FIGHT FOR THE POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP.

(From our Sporting Reporter.)

HIS long-expected contest, upon which so large a sum was staked, has ended (to quote SHAKSPEARE) in something "very like a sell." As our readers will remember, we have all along predicted that such would be the case; and, inasmuch as it enhances our prophetic reputation, we cannot regret the otherwise deplorable result. For the honour of the P.P.R., we, however, hope in future all such sells will be prevented; and in order to effect this, we will gladly lend our influence, and keep our columns open as the True-blue British Channel, whereby, as the song says, to "frustrate" such knavish tricks."

*

Our subscribers are aware that our Laureate has penned a glowing record of the fight, and we therefore need not enter here on a detailed description. Homeric prose is harsh to ears which have been soothed with Ciceronic poetry, and our modest pen declines to tread the ground late occupied by his heroic verse. Enough that we state briefly that the fight between PRINCE RUPERT, alias the Knowsley Nobbler, and LITTLE JOHNNY RUSSELL, alias the Bedford Pet, for £5000 a year salary and the Champion's belt, was most gallantly contested for upwards of a week, and was eventually decided in favour of the Little 'un, we believe very much to JOHNNY's satisfaction, as well as of his backers and large numbers of the public. The judges all agreed it was a fair stand-up fight, and, as far as we could see, there was not a foul blow struck in it. When the night, however, came for giving up the stakes, the Nobbler refused flatly to do anything of the sort. To every one's surprise, he said the Pet had not fought fair, but had won by a "dodge" which he (the Knowsley Nobbler) was not at all prepared for. His friends advised him, therefore, that the battle was a drawn one; and he intended to retain the Champion's belt and stakes. The Pet had made cock-sure that he (the Nobbler) would resign; but, at present, he (the Nobbler) really couldn't think of it. To use his own expressive phrase, he'd "see him at Vienna first!" What he meant to do was, to go now to the country in order to recruit; and when he had picked up his strength, he'd meet his man again, and have it fairly out with him. The Referee he had appealed to had confirmed him in this course; and he should therefore snap his fingers at all such chaffing counsellors as Taunting PAM., the Bottleholder, who defied him to pursue it. When the time for meeting came, he hoped that the best man might win. The Pet had long been hankering to stand in his (the Nobbler's) shoes; but the Little 'un would find they were a size or two too big for him. This statement of the Nobbler was listened to with some distrust, and drew little approbation, even from his backers. In the opinion of the knowing ones, his "going to the country" is nothing but a feint, intended only to gain time, and to enable those about him to make themselves all safe in the matter of the needful. BENJAMIN, his second (no connection, we believe, of the BENJAMIN who came off second best the other day in his encounter with Tom SAYERS), of course makes affidavit what the Nobbler says is truth; and in an address which he has issued to his patrons, he talks mysteriously of certain "disingenuous manoeuvres he pretends to have discovered, to which mares' nests he attributes the Nobbler's late defeat. BENJAMIN, we know, is rather gifted with the gab; but he is not always careful in the crack-jaw words he uses. For instance, when he twits JOHNNY's backers for their "discordant sections" and "distracted politics," he gives them a good opening to drop in a tu quoque. Adhesive though they are to place, BEN's party don't stick well together, and there has lately been considerable" discordance" in their "sections." Moreover, when they send the Nobbler to the country with such a muff as Mealy-mouthed MAM. as his trainer, such insanities, we fancy, amply justify our saying that their politics, to echo BENJY's phrase, are most distracted" ones.

For the benefit of novices we may note that these initials mean "Political Prize. Ring."

+ Outsiders are informed that these our (last two) "tuneful numbers" have been reprinted to meet the extraordinary demand, and notwithstanding their attraction, may be had at 3d, each.

WORK FOR WEAK INTELLECTS. "PROSPERITY to the Asylum for Idiots!" This expression of benevolence towards a useful institution was delivered, as a toast, the other day, from a chair at the head of a public dinner-table at the London Tavern, by ALDERMAN SIR GEORGE CARROLL The worthy Alderman then made a speech on behalf of that charity, at the anniversary festival of which he was presiding. He said that, when its organisation was first proposed,

"Two objections were stated-first, that there were but few idiots; and secondly, that nothing could be done for them. Experience, however, had shown them that unhappily the number of idiots was much greater than was supposed, and that there objection, to the delight of every philanthropic mind, it had been shown, through were hundreds where only one was supposed to exist. With regard to the second the system of discipline and instruction adopted at the Asylum, that these unfortunate creatures were capable of a far higher amount of education than had been supposed, and that not only with great advantage to themselves as individuals, but artistic taste which could be developed, he need only refer them to a number of even with profit on the work in which they might be instructed. As proof of the crayon drawings and other articles exhibited in the room. The visitors would find that the children did not only excel in such artistic productions as those exhibited in that room, but in shoe-making, mat-making, carpentering, and other

handicrafts."

