Sometimes two flirtees get together and then no flirtation is possible. With two flirters there is always something doing, but the greatest fun is between a flirter and a flirtee, when the former is

a woman.

Flirtations are common only to inhabited countries. They usually take place anywhere from twelve o'clock at night to twelve o'clock the next night.

WORLD.

THE
HE world is the first mud ball you come to after leaving the
Great Bear-turn to your right after the Dipper, and it's
three doors beyond Saturn.

The world has been highly advertised as a choice piece of real estate, not more than an hour's ride from the Sun, and where you can own your own home on the instalment plan without making a deposit. As a matter of fact, a great deal of it is under water, and all the best parts taken up by society people, thus making it undesirable property to hold.

The natural features of the world can easily be distinguished on a clear day through a strong glass, and in the order of their importance are-first, advertising signs; second, ladies' hats, which are now worn large; and third, tiaras, visible only by X-rays.

The world is purely subjective in its mentality, and, in common with like infusoria, imagines it is the whole show. It has swung on its axis since day before yesterday, and is expected to last until about five to-morrow.

Those who desire to view the phenomena of its disappearance may secure seats in advance at the box office, good seats being, however, obtainable, as a large house is not anticipated, the spectacular effect not being highly creditable to the management.

THE TWENTIETH CENTURY PRIMER.

THE AUTHOR.

WHAT can that Man be doing? He stands upon a Platform, and everyone is Looking at Him. Is he Reading? Yes, He is Reading Aloud. He is an Author. Is it a Good Thing to Read aloud? It is if you can get enough Women to Listen at One dollar per. Look at the Author now. He has stopped Reading and is Receiving Congratulations. How Proud he is. Isn't it nice to be an Author? When there is Money in it.

THE KITCHEN.

Here we have a Kitchen. How funny the Kitchen looks. There are Pots and Pans everywhere. The Kitchen looks as if it had been struck by a Cyclone. And who is There in the Kitchen? Surely it is not the Cook. Oh, no. The Cook has just left. She heard there was Company coming. This is Why she Went. The Person you see so Busy is the Lady of the House. She is About to Cook the Dinner. Will she have it Ready when the Company comes? Let us hope so.

THE CIRCUS.

A Circus is Coming. Hear the Music. See the Elephants and the Camels. And the Beautiful Lady in the Chariot. Look at the Folks running to the Windows. Here comes the President of the Bank. Here are the Congressman and the Clergyman and the gray-bearded Lawyer. Are they Ashamed? No, they have forgotten to be. At Present they are too Busy looking at the Circus.

THE AUDIENCE.

Here we have an Audience. The Audience is Busily Engaged in looking at a Play. How the Audience laughs and Ap

plauds. On the Stage are a lot of Painted Things with a great scarcity of Clothes, and a Funny Man who is Saying Witty Things. That is, they seem Witty to the Audience. This is What Makes a Successful Play. Legs and the Woman. Isn't it Nice that this is all the Audience Requires? Perhaps, however, they would like Something better if they Could Get It. Who knows?

THE PIE.

Hello, Here is a Piece of Pie! How Good it Looks. Its Crust is Hard and Firm. It has Sugar sprinkled over it. It is full of Hard Green Apples, half cooked. Here comes a Man. Will the Man eat the Pie? He is a thin, Nervous Man, and Does not weigh more than Ninety pounds. His Face is Hard and Drawn. Yes, We are sure He will eat the Pie.

THE TEMPERANCE Reformer.

This severe-looking Person is a Temperance Reformer. She never Smiles. She hates Rum in any Form. She would not drink a Cocktail if she Could. She thinks it is Wrong for Anyone else not to Believe as She does. Would you like to be a Temperance Reformer? Perhaps you would if you could make Money enough by Lecturing.

THE BROADWAY CAR.

See the Broadway Car. It is Full of People. People are hanging on the Sides and Others are in the Distance, waving their Hands frantically. Will They be Allowed to Get on? I trow not. The Man in Front is a Motorman. See the Smile on His Face. He is having a Good Time. So is the Conductor having a Good Time. He likes to ring the Bell when he sees anyone Waving. It always Makes the Car go Faster. Are the Peo

ple having a Good Time? No. They are not. This is a Broadway Car.

THE CHAUFFEUR.

Ah, here is a Chauffeur. A Chauffeur is a man who Rides in an Automobile. Sometimes he Rides as Fast as forty miles an Hour. And then He stops and does not go at all. See the Frown on the Chauffeur's Brow. He has run over Some one, and it has put His Machine out of Order. No wonder He frowns. It may take Him Two Hours to fix His Automobile. Naughty Child to get in His Way.

THE DOCTOR.

What is this Pretty Sight before us? Oh, I know. It is a Schoolroom. The Scholars are seated in Rows. How nice they look. How fresh their Faces are. Hello, who is this Man coming? Why, he looks as if he owned the whole place. Yes, he is. the Doctor. He has come with credentials from the Board of Health. See how business

like he is. Look at him as he takes out his Instruments. Why, he is going to vaccinate all the Children, isn't he? Yes, that is just what he is going to do. Does the Doctor get paid for it? Oh, sure he does. But that isn't what makes him seem SO well pleased with himself. What is it, I wonder? It is because the Doctor knows he is doing such a Good Deed. He is

working for Medical Science, and that is a Great Thing for a Doctor to do. But will the Children recover? We do not know.

We think they will. Not all will have Blood Poisoning. Some will be sick for Three Weeks, some for Two Months and Some for a Year. Perhaps one or two will feel the Doctor's scratch all their lives. And now see the Children. They do not look so happy as they did. No, they are not. They do not like it. But then Children do not know it all. Only Medical Science knows it all. Ah, now the Doctor is smiling. He is almost through. He has done a Good Day's work. Wouldn't you like to be a Doctor, and do all that to little Children?

THE LOVERS.

Let us Look at these two People Sitting on a Sofa. One is a Young Man, and the Other is a Young Woman. How they Act! Is the Young Man trying to kiss the Young Woman? Yes. And Will He Succeed? We Believe He Will, because The Young Woman is trying to Help Him. What a pretty Picture it makes. Would You not like to be there, in the Young Man's Place? Of course You would.

THE COAL CART.

Here is a Coal Cart. Take a good Look at it, for it is worth looking at. The Coal Cart is full of Coal. There is a Man on top of the Coal Cart. How fat He is! He must weigh two hundred pounds. He Looks Happy. That is because he is being Weighed. The coal in the cart does not weigh two tons, but it does with the Man on it. It is a Great Thing to be a Fat Man when you are in the Coal Business.

THE MAN AND THE TICKER.

Look at the Man jump up and down! He seems to be excited. Yes, he is excited. He hears a Noise. Look over there, and you will see where the Noise comes from.

The man is in his