F. M. PUNCH SYMPATHISES WITH THE POOR (!) ITALIAN ORGAN-GRINDER. F. M. P. "THERE MY MAN, IT'S A PITY A GREAT HULKING FELLOW LIKE YOU SHOULD TURN A HANDLE TO MAKE SUCH A NASTY NOISE! HERE'S AN INSTRUMENT FOR YOU, GO AND PLAY UPON IT IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY!" P. Give you good day, Gentlemen. From your trim and your tackling, I perceive you have but now returned from the country, whither, when last we met, you were, in a great hurry as I remember, going an angling. Welcome back to town! I pray you tell me how you have sped amongst the ponds and rivers, with your hooks and your plummets, your floats, your lines, and your angle-rods? What have you caught? Pisc. Truly, Sir, a few gudgeon. They are, indeed, but a small fry; whereas we had hoped to bring home a good dish of trout, and perad venture, also, of perch and pike; but they were too wary, and would neither rise at our gold fly nor run at our minnow of the same metal. P. I pray you, what bait did you use to catch those same gudgeon withal P crafty fellow, and bites warily; you fish for him in troubled waters: he is called a Pope. P. In good sooth, la! Methought that fish came never nigh an angler wearing your colours. With what bait, may I ask you, did you tempt your pope? Ven. Troth, Sir; keep it to yourself: with a bit of the end of the Protestant pig's snout, and the tip of his tail. P. I marvel, then, the pig hath not squeaked. As touching him, 1 trow you will no longer pretend to go the whole hog; and, I fear me, that, for your bait, you will shortly kill the Protestant pig. Pisc. Sir, I pray you, not a word about the pig: let us to some other discourse. P. Well, Sir, at what places had you the best sport? P. Pardon me, Sir; but I pray you resolve me this riddle:-Why are the men of Dover like unto Ancient Pistol? love not resignation, I will give it up. P. So; and the next time, Sir, you are asked this question, you may Pisc. One of the like substance with our fly and minnow; marry, a sort of golden cadis: for your gudgeon is a groundling, and you must fish for him at the bottom, with a worm or grub. But, Sir, I will con- at Newport in the Isle of Wight; at Newry in Ireland; at Pontefract fess to you,-only, mark you, this is between ourselves, and must go no further, we did take some of them with a drag-net, whereinto we did scare and terrify them. For, indeed, to make free with the saying of the poet HORACE, my maxim is, "Fish, by fair angling if I can hook them; if not, by whatsoever means, fish." P. Sir, I perceive you are a moraliser. But how comes it you caught only gudgeon, sith, from what you stick not to own to me, I suppose all to be fish that cometh into your net? Ven. Nay, Sir; PISCATOR spake of gudgeon, as it were, in the gross; but our fish are mostly of that breed, and the rest are like unto them, as chub, and dace, and roach, and such-like fry. But now, here I will show you a rare fish, whereof we have caught two or three; which had not been done before by our party for some while. He is a Truro, Tynemouth, Wareham, Weymouth, Windsor, where we did tickle some small Thames trout; at Carnarvon and Yarmouth, where there are no fish so good as your bloater; at Plymouth, Helston, and in a few other snug nooks, holes, and corners, where a man may have good sport for his money. P. After that, Sir, I shall essay to sing you a little song of my own composing: THE CANDIDATE'S SONG. Come vote for me, and be my knave, And we a cask of beer will stave, As soon as you to sleep shall yield. THE LAMENT OF ALNASCHAR-BEN-ISRAEL. WHEN we went to the country, a victory clear And in the Customs, or the Docks, To our vote-givers good luck falls, Hark, how these yellow sovereigns ring And vote for me and be my knave. Pisc. A choice song, Sir, quotha! Commend me to the nightingale; but methought that in your ditty I heard somewhat of the note of the mocking bird. P. Yea, Sir, sayest thou so? Truly thou hast a nice ear. Pisc. and Ven. Doth your mother know you are out? P. Nay; but her son doth know that you very soon will be. P. Sweet Sirs, the same to you! By the cash of the Carlton we hoped to have snatched, But now the Elections are over, 'tis clear, That "We counted our chickens before they were hatched. We've bribed and we've bullied: we've put on the screw; But in vain; neither dross, dirt, nor dodging will do- Had I known what I know, 'gainst PAM, RUSSELL, and BRIGHT, We'd have dropped to 'scape punishment-thrown up the fight, But "We counted our chickens before they were hatched." O'er the grave where we lie, by this act of our own, Like Japanese Courtiers, "happy dispatched," Let this be the Epitaph carved on the stone, 66 They counted their chickens before they were hatched." THE BATTLE OF PAVIA. THIS Battle is being