation, and watch the course of events. These are but a few of the gatherings which we have daily to notice, and we may add, that if the tyrants and slaves who call themselves a Government rely on their army and their police, they may find themselves mistaken. We have heard, but shall of course not expose the poor fellows to aristocratic vengeance by being more precise, that at the Albany Barracks the Bill, the Ministers, and Parliament generally, were denounced by a corporal in no measured terms of commination, and we know that several policemen have borrowed the Morning Star from the youths who tout for it at the omnibuses, and have been seen reading its articles with a satisfaction suppressed by habits of discipline, but none the less true and real. In a word, the DERBY Cabinet has brought in a Bill which will lay that hollow mockery, the Constitution, level with the ground or the intellects of the framers."

"CANNOT the Ministers see that they and their outrageous, aristocratic, revolutionary, and do-nothing Bill are alike doomed? The country is up, and in a storm of indignation. Enormous and enthusiastic meetings are being everywhere held, and the voice of the nation is speaking in no buttered thunder. Among the most important demonstrations which we have to-day to chronicle are the following:A meeting of the noble tailors of Tadcaster, where the measure was denounced in language worthy of the Roman orator, THUCYDIDES. A glowing address delivered in the school-room of the Independent Anabaptists at Scroffleton, and a petition signed by the pew-opener, teachers, and children. An eloquent debate in the Commercial Room at the Boiled Goose, Waddlington, where a resolution, couched in quaint but significant language, and carried by 11 to 3, declared the Bill to be a Rum Go. Petitions from the Islington Areopagites, in which those intelligent young men and their sweethearts (for even woman's gentleness is roused by tyranny) denounce the Bill in language that may be sueered at as extravagant, but which is based on intense indignation. A grand meeting of the vestrymen at Blobberby, at which the Mayor, (whom one day we hope to see in a reformed Parliament, if his bone-boiling pursuits will spare him to his country) aptly compared MR. DISRAELI to CORIOLANUS in chains before CÆSAR, envying the humble cottages of Britain. A torchlight meeting by the linkmen of Leeds, at which it was more than hinted that the aristo- tell you what she is.

THE DERBY REFORM BILL BRIEFLY JUDGED.

YOUR Bill is good, because it is so small:
(P'raps 'twould be better, were there none at all.)

MIRROR FOR LADIES.-Show me a lady's toilette-table, and I will

N

THE LAWYER'S PETITION.

Not a woman within reach, and he unused to the rebellious ways of children! The crisis was alarming. At last, in his despair-for he had been doing a "ba-a-a-lamb" with very indifferent éclat-he hit "THE VACATION JUDGE.-Any person who has seen the Vacation Judge at work must be pained to see what he has to undergo; from morning till two o'clock, or upon the following bright expedient:-"Now, MASTER JACKEY," he thereabouts, he hears summons not attended by counsel; some of the solicitors exclaimed glowingly, "we'll have a fine game! Let us play at and their clerks, who are then heard, may be competent to their duties, and aware bye-bye." So saying, he closed his eyes, and so did the child. Ten but however they may assist the judge, their numbers are legion, and some of noitre: the trick had answered, almost beyond his hopes. The child of the proper limits to which they may approach in propounding their difficulties; minutes afterwards, AVUNCULUS opened half an eye-lid to reconthem. bore him, and waste public time, with their ignorance, vulgarity, and importunity. Worse than all, we have many a time seen little office boys in jackets was fast asleep! He removed the young picture of innocence to the rushing into the room to ask for time to plead; two of these smail urchins are sofa, as tenderly as any mother; and UNCLE continued his newspaper said to have fought in the august presence of the late MR. JUSTICE WILLIAMS, who with the greatest comfort, until "MAMMA came home to release him witnessed the onset with calmness and resignation, remembering how he himself had battled for his clients in days long gone by. At two o'clock come the counsel from his difficulties. N.B. Remember: the best game to play with a and pleaders, too often forgetful of the trials the judge has undergone, and they playful child-when there is a great disparity of years between the frequently detain him to a late bour in intricate arguments.-Law Magazine." two playfellows-is "Bye-Bye."

ITY the case of the Vaca

P

tion Judge,

Who sits in Chambers, and
decides the law:
To hear his griefs a mo-
ment do not grudge,
Oh, give me leave awhile
your ears to draw!

BLOATED ARISTOCRACY.