Excellence, therefore, in drawing, and in certain mechanical arts, can be attained by persons who are destitute of the higher intellectual faculties. Certain special abilities, amounting to absolute talent, may co-exist with absolute want of reason. This truth has been demonstrated at the Asylum for Idiots, but those who doubt it need not go there to learn it. Let them attend any concert or musical "matinée or "soirée" of the season, and hear a solo or a fantasia performed by some eminent artist; the performance either being that artist's sole composition, or consisting of his own variations on an intelligent composer's air. They will derive the same satisfaction from hearing any modern Italian opera; that is to say, almost any opera composed by a modern Italian. They will discover that it is quite possible to execute, and even to compose music, which impresses nothing whatever beyond the mere sense of tune and rhythm, and of which, accordingly, the composition and the execution may well be conceived to require no higher sense. They will hear music which is not addressed to mind, has no mind in it, and might have been produced without any more mind than so much as would suffice for the manufacture of a pair of shoes. Such music, at the best, means nothing more than silly sentiment, or resembles" a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Some of it is even more imbecile than that, conveying no idea of even so much as fury, but being only sound. Of course to those who have no musical ear, and who regard all music as mere noise, a symphony of BEETHOVEN's or an opera of MOZART'S or WEBER'S, or an oratorio of HANDEL'S, will appear mere nonsense, alike with the emptiest quavering or fiddling. People who note the difference between tweedledum and tweedledee, and do not perceive any other difference in music, will not require to be convinced that unhappy idiots are quite capable of becoming celebrated musicians. Some of them, perhaps, will think that musical talent principally depends upon the want of every other. On one point, however, all rational people may agree. Whether music is generally divisible into tweedledum and tweedledee or not, fashionable concert and operaperformances generally consist of music of which those expressions convey the whole meaning.

MENDELSSOHN Wrote "Songs without words;" if words were added to his songs, it would take somewhat of a poet to write them. Tweedledum and tweedledee, in various inflections, would form a sufficient libretto for very much of the music that is played or sung to the most elegantly attired audiences. This is mostly produced and performed by Frenchmen or Italians. Now, why should foreigners of limited intellect engross a field which might be just as successfully cultivated by simplicity of native talent? Let the conductors of the Asylum for idiots endeavour to develop the faculty of music in those of their patients who possess that solitary gift, and let them throw open the hall of their institution as a concert-room for the performance of music adapted to the fashionable taste, at fashionable prices. The brilliant throng that pays from half-a-guinea to a guinea a-head to hear similar entertainments, could not possibly be provided with a more suitable resort than the Asylum which these remarks are designed to recommend to the public.

Cold Bathing for Cambridge.

THE Cantabs were beaten by the Oxonians in their late boat-race in consequence of the unwaterworthiness of their boat, which filled and sank; but as all of them happily reached the land, we are warranted in saying that they got off swimmingly.

FASHIONABLE TALK.

Cox. I say, B. O., in what part of the world are you living in now? Bernal Osborne. In the B. O. Monde, to be sure.

"MASTER A. HOPEFUL."

"DEAR CHICKEN,

"Ever yours devotedly,

"THE CHICKEN." (Reply) Cambridge, March 17, 1859. "YOURS just received. I answer by return, both hample and explicit. Speaking personally, you do me proud. To be Champion of that bancient harena, the C.M.C., beats cock-fighting. So thank your pals.

"You knowed me, as a young un. I was growed in the Ring. You know how I cussed my stars in 1852, when they was all abusing the C.M.C. I never wished myself out of jug so much before: it I would have been all U. P. with RAD. SYKES then.

"You axe after my views: natteral. I'm for a fair field and no favour. I take nothing from nobody. Let's all have a clear ring. Perhaps there is some faults in the rules: but who's perfect? I'm the friend of hamelioration, and the hantagonist of change.

