Alderman to Blewett, " you seem as down in the mouth as the root of my tongue;--blue as your own indigo.” "That's a famous lot of Guatimola you have just received, Sir Peter, by the Two Sisters, Capt Framlingham: may I call to take samples?" —“ We'll talk of that by and by, Billy meantime take a sample of port; help yourself.”—“He can't help himself, poor fellow," said Harry, "for the bottle's empty." The Baronet nodded to Rule, who instantly betook himself to a basket in the corner of the room, and began decanting another with mathematical precision. "Take care, Rule, it won't bear shaking; I have had it fourteen years in bottle." '—“ Ay, ay, -"And port wine," observed Harry, "is like mankind -the older it gets, the more crusty it becomes, and the less will it bear being disturbed."—"A little tawny," said the uncle, smacking his lips; "I doubt whether this is out of the right bin."-" No, sir," replied the nephew; "this seems to be out of the has been. Troja fuit :-but you have got some prime claret."we'll have a touch at that after the cloth's cleared; but will nobody take another mouthful of the haunch? the meat was short, crisp, and tender, just as it ought to be." -"Capital !" ejaculated Rule with a momentary animation, succeeded by his habitual look of formality. "Then the table may be cleared," continued the Alderman: “but zooks! Harry, how comes it you never said grace before dinner?"—"You were in such a hurry, Sir, that you forgot to ask me: it was but last week you called me a scapegrace, and I may now retort the epithet.”"Say grace now, then, saucebox.”—“I have not yet taken orders, Sir Peter."-"Yes you have, you have taken mine; so out with it." Harry compressed the ben ediction into five words-the cloth was removed-a bottle of Chateau Margaud was placed upon the table to his infinite consolation-the talk quickened with the circulation of the wine, and many good things were uttured which we regret that we cannot commemorate without travelling out of the record, as our subject ceased with the dinner, being expressly confined to the "Memoirs of a Haunch of Mutton." BEGGARS EXTRAORDINARY! PROPOSALS FOR THEIR SUPPRESSION. I'm bubbled, I'm bubbled, BEGGAR'S OPERA. Salve magna parens! All hail to the parent Society for the Suppression of Mendicity !-so far from impugning its merits, I would applaud them to the very echo that should applaud again, always thanking Heaven that it was not established before the days of Homer, Belisarius, and Bampfylde Moore Carew, in which case he should have had three useful fictions the less, and lost three illustrations that have done yeoman's service, in pointing many a moral, and tagging as many tales. That I reverence the existing Association, and duly appreciate its benevolent exertions, is best evidenced by my proposal for a Branch or Subsidiary Company, not to interfere with duties already so fully and zealously discharged, but to take cognizance of va rious classes of sturdy beggars who do not come within the professed range of the original Institution. Mendicity is not confined to the asking of alms in the public streets; it is not the exclusive profession of rags and wretchedness, of the cripple and the crone, but is openly practised by able-bodied and well-dressed vagrants of both sexes, who, eluding the letter of the law while they violate its spirit, call loudly for the interference of some such repressive establishment as that which I am now advocating, When I inform the reader that I live by my wits, he will at once comprehend the tenuity of my circumstances; and when I hint that I enact the good Samaritan to the best of my slender ability, in all such cases as fall within my own observation, he will not wonder that I should wish to provide some sort of amateur Bridewell for such personages as my neighbour Miss Spriggins. This lady is universally acknowledged to be one of the very best creatures in the world, which is the reason, I suppose, why she never married, there being no instance, out of the records of Dunmow, of any wife of that description. Her unoccupied time and affections followed the usual routine in such cases made and provided; that is to say, she became successively a birdbreeder, a dog-fancier, a blue-stocking, and lastly, the Lady Bountiful, not of our village only, (that I could tolerate,) but of the whole district; in which capacity she constitutes a general depôt for all the misfortunes that really happen, and a great many of those that do not. Scarcely a week elapses that she does not call upon me with a heart-rending account of a poor old woman who has lost her cow, a small farmer whose hay stack has been burnt down, a shopkeeper whose premises have been robbed of his whole stock, or a widow who has been left with seven small children, the eldest only six years old, and that one a cripple, and the poor mother likely to add to the number in a few weeks; upon which occasions the subscription list is produced, beginning with the name of Sir David Dewlap, the great army contractor, and followed by those of nabobs, bankers, merchants, and brokers, (for I live but a few miles westward of London,) by whom a few pounds of money can no more be missed from their pockets, than the same quantity of fat from their sides. My visitant, knowing the state of my purse, is kind enough to point out to my observation that some have given so low as a half-sovereign; but then she provokingly adds, that even Mr. Tag, a brother-scribbler in the village, has put his name down for ten shillings, and surely a person of my superior talents—. Here she smirks, and bows, and leaves off; and, partly in payment for her compliment, partly to prove that I can write twice as well as Mr. Tag, I find it impossible to effect my ransom for less than a sovereign. Thus does this good creature torment me in every possible way: first, by bringing my feelings in contact with all the miseries that have occurred or been trumped up in the whole county; and secondly, by compelling me to disbursements which I am conscious I cannot afford. Nor have I even the common consolations of charity; for, feeling that I bestow my money with an ill-will, from false pride or pique, I accuse myself at once of vanity and meanness, of penury and extravagance. This most worthy nuisance and insatiable beggar is the very first person I should recom mend to the notice of the proposed Society; and I hope they will be quick, or I shall myself be upon her list. I shall be soon suppressed, if she is not. That the clergyman of the parish should put me in spiritual jeopardy whenever he preaches a charity sermon, threatening me with all sorts of cremation if I do not properly contribute to the collection, is a process to which I can submit patiently ;-for though his fulminations may be alarming, his is not the power that can enforce them. But I do hold it to be a downright breach of the peace, that Sir David Dewlap aforesaid, and Doctor Allbury, should take their station on each side of the church-door, thrusting in one's face a silver plate, in such cases quite as intimidating as a pistol, and exclaiming in looks and actions, if not in words— "Stand and deliver!" The former is the bashaw of the village, whose fiat can influence the reception or exclusion of all those who mix in the better sort of society, while his custom can mar or make half the shopkeepers of the place. The latter is our principal house proprietor, and really quarter-day comes round so excessively quick, that it is never quite convenient to be out of the good graces of one's landlord. It is precisely on account of the undue influence they can thus exercise, that they undertake this species of legal extortion and robbery, for it deserves no better name. Is it not as bad to put us in mental or financial, as in bodily fear? and is it not a greater offence when practised on the Lord's highway-(the churchyard), than even on the King's Every farthing thus given, beyond what would otherwise have been bestowed, is so much swindled out of our pockets, or torn from us by intimidation, unless |