THE NIMMERS. Two foot companions once in deep discourse, "Tom," says the one, "let's go and steal a horse." "Steal!" says the other, in a huge surprise, "He that says I'm a thief,—I say he lies." So they jogged on,-till, in another strain, The querist moved to honest Tom again: "Suppose," says he," for supposition sake,'Tis but a supposition that I make, Suppose that we should filch a horse, I say?" "Filch! filch!" quoth Tom, demurring by the way; "That's not so bad as downright theft, I own, But yet, methinks, 't were better let alone: It soundeth something pitiful and low; Shall we go filch a horse, you say,-why no,I'll filch no filching; and I'll tell no lie: Honesty's the best policy,-say I." Struck with such vast integrity quite dumb, His comrade paused, at last, says he,-" Come, come; Thou art an honest fellow, I agree, Honest and poor; alas! that should not be: And dry into the bargain, and no drink! Shall we go nim a horse, Tom,-what dost think?” How clear things are when liquor's in the case! "Nim? yes, yes, yes, let's nim with all my heart; That honesty on foot should always trudge; So many idle horses round about, That honesty should wear its vitals out; Not far from thence a noble charger stood, It matters not,—the moral is the thing, 'Twixt right and wrong, how many gentle trimmers Will neither steal, nor filch, but will be plaguy nimmers! THE FARMER AND THE COUNSELOR. A COUNSEL in the Common Pleas, Who was esteemed a mighty wit, Amid a thousand flippancies, In bullying, bantering, browbeating, Women, or other timid folks, In a late cause resolved to hoax Who, by his uncouth look and gait, [Byrom. So having tipped the wink to those Who kept their laughter bottled down, And, went to work. "Well, Farmer Numskull, how go calves at York?” Why, not, sir, as they do wi' you, 66 But on four legs, instead of two." "Officer!" cried the legal elf, Piqued at the laugh against himself, "Do pray keep silence down below there. Now look at me, clown, and attend; Have I not seen you somewhere, friend?" "Yees, very like,-I often go there." "Our rustic's waggish,-quite laconic," The counsel cried with grin sardonic; "I wish I'd known this prodigy, This genius of the clods, when I On circuit was at York, residing. Now, Farmer, do for once speak true,— Mind, you're on oath, so tell me, you, Who doubtless think yourself so clever, Are there as many fools as ever In the West Riding?" “Why,—no, sir, no; we've got our share, But not so many as when you were there!" HODGE AND THE VICAR. HODGE, a poor, honest country lout, [Horace Smith. "Ah! Master Hodge," the vicar cried, What! still as wise as ever? "Why, Master Parson, as to that, I beg you'll right conceive me; I do na' brag; but yet I know A thing or two, believe me." "We'll try your skill," the parson said, "For learning what digestion; And this you 'H prove,-or right or wrong,By solving me a question: "Noah, of old, three babies had, Or grown-up children, rather; Shem, Ham, and Japhet they were called ;Now, who was Japhet's father?" "Rat it!" cried Hodge, and scratched his head, "That doth my wits belabor; But, howsomede'er I'll homeward run, To Giles he went, and put the case With circumspect intention; "Thou fool!" cried Giles, "I'll make it clear To thy dull comprehension. "Three children has Tom Long, the smith,— Tom, Dick, and Harry they are called; "Adzooks! I have it," Hodge replied; Away he ran to find the priest, With all his might and main, Who, with good humor, instant put The question once again. Noah, of old, three babies had, Or grown-up children, rather; Shem, Ham, and Japhet they were called ;— "I have it now," Hodge, grinning, cried; [Anonymous. ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER. WILL WAG went to see Charley Quirk, More famed for his books than his knowledge, In order to borrow a work He had sought for in vain over college. But Charley replied, "My dear friend, Now it happened, by chance, on the morrow, But Willy replied, "My dear friend, I have sworn and agreed, you must know, [Mrs. Gilman. |