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“Well, my girl Jane shall have a dose, I declare, she is getting so fat and lumpy. Only don't let it bo laudanum, doctor, she's so sleepy-headed already. I told her this morning that she was looking pale, just by way of preparing her.”
“Mrs. St. Felix, you must excuse me, but you've no right to interfere with my practice. I prescribe physic when I think it necessary, and Jane is perfectly well at present, and shall not have any."
“And you've no right to interfere with my household, doctor. If I choose, I'll physic Jane, and the dog, and the cat, and the kitten, which I reckon to be the whole of my establishment, all four of them on the same day. Tell me, doctor, how much ipecacuanha will make a kitten sick ?”
“ Mrs. St. Felix, I am not a veterinary surgeon, and therefore cannot answer."
Veterinary! Well, I thought they only doctored horses."
“I beg your pardon, their practice extends further, as I can provo
I was once at the establishment of one in London, and I observed, in a large room, about a dozen little lap-dogs all tied up with strings. The poor little unwieldy waddling things were sent to him because they were asthmatic, and I don't know what all—and how do you think he cured them ?”
“It's for me to ask that question, doctor.”
“Well then, he told me his secret. He tied them all up, and gave them nothing to eat, only water to drink; and in three weeks they were returned in as beautiful condition, and as frisky as young kids. Nothing but diet, Mrs. St. Felix."
“ I should rather think it was no diet, doctor. Well, I do declare, I'll tie up Jane for three weeks, and see if nothing but water will cure her complaints. -Well, Mr. Jack, why don't you take the tobacco to Ben ?"
“Oh! he's in at supper now; there's no hurry," replied I: “and I like to hear you talk.”
“Well, there'll be less scandal in your remaining to hear us than there would be if we sent you away, any how. How's little Miss Virginia, sister to Poor Jack?"
“She's quite well, and wants to come and see you; only mother won't let her.”
“Many thanks to your sister for her compliment; and not forgetting your mother for hers, also. So your mother has given up making tay on reasonable terms'?"
6 'Cause people wouldn't come.”
“And that is a sufficient reason, even if she had not another; which is, that she's never out of hot water, without boiling more. Doctor, you're as mute as a fish. You told me how to cure Jane and the dogs; now tell me what's the dose for a cat and a kitten?"
“A ha'p'orth of liver, cut into small pieces.”
“There'll be no difficulty in getting that down their throats, any how."
“Talking about liver, Mrs. St. Felix, I once knew a friend of mine who cured some geese of a liver complaint."
“Had they been long in the East Indies, poor creatures?"
“No, but they had been in a very hot climate. You see, he was over in France during the last peace, and he went to the baths at Montpellier for the benefit of his health. He lodged with an old Frenchman. Now, you see, Mrs. St. Felix, in the south of France they have a custom of making certain pies, which are much esteemed, and are called pâtés de foie gras,-that means livers of geese, in French.”
“ It don't sound much like livers in English, doctor ; but never mind that,-go on with your story.”
“Here's a customer, Mrs. St. Felix: serve him first, and then I will go on with my story.”
An old pensioner came in, and, laying the coppers on the counter, asked for a ha'p'orth of returns, and a farthing of snuff.
“That's a large ready-money order, doctor," said the widow, as the man left the shop. “ Ain't I making my fortune ? Now go on; I'm as eager about the liver as my own cat."
“Well, the great object is to increase the size of the geese's livers, that is, to bring on a regular liver complaint; and, to effect this, they put the poor animals in a hot closet, next the kitchen fire,-cram the food into their mouths through a funnel, and give them plenty of water to drink. This produces the disease ; and tho livers of the geese, when they are killed, very often weigh three or four pounds, while the animals themselves are mere skeletons.”
“ And the French eat those liver complaints ?" interrupted the widow, making a face.
“Yes, they do, and are as fond of it as my boy Tom is of liquorice. Well, this doctor, who is a friend of mine, quarrelled with his host, who boasted of his geeco having the largest livers in Montpellier, and was very proud of it. My friend knew that he could not annoy him more than by preventing his success; so, having a large quantity of Cheltenham salts with him, he used every morning to put a quantity of them in the water which the geese were given to drink. This had the same effect upon them as it has upon men and women ; and, instead of becoming more diseased every day, the geese recovered their health and spirits. The Frenchman crammed and crammed, made his closet still hotter, and sacre-bleu'd, and actually tore his hair, because his geese would be well and hearty; but, the more he tried to make them ill, the more salts were given to them by the doctor, who gained his point and his revenge."
"Well, that's a funny story, doctor; and, since you know how to cure it, the first time I mcet with a sick goose, I'll send him to you.”
“ Many thanks; but, as it is, there's plenty of geese to send for the doctor."
“ That's true enough; and now, Master Jack, you've had quite enough for your penny, and I won't allow Ben to be kept waiting any longer."
“You are not going to tell any more stories, doctor ?" said I.
“Why, you mud-larking vagabond, you don't mean to that I've told stories ? Be off with you! And, I say, as you pass round the corner, just tell Tom that I'm coming home directly."
“Won't that be a story, doctor?” said I, as I went out of the door. I heard them both laugh, but I did not hear what they said.
| PREFER A SUIT TO OLD NANNY, AND PROCURE A NEW SUIT OF
OLOTHES—THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING WELL DRESSED YOU MAY WALK OUT WITH THE LADIES.
THE reader must not give me too much credit when I tell him that, ever since I had been under the tuition of Peter Anderson, I had quite a craving to go to church. Although what I had gained from his precepts and explanations had increased my desire, still I must acknowledge that the strongest reason for my being so
mother would not take me, and did take Virginia. Further, my curiosity was excited by my absolute ignorance of what the church service consisted; I had heard the bells toll, and, as I sauntered by, would stop and listen to the organ and the singing. I would sometimes wait and see the people coming out; and then I could not help comparing my ragged dress with their clean and gay attire.
This wish continually worried me; but the more I reflected, the more impossible it appeared to be that I should be able to gratify it. How could I possibly go to church in my tattered and dirty clothes--and what chance had I of getting others? I certainly gained, at an average, eighteenpenco per week, but I saved nothing. Would my mother give me clothes ? No, that I was sure she would not; for she grudged me even the little victuals which I did apply for. I thought this matter over and over as I lay in bed. Ben had