suffer her to say what she pleases of their families, without either returning her compliments, or withdrawing from her oratory; so that the poor woman has scarcely any society abroad, nor any comfort at home, and all through the sauciness of servants, and the unkindness of a husband that is so cruel to her, as to desire her to be quiet. But she is coming. I am in haste, Sir, your humble servant, I hope you will not endure this Dumb club, for I am the unlucky spouse of one of those gentlemen: and when my dear comes from this joyless society, I am an impertinent noisy rattlesnake, my maid is a saucy sow, the man is a thick-skull'd puppy, and founders like a horse; my cook is a tasteless ass; and if a child cry, the maid is a careless bear: if I have company, they are a parcel of chattering magpies; if abroad, I am a gaggling goose; when I return, you are a fine gallopper; women, like cats, should keep the house. This is a frequent sentence with him. Consider some remedy against a temper that seldom speaks, and then speaks only unkindness. This will be a relief to all those miserable women who are married to the worst of tempers, the sullen, more especially to "Your distressed appellant, "GOODY DUMB." "FRIEND NESTOR, "Our brother Tremble having lately given thee wholesome advice concerning tuckers, I send thee a word of counsel touching thyself. Verily, thou hast found great favour with the godly sisters. I have read in that mysterious book called Æsop's Fables, how once upon a time an ass arrayed himself in the skin of a lion, thereby designing to appear as one of the mighty. But behold the vanity of this world was found light, the spirit of untruth became altogether naked. When the vain-glorious animal opened his jaws to roar, the lewd* voice of an ass braying was heard in the mountains. Friend, friend, let the moral of this sink deep into thy mind; the more thou ponderest thereon, the fitter thou wilt become for the fellowship of Loud voice. the faithful. We have every day more and more hopes of thee; but between thee and me, when thou art converted, thou must take to thee a Scripture name. One of thy writ ing brethren bore a very good name, he was entitled Isaac, but now sleepeth. Jacob suiteth thy bookseller well. Verily, Nestor soundeth Babylonish in the ears of thy wellwisher and constant reader, RUTH PRIM." "The third day of the week, profanely called Tuesday." "SIR, Notwithstanding your grave advice to the fair sex not to lay the beauties of their necks so open, I find they mind you so little, that we young men are in as much danger as ever. Yesterday, about seven in the evening, I took a turn with a gentleman just come to town, in a public walk. We had not walked above two rounds, when the spark on a sudden pretended weariness, and as I importuned him to stay longer, he turned short, and pointing to a celebrated beauty, What,' said he, 'do you think I am made of, that I should bear the sight of such snowy breasts? Oh, she is intolerably handsome!' Upon this we parted, and I resolved to take a little more air in the garden, yet avoid the danger by casting my eyes downwards; but to my unspeakable surprise, I discovered, in the same fair creature, the finest ancle and prettiest foot that ever fancy imagined. If the petticoats, as well as the stays, thus diminish, what shall we do, dear Nestor? If it is neither safe to look at the head nor the feet of the charmer, whither shall we direct our eyes? I need not trouble you with any farther description of her, but I beg you would consider that your wards are frail and mortal. "Your most obedient servant, N° 133. THURSDAY, AUGUST 13, 1713. Oh, fatal love of fame! Oh, glorious heat! TH Only destructive to the brave and great.-ADDISON'S Campaign. HE letters which I published in the Guardian of Saturday last, are written with such spirit and greatness of mind, that they had excited a great curiosity in my Lady Lizard's family, to know what occasioned a quarrel betwixt the two brave men who wrote them; and what was the event of their combat. I found the family the other day listening in a circle to Mr. William the Templar, who was informing the ladies of the ceremonies used in the single combat, when the kings of England permitted such trials to be performed in their presence. He took occasion, from the chance of such judicial proceedings, to relate a custom used, in a certain part of India, to determine law-suits, which he produced as a parallel to the single combat. The custom is, "That the plaintiff and defendant are thrown into a river, where each endeavours to keep under water as long as he is able; and he who comes up first, loses the cause." The author adds, "that if they had no other way of deciding controversies in Europe, the lawyers might e'en throw themselves in after them." The mirth occasioned by this Indian law did not hinder the ladies from reflecting still more upon the above-named letters. I found they had agreed, that it must be a mistress which caused the duel; and Mrs. Cornelia had already settled in her mind the fashion of their arms, their colours, and devices. My lady only asked with a sigh, if either of the combatants had a wife and children. In order to give them what satisfaction I could, I looked over my papers; and though I could not find the occasion of the difference, I shall present the world with an authentic account of the fight, written by the survivor