"Do away with the Ring! And what then?-stabbing and gouging. If Mounseer hasn't got fists, what's that to hus? If Jonathan is weak in his lines, why, wuss for him! But what can you expect out of a bowie-knife and a revolver? Don't Jonathanise me!

"There's the new rural Peelers. Aren't they enough to ruin us? They've knocked up the old tuns, in their career of splendid usefulness. Who'll care for county boundaries now? I feared the change, as a citizen; but as one of the Fancy, more. How's a fight to be got through now?

"Town and Gown rows have thrived of late prodigious. A cove may look on it as a hopeful sign. P'raps there ain't much science shown in 'em; p'raps there is. Still it's something. A man as would try to separate em in real earnest-mark my words-would get his head broke o' both sides. Feeling thuswise, I have, as you may ha' noticed, led the Town in five rows last year. It's true we was over-matched; but never say die. I ain't conceited, though there's some as is. I've had addresses from Grantham, Hitchin, and Newmarket Goose-clubs, inclosing fifteen yellow-boys got by raffles in my honour.

"I come to sparring. Sparring ain't milling, but it's something; and it's my opinion that, as things har, you won't get much milling done among the swells without the gloves. In my own neighbourhood I've done my best to promote sparring. And I don't regret it.

"But talk o' sparring. What's the C.M.C.? Why it's the nurse o' sparring. To keep up the C.M.C. is to keep up the Ring, and that's to keep up the honour of England. I'm your man.

BEN. CAUNT in his fight with BENDIGO. The kind confidence of my "Once I had a chance that falls to few. I was bottle-holder to principal intrusted me with the bottle, and I did not abuse it. Will this do for you, Chicken? or shall I spice it stronger? "I am, yours eternally, ALICK HOPEFUL." "The CAMBRIDGE CHICKEN, &c. &c."

NAPOLEON'S THUNDER.

Ir is said that MEYERBEER, in his new opera, produces his effect of Thunder by means of grape-shot being continually rolled backwards and forwards. It strikes us that LOUIS NAPOLEON produces his Thunder much in the same way. He is continually rolling from one point to another large quantities of ammunition, which make a terrific noise, and frighten people into the belief that there is going to be a fearful storm. Europe has had enough of this thundering nuisance, and we wish that MASTER LOUIS, if he really intends being quiet, would leave his grape-shot and cannon balls alone. Such materials may suit the purposes of a composer, like MEYERBEER, but are dangerous instruments in the hands of such a celebrated discomposer as the EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH.

THE REWARD OF JUVENILE MERIT.

THREE little boys, says the Post, found, while picking up loose stones on a part of the PRINCE CONSORT'S Farm, abutting on the Long Walk at Windsor which had been turned up by drainage operations, a lead case containing 501 silver coins, chiefly half-crowns, of ELIZABETH, CHARLES THE FIRST, and JAMES the FIRST; and

"The boys divided the coins among themselves, but on the discovery becoming known to MR. TAIT, the steward of his Royal Highness, the coins were collected and forwarded to HER MAJESTY, and the boys suitably rewarded."

How? We should like to know in what manner these boys were suitably rewarded for being found out with the coins. The reward may have been considered suitable by the giver, but the receivers may have found it unpleasant.

The Impunity of Crowned Criminals.

WE hear a great deal about the Law of Nations. There is no such thing. What is a law without a judge, or even with a judge, without a JACK KETCH? Which of the Monarchs who threaten to disturb the peace of Europe need hesitate to execute his murderous design for fear of being hanged in the event of being defeated?

A LITTLE BIT OF PARK!

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. Monday, April 18th. LORD PALMERSTON'S Parliament met for its last debate. LORD MALMESBURY rose to explain how he had tried to keep the peace of Europe. His Lordship had nothing to tell which everybody did not already know, but then the great secret of interesting people in these days is telling them what they already know. It is an insult to anybody to try to instruct him, whereas to set before him in an agreeable manner that of which he is well aware, and to enable him to nod complacently, and to remark "To be sure," and "How graphic," is to compliment him by asking his opinion, and consequently to please him. This art, dear to a good many authors and painters and orators, and other prosperous humbugs, was rather neatly practised to-night by LORD MALMESBURY, who went very mildly and inoffensively through the whole history of negotiations, documents, interviews, and all the rest of what has been served up by the newspapers hot and hot, and of which his Lordship's rechauffée was not particularly necessary. The English of the whole case is, that Austria is tremendously strong in Italy, and means to hold her own if she can. Her fortresses are terribly armed, and she has to a large extent the " arms of precision," that is the rifled weapons about which so much has been heard. France is by no means so strong, and though her crack soldiers, her Zouaves, her Chasseurs de Vincennes, and portions of the regiments of the line have the rifle, the mass of the French army has not yet got it, and has something very like Old Brown Bess. Argal, it was the game of France to delay, while she was daily and nightly improving her armament, and while moreover she was impoverishing Austria, who has not more money than she wants, and is spending £50,000 a day on her gigantic army. As for Sardinia, she is the "advanced guard" of LOUIS NAPOLEON, Commander-in-Chief. LORD MALMESBURY wanted LORD COWLEY to have arranged what there was no intention of arranging, and Russia, in private concert with France, proposed a Congress. And as a Congress can't sit with cannon looking at it, then

