ante-chapel, with his gown hanging from his elbows, and fully believing that he is universally admired. In Hall he endeavoureth to attract notice by talking loud, standing up to carve, wearing an obsolete gown, swearing at the waiters, and smashing plates. On Sunday evenings he walketh alone along Trumpington road, facing the crowd, and mistaketh their laugh of contempt for a smile of admiration. He telleth all his friends how he is really very clever, though they may possibly not perceive it; and hinteth that were it not for the mathematics, he should surprise some persons by his place in the Classical Tripos. He hangeth his room with sundry domestic experiments in painting, and throweth out insinuations that the fair artist thereof was hopelessly enamoured of his own sweet self. He thinketh it a capital joke to finish the "tail of his cigar" in the ante-chapel, and then to walk into chapel with his surplice unbuttoned. He hath at all times a great antipathy to the toga, the same being incompatible with the display of his figure and cut-away coat. In Lectures he committeth very atrocious blunders, and desireth to make his friends believe that he did so on purpose. Being too clever to do like the rest at the first College Examination, he getteth posted, and so posteth off home, looking rather smaller than he did when he first came up.

NO. IV.

THE FAST FRESHMAN.

The Fast Freshman buyeth a gig and a boat the first week of his arrival, and calleth them his rattle-traps. He ordereth a cut-away coat on a new principle, which he setteth off with a scarlet choaker (overwhelming his shirt-collars), pea-green Dutch slacks, thin-soled Wellingtons, two gold rings, and a shocking bad cap and gown. He swaggereth past the Master of his College with a cigar in his mouth, and without capping him-and getteth a swingeing imposition for his pains. He rideth to Newmarket, regardless of hall, during race week. He keepeth nine chapels the first week, and only two the next, finding it considered as a slow thing. Being asked his name and college by the Proctor, he answereth, "Snooks of All-Saints." He engageth a private tutor, but only visiteth him twice in the term. He getteth through little reading and much wine. He becometh a member of his College Boat Club, being partial to "a hoar." He fighteth lustily on the fifth of November, though he knoweth not for why, and telleth the Proctor to be d-d. He maketh a point of being "gated" nightly. He rejoiceth in surmounting his brain-pan with a very small piece of cap, the "timber" of which he smasheth and extracteth piece-meal, thinking no doubt that there is enough wood already in the upper works. He keepeth a large dog. He contracteth debts with all the wine-merchants, and none of the booksellers in the town. He never goeth to church on Sundays. never dineth in hall. He getteth rebuked for his expenses by the College Tutor, and taken from the University by his father at the end of his first term. He prideth himself in assuring his governor

He

that he knew half the men in every college, and facetiously narrateth how that he made a false start in reading when he first came up, but will never do so again on any consideration,—to which determination he most meritoriously adhereth.

No. V.

THE POOR FRESHMAN.

The Poor Freshman buyeth a second-hand gown when he arriveth. He taketh the furniture of his apartment at a valuation, and contenteth himself therewith. He sizeth not in hall. He weareth blue worsted stockings, and hob-nailed shoes. He appeareth in a chocolatecoloured coat and drab trousers. He subscribeth to Stevenson's library. He always walketh out in cap and gown, having no hat. He advertiseth for pupils on very moderate terms, but getteth none. He drinketh no wine, and taketh in only one butter per diem. He writeth his mathematics on a slate, to save paper. He hath tea directly after chapel. He recommendeth himself by his diligence to his College Tutor, who procureth him an exhibition. He standeth high in his college examinations, and getteth a scholarship. He is despised and caricatured by the men of his college, and unknown to the rest. He maketh few, but attached and kind friends. He getteth washed, booked, clothed, grubbed, breaded, buttered, beered, and pocket-monied, at the expense of his college, to the great benefit of the governor's purse, and the relief of a poor sister, to whom he manageth to dispatch an odd ten-pound out of his savings every Christmas. He always appeareth healthy, light-hearted, and happy, to the astonishment of the "fast birds." He persevereth in his studies silently unto the end, and turneth out Senior Wrangler-by which both he and his family are rich to the end of their lives.

