mon.

EDITOR'S DRAWER.

ing shown into the same pew with him, and was struck with his devotional manner during the prayers, and his rapt attention during the serBut Mr. O. found himself unable to maintain his gravity when, as the preacher paused to take breath after a long and eloquent outburst, the habits of the actor's former life betrayed themselves, and he uttered, in a deep under-tone, the old familiar "Bravo!"

When it was tency, he was well advanced in life before he could make up his mind to marry. reported that he had fitted up his house afresh, it was supposed that he was going to change his On a given day, at an hour unusually state. early for a call, the good doctor was seen at the house of a lady for whom he had long been supposed to have a predilection, and betraying much excitement of manner till the door was opened. As soon as he was shown in, and saw the fair YOUNG was sitting at dinner next a lady of one whom he sought calmly engaged in knitting rank and considerable ability, who was rather stockings, and not at all disturbed by his enprone to entangle her neighbors at table in dis- trance, his courage, like that of Bob Acres, becussions on subjects on which she was well" up," gan to ooze out, and he sat himself down on the when she suddenly appealed from the gentleman edge of his chair in such a state of pitiable conon her right to Mr. Young, who was on her left, fusion as to elicit the compassion of the lady in and asked him if he would be kind enough to question. She could not understand what ailed tell her the date of the Second Punic War. He, him, but felt instinctively that the truest goodwho had not the remotest idea whether it was breeding would be to take no notice of his em218 before Christ, or 200 after, and who was barrassment, and lead the conversation herself. too honest to screen his ignorance under the Thus, then, she opened fire: "Weel, doctor, plea of forgetfulness, turned to her and said, hae ye got through a' your papering and painting in his most tragic tones, "Madam, I don't yet ?" (A clearing of the throat preparatory to know any thing about the Punic War, and, what speech, but not a word uttered.) "I'm told is more, I never did. My inability to answer your new carpets are just beautifu'." (A further your question has wrung from me the same con- effort to clear the throat.) "They say the patfession which I once heard made by a Lancashire tern o' the dining-room chairs is something quite farmer, with an air of great pride, when appeal-out o' the way. In short, that every thing aboot ed to by a party of friends in a commercial room: 'I tell ye what; in spite of all your bragging, I'll wedger [wager] I'm th' ignorantest man i' coompany.

the house is perfect.'

"Na, na, Miss J-n, it's no quite perfect; it canna be quite that so lang as there's ae thing wanting!"

"And what can that be?" said the imperturbable spinster.

Here was a providential opening he was not such a goose as to overlook. He screwed up his courage, advanced his chair, sidled toward her, simpering the while, raised his eyes furtively to her face, and said, with a MR YOUNG had very marked peculiarities of gentle inflection of his voice which no ear but a taste and habit, but they were so harmless and orig-willfully deaf one could have misinterpreted: inal that they made intercourse with him all the more racy. He considered humidity the besetting sin of the English climate, and therefore thought it expedient to counteract its effects by scientific rule. He had but little scientific knowledge, but talked much of the benefits of the rarefaction of the air by means of heat. The practical results of this theory could be understood when his son would enter his bedroom in the month of July, at night-time, and see a perfect furnace blazing up the chimney; his bedroom candle, lighted, on a chest of drawers; two wax-candles, lighted, on the chimney; two, lighted, on his toilet-table; a policeman's lantern, lighted for the night; and the handle of a warming-pan protruding from his bed, and remaining there until he was prepared to enter it.

Or Coleridge and his hatred of every thing French, even its cooking and wines, this is told: Coleridge, Wordsworth, and Mr. Young's son were floating down the Rhine one day, when the former complained grievously of thirst. Young gave him a draught of wine from a flask slung Coleridge had no sooner over his shoulder. rinsed his mouth with the obnoxious fluid than he spat it out, and vented his disgust in the following impromptu :

"In Spain, that land of monks and apes,

The thing called wine doth come from grapes;
But on the noble river Rhine

The thing called gripes doth come from wine."

Utterly discomfited by her willful blindness to his meaning, the poor man beat a hasty retreat, drew back his chair from its dangerous proximity, caught up his hat, and, in tones of blighted hope, gasped forth his declaration in these words: "Eh, dear! eh! Well, 'am sure! The thing wanting is a-a-a sideboord!"

THE very last instance of having "a sure thing on a jury" comes from Michigan, where an unfortunate young man, but perfect gentleman, had been arraigned for stealing pork. He retained a bright young lawyer, who, having listened to the culprit's story, and learned from him what the people's witnesses would swear to, candidly informed him that it was useless to waste money on a defense.

"Never you mind," was the reply; "go ahead and argue the case good and strong, just as if you believed me a persecuted man, and I'll give you twenty dollars."

The lawyer worked up to the contract, and before he had half summed up he had the jury in tears at the bare idea of snatching such a bright example of domestic and social worth from the bosom of his family and the society of his neighbors, to be thrust among felons in the common jail. To his astonishment his appeal was effective. The prisoner was acquitted. Closeted together after the verdict and discharge of the culprit, and the twenty dollars having been paid

AN anecdote is told of Professor Haldane of St. Andrews, one of the most estimable of men, yet, in spite of a pleasing person, a genial manner, a good house, and a handsome compe-over, the lawyer said,

"By-the-bye, B, that was a most surprising verdict, considering what the government proved."

"Not at all," was the cool reply; "six of them jurymen had some of the pork.'

The mercury in that lawyer's bump of selfesteem fell to zero.

THE old query, "Why is a dog's nose always cold?" is thus answered by a party who purports to be a poet:

There sprung a leak in Noah's ark,
Which made the dog begin to bark;
Noah took his nose to stop the hole,
And hence his nose is always cold.