TURKISH FINANCE.

IT seems that there is lots of finance in Turkey but no money. The poor SULTAN must say to himself:-"My PORTE-monnaie is in a desperate bad case!"

Fountains of Political Purity.

THE example of the philanthropists who have been erecting drinking fountains in our chief towns, will probably be improved upon during the coming election. In those boroughs which are contested, the candidate who goes in to win will perhaps set up a number of beer-engines.

THE HOTEL-KEEPER'S ADVICE TO HIS SON.

"IF there's been a grand dinner, always get the party to settle before leaving. The dinner-bill, my Son, is never SO severely scrutinised overnight as when a gentleman looks over it, the next morning!"

came the question of Disarmament. Austria was very haughty, but affected willingness to be pacific if other people behaved properly. France was not going to disarm, because she had never armed. Sardinia's cue was to bouder, because not admitted to the Congress. And so the matter stood at the rising of Parliament; but, as everybody knows, events have since thrown a new and lurid light on the "situation. "LORD MALMESBURY, as may be supposed, said nothing a thousandth part so plain as Mr. Punch's summary, but he gave a decorous version of the state of affairs, and, of course, Hoped. LORD CLARENDON also Hoped, and incidentally expressed his satisfaction that "the detestable system of MAZZINI and his accomplices" was at an end. LORD DERBY also Hoped, but intimated to Europe that though England would preserve Neutrality, it should be an Armed one; and if her honour were ever assailed, she would be down in thunder on the foe. There was no further discussion, everybody agreeing that the crisis was a most important one, and that it was desirable that Europe should understand that though England was about to plunge into a domestic battle of her own, her acts were no business of anybody else's, and nobody abroad was to augur any change in English policy from the fact that Parliament dissolved.

The same subject was brought before the Commons, by MR. DISRAELI, with much more oratorical skill, but of course he could only say what the Foreign Minister had said. LORD PALMERSTON thought that Sardinia ought to be admitted to the Congress, or else not be asked to disarm. Toм DUNCOMBE did a little bit of Italian clap-trap for the Finsbury hustings, which MR. GLADSTONE regretted, but thought that MR. DISRAELI had spoken too favourably of the conduct of Austria, and too unfavourably of that of Sardinia. MR. CONINGHAM wished Italy evacuated, and its rulers left to settle accounts with their own people. LORD JOHN RUSSELL Concurred with LORD PALMERSTON, and hoped that Government would enter mto no new engagements unless with the sanction of Parliament. MR. MONCKTON MILNES was for extreme and guarded neutrality by England. GENERAL THOMPSON gave another proof of the extreme desirability of his retiring on his

laurels, and a leash of baronets, WALSH, VERNEY, and WILLOUGHBY, repeated what other people had said. The subject then dropped. When it is resumed, there may be some strange things to tell.

The gravity and importance of the questions considered in both Houses were in keeping with the moribund condition of Parliament. But there were two incidents of a lighter character to be noted; first, that SIR G. C. LEWIS actually suffered the indignity of being Counted Out while he was preaching most wisely on an Indian subject; and the other was this:

LORD CAMPBELL demanded That Clock.

LORD DERBY had reason to believe "that it would be going before Parliament re-assembled."

LORD PUNCH remarked that it had better be, that was all. Tuesday. A remarkably short QUEEN's Speech (as one of our contemporaries coarsely and disloyally says, for HER MAJESTY is not remarkably short, but on the contrary, of exactly the right height, and in the words of Orlando, "Just as high as Mr. Punch's Heart") that is to say, a Speech in three paragraphs, finally prorogued the Palmers on Parliament.

LORD CHELMSFORD read (very well) the statements

That Our Sovereign was much obliged for the Supplies.