A Warning to Young Women.

A YOUNG Lady, dancing with a gentleman at an evening party, consisting chiefly of respectable mercantile people, informed him, with an evident desire to intimate that she considered herself a cut above her company, that she had a cousin in the Army! In the same spirit, apparently, as that evinced in this statement, a contemporary lately And thence till two in pur-published the following paragraph:gat'ry he sits;

Each day at ten his weary
toils begin,

While squabbling lawyers
with their ceaseless din
Deafen his ears, and stupify

his wits.

Of these, his torturers, are
haply some

Who to "my Lord" a
proper deference show;
Briefly to ask for his de-
cision come,

Quickly, this granted, from
his presence go.

But-and their name is
Legion-there are those
Who drop their H.'s at his Lordship's feet:
Call orders" horders," and speak through their nose,
In breath which beer and 'bacco have made sweet.

And some there are, importunate and loud,

Bears in their bearing, boreish in their speech,
Who with rude clamour round his table crowd,
And in egg-sucking fain my Lord would teach.

And worse fate yet! Small "fiends in shape of boys,"
With insolence of lawyer's office big,

Worry the Judge with childish chaff and noise,

And strip to fight before his very wig!

Then counsel come, and in his wearied ear

Their prosy pros and cons relentless pour :
Wrangle and jangle until night draws near,

Nor cease their speech e'en though they hear him snore.

From day to day, from weary week to week,
Tortured he sits, nor from his seat may budge;
Oh, let me then your sympathy bespeak,
Pity the griefs of the Vacation Judge!

A HINT TO DISTRESSED UNCLES.

"WHITTINGTON CLUB.-A ball was given on Tuesday evening, at the Whittington Club, by way of inaugurating the dining and refreshment department of the Institution. Whether in honour of the dining-room, or for the sake of the ball itself, there was a large attendance of dancers, and, from the general success of the enterbenefit the Club by inaugurating something else as soon as possible in the same manner. MR. SHURY'S band was in attendance, and played some two dozen quadrilles, polkas, waltzes, schottishes, redowas, varsovianas, cotillons, mazourkas, polka-mazourkas, and galops, in the course of the evening. A gay, and at the same time distinguished appearance was given to the ball-room, by the presence of a gentleman in a militia uniform."

tainment, it may be argued that the directors would please the subscribers, and

It is, however, quite a mistake to suppose that there is anything peculiarly snobbish in worshipping a militia-man as an officer and a swell: the snobbery simply consists in worshipping officers and swells. Officer-worship and swell-worship are equally snobbish, whether the idol is a militia subaltern, or a colonel of what is called the "crack" description of regiment. All due honour, nevertheless, to the brave, whether the regiment in which they serve be the Tower Hamlets or the Coldstream.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

MARCH 7. Monday. The House of Lords paid a tribute to DR. JENNER, by getting up a vaccination debate, in which the value of JENNER'S system was earnestly proclaimed on all hands. Such is the course of the career of a real reformer. Sham ones are shouted for while they live, true ones receive homage when they are dust. Even Mr. Punch himself, far and away the greatest and wisest man who ever wrote, awaits his laurels, though millions profit by his teaching, and it was not until the other day that one of the ablest of the Judges of England, BARON BRAMWELL, referred, in his place upon the bench, to the immortal pages of Mr. Punch, and cited one of his dicta as a rule of conduct. Be not disheartened, therefore, worthy philosophers, priests, physicians, soldiers, scholars, artists, who humbly follow in the footsteps of Mr. Punch. Your reward will come some day. Wait for the waggon. In reference to this particular debate it may be mentioned, that there are still thousands of fools who neglect, or object to vaccination, and that the Government is wisely bent upon enforcing the practice.

MR. SPOONER gave a notice which was marked by true Spoonerian wisdom. He fixed a motion on the Maynooth question for the night appointed for the Second Reading of the Reform Bill. "Oh, wise old Spoon, how doth Punch honour thee!"

An Indian debate which followed was chiefly remarkable for a speech by MR. BRIGHT, in which he pictured the past, present, and future of India in colours so black that it would seem that he thinks India in almost as wretched a condition as England, crushed, mangled, and flattened by the Juggernaut car of a territorial aristocracy.

