And Ile tell you a story, a story so merrye,
Concerning the Abbot of Canterburye;
How for his housekeeping, and high renoune,
They rode poste for him to fair London towne.
An hundred men, the king did heare say,
The abbot kept in his house every day;
And fifty gold chaynes, without any doubt,
In velvet coates waited the abbot about.
How now, father abbot, I heare it of thee,
Thou keepest a farre better house than mee,
And for thy housekeeping and high renowne,
I feare thou work'st treason against my crown.
My liege, quo' the abbot, I would it were knowne,
I never spend nothing but what is my owne;
And I trust your grace will do me no deere,*
For spending of my own true-gotten geere.
Yes, yes, father abbot, thy fault it is highe,
And now for the same thou needest must dye;
For except thou canst answer me questions three,
Thy head shall be smitten from thy bodie.
And first, quo' the king, when I'm in this stead,
With my crowne of golde so faire on my head,
Among all my liege-men so noble of birthe,
Thou must tell me to one penny what I am worthe.
Secondlye, tell me, without any doubt,
How soon I may ride the whole world about.
And at the third question thou must not shrink,
But tell me here truly what I do think.
O, these are hard questions for my shallow witt,
Nor I cannot answer your grace as yet:
But if you will give me but three weeks' space,
Ile do my endeavour to answer your grace.
Now three weeks' space to thee will I give,
And that is the longest time thou hast to live;
For if thou dost not answer my questions three,
Thy lands and thy livings are forfeit to mee.
Away rode the abbot all sad at that word,
And he rode to Cambridge and Oxenford;
But never a doctor there was so wise,
That could with his learning an answer devise.
Then home rode the abbot of comfort so cold,
And he mett his shepheard a going to fold:
"How now, my lord abbot, you are welcome home:
What newes do you bring us from good King John ?"
"Sad newes, sad newes, shepheard, I must give;
That I have but three days more to live:
For if I do not answer him questions three,
My head will be smitten from my bodie.
66 'The first is to tell him there in that stead,
With his crowne of golde so fair on his head,
Among all his liege-men so noble of birth,
To within one penny of what he is worth.
"The seconde, to tell him, without any doubt,
How soone he may ride this whole world about;
And at the third question I must not shrinke,
But tell him there truly what he does thinke."
"Now cheare up, sire abbot; did you never hear yet,
That a fool he may learn a wise man witt?
Lend me horse, and serving men, and your apparel,
And I'll ride to London to answer your quarrel.
"Nay, frowne not, if it hath bin told unto mee,
am like your lordship as ever may bee:
And if you will but lend me your gowne,
There is none shall knowe us at fair London towne."
"Now horses and serving-men thou shalt have,
With sumptuous array most gallant and brave,
With crozier, and miter, and rochet, and cope,
Fit to appeare 'fore our fader the pope."
"Now welcome, sire abbot," the king he did say,
""Tis well thou'rt come back to keepe thy day;
For and if thou canst answer my questions three,
Thy life and thy living both saved shall bee.
"And first when thou seest me here in this stead,
With my crown of golde so fair on my head,
Among all my liege-men so noble of birthe,
Tell me to one penny what I am worth."
"For thirty pence our Saviour was sold
Among the false Jews, as I have bin told;
And twenty-nine is the worth of thee,
For I thinke thou art one penny worser than hee."
The king he laughed, and swore by St. Bittel,*
"I did not think I had been worth so littel!
-Now secondly, tell me, without any doubt,
may ride this whole world about."
* Meaning probably St. Botolph.
“You must rise with the sun, and ride with the same, Until the next morning he riseth againe;
And then your grace need not make any doubt,
But in twenty-four hours you'll ride it about.”
The king he laughed, and swore by St. Jone,
"I did not think it could be gone so soone!
-Now from the third question thou must not shrinke, But tell me here truly what do I thinke."
"Yea, that I shall do, and make your grace merry:
You thinke I'm the Abbot of Canterbury;
But I'm his poor shepheard, as plain you may see,
That am come to beg pardon for him and for mee.”