to a courtier. The gallant behaviour of the combatants may serve to raise in our minds a yet higher detestation of that false honour, which robs our country of men so fitted to support and adorn it. Sir Edward Sackville's relation of the fight betwixt "WORTHY SIR, "As I am not ignorant, so ought I to be sensible of the false aspersions some authorless tongues have laid upon me, in the report of the unfortunate passage lately happened between the lord Bruce and myself, which as they are spread here, so I may justly fear they reign also where you are. There are but two ways to resolve doubts of this nature; by oath, or by sword. The first is due to magistrates, and communicable to friends; the other to such as maliciously slander and impudently defend their assertion. Your love, not my merit, assure me you hold me your friend, which esteem I am much desirous to retain. Do me therefore the right to understand the truth of that; and in my behalf inform others, who either are, or may be infected with sinister rumours, much prejudicial to that fair opinion I desire to hold amongst all worthy persons. And on the faith of a gentleman, the relation I shall give is neither more nor less than the bare truth. The enclosed contains the first citation, sent me from Paris by a Scotch gentleman, who delivered it to me in Derbyshire, at my father-in-law's house. After it follows my then answer, returned him by the same bearer. The next is my accomplishment of my first promise, being a particular assignation of place and weapons, which I sent by a servant of mine, by post from Rotterdam, as soon as I landed there. The receipt of which, joined with an acknowledgment of my too fair carriage to the deceased lord, is testified by the last, which periods the business until we met at Tergosa in Zealand, it being the place allotted for rendezvous; where he, accompanied with one Mr. Crawford, an English gentleman, for his second, a surgeon, and a man, arrived with all the speed he could. And there having rendered himself, I addressed my second, Sir John Heidon, to let him understand, that now all following should be done by consent, as concerning the terms whereon we should fight, as also the place. To our seconds we gave power for their appointments, who agreed we should go to Antwerp, from thence to Bergen-op-Zoom, where in the midway but a village divides the States? territories from the Archduke's. And there was the destined stage, to the end that having ended, he that could, might presently exempt himself from the justice of the country, by retiring into the dominion not offended. It was farther concluded, that in case any should fall or slip, that then the combat should cease, and he whose ill fortune had so subjected him, was to acknowledge his life to have been in the other's hands. But in case one party's sword should break, because that could only chance by hazard, it was agreed that the other should take no advantage, but either then be made friends, or else upon even terms go to it again. Thus these conclusions being each of them related but to his party, was by us both approved, and assented to. Accordingly we embarked for Antwerp. And by reason my Lord, as I conceive, because he could not handsomely without danger of discovery, had not paired the sword I sent him to Paris; bringing one of the same length, twice as broad; my second excepted against it, and advised me to match my own, and send him the choice, which I obeyed; it being, you know, the challenger's privilege to elect his weapon. At the delivery of the swords, which was performed by Sir John Heidon, it pleased the Lord Bruce to choose my own, and then past expectation, he told him that he found himself so far behind-hand, as a little of my blood would not serve his turn; and therefore he was now resolved to have me alone, because he knew (for I will use his own words) that so worthy a gentleman, and my friend, could not endure to stand by and see him do that which he must, to satisfy himself and his honour.' Hereupon Sir John Heidon replied, that such intentions were bloody and butchery, far unfitting so noble a personage, who should desire to bleed for reputation, not for life; withal adding, he thought himself injured, being come thus far, now to be prohibited from executing those honourable offices he came for. The Lord for answer, only reiterated his former resolutions; whereupon, Sir John leaving him the sword he had elected, delivered me the other, with his determinations. The which, not for matter but manner, so moved me, as though to my remembrance, I had not of a long while eaten more liberally than at dinner, and therefore unfit for such an action (seeing the surgeons hold a wound upon a full stomach much more dangerous than otherwise), I requested my second to certify him, I would presently decide the difference, and therefore he should presently meet me on horseback, only waited on by our surgeons, they being unarmed. Together we rode, but one before the other some twelve score, about some* two English miles and then, passion, having so weak an enemy to assail as my direction,+ easily became victor, and using his power, made me obedient to his commands. I being verily mad with anger the Lord Bruce should thirst after my life with a kind of assuredness, seeing I had come so far and needlessly, to give him leave to regain his lost re t Discretion. *Guard. in folio. |