OUR good friend AVUNCULUS was entrusted with the care of a child for a couple of hours. He rode a cock-horse to Banbury Cross; he ran up the hill with JACK and JILL; he expatiated merrily on the agricultural distress of LITTLE BO-PEEP, who had lost all his sheep; and eat bread-and-butter an infinity of times with MASTER TOM TUCKER. Tuesday. Every Englishman who has ever been at school, that is to He played at coach-and-horses; he crowed, and grunted, and brayed say, about every man in England except Cox of Finsbury, must have with a fidelity worthy of HERR VON JOEL; and laid bare all his wealth been reminded, by this night's debate, of a couplet which British of nursery lore. His young charge was in ecstasies; it laughed, and youths, during their educational period, are wont to chant. Its orthoclapped its hands, and opened its eyes and ears eagerly for more. The graphy is exceptional, its politeness is questionable, but the spirit of success was undoubted; but alas! what was fun to the young child the song is one which it is highly desirable to cultivate: was fatigue to the elderly uncle: his strength and memory had alike come to an end, and there was still a big hour left for dandling and romping. Should he pause but for five minutes, he knew only too well The lines were not quoted in the grand debate which arose to-night in the fatality that would infallibly ensue. The child would certainly both Houses on the Charles-et-Georges question, and which some ory!-probably howl!-perhaps kick!-and then what was he to do? persons said was intended to damage and cripple the Ministry, by way

"Two skinny Frenchmen and one Portuguec,
One jolly Englishman 'll lick 'em all three."

of preparing it for a coup de grace on the Reform Bill (as blacklegs gave notice that on the motion for the Second Reading of the Reform who shoot pigeon-matches contrive to have the bird pinched as he is Bill, he should move that the proposed interference with the treebeing put into the trap, that he may not fly so fast), but the poetry would hold franchise was unjust " have been as pertinent as much that was said in the speeches. In the (MR. DISRAELI smiled, having a checkmate move in his head.) Lords the proceedings were these. In the Saturday Review of the " and that no readjustment of the franchise would be satisfactory that preceding week there was an extremely clever, and like most clever did not provide for a greater extension of the suffrage in cities and things, extremely unkind article directed against LORD MALMESBURY boroughs.' and his management of the French slaver question. This article LORD (MR. DISRAELI smiled no more.) WODEHOUSE, late our Plenipotentiary at St. Petersburg, recited, by way of a speech, and LORD DERBY deliberately told him that he had done so. A debate took place. LORD MALMESBURY defended himself as best he could, but the great strength of the Government that night was in the maiden speech of LORD KINGSDOWN (born 1793), a nobleman who used to be MR. PEMBERTON of the Chancery Bar, and who afterwards took the elegant and distinguished name of LEIGH. He is a first class lawyer, and a man of scrupulous conscientiousness, and when such a man risks his reputation, in a first speech, he is not likely to be very far wrong. It may be safe to assume, with LORD KINGSDOWN, that the Portuguese acted erroneously, and that England could not properly have done more than she did. The manner of her doing nothing, however, was about as bad as it could be, and a man of spirit is rather inclined to back his friend a little over-ardently, than to avail himself of the slightest error on his friend's part as an excuse for being ignobly quiescent. Especially is this the case when his friend is bullied by a much stronger party. LOUIS NAPOLEON bullied Portugal, who had not been, technically, quite regular in her acts, and it would have been more chivalrous in England to have given the bully a little defiant English, than to have been so very ready to tell Portugal to drop on her knees. The matter having been battled, the Petersburg Plenipo dropped it.

In the Commons (to which body MR. GLADSTONE returned to-night) MR. KINGLAKE brought up the same subject, and there was a night's fight. LORD JOHN RUSSELL, who meant more than he said, emphatically declared that the case was not one for Censure, but for comment. This was a hint to certain clever folks in Opposition. The debate was adjourned.

To-day came the welcome news that BARON POERIO, and the other victims liberated by KING BOMBA when he fancied that he was dying, and wanted to cheat another sulphureous sovereign (a friend of course), had induced the American captain to steer for this country, and had landed in Ireland. Everybody rejoiced, but it was left for MR. J. D. FITZGERALD, a tool of the Romish priests, whose pet the baffled BOMBA is, to ask in the House whether POERIO and his friends had murdered the Master of the vessel. So spiteful and vulgar a sneer might have been spared to brave and honourable men escaping from a ten years martyrdom. MR. BOWYER, M.P., CARDINAL WISEMAN'S lacquey, will perhaps suggest that the exiles be given up to the excellent BOMBA.