fought every day in Regent Street, in conscquence of the disputes that are going on between the Vestry and the inhabitants as to the proper paving of the thoroughfare. At the hour of our going to press, the entire street was up, and a proper settlement of the question, that has completely changed the surface of the neighbourhood, is not expected for a long time. MR. DONALD NICOLL repeats the words of FRANCIS THE FIRST, and goes about saying that Tout est perdu fors l'honneur." If Regent Street has not lost its honour, there is a hope that it will learn in time how properly to mend its ways. Now that the ex-member for Frome is no longer in Parliament, he intends trying whether he cannot make matters a little smoother in his own parish, and is determined to leave no stone unturned with the view of filling up the horrible chasms that discord and litigation have left at the door of almost every peaceful parishioner. We only hope that he may succeed in making the ground, that of late has been so terribly torn by the pickaxe of dissension, somewhat firmer than it was when last we had the jolting misfortune of rolling over it in our carriage, the springs of whose body were nearly as much dislocated as the limbs of our own. For months and months, Regent Street has been the terra-infirma of the metropolis. Imperial Chess-Players. LEADING Article writers delight in alluding to Italy as the "political chess-board." We suppose then that it may be said with perfect fairness of the EMPEROR OF AUSTRIA, when he pledged his crown jewels, that he played his first pawn? HOW TO WIN. You win a woman by appealing to her impulses-you win a man by appealing to his interests. It is all the difference between a coinpliment and a bribe. THE FLY'S DEATH-SONG. (After sipping an infusion of the "Papier Moure.") "Mourir pour la patrie!" "I Know a Bank." IN connection with the Ragged Schools, farthing banks have been established. We are credibly informed that the MARQUIS OF WESTMINSTER keeps a deposit account at one of them. BEAT-HER. A YOUNG Lady "just beginning" Greek, asks us, "Why a Margate horse must live for ever." We are ashamed to reply, "Because it is a-Thanet-oss." BERNAL OSBORNE'S BEST. WHAT is the height of the BISHOP OF OXFORD? Why SAM, I should say, was five feet six-with his S. OXON. (socks on). A QUEER FISH.-The Talking Fish is certainly a curiosity in its way; for it is a Seal that has neither crest, nor arms, and one that does not make the smallest impression. "Now, then, Old Feller, tuck in yer Tuppenny-Do you think I'm a Aggrobat?" As the sex of this grey parrot is not specifically stated, one's first impression is, that the second sentence in the paragraph bears reference to the noun substantive which immediately precedes it. But although a lady might announce herself as 'talking like a Christian,' our gallantry forbids that we should fancy one could advertise that she would be found to be "in first-rate condition." We are driven to assume, then, that the parrot is a female, and that it is to her that the perplexing "she" refers. Under this assumption, we should like to be informed wherein the quality of "talking like a Christian" consists. Christians speak like languages with Infidels and Jews, and it would puzzle us to say in what peculiar respect their pronunciation differs from their fellowcreatures. ITALIAN INDEPENDENCE.-We should be sorry if Italy gained its independence through the means of a French settlement. TESTIMONIAL TO MR. COX OF FINSBURY. THE admirers of MR. Cox-and he has many-have decided to present that gentleman with a testimonial as a congratulatory offering on his non-election to a seat in the House of Commons. The following is a list of some of the articles to be submitted to the Committee for selection: A WELLINGTON boot supposed to have been worn by A fourpenny piece of the Aztecs. Gunboat of RAMESIS THE FIRST. Penny loaf of the Egyptians. Eye-glass used by NERO at the burning of Rome. A Roman brick. A Vauxhall ditto. A Chip of the old block. A Bad halfpenny. A Plated dessert-fork, much worn and bent. Admission to the slips of the Theatre Royal, Carthage. Telegram on papyrus found at Herculaneum. A pickaxe, iron heel, and wooden tap. Roman armour and an old saucepan, imperfect. Preserves found in a railway clerk's desk at Babylon. A Bank (of Elegance) £5 note. Rather Fishy. "DEAR CHARLES always gives me a new dress, or takes me to the Opera, when I ask him," said a smiling wife, "and on my part I make no objection to his having a latch-key." Humph," growled her cynical uncle, HORACE, "Throwing out a Chubb to catch a salmon." AUSTRIA IN THE MUD.-It is clear that though the Austrian Generals (witness HAYNAU & Co.) may be considered good "whips," they somehow can't manage the "rains" in Piedmont. |