GOVERNMENT PREVENTION OF LENTEN ENTERTAINMENTS.

his

have been injured

by the cause of its production, and it is on their account that we would draw attention to it. For a list of entertainments, which were this Easter promised to the public, but of which his Lordship prevented the performance, we are indebted-no, we 're not, for we paid fourpence for the paper -to a writer on the subject in last Tuesday's Daily News, with whose censure of the Government we heartily concur:

"This year a goodly row of 'entertainers' appeared in our advertising columns. MR. and MRS. GERMAN REED were to appear at the Olympic, MR. and MRS. HOWARD PAUL at Sadler's Wells; and that undying evergreen. MR. ADAMS, was to have exhibited his Orrery at the Haymarket. But yesterday morning an official document bearing the signature of MR. BODHAM DONNE, the licenser of plays, was received by each of the entrepreneurs, setting forth that the advertised performances were illegal, performances within the walls of a theatre during Passion Week being negatived by law, and none of the above-named buildings having a music licence, under which the proposed entertainment could be given. "In obedience to this edict MR. and MRS. GERMAN REED did not attempt to open the Olympic, and they will have to submit to a heavy loss incurred for printing, advertising, rent, &c., through the enforcement of an absurd law, and the reprehensible tardiness of the LORD CHAM BERLAIN'S officials, whose prohibitory notice was not received until the actual day of opening. Of the course pursued by the others who were honoured by an official warning we know nothing; but it is obvious that the absurdity of the law is only equalled by the preposterous manner in which it is administered. An entertainment given by people, whose well-known names are sure and certain guarantees of its respectability is permissible during Passion Week in a Concert Hall, would even be permissible in the Argyll Rooms, or any place which has a music and dancing licence, and yet is tabooed in a theatre, a place where, it is well-known, music and dancing are never carried on."

Governmental powers of reasoning differ much from merely mental ones, and the dicta which proceed from the office of the LORD CHAMBERLAIN are such as merely common sense would, we are sure, decline to dictate. To the non-official mind it is a matter of some puzzlement, that the Magistrates, who owe their office to the Government, should have the power of permitting what the Government prohibits. Not being an official, MR. GERMAN REED has naturally some feeling of surprise that the Magistrates can licence " public places to be opened, at a time when the Government compels them to be shut:" and we agree with his opinion, in a letter to the Times, that "the sooner this anomaly is put an end to, the better." In what light an Orrery can be viewed as being an "entertainment," it quite exceeds our faculties of thinking to conjecture; and we are equally perplexed to know why innocent amusements are prohibited by law, at a time when somewhat questionable pastimes have the sanction of it. The Argyll Rooms may open, but the Princess's may not; yet the balance of morality is not in favour of the former. If the Government interferes with our amusements during Passion Week, one would think it might do better than stop only the least harmful. An enlightened

TO ALL WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.

MR. PUNCH takes the liberty of requesting all candidates who may be returned as Members of the House of Commons for the next Parliament, to avail themselves of the earliest opportunity of sitting for their photographs, and to forward them, whether as positives or negatives, to Mr. P. In the event of any gentleman distinguishing himself in Parliament, either by folly, conceit, proficiency in bunkum, penny-wisdom, bigotry, or humbug, or in the much less probable case of any Member becoming conspicuous by intelligence, eloquence, sound sense, toleration, and genuine patriotism, it may become the duty of Mr. Punch to hand down the Honourable Member's likeness to the execration or regard of posterity, as the case may be.

Honourable Members are hereby warned, that if they neglect this precaution it will be the worse for them, as Mr. Punch will not be answerable for the consequences of any misrepresentation to which he may be reduced by the want of a reliable portrait. It is for Honourable Members to decide whether they will go down to future ages under Mr. Punch's version of their features, or Phoebus Apollo's. If, like the national beverage, they prefer being drawn in their own mugs, they will attend to this recommendation; if not, they must take the consequences, which may be of the most frightful description.

N.B. Honourable Members, of all parties, are requested not to send portraits of themselves in fancy dress, "as they appeared on the Hustings." Supporters of the present Government are recommended to take off their masks before sitting. No portrait purporting to come from SIR JAMES GRAHAM will be accepted, as all are known to be counterfeits. Only in this way can Mr. Punch hope to make his work, what he trusts it will be considered by posterity, the real Mirror of Parliament and Biographical Portrait Gallery of British Worthies and Unworthies.