I am alive-and fhe is dead.

Tothil-fields. 8 April, 1779

I fhot her, and not myself. Some of her blood and brains is ftill upon my cloaths. I don't afk you to fpeak to me, I don't ask you to look at me. Only come hither, and bring me a little poifon; fuch as is ftrong enough. Upon my knees, I beg, if your friendship for me ever was fincere, do, do, bring me fome poison.

LETTER LIX.

To the Same.

9 April 79.

Your note juft now; and the long letter I received at the fame time, which fhould have found me the day bfore yesterday, have changed my refolution. The

promise you defire, I moft folemnly give you. I will make no attempt upon my life. Had I received your comfortable letter when you meant I should. I verily do not think this would have happened.

Pardon what I wrote to you about the poison. Indeed I am too compofed for any fuch thing now. Nothing fhould tempt me. My death is all the recompence I can make to the laws of my country. Dr. V. has fent me fome excellent advice, and Mr. H. has refuted all my falfe arguments. Even fuch a being as I finds friends.

Oh, that my feelings and his feelings would let me fee my dearest friend. Then I would tell you how this happened.

LETTER

LETTER

To the Same.

LX.

Newgate,

14 April, 1779

My best thanks for all your goodness

fince this day fe'nnight.

Oh, Charles, this is about the time. I cannot write.

My trial comes on either Friday or Saturday. It will be indeed a trial. God (whom I have fo outraged) can alone tell how I fhall go through it. My refolution is not fixed as yet about pleading guilty. The arguments by which they tell me I may escape that death fo much my due, I certainly will not fuffer to be used. My prefent fituation of mind you may collect from the enclosed copy of what I mean to fay, if I continue in the refolution, in which I yesterday wrote you word I was, of pleading not guilty.

I fhould not have troubled the Court with the examination of witneffes to fupport the charge against me, had I not thought the pleading guilty to the indictment would give an indication of contemning death, not fuitable to my prefent condition; and would, in fome measure, make me acceffary to a fecond peril of my life. And I likewise thought that the juftice of my country ought to be fatisfied, by fuffering my offences to be proved, and the fact to be established by evidence.

I ftand here the most wretched of human beings! and confefs myself criminal in a high degree. I acknowledge with Shame and repentance that my deter-. mination against my owu life was formal and complete. I proteft, with that regard to truth which becomes my fituation, that the will to deftroy her, who was ever dearer to me than life, was never mine until a momentary frenzy overcame me, and induced me to commit the deed I deplore.-The letter which I meant for my brother-in-law, after iny deceafe, will have its due weight, as to this point, with good men.

Before this dreadful act, I truft, nothing will be found in the tenor of my life, which the common charity of mankind will not readily excufe. I have no wish to avoid the punishment which the laws of my country appoint for my crime; but, being already too unhappy to feel a punifliment in

death,

death, or a fatisfaction in life, I fubmit myself to the difpofal and judgment of Almighty God, and to the confequences of this enquiry into my conduct and intention."

Whatever the world may think, you, I know, believe that I had no intention against her till the very inftant, The account I wrote to you of the fhocking bufinefs fince it happened, was the real truth. All Tuesday, after I had finished my letter to you, I in vain fought for an opportunity to destroy myself in her presence. So, again, on the Wednesday, all the morning. In the afternoon, after dining at poor B.'s, I faw Lord S.'s coach pass by. the Cannon Coffee-house, where I was watching for it. I followed it to G.'s (inhuman, and yet not guilty G.!) From her house I faw it take them to the play. Now, I was determined; and went to my lodgings, for my piftols, where I wrote a letter to B. which I put into my pocket, intending to fend it; but, as I forgot it, the letter was found there. When I returned to Covent

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