Wednesday. LORD JOHN RUSSELL, having succeeded in obtaining his own consent to be a Minister once more, gave notice that he should give notice of an Amendment, which he should move on the Second Reading of the Reform Bill. HER MAJESTY'S Servants sent out for cord to pack their boxes.

Misfortune is of a matrimonial character-that is to say, it never comes single. The elegant and harmless little Church Rates Bill, brought in by MR. WALPOLE for the Government, was furiously set upon by SIR JOHN TRELAWNEY, and slaughtered. The majority against Government was a wopper-254 to 171. It was remarked that SIR JOHN PAKINGTON, who is usually as polite and argumentative as becomes a gentleman-minister, "let out uncommon," whence it was inferred that he descried the hopelessness of carrying the Bill, and possibly that of carrying on the Government.

Thursday. After a discussion on the curious desire of the Singapore merchants to be transferred from the rule of the Indian Government to that of SIR BULWER LYTTON, the Chancellor brought in a Bill for getting rid, in great measure, of that once useful institution, but now obstructive nuisance, the Grand Jury. He pointed out how this body frequently prevented a proper trial being had, as in the painful case, to which his Lordship adverted, of the poor lunatic pauper, who was kept in a shower-bath for half an hour and then dosed with tartar emetic, by order of a medical man named SNAPE. The Chancellor, then SIR F. THESIGER, had strongly advised the Lunacy Commissioners to inquire into SNAPE's conduct, and "one of the ablest London magistrates" decided that the case ought to be sent for trial. But the Grand Jury threw out the bill to the astonishment of all, and SNAPE was not tried. LORD CHELMSFORD added some other arguments in favour of the abolition, and LORD SHAFTESBURY said that having had to prosecute a pickpocket his grave Lordship had been kept "dancing attendance" at Clerkenwell waiting for business that did not occupy five minutes. We hope that the Record will explain that his Lordship did not use the word "dancing" in its worldly sense, and that LORD SHAFTESBURY was not seen performing the Cavalier seul on Clerkenwell Green. LORD WENSLEYDALE, as usual, was obstructive, but the Bill was read a first time.

LORD JOHN RUSSELL, Minister intending, fulfilled his threat. He

The bell had rung for the curtain to rise on a tragedy, and a shudder
went through the House. Nevertheless,
MR. DISRAELI rose, and stated with reference to the first part of
his enemy's motion, that the Government intended no disfranchisement,
and that he meant to introduce clauses to preserve the rights of the
freeholders in boroughs. Chased by the wolves, the Caucasian parent
flings one of his children to them, in hopes to save himself and the
others, but it is gobbled up, and the wolves are again on the track.
The House passed on, with a sensation, to a finance debate, in which
MR. GLADSTONE came out. The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER
has been lending more money and funding more Exchequer Bills, in
other words increasing the National Debt, and it is thought that there
should be some little check on the practice. If, MRS. JONES, you send
MARY round the corner with halfpence to buy a bloater for JONES's
breakfast, and she lends the browns to her cousin in the Blues (au
honest fellow, mind), and has the bloaters scored up to you, MARY is
a financier of MR. DISRAELI'S school. Comprenez?

Friday. Restless LORD GREY, who had intended to bring up the
Ionian question to-night, relinquished that design, at the instance of
LORD DERBY, who overwhelmed LORD DIOGENES with a shower of
compliments upon his patriotism in abandoning his motion.
MR. THOMAS DUNCOMBE made a smart speech in reference to the
appointment of divers Tory Magistrates for Huntingdonshire; and
the democrat's complaint that a common brewer" had been put into
the commission, was met by a reminder of a certain Huntingdon
brewer, called O. CROMWELL. A Navy Debate followed, and its result
was the voting £995,647 for sailors' wittles.

Owe

con

A PRESTON Quack advertises some Cough Lozenges, which " their curative powers to the invigorating properties of concentrated sea-air." This chemist must take the public to be a set of Gulls' indeed, if they will swallow this. We wonder, with all their " centrated sea-air," if ever "a Sale! a Sale! in sight appears" for these highly-puffed lozenges? We should advise the Prestonians not to take too many of them, for fear of the " sea air" being too much for them, and sea-sickness following.

N*