Old F. Now, I have hitherto been afraid to introduce you to my friend, the barrister, because I thought your lightness and his gravity, Tri. Might be plaintiff and defendant. Old F. But now you are growing serious and steady, and have resolved to pursue his profession, I will shortly bring you together: you will obtain his good opinion, and all the rest follows of course. Tri. A verdict in my favor. Old F. You marry and sit down, happy for life. Tri. In the King's Bench. Old F. Bravo! Ha, ha, ha! But now run to your study,-run to your study, my dear Tristram, and I'll go and call upon the counselor. Tri. I remove by habeas corpus. Old F. Pray have the goodness to make haste, then. (Hurrying him off.) (Exit.) Tri. Gentleman of the jury, this is a cause. living. What genius he has! He'll be lord Chancellor one I am sure he has talents! O! how I long to see him at the bar! [Allingham. (SQUIRE EGAN, and his new Irish servant, Andy.) Squire. Well, Andy; you went to the post-office, as I ordered you? Andy. Yis, sir. Squire. Well, what did you find? Andy. A most imperthinent fellow, indade, sir. Squire. How so? Andy. Says I, as dacent like as a genthleman, "I want a letther, sir, if you plase." 66 Who do you want it for ?" said the posth-masther, as ye call him. "I want a letther, sir, if you plase," said I. he again. "And whom do you want it for?" said "And what's that to you?" said I. Squire. You blockhead, what did he say to that ? Andy. He laughed at me, sir, and said he could not tell what letther to give me, unless I told him the direction. Squire. Well, you told him then, did you? Andy. "The directions I got," said I, "was to get a letther here, that's the directions." "Who gave you the directions?" says he. “The masther,” said I. “And who's "What consarn is that o' yours ?" your masther?” said he. said I. Squire. Did he break your head, then? Andy. No, sir. "Why, you stupid rascal," said he, "if you don't tell me his name, how can I give you his letther?” "You could give it, if you liked," said I; "only you are fond of axing impident questions, because you think I'm simple." 'Get out o' this!" said he. "Your masther must be as great a goose as yourself, to send such a missenger." Squire. Well, how did you save my honor, Andy? 66 Andy. "Bad luck to your impidence!" said I. “Is it Squire Egan you dare to say goose to ?" "O, Squire Egan's your masther?" said he. "Yis,” says I. 'Have you any thing to say ag'in it?" Squire. You got the letter, then, did you? 66 "You Andy. "Here's a letther for the squire," says he. are to pay me eleven pence posthage." "What 'ud I pay 'leven pence for?" said I. "For posthage," says he. "Didn't I see you give that gentleman a letther for four-pence, this blessed minit ?" said I; "and a bigger letther than this? Do you think I'm a fool?" says I. for you, and give me the letther." "Here's a four-pence Squire. I wonder he did not break your skull, and let some light into it. Andy. "Go along, you stupid thafe !" says he, because I wouldn't let him chate your honor. Squire. Well, well; give me the letter. Andy. I haven't it, sir. He wouldn't give it to me, sir. Squire. Who wouldn't give it to you? Andy. That old chate beyant in the town. Squire. Didn't you pay what he asked? Andy. Arrah, sir, why would I let you be chated, when he was selling them before my face for four-pence apiece? Squire. Go back, you scoundrel, or I'll horsewhip you! Andy. He'll murther me, if I say another word to him about the letther; he swore he would. Squire. I'll do it, if he don't, if you are not back in less than an hour. (Exit.) Andy. O that the like of me should be murthered for defending the charrack'ther of my masther! It's not I'll go to dale with that bloody chate again. I'll off to Dublin, and let the letther rot on his dirty hands, bad luck to him! THE UNPRINCIPLED LAWYER. JACK SPRIGGS AND MR. BRANDON. SCENE-A Street-Jack Spriggs, alone. Spr. More dirty work for poor Jack Spriggs! It's very odd, but nobody ever gives me a respectable job! It's hard,extremely hard, upon my life it is! And what is a man to do that is born with refined tastes, educated in expensive habits, tortured with elegant desires, and can only earn eighteen shillings a week at regular work? Stop, here he comes. Defend ant going to enter an appearance. Sergeant Spriggs retained for the plaintiff. Enter Brandon. Ah, how d'ye do, Mr. Brandon? delighted to see you!-de. lighted to be allowed by my benignant fate, so early an opportunity of expressing my sympathy with your capricious fortune! Bra. When I wish for sympathy, sir, I'll not forget to send for you. Spr. (detaining him). Eh, stop,-stop,-stop!-you arn't offended, are you? I would not offend you for the world,upon my life I would not! Bless you, I'm a good-natured, well-meaning fellow, that never hurt the feelings of anybody. Why, I could tell you of men that, after my professionally lodging them in Newgate, have been the best personal friends with me in the world! Bra. When I owe you the same obligation, sir, I may claim a similar privilege. (Haughtily.) But I can postpone the pleasure till then. Spr. O, come, nonsense! don't take it so high and mighty. Bless you, I don't think a bit the worse of you for it. Bra. For it!-for what, sir? Spr. Come, come, now,-that's too good,-hang it!— Why, everybody's talking about it already; and I bet you five shillings it will be in the papers to-morrow. (Aside.) Took it to the Post, and Herald, myself, this afternoon. Bra. Would you tell me, sir, that this wicked lie is being circulated? Spr. Which lie? That you had committed suicide? Spr. Now, don't call me sir. It sounds so formal and unfriendlike. Nobody ever calls Jack Spriggs, "sir," except when he is serving a notice or a distress. Bra. Answer my question. Is the vile fabrication current, that I attempted the abduction of Miss Hardman ? Spr. O, that it is, upon my word,-upon my honor! Had it from all the servants of the house. Slight discrepancy in the evidence, to be sure. The coachman, footman, and groom, say one thing; the cook, both the house-maids, and the lady'smaid, say another. Bra. Sir, it is as false as, Spr. That's enough, that's enough1 Don't trouble yourself for a simile. I believe you, my dear Mr. Brandon,—i believe you, sir. Your word,—that's enough for me. The best-informed people are sometimes in error. I've known even a newspaper mistaken. But your word, sir,— your word,-I'm quite satisfied,-verdict, not guilty. to shake hands with you on your acquittal.—You leave this court, sir, with an unblemished, Allow me Bra. Pshaw!-But the scoundrel who has thus dared to assail my character,— Spr. O, don't fret about a little misunderstanding,-all will blow over; old Hardy will relent,--take you back again, Bra. Never! not though upon his bended knees he sued me to return ! The wild-bird, who has chafed so long against the wires, when once his cage is opened, will not be so easily lured back again. Tell him, I only feel that I am free. Spr. I say, though, there's a little trough in the cage, where the wild-bird finds some seed when he is hungry; I've known him miss that very much when he has flown away. Poor thing! sometimes found starved to death a day or two after,-eh ?-Don't take it ill; I take an interest in you, upon my life I do,-you've been ill used,-very! But, I say, how do you mean to live? You'll forgive my liberty. Bra. I have youth, health, strength, energy,—the world before, and heaven above me! |