since the time when Joseph besought the body in secret, and when he and Nicodemus were the only ones found to bear the body to the tomb !” It is in the end of the year that evidences of a change appear From that period and ever onward his dry register of every-day incidents is varied with such passages as the following: “ Nov. 12.–Reading H. Martyn's Memoirs. Would I could imitate him, giving up father, mother, country, house, health, life, all—for Christ. And yet, what hinders ? Lord, purify me, and give me strength to dedicate myself, my all, to Thee!” “ Dec. 4.-Reading Legh Richmond's Life. Pænitentia profunda, non sine lacrymis. Nunquam me ipsum, tam vilem, tam inutilem, tam pauperim, et præcipue tam ingratum, adhuc vidi. Sint lacrymæ dedicationis meæ pignora !'” [“ Deep penitence, not unmixed with tears. I never before saw myself so vile, so useless, so poor, and, above all, so ungrateful. May these tears be the pledges of my self-dedication !”] There is frequently at this period a sentence in Latin occurring like the above in the midst of other matter, apparently with the view of giving freer expression to his feelings regarding himself. “ Dec. 9.-Heard a street-preacher : foreign voice. Seems really in earnest. He quoted the striking passage, The Spirit and the bride say, Come, and let him that heareth say, Come!' From this he seems to derive his authority. Let me learn from this man to be in earnest for the truth, and to despise the scoffing of the world." Dec. 18.–After spending an evening too lightly, he writes : “My heart must break off from all these things. What right have I to steal and abuse my Master's time ? Redeem it,' He is crying to me.” " Dec. 25.—My mind not yet calmly fixed on the Rock of Ages.” “ Jan. 12, 1832.-Cor non pacem habet. Quare? Peccatum apud fores manet.” [“My heart has not peace. Why? Sin lieth at my door.”] “ Jan. 25.— A lovely day. Eighty-four cases of choiera at Musselburgh. How it creeps nearer and nearer like a snake! Who will be the first victim here? Let thine everlasting arms be around us, and we shall be safe." " Jan. 29, Sabbath.- Afternoon heard Mr Bruce (then minister of the New North Church, Edinburgh) on Malachi i. 1-6. It constitutes the very gravamen of the charge against the unrenewed man, that he has affection for his earthly parent, and reverence for his earthly master, but none for God! Most noble discourse." • Feb. 2.-Not a trait worth remembering! And yet these fourand-twenty hours must be accounted for.” Feb. 5, Sabbath. In the afternoon, having heard the late Mr Martin of St George's,' he writes, on returning home: “O quam humilem, sed quam diligentissimum ; quam dejectum, sed quam vigilem, quam die noctuque precantem, decet me esse quum tales viros aspicio. Juva, Pater, Fili, et Spiritus !” [“ Oh! how humble, yet how diligent, how lowly, yet how watchful, how prayerful night and day it becomes me to be, when I see such men. Help, Father, Son, and Spirit !”] From this date he seems to have sat, along with his friend Mr Somerville, almost entirely under Mr Bruce's ministry. He took copious notes of his lectures and sermons, which still remain among his papers. “Feb. 28.—Sober conversation. Fain would I turn to the most interesting of all subjects. Cowardly backwardness : For who soever is ashamed of me and my words,'” etc. At this time, hearing, concerning a friend of the family, that she had said, " That she was determined to keep by the world,” he penned the following lines on her melancholy decision :She has chosen the world, When stars are concealed, And rudder gone, And heaven is sealed To the wandering one The whirlpool opes For the gallant prize; To the deep she hies! But who may tell Of the place of woe, Where tho wicked dwell, Where the worldlings goi For the human heart Can ne'er conceive What joys are the part Of them who believe; Nor can justly think Of the cup of death, Which all must drink Who despise the faith. " He says of him on another occasion, June 8, 1834: “A man greatly beloved. of whom the world was not worthy." "An apostolic man." His own chim deep holiness, resembled in many respects Mr Martin's daily walk Away, then--oh, fly Come, leave the dreams Of this transient night, And bask in the beams Of an endless light. “ March 6.—Wild wind and rain all day long. Hebrew classPsalms. New beauty in the original every time I read. Dr Welsh-lecture on Pliny's letter about the Christians of Bithynia. Professor Jameson on quartz. Dr Chalmers grappling with Hume's arguments. Evening—Notes, and little else. Mind and body dull.” This is a specimen of his register of daily study. March 20.-After a few sentences in Latin, concluding with “In meam animam veni, Domine Deus omnipotens,” he writes, “Leaning on a staff of my own devising, it betrayed me, and broke under me. It was not thy staff. Resolving to be a god, Thou showedst me that I was but a man. But my own staff being broken, why may I not lay hold of thine ?-Read part of the Life of Jonathan Edwards. How feeble does my spark of Christianity appear beside such a sun! But even his was a borrowed light, and the same source is still open to enlighten me." “ April 8.-Have found much rest in Him who bore all our burdens for us.” 6 April 26.