even to believe there ever was such à person in the world. And shall then a good man, upon such an account, be liable to be abused in so public a manner? Can any good church-of-England man bear to see a bishop, one whom her present majesty was pleased to make, treated in so ludicrous a way? Or shall one pass by the scurrility and the immodesty that is to be found in several parts of the paper? Who can with patience see St. Paul and St Wenefrede set, by the Examiner, upon a level, and the authority for one made by him to be equal with that for the other? Who that is a Christian can endure his insipid mirth upon so serious an occasion? I must confess it raises my indignation to the greatest height, to see a pen that has been long employed in writing panegyrics upon persons of the first rank (who would be indeed to be pitied were they to depend upon that for their praise), to see, I say, the same pen at last made use of in defence of Popery. "I think I may now, with justice, congratulate with those whom the Examiner dislikes: since, for my own part, I should reckon it my great honour to be worthy his disesteem, and should count his censure praise. "I am, Sir, "Your most humble servant." The above letter complains, with great justice, against this incorrigible creature; but I do not insert any thing concerning him, in hopes what I say will have any effect upon him, but to prevent the impression which what he says may have upon others. I shall end this paper with a letter I have just now written to a gentleman, whose writings are often inserted in the Guardian, without deviation of one tittle from what he sends me : June 23. "SIR, "I have received the favour of yours with the enclosed, which made up the papers of the two last days. I cannot but look upon myself with great contempt and mortification, when I reflect that I have thrown away more hours than you have lived, though you so much excel me in every thing for which I would live. Until I knew you, I thought it the privilege of angels only to be very knowing and very innocent. In the warmth of youth to be capable of such abstracted and virtuous reflections (with a suitable life) as those with which you entertain yourself, is the utmost of human perfection and felicity. The greatest honour that I can conceive done to another, is when an elder does reverence to a younger, though that younger is not distinguished above him by fortune. Your contempt of pleasures, riches, and honour, will crown you with them all; and I wish you them not for your own sake, but for the reason which only would make them eligible to yourself, the good of others. "I am, dearest youth, your friend and admirer, N° 91. THURSDAY, JUNE 25, 1713. -Inest sua gràtia parvis. Little things have their value. T is the great rule of behaviour" to follow nature." The author of the following letter is so much con vinced of this truth, that he turns what would render a man of little soul exceptious, humorsome, and particular, in all his actions, to a subject of raillery and mirth. He is, you must know, but half as tall as an ordinary man, but is contented to be still at his friend's elbow, and has set up a club, by which he hopes to bring those of his own size into a little reputation. "I remember a saying of yours concerning persons in low circumstances of stature, that their littleness would hardly be taken notice of, if they did not manifest a consciousness of it themselves in all their behaviour. Indeed, the observation that no man is ridiculous for being what he is, but only in the affectation of being something more, is equally true in regard to the mind and the body. "I question not but it will be pleasing to you to hear that a set of us have formed a society, who are sworn to 'dare to be short,' and boldly bear out the dignity of littleness under the noses of those enormous engrossers of manhood, those hyperbolical monsters of the species, the tall fellows that overlook us. "The day of our institution was the tenth of December, being the shortest of the year, on which we are to hold an annual feast over a dish of shrimps. "The place we have chosen for this meeting is in the Little Piazza, not without an eye to the neighbourhood of Mr. Powel's opera, for the performers of which we have, as becomes us, a brotherly affection. "At our first resort hither an old woman brought her son to the club-room, desiring he might be educated in this school, because she saw here were finer boys than ordinary. However, this accident no way discouraged our designs. We began with sending invitations to those of a stature not exceeding five foot, to repair to our assem bly; but the greater part returned excuses, or pretended they were not qualified. "One said he was indeed but five foot at present, but represented he should soon exceed that proportion, his periwig-maker and shoemaker having lately promised him three inches more betwixt them. "Another alleged, he was so unfortunate as to have one leg shorter than the other, and whoever had determined his stature