THE town records of Waterbury, Connecticut, contain the following statistics touching the speed with which the old-time Connecticut widower shuffled off his grief, and assuaged his sorrow by the tender attentions of a fresh wife: "Died, January 14, 1813, Betsey, second wife of James

Merriam.

"Died, November 17, 1813, Abigail, third wife of James Merriam."

Our informant adds: "The precise date when No. 4 was installed is not definitely known, but the writer, who was young at the time, recollects it was said that Mr. Merriam lived with the three wives within twelve months."

This reminds us of the cemetery in New London County, where is a lot containing five graves, one in the centre, the others near by at the four points of the compass. The inscriptions on the latter read respectively, after the name of the deceased, "My I. Wife,” “My II. Wife," "My III. Wife," "My IIII. Wife;" while the central stone bears the brief but eloquent expression, "Our Husband."

A CINCINNATI Correspondent makes mention of a Swedish architect of that city talking to one of his customers who had an increasing family. Indeed, the children came so fast that there were three all too young to dress themselves. The architect gave his opinion of the appearance of things by saying, "My vriend, I dells you vat I dinks. I hears apout vamilies of chiltern vat goes up shust like a bair of stairs, but I never see a house vere dey goes up mit such mighty easy 'risers!'"

companion commenced to tear off her dress with haste. Inexpressibly shocked (for the Judge is a very modest man), he turned to escape from the room, when a second glance he could not restrain revealed to him the fact that the supposed young lady in process of stripping off her female gear was not a girl but a strapping boy, who had used the disguise to get his Dulcinea in the presence of a magistrate. Of course this explained the situation, and without more ado the Judge proceeded to join them in holy bonds "until death or the divorce courts should them sever. In remuneration for his trouble the bride gave him a smacking kiss, and went on her way rejoicing. To use the Judge's own expressive phraseology, "That kiss was beautiful!"

THE manners and customs of this age, as illustrated by a young couple in one of the towns of Rensselaer County a few days ago, have a certain blending of love, pride, and pluck that may be regarded as peculiar. A young gentleman of that propinquity, while visiting the young lady who had won his heart's affections, and settling the preliminaries of their expected marriage, rashly remarked that the union would be peculiarly advantageous to her, because he moved in much better society than she. Up sprang that insulted female. Seizing a huge carving-knife from the table, she went for that young man, and the young man went for the door. Subsequently, deeming that something was due to the public safety of Rensselaer, he had the young lady arrested for assault, and the deplora'de result is that the engagement has been broken off. The county has been agitated by it.

ONE of the cleverest of our Brooklyn contemporaries thus alludes to the strange habits of the statesmen of that city:

One of the best-known politicians of that third city of the republic, noted for his waggery (i. e., the politician, not the city), stopped the conductor of an Albany-bound train on which he was journeying last winter, and asked innocently if the next station was Poughkeepsie. "No," said the conductor. On his next fare-collecting round the conductor was again asked if the train was nearing Poughkeepsie; to which he again replied negatively. Again and again, as the official made his rounds, the same question was asked by the anxious passenger; until at last the

"No, Sir; we are not yet near your stoppingplace. Pray trust to me, and I will let you know when we shall get there."

A CURIOUS incident occurred in New Orleans a man of checks replied, with some little irritation few weeks ago. Just as Justice Evans was leav-in his tone: ing his office he was confronted by two charming young ladies, who requested a private interview. Conducting them into his office, the bland magistrate inquired in what way he could oblige them. "You are a justice of the peace, are you not ?" the eldest and by far the prettiest of them inquired.

"Yes," he said.

"And can marry people—that is, can marry a lady ?"

"Well, yes, if the lady brings a bridegroom along with her. I am not a marrying man myself," rejoined the trembling magistrate, fearing lest his own freedom was involved in the issue.

"Oh, not at all," said the damsel; and, turning to her companion, continued: "I reckon, Willie, you can strip off those togs."

No sooner said than done. The young lady's

The passenger thereupon relapsed into silence, and the official, engrossed with other duties, forgot his case until the train had left Poughkeepsie about half a mile to the rear, when, recollecting himself, he hastily backed the cars to the station, and, rushing up to the troublesome passenger, cried out:

"This is Poughkeepsie. Hurry up and get off. We are behind time."

"Oh, thank you," deliberately drawled the quondam questioner; "but I am going through. My daughter cautioned me particularly to take a pill at Poughkeepsie. That's all."

The pill was taken-and so was the joke-by the passengers.

NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE.

No. CCLVI-SEPTEMBER, 1871.-VOL. XLIII.

MONTAUK POINT, LONG ISLAND.

unknown, except to a few sportsmen, attracted thither by its very wildness, and to such tourists as find especial charms in its seclusion, and in the bold and picturesque scenery of its defiant promontory, upon which the wild Atlantic incessantly beats, and sometimes with tremendous violence. We had been informed that these tourists had a "hard road to travel," leading, after all, only to a "wild, desolate country, infested by mosquitoes and snakes."

Nevertheless I was glad to escape from the monotony of every-day routine, and, with two congenial friends, venture forth upon this tour,

which, whatever might be the difficulties at- sedulous Murray or Fetridge had preceded us. tending it, was certainly unhackneyed. No Even Harper's Magazine-that universal cyclo

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1871, by Harper and Brothers, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.

VOL. XLIII.-No. 256.-31

pedia of travel, discovery, and adventure, which | tured. In those days both shores of this East had explored the most secret recesses of Africa, River were lined with ship-yards in full operathe arctic mysteries, the isles of the Pacific, tion. We pass Blackwell's and Randall's island the wilderness beyond the "high Rockies" -had, by a sort of telescopic instinct, overlooked this brave little headland right under its Neither pen nor pencil had taken off the edge of the novelty and romance of our terra incognita.