Replied his friend." No? I'm surprised at that; Where I come from, it is the common chat: But you shall hear an odd affair indeed! And that it happened, they are all agreed: Not to detain you from a thing so strange, A gentleman, that lives not far from 'Change, This week, in short, as all the alley knows, Taking a puke, has thrown up three black crows.' "Impossible!"-"Nay, but it's really true;

I had it from good hands, and so may you." "From whose, I pray?" So having named the man, Straight to inquire his curious comrade ran.

'Sir, did you tell,"—relating the affair,—

"Yes, sir, I did; and if it's worth your care, Ask Mr. Such-a-one; he told it me:

But, by-the-by, 't was two black crows, not three." Resolved to trace so wondrous an event,

Whip to the third the virtuoso went.

"Sir," and so forth,-" Why, yes; the thing is fact, Though in regard to number not exact;

It was not two black crows; 't was only one;
The truth of that you may depend upon:

The gentleman himself told me the case.'

"Where may I find him ?” "Why, in such a place." Away he goes, and having found him out,

Sir, be so good as to resolve a doubt."

Then to his last informant he referred,

And begged to know if true what he had heard.

"Did you, sir, throw up a black crow?"

"Bless me! how people propagate a lie!

"Not I!"

Black crows have been thrown up, three, two, and one, And here I find, at last, all comes to none !"

Did you say nothing of a crow at all?”

"Crow,-crow,-perhaps I might, now I recall

The matter over." "And pray, sir, what was 't?" "Why, I was horrid sick, and, at the last,

I did throw up, and told my neighbor so,
Something that was as black, sir, as a crow.”

[Byrom.

THE GOUTY MERCHANT AND THE STRANGER.

IN Broad-street buildings (on a winter night),
Snug by his parlor fire, a gouty wight
Sat all alone, with one hand rubbing

His feet, rolled up in fleecy hose;
With t'other he'd beneath his nose

The Public Ledger, in whose columns grubbing
He noted all the sales of hops,

Ships, shops, and slops,

Gums, galls, and groceries, ginger, gin,
Tar, tallow, turmeric, turpentine, and tin;
When, lo! a decent personage in black
Entered, and most politely said,-

"Your footman, sir, has gone his nightly track

To the,-King's Head,

And left your door ajar, which I

Observed in passing by;

And thought it neighborly to give you notice." "Ten thousand thanks,-how very few get

In time of danger

Such kind attentions from a stranger!

Assuredly, that fellow's throat is

Doomed to a final drop at Newgate :

He knows, too (the unconscious elf),

That there's no soul at home except myself."
"Indeed!" replied the stranger, looking grave,
"Then he's a double knave:

He knows that rogues and thieves by scores
Nightly beset unguarded doors:

And see, how easily might one
Of these domestic foes,

Even beneath your very nose,
Perform his knavish tricks ;

Enter your room, as I have done,

Blow out your candles,-thus,-and thus, Pocket your silver candlesticks,

And walk off,—thus !"

So said, so done,—he made no more remark,

Nor waited for replies,

But marched off with his prize,

Leaving the gouty merchant in the dark. [Anonymous.

MISCONCEPTION.

ERE night her sable curtains spread;
Ere Phoebus had retired to bed

In Thetis' lap;

Ere Drowsy watchmen yet had ta'en
Their early nap,—

A wight, by hungry fiend made bold,
To farmer Fitz-Maurice's fold

Did slily creep,

Where numerous flocks were quiet laid
In the arms of sleep.

No doubt, the sheep he meant to steal;
But, hapless, close behind his heel
Was plowman Joe,

Who just arrived in time to stop
The murderous blow.

May ill luck on ill actions wait!
The felon must to justice straight
Be dragged by force;

Where prosecutors urge his guilt,
Without remorse,

66

With fear o'erwhelmed, the victim stands,

Anticipates the dread commands

From the elbow chair,

Where justice sits in solemn state.

With brow austere.

Rogue! what excuse hast thou for this?
For, to old Gilbert Fitz-Maurice,

Thou knew'st full well,

The sheep within that fold belonged,-
Come, quickly tell.

Confess thy crime; 't will naught avail
To say, the mark above the tail
Thou didst not heed;

For G. F. M., in letters large,

Thou plain mightst read."

"'Tis true, I did," the thief replies;
"But man is not a all times wise;
As I'm a glutton,

I really thought that G. F. M.

Meant,-Good, Fat, Mutton!"

[Anonymous.

THE APPLE-DUMPLINGS AND GEORGE III.
ONCE in the chase, this monarch drooping,
From his high consequence and wisdom stooping,
Entered, through curiosity, a cot,

Where an old crone was hanging on the pot;
The wrinkled, blear-eyed, good old granny,
In this same cot, illumed by many a cranny,
Had apple dumplings ready for the pot;
In tempting row the naked dumplings lay,
When lo! the monarch, in his usual way,

Like lightning asked, "What's here? what's here? what? what? what? what?"

Then taking up a dumpling in his hand,
His eyes with admiration did expand,-

And oft did majesty the dumpling grapple:

“'Tis monstrous, monstrous, monstrous hard,” he cried; "What makes the thing so hard?" The dame replied, Low courtseying, "Please your majesty, the apple." "Very astonishing indeed! strange thing!" (Turning the dumpling round) rejoined the king, "'Tis most extraordinary now, all this is,— It beats the conjurer's capers all to pieces,Strange I should never of a dumpling dream,But Goody, tell me, where, where, where's the ream ?” "Sire, there's no seam," quoth she, "I never kor That folks did apple-dumplings sew !"— "No?" cried the staring monarch with a grin, "Then, where, where, where, pray, got the apple

Volcott

THE DIRECTING POST.

In winter, once, an honest traveling wight
Pursued his road to Derby, late at night;
'T was very cold, the wind was bleak and high,
And not a house nor living thing was nigh;
At length he came to where some four roads met.
(It rained too, and he was completely wet),
And being doubtful which way he should take,
He drew up to the finger-post to make

It out, and after much of poring, fumbling, Some angry oaths, and a great deal of grumbling, 'T was thus the words he traced," To Derby,-five ;' "A goodly distance yet, as I'm alive!"

But on he drove, a weary length of way,
And wished his journey he'd delayed till day:
He wondered that no town appeared in view,
(The wind blew stronger, it rained faster, too),