[To be continued.]

REPORT OF THE PROCEEDINGS OF

THE CAMBRIDGE MEETING FOR THE ABOLITION OF

CHURCH-RATES.

(Continued from Page 121.)

In consequence of earnest and repeated requests made to us by several of our dear dissenting friends, we have, after much trouble, succeeded in obtaining a correct account of the further proceedings at this important meeting, the untoward interruption of which, together with the precipitate flight of our reporters, we described in our last. We feel it, however, a public duty, before we commence the interesting and authentic detail, to protest, in the most indignant terms, against the extraordinary conduct of the Reverend Mr. Fruggs, one of the chief speakers at the meeting. Having been apprised (in confidence) that that gentleman had repaired thither with a prelucubrated speech in his breeches-pocket, we called upon him, and engaged him, by the promise of a shilling and a pot of porter, to furnish us with a copy of his own eloquent address; at the same time stipulating that he should draw up, in lieu of our renegade reporters, an accurate account of all the speeches made, resolutions passed, and other interesting events which took place at the meeting. Having been induced to pay the Reverend gentleman in advance, upon his assurance that he had a heavy score to settle at the ale-house, and that his "tick" was out in consequence, we took our leave, in full confidence that we should duly receive the expected document on the appointed day. That day, however, having arrived, and the account not appearing to be forthcoming, we sent the devil to the rev. minister (our devil, we mean-the typographical devil); when, after a short conference, in which the respectable namesake of his Satanic majesty was frequently told, with the grossest incivility, to go and be bumfoozled -or something to that effect—it was fully ascertained that the rev. gentleman could neither read nor write, and preached to an overflowing congregation by virtue of "a call!" From the untimely embarrassment into which this unexpected announcement naturally threw us, we were providentially relieved, by the appearance of a highly respectable master-scavenger (characteristically distinguished by his short pipe, and the small portion of a hat which he wore on his head), who brought with him, and politely offered for our acceptance, what he assured us was an accurate report, taken by himself at the time, of the speeches made at the meeting; though we must confess, that, from the apparent dissimilarity of the handwriting, we were, and still are, induced to believe them to be the original draughts composed and written by the learned speakers themselves, and subsequently stolen out of their pockets. This, however, is only a surmise, and of course no business of ours. We shall proceed at once to our detail.

The turmoil having somewhat abated—or rather been concentrated into a point by a pitched battle between two Brownists, called (nicknamed, we presume,) Milling Muggins and Crook-nosed Ned; and the two combatants having been eventually separated, by the nose of the latter being unfortunately knocked straight:

Mr. GRUFFLES rose to address the meeting. He felt ashamed of the late disgraceful quarrel. He had little hesitation in calling 'em all pugnacious vessels. They had knocked each other about like the brazen and earthen pots in the fable, and they ought to thank their stars and garters that some of 'em hadn't got cracked,—if indeed they were❜nt so before. (Laughter). He begged to see no more such conduct as was only to be expected from meetings of Churchmen and Tories, and not from the intelligent and enlightened snobocracy he had the honour of addressing. The last gent as had speechified-or rather, perhaps, attempted to speechify-was Mr. Huggins. He certainly did not appear to be a Plutarch, he begged pardon, he believed he meant either a Demosthenes or a Cicero, he was'nt quite sure which-in eloquence, yet he thought they ought to have heard him out. (No! no!) Hadn't they heard how Demosthenes-(he apologised for these classical allusions, but he always thought a spice of Greek in a speech was like brown-sugar in coffee)-how Demosthenes once made a speech at the siege of Troy, when Cornelius Tacitus, Esquire, was in the chair—(he believed he was right in the names-the dates he'd no doubt would take care of themselves)—and how he broke down in drawing a comparison between the Pope and Mahomet; yet the company applauded, and the chairman said it was the neatest speech he'd heard in the house since the time of Alexander the Great? All orators must begin-they'd perhaps hardly believe that he had himself begun once, though he believed he was rather a dab at a speech now. (Coughs and groans). But to get to the pint (here several gents took a pull at their mugs); he had once heard a parson of the establishment declare, that as there was a tax on bread, a tax on light, a tax on spirits (here the speaker appeared much affected), he didn't see why there shouldn't also be a tax on dissent. Had the old steeple-ite wished to call the Gospel a contraband article, and profanely mix it with rum? to amalgamate spirituous with spiritual comforts! (Applause.) He expected the old bloke was rather a nice sort of a chap. A tax on dissent! He sincerely wished they might get it, but he rather believed they would'nt. Lord Melbourne had removed many of their grievances, and he'd no doubt that before long a bill would be introduced to Parliament to confer upon the oppressed chosen ones of heaven-the elect brotherhood—the true flock-the unhappy victims of the State-church-that object of all their wishes, religious equality! (immense applause). They had only to be firm, and get in Radical members next election-for he must consider the return of the present amiable, liberal, and supernaturally-talented members for Cambridge was mainly owing to the instrumentality and righteous exertions of the dissenters, in opposition to the old Tory big-wigs of the University, and the rich monopolists of the town. (Applause). He was inclined to opine that the relation of an Archbishop was a nice representative of dissenters! He believed, however, that that gent was