The king he laughed, and swore by the masse,
“Ile make thee lord abbot this day in his place!"
“Nowe naye, my liege, be not in such speede,
For, alacke, I can neither write ne reade."
"Four nobles a weeke then I will give thee,
For this merry jest thou hast showne unto mee;
And tell the old abbot, when thou comest home,
Thou hast brought him a pardon from good King John.”
'Twas on a dark December night,
When all was cold and dreary,
A man that was a merry wight,
Did spur and ride with all his might,
To gain some shelter cheery.
Across a common wet and long,
While sleet and snow were dropping,
With chatt'ring teeth and frozen tongue,
He galloped fast, and smack'd his thong,
Till at an ale-house stopping.
'Twas small and snug, and with his
Through windows eager shining,
A rousing, crackling fire he spies,
And table of inviting size,
Where jovial guests were dining.
Down drops he then from off his horse,
And, all agog to enter,
Unceremonious takes his course,
Seeking his hasty way to force
E'en to the kitchen's centre.
But not a foot of room was there,
The guests were wedg'd together;
They had no single thought to spare
From landlord's fire and landlord's fare,
Nor reck'd they now the weather.
The trav'ller rueful look'd about;
At length, with lungs most able,
He bids Will ostler carry out
A peck of oysters fresh and stout,
To Dobbin in the stable.
"A peck of oysters! oats, good heart!"
Cries Will, with peals of laughter:
"No! oysters, fellow ! quick, depart!"
Out runs the man-and at one start
The whole mob rushes after.
All mad to see this wondrous steed,
(By serious aspect cheated)
They guess him of some monstrous breed,
Some strange sea-horse; while now with speed,
The traveller gets seated.
Back posts the ostler; all, as fleet,
The troop of fools pursue him:
"Lord, sir!" said Will, "I never see't
Such a thing!—your horse wont eat
The oysters that I threw him.'
"The deuce he wont! then faith, I must!
So place me here a table—
And bring me bread, both crumb and crust,
Pepper and vinegar; and I trust
That I'm both glad and able."
18.-HERE SHE GOES-AND THERE SHE GOES.
[A native of New York. In his ninth year he met with a serious accident which deprived him of hearing-the loss of speech soon followed. In 1839 he published "Earl Rupert, and other Tales and Poems."]
Two Yankee wags, one summer day,
Stopped at a tavern on their way,
Supped, frolicked, late retired to rest,
And woke, to breakfast on the best.
The breakfast over, Tom and Will
Sent for the landlord and the bill;
Will looked it over;-" Very right-
But hold! what wonder meets my sight?
Tom! the surprise is quite a shock!"
"What wonder? where ?"-"The clock, the clock !”
Tom and the landlord in amaze
Stared at the clock with stupid gaze,
And for a moment neither spoke;
At last the landlord silence broke-
"You mean the clock that's ticking there?
I see no wonder, I declare :
Though maybe, if the truth were told,
'Tis rather ugly, somewhat old;
Yet time it keeps to half a minute;
But, if you please, what wonder's in it f"
Tom, don't you recollect," said Will, "The clock at Jersey, near the mill,
The very image of this present,
With which I won the wager pleasant ?"
Will ended with a knowing wink-
Tom scratched his head and tried to think.
It happened, Tom, in last December,
In sport I bet a Jersey Blue
That it was more than he could do
To make his finger go and come
In keeping with the pendulum,
Repeating till the hour should close,
Still Here she goes-and there she goes!"
He lost the bet in half a minute."
"Well, if I would the deuce is in it!"
Exclaimed the landlord; "try me yet,
And fifty dollars be the bet."
Agreed, but we will play some trick, To make you of the bargain sick!" "I'm up to that!"
"Don't make us wait"Begin-the clock is striking eight." He seats himself, and left and right His finger wags with all its might, And hoarse his voice, and hoarser grows, With-"Here she goes-and there she goes!"
"Hold!" said the Yankee, "plank the ready!" The landlord wagged his finger steady
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