to five feet, had taken him at a disadvantage; for when he was mounted on the other leg, he was at least five feet two inches and a half. "There were some who questioned the exactness of our measures; and others, instead of complying, returned us informations of people yet shorter than themselves. In a word, almost every one recommended some neighbour or acquaintance, whom he was willing we should look upon to be less than he. We were not a little ashamed that those who are past the years of growth, and whose beards pronounce them men, should be guilty of as many unfair tricks in this point, as the most aspiring children when they are measured. "We therefore proceeded to fit up the club-room, and provide conveniences for our accommodation. In the first place, we caused a total removal of all the chairs, stools, and tables, which had served the gross of mankind for many years. The disadvantages we had undergone while we made use of these, were unspeakable. The president's whole body was sunk in the elbow chair: and when his arms were spread over it, he appeared (to the great lessening of his dignity) like a child in a go-cart. It was also so wide in the seat, as to give a wag occasion of saying, that notwithstanding the president sat in it, there was a sede vacante. "The table was so high, that one who came by chance to the door, seeing our chins just above the pewter dishes, took us for a circle of men that sat ready to be shaved, and sent in half a dozen barbers. Another time one of the club spoke contumeliously of the president, imagining he had been absent, when he was only eclipsed by a flask of Florence which stood on the table in a parallel line before his face. We therefore new-furnished the room in all respects proportionably to us, and had the door made lower, so as to admit no man above five foot high, without brushing his foretop, which whoever does is utterly unqualified to sit among us. "Some of the statutes of the club are as follow: "I. If it be proved upon any member, though never so duly qualified, that he strives as much as posssible to get above his size, by stretching, cocking, or the like; or that he hath stood on tiptoe in a crowd, with design to be taken for as tall a man as the rest; or hath privily conveyed any large book, cricket, or other device under him, to exalt him on his seat; every such offender shall be sentenced to walk in pumps for a whole month. "II. If any member shall take advantage from the fulness or length of his wig, or any part of his dress, or the immoderate extent of his hat, or otherwise, to seem larger and higher than he is; it is ordered, he shall wear red heels to his shoes, and a red feather in his hat, which may apparently mark and set bounds to the extremities of his small dimension, that all people may readily find him out between his hat and his shoes. "III. If any member shall purchase a horse for his own riding above fourteen hands and a half in height, that horse shall forthwith be sold, a Scotch galloway bought in its stead for him, and the overplus of the money shall treat the club. "IV. If any member, in direct contradiction to the fun damental laws of the society, shall wear the heels of his shoes exceeding one inch and a half, it shall be interpreted as an open renunciation of littleness, and the criminal shall be instantly expelled. Note, The form to be used in expelling a member shall be in these words, 'Go from among us, and be tall if you can!' "It is the unanimous opinion of our whole society, that since the race of mankind is granted to have decreased in stature from the beginning to this present, it is the intent of nature itself, that men should be little; and we believe that all human kind shall at last grow down to perfection, that is to say, be reduced to our own measure. I am, very literally, "Your humble Servant, "BOB. SHORT." N° 92. FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 1713. Homunculi quanti sunt, cum recogito!-PLAUTUS. “SIR, "THE "TO NESTOR IRONSIDE, Esq. HE club rising early this evening, I have time to finish my account of it. You are already acquainted with the nature and design of our institution; the characters of the members, and the topics of our conversation, are what remain for the subject of this epistle. "The most eminent persons of our assembly are, a little poet, a little lover, a little politician, and a little hero. The first of these, Dick Distich by name, we have elected president, not only as he is the shortest of us all, but because he has entertained so just a sense of the stature, as to go generally in black, that he may appear yet less. Nay, to that perfection is he arrived, that he stoops as he walks. The figure of the man is odd enough: he is a lively little creature, with long arms and legs. A spider is no ill emblem of him. He has been taken at a distance for a small windmill. But indeed what principally moved us in his favour was his talent in poetry, for he hath promised to undertake a long work in short verse to celebrate the he |