she's as big is he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her muffler too: Run up, Sir John. Mrs. Ford. Go, go, sweet Sir John: mistress Page and I, will look some linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight put on the gown the while. [Exit FALSTAFF. Mrs. Ford. I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears she's a witch; forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her. Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming? Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence. Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford. Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what they shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen for him straight. (Exit. Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough. We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, Wives may be merry, and yet honest too: We do not act, that often jest and laugh: 'Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draff. [Exit. Re-enter Mrs. FORD, with two Servants. Mrs. Ford. Go, Sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, despatch. [Exit. 1 Serv. Come, come, take it up. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead. Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?Set down the basket, villain :-Somebody calls my wife You, youth in a basket, come out here!-O you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: Now shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching. Page. Why, this passes! Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. Eva. Why, this is Innatics! this is mad as a mad dog! Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; indeed, Enter Mrs. FORD. Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Ford; this wrongs you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pay, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies. Ford. Well, he's not here I seek for. Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time: if I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport: let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman • Satisfy me once more; one more search with me. Mrs. Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come you and the old woman down, my husband will come into the chamber. Ford. Old woman! what old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford. She Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. works by charms, by speЛs, by the figure, and such daubery as this is: beyond our element: we know nothing.--Come down, you witch, you hag you; come down I say. Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband;good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. Enter FALSTAFF in woman's clothes, led by Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your band. Ford. I'll prat her :-Out of my door, you witch! [Beats him.] You rag, you baggage, you polecat, yon ronyon! out! out! I'll conjure you, I'll fortune-tell yon. [Exit FALSTAFF. Mrs. Page. Are you not ashamed? I think, you have kill'd the poor woman. Mrs. Ford. Nay, he will do it :-'Tis a good|ly credit for you. Ford. Hang her, witch! Eva. By yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under her muffler. Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen ? I beseech you follow; ɛee but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus upon no trail,+ never trust me Page. Let's obey his humour a little further: Come, gentlemen, Ford. So say I too, Sir.-Come hither, mis-when I open ‡ agaiu. Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, [Pulls the clothes out of the basket. Page. This passes ! [Exeunt PAGE, FORD, SHALLOW, and EVANS. Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most piti. fully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought. Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath doue meritori Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the ous service. clothes alone. Ford. I shall find you anon. Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the warrant of woman-hood, and the witness of Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up a good conscience, pursue him with any further your wife's clothes? Come away. revenge? Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again. Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him? Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers. Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him publicly shamed: aud, methinks, there would be no period to the jest, should he not be pub. licly shamed. Mrs. Page. Come to the forge with it then, shape it: I would not have things cool. [Exeunt. SCÈNE III-A Room in the Garter Inn. Enter HOST and BARDOLPH. Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be tomorrow at court, and they are going to meet him. Host. What duke should that be, comes so secretly? I hear not of him in the court: Let me speak with the gentlemen ; they speak English? Bard. Ay, Sir; I'll call them to you. Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay, I'll sauce them; they have had my houses a week at cominand; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them: Come. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-A Room in FORD's House. Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. FORD, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Eva. 'Tis one of the pest discretions of a 'oman as ever I did look upon. Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant ? Mrs. Page. Within a quarter of an hour. Ford. Pardon me, wife: Henceforth do what thou wilt, I rather will suspect the sun with cold, And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a cbain In a most hideous and dreadful manner : The superstitious idle-headed eld⚫ In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak: Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll And in this shape: When you have brought him thither, What shall be done with him? what is your Mrs. Page. That ikewise have we thought three or four more of their growth, we'll With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads, Mrs. Ford. And till he tell the truth, We'll all present ourselves; dishorn the spirit, Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't. Than thee with wantouuess: now doth thy ho burn the knight with my taber. nour stand, In him that was of late a heretic, As firm as faith. Page. 'Tis well, 'tis well; no more. Be not as extreme in submission, As in offence; But let our plot go forward; let our wives it. Ford. There is no better way than that they spoke of. Page. How to send him word they'll meet him in the park at midnight! fie, fie; he'll never come. Eva. You say he has been thrown in the Mrs. Ford. Devise but how you'll use him Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest, horns; And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle, • Strikes. Ford. That will be excellent. I'll go buy them vizards. Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies, Finely attired in a robe of white. Page. That silk will I go buy ;-and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, And marry her at Eton.--Go, send to Falstaf Ford. Nay, I'll to him again in name of He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come. sures, and fery honest knaveries. [Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and EVANS I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave Enter Host and SIMPLE. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap. Sim. Marry, Sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from master Slender. Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian * unto thee: Knock, I say. Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, Sir, till she come down: I come to speak with her, indeed. Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed I'll call.-Bully knight! Bully Sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls. Fal. [above.] How now, mine host? Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman: Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable: Fye! privacy? fye! Enter FALSTAFF. Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she's gone, Sim. Pray you, Sir, was't not the wise of Brentford ? Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; would you with her? woman What Sim. My master, Sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, Sir, whether one Nym, Sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Sim. And what says she, I pray, Sir? Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, that beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it. Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him. Fal. What are they? let us know. Sim. I may not conceal them, Sir. Sim. Why, Sir, they were nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know, if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no. Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, Sir? Fal. To have her,—or no: Go; say, the man told me so. from behind one of them, in a slough of mire ; and set spurs, and away, like three German devils, three doctor Faustuses. Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not say, they be fled; Germans are honest men. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS. Eva. Where is mine host? Host. What is the matter, Sir? Eva. Have a care of your entertainments : there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me there is three couzin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stogs; and 'tis not convenient you should be cozened: Fare you well. [Exit. Enter Doctor CAIUS. Caius. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre. Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma. Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell. a me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat the court is know to come; I tell you for good vill: adieu. [Erit. Host. Hue and cry, villain, go-assist me, knight; I am undone :-fly, run, hue and cry, villain I am undone ! [Exeunt HOST and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozen'd and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as crestfallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at Primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY. Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her. Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue ? wo-I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow, and I was like to be apprebended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch. Sim. May I be so bold to say so, Sir? Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one, that bath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning. Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed. Fal. Come up into my chamber. [Exeunt SCENE VI.-Another Room in the Garter Inn. Enter FENTON and HOST. Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all. Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purpose, • A game at cards And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; staff one, Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs. QUICKLY. Enter FORD. Be you How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, Sir, as you told me you had appointed? Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man: but I came from her, Fal-master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, Ford her husband, bath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you. He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, master because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford: on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.-Follow: Strange things in hand, master Brook! follow. Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen ; Her mother, even strong against that match, rests: Her father means she shall be all in white; [Exeunt. SCENE 11.-Windsor Park. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER, ditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-RePage. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle member, son Slender, my daughter. Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum ; She shall go with him :-her mother hath in- she cries, budget; and by that we know one tended, The better to denote her to the doctor, With ribbands pendant, flaring 'bout her head; Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me: And here it rests,-that you'll procure the vicar To stay for me at church, 'twixt twelve and one, And, in the lawful name of marrying, Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest. ACT V. [Exeunt. another. Shal. That's good too: But what needs either cipher her well enough.-It hath struck ten your mum, or her budget? the white will deo'clock. Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let's away; follow me. [Exeunt. SCENE III.-The Street in Windsor. Enter Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. FORD, and Dr. Mrs. Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and despatch it quickly: Go before into the park; we two must go together. Caius. I know vat I have to do; Adieu. Mrs, Page. Fare you well, Sir. [Exit CAIUS.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal of heart-break. Mrs. Ford. Where is Nan now, and her troop of fairies? and the Welsh devil, Hugh? Mrs. Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak, with obscured lights; which, at the the very instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once display to the night. Mrs. Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mrs. Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked. Mrs. Ford. We'll betray him finely. Mrs, Page. Against such lewdsters, and thet: lechery, Those that betray him do no treachery. Watch-word. Mrs. Ford. The hour draws on; To the oak, to the oak! [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-Windsor Park. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, and Fairies. Eva. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you; Come, come; trib, trib. [Exeunt. SCENE V.-Another part of the Park. Enter FALSTAFF disguised, with a buck's head on. Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on: Now, the bot-blooded gods assist me;-Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. -O powerful love! that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. -You were also, Jupiter, a swan, for the love of Leda ;-0 omnipotent love how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose!-A fault done first in the form of a beast ;-0 Jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on't, Jove; a foul fault. When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the forest send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here my doe? Enter Mrs. FORD, and Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. Ford. Sir John? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut?-Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves; hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart. Fal. Divide me like a bride-buck, each a haunch; I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter?Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome ! [Noise within. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise? Mrs. Page. Away, away. [They run off. Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS, like a satyr; Mrs. QUICKLY, and PISTOL; ANNE PAGE, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her brother and others, dressed like fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads. Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night, You orphan-heirs of fixed destiny, Attend your office, and your quality.+Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy o yes. Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys. Cricket, to Windsor chimnies shalt thou leap: Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry; Keeper of the forest. Fellowship. ↑ Wortleberry. Quick. About, about; Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy! lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy birth. Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger- If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, Eva. Come, will this wood take fire? Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in de- About him fairies; sing a scornful rhyme : SONG. Fye on sinful fantasy! Fye on lust and luxury! Lust is but a bloody fire, Kindled with unchaste desire, Fed in heart; whose flames aspire, As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him, fairies, mutually, Pinch him, for his villany; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, Till candles, and star-light, and moonshine be oul. During this song, the faries pinch FALSTAFF. Doctor CAIUS comes one way, and steals away a fairy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a fairy in white; and FENTON comes, and steals away Mrs. ANNE PAGE. A noise of hunting is made within. All the fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's head and rises. The letters. |