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THE NIMMERS.

Two foot companions once in deep discourse, "Tom," says the one, "let's go and steal a horse." "Steal!" says the other, in a huge surprise,

"He that says I'm a thief,—I say he lies."
"Well, well," replies his friend, "no such affront,
I did but ask ye,-if you won't,-you won't."

So they jogged on,-till, in another strain, The querist moved to honest Tom again: "Suppose," says he," for supposition sake,'Tis but a supposition that I make,

Suppose that we should filch a horse, I say?" "Filch! filch!" quoth Tom, demurring by the way; "That's not so bad as downright theft, I own, But yet, methinks, 't were better let alone: It soundeth something pitiful and low; Shall we go filch a horse, you say,-why no,I'll filch no filching; and I'll tell no lie: Honesty's the best policy,-say I."

Struck with such vast integrity quite dumb,

His comrade paused, at last, says he,-" Come, come; Thou art an honest fellow, I

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agree,

Honest and poor; alas! that should not be:

And dry into the bargain, and no drink!

Shall we go nim a horse, Tom,-what dost think?”

How clear things are when liquor's in the case!
How oily words give wickedness a grace!

"Nim? yes, yes, yes, let's nim with all my heart;
I see no harm in nimming, for my part;
Hard is the case, if I am any judge,

That honesty on foot should always trudge;

So many idle horses round about,

That honesty should wear its vitals out;
Besides, shall honesty be choked with thirst?
Were it my lord mayor's horse, I'd nim it first.

Not far from thence a noble charger stood,
Snug in his master's stable, taking food;
Which beast they stole, or, as they called it, nimmed,
Just as the twilight all the landscape dimmed.
And now, good people, we should next relate
Of these adventurers the luckless fate :
What is most likely is, that both these elves
Were, in like manner, halter-nimmed themselves.

It matters not,—the moral is the thing,
For which our purpose, neighbors, was to sing:
'Tis but a short one, it is true, but yet,
Has a long reach with it,-videlicet,

'Twixt right and wrong, how many gentle trimmers Will neither steal, nor filch, but will be plaguy nimmers!

THE FARMER AND THE COUNSELOR.

A COUNSEL in the Common Pleas,

Who was esteemed a mighty wit,
Upon the strength of a chance hit

Amid a thousand flippancies,
And his occasional bad jokes

In bullying, bantering, browbeating,
Ridiculing, and maltreating

Women, or other timid folks,

In a late cause resolved to hoax
A clownish Yorkshire farmer,—one

Who, by his uncouth look and gait,
Appeared expressly meant by fate
For being quizzed and played upon:

[Byrom.

So having tipped the wink to those
In the back rows,

Who kept their laughter bottled down,
Until our wag should draw the cork,
He smiled jocosely on the clown,

And, went to work.

"Well, Farmer Numskull, how go calves at York?” Why, not, sir, as they do wi' you,

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But on four legs, instead of two."

"Officer!" cried the legal elf,

Piqued at the laugh against himself,

"Do pray keep silence down below there. Now look at me, clown, and attend; Have I not seen you somewhere, friend?"

"Yees, very like,-I often go there." "Our rustic's waggish,-quite laconic," The counsel cried with grin sardonic; "I wish I'd known this prodigy, This genius of the clods, when I On circuit was at York, residing. Now, Farmer, do for once speak true,— Mind, you're on oath, so tell me, you, Who doubtless think yourself so clever, Are there as many fools as ever

In the West Riding?"

“Why,—no, sir, no; we've got our share, But not so many as when you were there!"

HODGE AND THE VICAR.

HODGE, a poor, honest country lout,
Not overstocked with learning,
Chanced, on a summer's eve, to meet
The vicar home returning.

[Horace Smith.

"Ah! Master Hodge," the vicar cried,

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What! still as wise as ever?
The people in the village say
That you are wondrous clever."

"Why, Master Parson, as to that,

I beg you'll right conceive me; I do na' brag; but yet I know

A thing or two, believe me."

"We'll try your skill," the parson said, "For learning what digestion;

And this you 'H prove,-or right or wrong,By solving me a question:

"Noah, of old, three babies had,

Or grown-up children, rather;

Shem, Ham, and Japhet they were called ;Now, who was Japhet's father?"

"Rat it!" cried Hodge, and scratched his head, "That doth my wits belabor;

But, howsomede'er I'll homeward run,
And ax Old Giles, my neighbor."

To Giles he went, and put the case

With circumspect intention;

"Thou fool!" cried Giles, "I'll make it clear To thy dull comprehension.

"Three children has Tom Long, the smith,—
Or cattle-doctor, rather ;-

Tom, Dick, and Harry they are called;
Now, who is Harry's father?”

"Adzooks! I have it," Hodge replied;
"Right well I know your lingo ;
Who's Harry's father?-stop,-here goes,-
Why, Tom Long, smith, by jingo!"

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Away he ran to find the priest,

With all his might and main, Who, with good humor, instant put The question once again.

Noah, of old, three babies had,

Or grown-up children, rather;

Shem, Ham, and Japhet they were called ;—
Now, who was Japhet's father?"

"I have it now," Hodge, grinning, cried;
"I'll answer like a proctor;-
Who's Japhet's father?-now I know;
Why, Tom Long, smith, the doctor!"

[Anonymous.

ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER.

WILL WAG went to see Charley Quirk,

More famed for his books than his knowledge, In order to borrow a work

He had sought for in vain over college.

But Charley replied, "My dear friend,
You must know I have sworn and agreed
My books from my room not to lend,—
But you may sit by my fire and read."

Now it happened, by chance, on the morrow,
That Quirk, with a cold, quivering air,
Came his neighbor Will's bellows to borrow,
For his own they were out of repair.

But Willy replied, "My dear friend,

I have sworn and agreed, you must know,
That my bellows I never will lend,-
But you may sit by my fire and blow.”

[Mrs. Gilman.

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