booked for a defeat next election.* He would not detain them any longer, as there was a gentleman behind him who had been pinching the calves of his legs for a considerable time, and he now felt fully inclined to make way for him to speak, as he believed his legs had already got the blue-devils. (Immense applause).

The Rev. Z. FRUGGS rose amid great applause. Having the honour to be the minister of Grub-street chapel, of which the respected chairman was a lord-deacon, he considered it his imperative duty to say a very few words to the enlightened brotherhood before him. He took the present favourable opportunity of offering an explanation of his conduct-an explanation, he would say, rendered absolutely necessary by the slanderous back-bitings of a secret enemy, who, he had reason to believe, was the parish clerk. That petty official had propagated a most disgraceful report that he (Fruggs) was a friend to the establishment! (shame.) He repudiated the hateful charge with indignation. He was as staunch a Noncumformist as any gent present. He confessed with shame and contrition that he had been a little in that way once, but he had had a call. He had received a new light one night as he was digging potatoes. Was quite sure he wasn't drunk at the time, as he'd only had a quart of strong beer, and the best part of a bottle of rum that afternoon. He begged therefore that the company would pay no attention to such reports, injurious as they were to his character, and disgraceful to his reputation as a christian man! (hear, hear.) If he had been a churchman yesterday, he should not have been one to day, after receiving the document which he was about to produce, and for the sake of which he had chiefly intruded himself upon their notice. It was a case of unfeeling tyranny, of unmitigated ferocity, of sanguinary and devilish concupiscence (deafening applause) in a parson of the establishment! (groans and hisses.) He knew it would make the very hearts of the pewter-pots bleed, when he had read it to them, which he would now proceed to do, with the kind permission of the honourable Chairman and indulgent company. (Hear, hear!)

"AWFUL CASE OF ECCLESIASTICAL OPPRESSION.

"A MOST atrocious instance of ecclesiastical tyranny and overbearance has just occurred in the case of the well-known Mr. Morgan Hughes Jones, of Wales. That pious and conscientious gentleman is, as all the world knows, the minister of the Independent church of the village of Llwngffrwyd (pronounced Bopeep). It appears that a few weeks ago that gentleman had, in a nocturnal freak, playfully taken out the panel of a door in the shop of Mr. Scrubbs, silversmith, and removed from thence several watches, and a few dozen silver spoons, which he had, of course merely in joke, secreted in a chimney of his own house. For this trifling piece of injudicious amusement, he had been ruthlessly arrested, and taken before a Tory magistrate, who had committed him for TRIAL AT THE NEXT ASSIZES!! And this poor

* This meeting was held March 1839. The dissenters made a slight mistake last election, "Thanks to our Lady and good Saint John.”—Printer's Devil.