-To-night I ventured to break the ice of unchristian silence. Why should not selfishness be buried beneath the Atlantic in matters so sacred ?” May 6, Saturday evening. This was the evening previous to the Communion; and in prospect of again declaring himself the Lord's at his table, he enters into a brief review of his state. He had partaken of the ordinance in May of the year before for the first time; but he was then living at ease, and saw not the solemn nature of the step he took. He now sits down and reviews the past : “ What a mass of corruption have I been! How great a portion of my life have I spent wholly without God in the world, given up to sense and the perishing things around me! Naturally of a feeling and sentimental disposition, how much of my religion has been, and to this day is, tinged with these colours of earth! Restrained from open vice by educational views and the fear of man, how much ungodliness has reigned within me! How often has it broken through all restraints, and come out in the shape of lust and anger, mad ambitions, and unhallowed words! Though my vice was always refined, yet how subtile and how awfully prevalent it was! How complete a test was the Sabbath-spent in weariness, as much of it as was given to God's service! How I polluted it by my hypocrisies, my self-conceits, my worldly thoughts, and worldly friends! How formally and unheedingly the Bible was read,-how little was read,—so little that even now I have not read it all! How unboundedly was the wild impulse of the heart obeyed! How much more was the creature loved than the Creator ! O great God, that didst suffer me to live whilst I so dishonoured Thee, Thou knowest the whole; and it was thy hand alone that could awaken me from the death in which I was, and was contented to be. Gladly would I have escaped from the Shepherd that sought me as I strayed ; but He took me up in his arms and carried me back; and yet He took me not for anything that was in me. I was no more fit for his service than the Australian, and no more worthy to be called and chosen. Yet why should I doubt? not that God is unwilling, not that He is unable -of both I am assured. But perhaps my old sins are too fearful, and my unbelief too glaring? Nay; I come to Christ, not although I am a sinner, but just because I am a sinner, even the chief." He then adds, “ And though sentiment and constitutional enthusiasm may have a great effect on me, still I believe that my soul is in sincerity desirous and earnest about having all its concerns at rest with God and Christ,—that his kingdom occupies the most part of all my thoughts, and even of my long-polluted affections. Not unto me, not unto me, be the shadow of praise or of merit ascribed, but let all glory be given to thy most holy name! As surely as Thou didst make the mouth with which I pray, so surely dost Thou prompt every prayer of faith which I utter. Thou hast made me all that I am, and given me all that I have.” Next day, after communicating, he writes : “I well remember when I was an enemy, and especially abborred this ordinance as binding me down ; but if I be bound to Christ in heart, I shall not dread any bands that can draw me close to Him.” Evening-"Much peace. Look back, my soul, and view the mind that belonged to thee but twelve months ago. My soul, thy place is in the dust!" “May 19.—Thought with more comfort than usual of being a witness for Jesus in a foreign land.” 6 June 4.- Walking with A. Somerville by Craigleith. Conversing on missions. If I am to go to the heathen to speak of the unsearchable riches of Christ, this one thing must be given me, to be out of the reach of the baneful influence of esteem or contempt. If worldly motives go with me, I shall never convert a soul, and shall lose my own in the labour.” “ June 22.–Variety of studies. Septuagint translation of Exodus and Vulgate. Bought Edwards' works. Drawing- Truly there was nothing in me that should have induced Him to choose me. I was but as the other brands upon whom the fire is already kindled, which shall burn for evermore! And as soon could the billet leap from the hearth and become a green tree, as my soul could have sprung to newness of life.” June 25.-In reference to the office of the holy ministry : “How apt are we to lose our hours in the vainest babblings, as do the world! How can this be with those chosen for the mighty office? fellow-workers with God? heralds of His Son ? evangelists? men set apart to the work, chosen out of the chosen, as it were the very pick of the flocks, who are to shine as the stars for ever and ever ? Alas, alas! my soul, where shalt thou appear? O Lord God, I am a little child! But Thou wilt send an angel with a live coal from off the altar, and touch my unclean lips, and put a tongue within my dry mouth, so that I shall say with Isaiah, Here am I, send me.” Then, after reading a little of Edwards' works: “Oh that heart and understanding may grow together, like brother and sister, leaning on one another!” “ June 27.-Life of David Brainerd. Most wonderful man! What conflicts, what depressions, desertions, strength, advancement, victories, within thy torn bosom! I cannot express what I think when I think of thee. To-night, more set upon missionary enterprise than ever." “ June 28.-Oh for Brainerd's humility and sin-loathing dispositions !” “ June 30.—Much carelessness, sin, and sorrow. "Oh wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of sin and death ?' Enter thou, my soul, into the rock, and hide thee in the dust for fear of the Lord and the glory of his majesty.” And then he writes a few verses, of which the following are some stanzas : I will arise and seek my God, Lay all my sins before Him; And teach me to adore Him. Which never is deceiving; The gospel draught receiving. |